- Oh hey, what's Rob doing?
- Watch for Flying Poop, Vegas!
- People Continue to NOT Take Tila Seriously.
- OH FOR FUCKS'S SAKE TILA, Give It A Rest!
- The Garry Sun Mystery
- Legal Beagle Eagle Fadeagle
- Tila's Myspace Friends
- Ooopsie! Heh. The Biff Kerfluffle is heating up!
- Jeepers peepers, where'd you get that Creeper? Par...
- Tila's Fail Blog Takes a Turn
- The Soup Dishes Tila
- Aww, sad face.
- Rotspot on the Radio!
- Tee Hee
- A pretty high quality video
- Who is Tila's new staff writer?
- Wet Dreams Really Do Come True
- Why Tila isn't a badass...
- I'm so excited to show you this!
- It's a red letter day for Tila!!!!
- And Tila's Musical Career Goes POP
- Official ICP Statement
- What's the World Coming To?
- OMG!! Poor, poor Tila!
- Aww, Poor Tila!
- Tila + IKP(bahaha)+Juggalos=NOT a happy family no ...
- Jimmy Kimmel & Tila's New Attorney (of which she s...
- Yes, There Were Firecrackers
- The Tom Green Perspective
- Tila Was Bleeding
- Our First Words from ICP and Method Man
- Dear Alan Gutman
- The Ensuing LOLZ
- Tila Becomes A Vampire by Doctor Request
- Guest Post: Sailor Vesta
- Just Want to Post This...
- Pictures and video just keep rolling out ...
- PR stunt for sure!
- 9Head is a fucking idiot!
- Watch Out for Them Bottles, Tila!
- Video of Tila at GOTJ - More vids
- Oh Goodness Kids - Tila Did the Work For Us - 2 UP...
- Bang! Pow! Boom!
- The Gathering: What We Know So Far, Plus What We'r...
- Bipolar Tila Only Exists In Fantasy Land
- It's almost time, Juggalos!
- What is she good for !?!?!
- Cracked out gutter-whore says what?
- Throwback Tacky Tila: Edition 2
- Did He Donate or Not?
- Dear Tila Army: Part 2
- Dear Tila Army. Part 1
- Pulled Over: A Love Story
- The Sex Tape Saga
- Tila is still stupid...
- OMG Media Frenzy!!!
- Garry's Guide to Friendship and Sex for Lambos
- Believe Me, Believe Me!
- Makin' the Hoes Rain on Jelis Haters
- ▼ August 2010 (60)
Thursday, August 26
10:17 PM | Posted by Fatty McFatterson
I'm in a pissy mood. I mean, really pissy. My back fucking hurts, I got no meds, and I got no HoHos. A bitch could lose a fucking limb hanging around me when I'm feeling this way. Paint my fucking face like a clown, and I could totally pass as a Juggalo at a Tila concert.
A couple of days ago, Tila went
streetwalking shopping down Robertson Blvd in Los Angeles. For those who aren't familiar with the area, it's a small street lined with trendy boutiques which is very popular with celebrities and folks who want to see celebrities. Because of this, it's also paparazzi-central. Kitson and the Ivy are big celeb draws, so the paps hang out in that area just waiting for celebs...and Tila to come waltzing into their view-finders.
So yesterday, Tila writes this absolutely stupid blog about her adventures on Robertson.
If I had a bag of nickels I'd beat this idiot tramp. Ugh. Ok, let's fucking rip the shit out of that stupid blog:
I was dressed like a tomboy yesterday with my androgynous look, hoping NOT to get noticed because I wasn’t feeling too well yesterday. I just had to go to the store to pick up something really quick and get out of there to go to a meeting, but someone at the store called the paparazzi and I was like,“FUGGGG I DON’T WANT THEM TO SEE ME!
1. You were not dressed like a 'tomboy'. Tomboys don't have a particular style, but ironically, sluts do. You were dressed in skinny jeans, a wife-beater, a pleather jacket and Doc Martins. Nothing about that outfit says 'tomboy'. Half the chicks in LA dress like that. It's called dressing for comfort. Moron. Oh, and I forgot the stupid knit beret, desperately trying to hide that nasty weave. What's the matter Tila, haven't had a moment to wash the Faygo out of that mop? Or couldn't you find the hairbrush? If I recall, about 2 months ago you filmed the bathroom of your hovel. The brush was in the left hand sink. It's probably still there because not only does it look like you never use it, but you likely haven't cleaned that bathroom since your videoshoot.
