Tilas Rotspot: arm meetgate

Showing posts with label arm meetgate. Show all posts

Thursday, September 2

Tila--Warrior Princess or Dumbass Skank?

12:34 AM |

Posted by Fatty McFatterson

Ya know, there's nothing that warms my pudgy little heart more than a Dear Diary...post by Tila. The dumb-fuckery is always good for a laugh, and I look like a mental giant in comparison. It's a win-win.

By far, my most favoritest Dear Diary was the compelling, tragic, and yet uplifting tale of her family's escape from Viet Nam with Tila in utero, 6 years before she was born. This classic quote still makes me giggle hysterically:

It was about the year of late 1070's...

So, you can imagine my delight when this little gem was posted a couple days ago:

Unfortunately, there's really nothing to add, that makes this more amusing. It's one of those posts that totally speaks for itself, and I simply can't do it the justice it deserves by commenting on it. But, I'll try. I love to tear this shit apart, so I hope y'all will join me:

there was a Warrior. This warrior had no name

Fair enough, this is the kind of treatment you often find in legends and fables.

I came to find out later on, that this Warrior’s name, was Lun-Ti

But if he was a warrior without a name, how did he have a name?

Tila's story seems pretty generic for a warrior. I mean, all warriors battle for their people and have the wounds and the scars to show for it, and many die for the honor of the battle. I thought to ask Mr. Google if there had ever been a warrior, living or legend, who was nameless but named Lun-Ti. Mr. Google immediately slapped me. I mean, I ask him these questions, but it's like he can smell a Tila tale a mile away. I am told by Mr. Google, that the closest he can find in name is the Yellow Emperor, Huang Ti. Mr. Google was unable to tell me if he was dressed in black with his long hair tied back atop his head, but he did assure me, there are no records of a Lun-Ti.

But that's not where the lol's really begin. You have to start reading the 3rd paragraph where she describes herself as a little girl, nicknamed Ti-Lun and (cue the violin music)

she used to play dress up and play with brooms and hangers or sticks

I thought Tila was so busy folding pants at the flea market she didn't have time to play? Of course, Tila is now setting the stage for the 'oh poor little Tila' sighs coming from her Army of morons. Little does she know that many children in this country have no 'real' toys and they have a blast making up games and toys from their own imaginations. Ever hear of 'kick the can' or 'stick ball'? It's not like poor kids went out and bought a special can or a special stick for these games.

Let's back up and talk about the nickname Ti-Lun. According to Mr. Google, Ti-Lun is the shortened form of the title of a Buddhist scripture. Tila's family is Buddhist (or so she claims), but I wonder why they would nickname her after the scripture. I did see one girl on Myspace goes by the name Ti Lun, and then has the nickname 'Shorty' so perhaps Tila speaks the truth (for once!), but it still seems odd her parents would give her a name that is essentially the name of their holy book.

Tila then writes about how she danced for her mother, as a little Samurai. Odd that a little Vietnamese girl who grew up in Houston would know of Japanese military nobility. Tila's mother assures Tila she once was a warrior in a past life and, get ready for it!

Her Mother knew that her daughter would grow up to be something quite special.

Tila, your mom didn't mean 'special' in the Mozart-composing-symphonies-at-age-5 way. She meant 'special' in the we-better-teach-her-to-count-exact-change-for-the-bus-because-she'll-never-develop-past-that-stage way. You see Tila, your dear mother is a very wise woman. She knew you'd never amount to much. She, of course, like most mothers, hoped at the very least you'd find an attendant to care for your basic needs and you'd honor the family name. Little did she know, your attendant would end up being a man who could easily stand at the corner of Hollywood and Vine and get paid for the advertising printed across his forehead, and you'd sully their good name and bring sadness into their home by rolling around on the red carpet in bird feathers and belts with your diseased vertical smile, displaying all that should be sacred, but which has been viewed more often that the Mona Lisa's own smile.

Tila then relates the story of how as a 2-year old she had a seizure, ended up in the hospital overnight. Here's how she describes herself:

A fragile, petite...

If you look back at the Juggalo posts, that's pretty much how she describes herself there as well. As a matter of fact, whenever Tila is looking for sympathy, she pulls out that same old 'fragile, petite' ploy.

Anyway, while in the hospital she received a shot and this incredible warrior child not only didn't cry, but she 'burst out into a cute little laugh'. Oh fucking please. My kids had plenty of shots. About half the time they cried, the other half they were totally unphased. Ask anyone who works with, or parents children: it's not unheard of for little ones to shrug off a shot we all think will reduce them to tears.

