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Thursday, August 26

postheadericon OH FOR FUCKS'S SAKE TILA, Give It A Rest!

I'm in a pissy mood. I mean, really pissy. My back fucking hurts, I got no meds, and I got no HoHos. A bitch could lose a fucking limb hanging around me when I'm feeling this way. Paint my fucking face like a clown, and I could totally pass as a Juggalo at a Tila concert.

A couple of days ago, Tila went streetwalking shopping down Robertson Blvd in Los Angeles. For those who aren't familiar with the area, it's a small street lined with trendy boutiques which is very popular with celebrities and folks who want to see celebrities. Because of this, it's also paparazzi-central. Kitson and the Ivy are big celeb draws, so the paps hang out in that area just waiting for celebs...and Tila to come waltzing into their view-finders.

So yesterday, Tila writes this absolutely stupid blog about her adventures on Robertson.

If I had a bag of nickels I'd beat this idiot tramp. Ugh. Ok, let's fucking rip the shit out of that stupid blog:

I was dressed like a tomboy yesterday with my androgynous look, hoping NOT to get noticed because I wasn’t feeling too well yesterday. I just had to go to the store to pick up something really quick and get out of there to go to a meeting, but someone at the store called the paparazzi and I was like,


1. You were not dressed like a 'tomboy'. Tomboys don't have a particular style, but ironically, sluts do. You were dressed in skinny jeans, a wife-beater, a pleather jacket and Doc Martins. Nothing about that outfit says 'tomboy'. Half the chicks in LA dress like that. It's called dressing for comfort. Moron. Oh, and I forgot the stupid knit beret, desperately trying to hide that nasty weave. What's the matter Tila, haven't had a moment to wash the Faygo out of that mop? Or couldn't you find the hairbrush? If I recall, about 2 months ago you filmed the bathroom of your hovel. The brush was in the left hand sink. It's probably still there because not only does it look like you never use it, but you likely haven't cleaned that bathroom since your videoshoot.

2. Learn the fucking definition of androgynous. You somehow managed to spell it correctly, but of course you fail in using it correctly. "Androgynous" refers to looking or dressing in a way that blurs the line between masculine and feminine. It means you're not easily defined as one or the other. Grace Jones is androgynous. So is Tilda Swinton, KD Lang and Katherine Moennig. And yes, Bobby Banhart, was also androgynous. You, on the other hand, are a low-down sewer skank, with no talent and no prospects. You are on par with a raging case of smegma. Oh, and you're not androgynous.

3. If you have to go out to do errands, and you're not feeling well, why not send Forehead? You say you went out looking like that to avoid being noticed, yet two paragraphs later you talk about how fun it was to dress up and parade around. You obviously wanted to get noticed.

4. What makes you think a store clerk called the paps? First of all, if you're so incognito, they wouldn't have recognized you. Of course the scent of quiet desperation, dripping ass-lube and raging herpes would have identified you just as well. I saw other photos on, and they show you're in front of Kitson, which is a prime pap hangout. You know that. That's the first place you head out to when you need 'candid' pap shots.

5. If you want privacy and don't want anyone to see you, why do you take the time to face the camera and strike 7 or 8 (at least) poses. Oh yeah, you're just 'joking' with them, like you always say.

Anyway, so I’m about to head out now, with my pimpin Gucci backpack. I just hope I don’t effing get pulled over again, just because my Lambo stands out… SO NOT FAIR!
Listen WhoreMeat, if you follow the law and the rules of the road, you won't get pulled over. Easy. Even 16 year old kids learn that lesson when they get their driver's licenses. You didn't get pulled over because your 'Lambo stands out" you got pulled over because you were driving the wrong way down the street, despite passers-by trying to warn you. You were ticketed for that, and for one of your passengers not wearing a seatbelt. You should have been ticketed for blowing through a red light and exhibitionism, but unfortunately, you weren't. You should have been pulled over, ticketed and killed for speeding down a public highway and bragging about it. You know what's not fair? It's not fair that your idiot army, who consist of a Justin Bieber look-a-like, a 28-year old fuck-nut and a creepy young woman who makes equally creepy videos, buy into all your bull and lament that poor Tila has been dealt a bad hand by the po-pos just because her 'Lambo stands out'.

Now here comes the part of the blog that just drives me insane. I mean, certi-fucking-fiably insane. I just noticed that I'm using the word 'fucking' a lot. Sorry. Heh. Seriously, WHY THE FUCK DO YOU STILL HAVE THE BAND-AIDS ON YOUR STUPID FACE ALMOST 2 WEEKS LATER? 