2. Learn the fucking definition of androgynous. You somehow managed to spell it correctly, but of course you fail in using it correctly. "Androgynous" refers to looking or dressing in a way that blurs the line between masculine and feminine. It means you're not easily defined as one or the other. Grace Jones is androgynous. So is Tilda Swinton, KD Lang and Katherine Moennig. And yes, Bobby Banhart, was also androgynous. You, on the other hand, are a low-down sewer skank, with no talent and no prospects. You are on par with a raging case of smegma. Oh, and you're not androgynous.
3. If you have to go out to do errands, and you're not feeling well, why not send Forehead? You say you went out looking like that to avoid being noticed, yet two paragraphs later you talk about how fun it was to dress up and parade around. You obviously wanted to get noticed.
4. What makes you think a store clerk called the paps? First of all, if you're so incognito, they wouldn't have recognized you. Of course the scent of quiet desperation, dripping ass-lube and raging herpes would have identified you just as well. I saw other photos on drunkenstepfather.com, and they show you're in front of Kitson, which is a prime pap hangout. You know that. That's the first place you head out to when you need 'candid' pap shots.
5. If you want privacy and don't want anyone to see you, why do you take the time to face the camera and strike 7 or 8 (at least) poses. Oh yeah, you're just 'joking' with them, like you always say.
Listen WhoreMeat, if you follow the law and the rules of the road, you won't get pulled over. Easy. Even 16 year old kids learn that lesson when they get their driver's licenses. You didn't get pulled over because your 'Lambo stands out" you got pulled over because you were driving the wrong way down the street, despite passers-by trying to warn you. You were ticketed for that, and for one of your passengers not wearing a seatbelt. You should have been ticketed for blowing through a red light and exhibitionism, but unfortunately, you weren't. You should have been pulled over, ticketed and killed for speeding down a public highway and bragging about it. You know what's not fair? It's not fair that your idiot army, who consist of a Justin Bieber look-a-like, a 28-year old fuck-nut and a creepy young woman who makes equally creepy videos, buy into all your bull and lament that poor Tila has been dealt a bad hand by the po-pos just because her 'Lambo stands out'.
Anyway, so I’m about to head out now, with my pimpin Gucci backpack. I just hope I don’t effing get pulled over again, just because my Lambo stands out… SO NOT FAIR!
Now here comes the part of the blog that just drives me insane. I mean, certi-fucking-fiably insane. I just noticed that I'm using the word 'fucking' a lot. Sorry. Heh. Seriously, WHY THE FUCK DO YOU STILL HAVE THE BAND-AIDS ON YOUR STUPID FACE ALMOST 2 WEEKS LATER?
Because it's been almost 2 weeks, I had to go back to remind myself why you have the band-aids on in the first place. Here's exhibit A:
See that little bitty laceration on her cheek. Well, in order to see it clearly, you'd first have to clean that raging volcano of blood off it. Tila thought she was slick in this picture. She squeezed a drop of blood out, and then sprinkled water on it to make it stream. I'll remind you all that this is the same wound the hospital dressed with a teensy, weensy, tiny band-aid. In a previous blog, I posted that those band-aids are for wounds under 1/4". Tila later plastered the biggest bandaid Curad makes on it. There appears to be a Steri-strip, or maybe it's Scotch tape on her eyebrow. That should have been removed over a week ago. You only need Steri-strips on a minor laceration for 4 or 5 days until the wound has sealed itself.
She wants us to believe that 12 days after she got hit in the face, she still needs bandaids. Funny, the one of her cheek always seems so fresh, yet the one of her eyebrow is always a bit tattered. You know why? The one on her cheek is only worn for these magical public viewings. At home, she doesn't wear it. The Steri-strip was applied at the hospital, and that's because with all the movement in the brow, they were playing conservatively with making sure it wouldn't open up. I can guarantee they told her to take that off in a few days, but who wants to bet Tila's Christmas posters will have an even rattier version of it.
And finally, let's took a look at this photo;
Photo from drunkenstepfather.com
Oh darn, we can't see Tila's horrendous wounds because of those big sunglasses. That's right, she was trying to be incognito, hence the shades. Of course, she didn't want to call attention to those band-aids either...which is why in most of the pictures she took the glasses off.
Tila, Tila, Tila. Do you really feel you're fooling anyone with a double-digit IQ?