Because it's been almost 2 weeks, I had to go back to remind myself why you have the band-aids on in the first place. Here's exhibit A:

See that little bitty laceration on her cheek. Well, in order to see it clearly, you'd first have to clean that raging volcano of blood off it. Tila thought she was slick in this picture. She squeezed a drop of blood out, and then sprinkled water on it to make it stream. I'll remind you all that this is the same wound the hospital dressed with a teensy, weensy, tiny band-aid. In a previous blog, I posted that those band-aids are for wounds under 1/4". Tila later plastered the biggest bandaid Curad makes on it. There appears to be a Steri-strip, or maybe it's Scotch tape on her eyebrow. That should have been removed over a week ago. You only need Steri-strips on a minor laceration for 4 or 5 days until the wound has sealed itself.

Photo from

She wants us to believe that 12 days after she got hit in the face, she still needs bandaids. Funny, the one of her cheek always seems so fresh, yet the one of her eyebrow is always a bit tattered. You know why? The one on her cheek is only worn for these magical public viewings. At home, she doesn't wear it. The Steri-strip was applied at the hospital, and that's because with all the movement in the brow, they were playing conservatively with making sure it wouldn't open up. I can guarantee they told her to take that off in a few days, but who wants to bet Tila's Christmas posters will have an even rattier version of it.

And finally, let's took a look at this photo;
Photo from

Oh darn, we can't see Tila's horrendous wounds because of those big sunglasses. That's right, she was trying to be incognito, hence the shades. Of course, she didn't want to call attention to those band-aids either...which is why in most of the pictures she took the glasses off.

Tila, Tila, Tila. Do you really feel you're fooling anyone with a double-digit IQ?


Kate said...

I have a crack in my skull from the one and only fight I've ever been in, but she needs a bandaid like that for her fucking boo-boo.

But no, it isn't the CRACK that baffles me, I assure you.

tizerri said...

Fatty, I could not have said this better myself. You are spot on!!!!!

I am really sorry your back is hurting, but god dammit, if it brings posts like this... well.. can you lift this heavy box for me? *wink*

I would like to add... I had a c-section (or 3) and I did not have the butterfly "band-aids" on that 3 INCH INCISION (of which they pulled a 7lb baby out of.. sorry for the mind graphics) for more than a week. Really Tila?, you want us to believe that your little face wound is worse than having a baby? They couldn't pull a baby maggot out of that wound you have.... of which you have (maggots, that is)

Thanks Fatty! <3

Ouija Queen said...

pretty sure skankilla snail-trails her ass down papville so she can make sure all her 'clients' know shes alive and rentable.. i mean... someones gotta pay for next weeks lambo lease payment..

Honeythorn said...

This twat drives me fucking batty with this shit..

My main man Pete Burns-Androgynous
Boy Grorge- KING Androgynous
Annie Lennox-Androgynous

These three among a few others not only dressed as such, these fuckers LIVED IT! Everyday! Not tee-hee gonna dress in tom-boy wear to go shopping on Robertson and act like a complete douchecanoe.

As for the band-aids, bitch it's been TWO FUCKING WEEKS. By wait. From day one you should have never ever covered them and let everything air dry. Any normal person would have let even the steri strips fall off by now. They usually come off in about a week or so on their own, unless you are being totally fucking nasty and picking at something under it and letting it stick.

I noticed that she is REEEALY teasing her 11 Army Members(and I truly fucking HATE that they call themselves that without so much as set foot on anything military)with her "Tila Merch". From what I understand, she's been using the Merch BS for a hella long time now.
I crack up at how they get all into a frenzy over that BS.

Hanah said...

yesterday X17 had pics of her going to the carwash with the Lamborghini and she was again wearing this stupid winter wool hat. My guess is that she can't afford to touch up her roots right now hence the cover ups. Remember she was wearing a scarf around her head on her first outing after the incident too

Hanah said...

I'd like to add: that scotch tape on her eyebrow is effing GROSS!!! By the looks of it it's been there the whole two weeks, it must've fell of a million times by now and she glued that shit back on all nasty with dog hairs and coke dust on it.

Unknown said...

I had a bolt put into my skull and a skin graft (long story).
For seriously effective healing in the skull area you use dressings with silver on the back. It is advised that you only wash your hair carefully. And you take antibiotics.
... and there is no need for you to become a billboard for Johnson & Johnson bandaids.

Anonymous said...

Fatty, this post calls for nakey times!

I wish the paps would just refuse to take her photo. Moratorium on Gremlin pics. If whoremeat shops on Robertson and no one's there to take her picture...

Of course, that might spur her to do something drastic to get attention and put others at risk.

SaigonWhoreNumeroUno said...


No..the cover-ups have nothing to do with her roots needing a touch up. It's because of that nasty synthetic's probably coming undone and is loose at the roots. Trust...I have many o' cousins who wear tracks and weaves and once a month goes by it looks like utter shit especially if it's synthetic. They wear hats to cover up the ratted looking roots and to hold falling tracks in place. Yeeeah I just put my own family on blast. I don't care. Shit is nasty. lol

Gawd, could ho bags hair look any drier? It's called biosilk, bitch. Get some.

Unknown said...

Heh, "snail trail".

Mary said...

I'm not gonna lie, Fatty, the idea of your aching back fat quivering in rage is going to get me through some lonely nights.
Love this post. I think you should get pissy more often. I mean, a calm and logical observation of Tila Tequila is a bit of an oxymoron really.

BKiddo said...

I wonder if 9Head knows she bogarted his boots.

Feel better Fatty.

blank said...

She's androgynous with an alien...maybe that was what she meant?

Yeah, that's all I got for this one other than Fatty 1 - Tila -1,000,000,000.

I hope that is a billion, I'm without coffee as of yet.

Hannah said...

You can tell she probably googled tomboy for synonyms so she could sound smarter and somewhere she found the word 'androgynous.' She used it so many times in that stupid post you could tell she was really proud of her big vocabulary and that she JUST LEARNED IT. And still didn't use it correctly. Dumbass.

Joann said...

Reading about Tila's adventures on Robertson is like listening to the mind of a dimwitted teenager.

LMAO at a what they said about her on"But I do know that she’s just trying to milk this story of getting shit thrown at her at some concert she was miraculously booked at, unfortunately, they didn’t throw ACID or fire that lead her to disfigurment and hospitalization to give her something to actually cry about…."

Fatty you had me rolling talking about the bandaids on her face..."I can guarantee they told her to take that off in a few days, but who wants to bet Tila's Christmas posters will have an even rattier version of it.".

In the words of the's a f*cking joke".

Hanah said..."yesterday X17 had pics of her going to the carwash with the Lamborghini"....since she's only leasing it she could care less about proper maintenance for the car.

Anybody who can AFFORD to OWN a Lambo would not be taking it to a car wash to get it clean.

Excellent post Fatty...excellent.

Joann said...

Was just reading the skank's twitter and her nitwit army is going bonkers cause they haven't heard from her in or two days. Most pathetic stuff you ever read.

Tuesday said...

Hahaha!!! Great post!

Hanah said...

Glibby Longstocking: thanks for clearing that up, it's probably a mix of both.

Joann: Maybe she had to return it and had to get it cleaned before? I'm still not sure what's the deal with the car... Even leasing the car for an entire month would cost a small fortune. Plus why is no one at vivid commenting on the porn movie if it really exists? You'd think they want to milk it like they milk the heidi/spencer tape? It's all a big mystery to me but I'm sure the girls here will get the scoop

Prof. Chaos said...

Hope you feel better soon, Fatty. You write really well for a cranky-puss!

I am 110% sick of this ho-bag's "poor me" bullshit. I too had C-section (2 in fact) and the doctor told me that the butterfly bandages they put on the 5 inch incision would fall of within 10 days. They did (and should to avoid scarring). I hope she is wrecking her face by keeping the scratches covered.

She's the perfect example of what happens to no talent models who only rely on their looks. Eventually you get older and need to have some talent to survive. I guess she'll be booking a strip club tour soon enough to promote her porn.

I also wonder if the "harrassment" she accused Garry Sun of had anything to do with the porn shoot. Maybe he wasn't into it.

LoriT said...

Great post, Fatty, as always. I have been reading all the great posts of the rotspotters for the past several months and you all keep me wildly entertained.
I think the reason Tila is still wearing her bandaids is because she doesn't want us to see the stitches, of which she has. lol...I don't know how she's going to explain that one when there is no evidence of the stitches she claimed to have had. Also, I know I read days ago that she was turning her site into an all about each other site. She was bored silly with the celebrity stuff and was only going to post things about celebs that were really earth shattering. Yet if you look, it's still all the same crap as always. Probably this is just a ploy to keep her army, of which she has, slathering while waiting for their leader to make the changes. What do you think?

Tuesday said...

Okay, I know what I'm doing this weekend. I'm going to start reading ALL of this blog! I just joined in and can't get enough.

The writing is hilarious!!! I need to learn from the masters on how to write this way. *bowing down to the greats* I love the comments as well! <3

Oh, and thank you to those that added me on Twitter. :) I just joined the other day. It's a little different for me, since I'm mostly on FB but, it's becoming addicting already!

Madame Toast said...

I've never seen someone so dumb as to milk such obviously minor injuries.
This is why nobody takes her seriously and why people openly mock and insult her.
or so she says, unless she can't figure out what to do with her boo boo's. *snort* really Tila? really!??! I'd love to see her at the Emmy Awards! I guess it makes sense, her life is more unbelievable than most Soaps on tv now days.

Ohhhhh, keep bringing the LolZ Tila, in just 5 minutes of reading I get a laugh to last me hours.

BTW, people in California, what is the deal with new cars and plates? why does her Lambo not have a plate on it, or a temp? is that how it rolls out there or is this just further proof she is an idiot?

Fatty McFatterson said...

I have absolutely no doubt, whatsoever that those 'wounds' are completely healed. There are no stitches. Nothing. It's been exactly 2 weeks and there is no reason in the world why those tiny lacerations wouldn't have been completely healed by now.

I received a bite from the 2 year old the day AFTER Tila's beatdown. It was about half an inch long and it's been completely healed up for right around a week. It was actually a bigger laceration than Tilas and got infected by the second day. I bandaged it 3 days until the skin closed up and no sign of infection. I have a scar, but I count it as a battle wound, lol.

She's prepping her idiot army to believe if and when she goes the Emmy's she'll need to be sporting her bandaids, when in actuality, it's because she wants to give the celebs something to talk about, especially if they haven't heard about the beatdown. Now she gets sympathy from the group of people she believes she's most deserving to attract.

By the way, the Emmy's are in 2 days, so it will be over 2 weeks since the horrific incident.


Joann said...

@Madame Toast...My SO works at a car dealership in Cali(not a Lambo dealership so it may be a bit different)but he said if a customer leases a car from them they will have paper plates(thick paper plates sorta like cardboard) on the back and front end where the permanent license plates would go.

The temporary registration is put on the lower right hand corner(passenger side) of the windshield) until the permanent registration is sent to the leassee.

He also said it CAN take up to 6 months to get the permanent registration and the metal license plates for the car.

If the leassee wants to take the back paper plates off until the metal plates are sent to them, they can, because the temporary registration is taped to the passenger side windshield to show they are leasing the car in case they are stopped by the police.

And why would Tila be going to the Emmys...for what?

Maybe Mr. Bradshaw is dressing someone for the Emmys and he's invited to a before or after party and will be taking her along as a third wheel like he did for that other awards after party they went to.

I know no one invited her to the Emmys to sit with them in the audience.

Unknown said...

Does Tila mean "Bosha" as the name of her Lambo? I'm up early and my kid was lip wraslin' a bit so I figured I'd look up "Posha".

musiquexcoeur said...

Adding to #3...

If you aren't feeling well, Tila, why the fuck would you run out to get a Gucci backpack? A backpack is not an item of necessity. You do not need it at that exact moment, especially if you're feeling [strikethrough begins here] beat down by juggalos [and ends here]* like you've snorted too much Ambien.

When most people say, "I wasn’t feeling too well yesterday. I just had to go to the store to pick up something really quick and get out of there," they mean that they're about to vomit their brains out and need a can of chicken soup, or that they have a kill-me-with-a-sledgehammer migraine and desperately need the nearest over-the-counter painkiller because as hard as they try, all they can find is a single aspirin from eight years ago in a tissue. Picking up something really quick when not feeling well generally refers to an item of necessity concerning whatever is making a person not feel well, and/or toilet paper. It does not mean that they go shopping for items they don't need, and certainly not in a major department store.

But you, skank, desperately need a Gucci backpack from a store you know Paparazzi lurk outside of. It wasn't the bag you needed to pick up, it was your deflated ego when you realized you were pushing away so many fans that you only have three left - and they're even borderline through with you.

I suggest beginning to look for a job flipping burgers (which you claim you do so well), because what's left of your "career" is officially over.

* [Please note that Blogger does not accept strikethrough text in comments, but this is where it would be if I could post it.]