So, while Tila is lighting up the room, this 2-year old remembers the nurses commenting to her mother:

Ti-Lun could remember hearing the Nurse tell her Mother what a great daughter she has and how brave she is.

Ummm. Yeah. I believe that. We all know that children have amazing memories and can dig deep to age 2 to remember verbatim what a nurse said to their mother. Most of us have a few memories of age 3 and 4, and as we get older and our brains process information in more organized patterns, thus we have more substantial memories after age 4-6. Very very few children would have memories at age 2, and likely those memories would be a fleeting few seconds of an event, most likely traumatic, and certainly not linearly organized. Did Tila have a seizure and end up in the hospital at age 2? Sure. Did she remember the events as she described, or did someone relate them to her? You be the judge. It's really not that important, but I hate how's she's trying to boast this imagine of the super-child upon us.

Also, I think every time I've ever had my kids into the doctor, a doctor or nurse commented how 'brave' they were. They do that for the benefit of the child, not because they're imparting wisdom and awe at how truly brave the child is. It's a fucking little needle, not having your arm meet chopped up in a demented tantrum all alone in your hovel of a condomansionium. Jeez, get some fucking perspective.

Here's how Tila ends the fairy tale:

Fast forward many, many, many years, Ti-Lun, started getting her own battle wounds…. just like the Warrior: Lun-Ti. These battle wounds tell so many stories behind them. To honor the wounds, as they all tell a story, each and every single one of them. And then one day, something miraculous happened…………

To Be Continued……..

-Ti-Lun

Love how she leaves us hanging, just as she left us hanging for the rest of the great Viet Nam exodus. What miracle happened? You met Steve Hirsch and sold your soul for a few hundred grand, by performing sexual acts for pay? You humiliated your family and brought shame to their name by lying and general douche-baggery? You 'performed' in front of a group of crazed, drunken clowns and was pelted by bottles of cheap soda pop?

And those battle wounds and scars? Does it count if you inflict them upon yourself as in Arm Meet-Gate, or that you mock and challenge said angry clowns and then accentuate the wounds to curry attention?

You know what I find most interesting? The timing of these Dear Diary stories. You see the epic bio was written a week or so after Arm Meet-gate and the subsequent 5150 when Tila was trying to reconnect with her dwindling army after her SUICIDE HOAX was revealed. This latest story comes a couple days after her lie about attending the Emmy's was proven, and a few days before she's set to perform at a Las Vegas strip club. A strip club, I might add, she's not promoting at all on her flog. Perhaps she can't bear the Army's response. Of course, we all know they'll forgive her. They'll say we're all jelis haters who wish we had the fragile, delicate body Tila has so we could lather up the stripper pole with sewer slime.

Tila tries so hard to prove to her Army that she's special, that she's a hero, that she's some super-woman who has been graced upon our land. She's not. She sold her soul long ago, and now she reaps what she sowed. All the money in the world can't buy her hero-status. All the Lambos and name-dropping can't buy her true friends. All the lies can't buy her a life she can be proud of. If she's a warrior fighting a battle, it's a battle of the weak and the infirm, and she'll never ever win it..battle scars be damned.

Labels: arm meetgate, li-tun, more tila lies, steve hirsh, tun-li, viet name |

16 comments

Thursday, August 26

The Garry Sun Mystery

12:30 AM |

Posted by Fatty McFatterson

Admittedly I don’t know too much about this guy. I know he’s the guy she always claims is her “personal paparazzi” and he takes a lot of photos of her wonky nips. I also heard he has worked or continues to work at TMZ, I couldn’t find anything to confirm that though.

Anyway, he was on my radar back in April when Tila and Casa had their big blowup at the airport on her way to the Skankzilla Press Tour in New York. Tila started tweeting about how she got rid of the ‘bad’ friend, and was now going to date the ‘good’ friend or some such nonsense. She followed with several tweets that seemed to indicate she and Garry would hit the Motel 6 sheets that night and he was her new boo, and went as far as to taunt Casa by naming Garry as her new lover.

At the time I didn’t buy the Garry Sun/Tila relationship. I figured it was just more talk to piss off Casa. Casa was suppose to be a friend of Garry’s and as I remember some bad blood went down between the two of them over Tila. Like I said, I’m not as familiar with Garry, as I am with Bradshaw and that billboard-size head of his, but in the back of my head thought he was a normal non-drama guy, so didn’t pay him too much mind.

After Tila fired Garry over Arm-MeetGate, I started paying attention to his tweets. He seemed very hurt by the firing, and particularly devastated when Tila started accusing him of harassment, Arm-MeetGate and other vile things she pulled out of her syphilitc alien brain. I tweeted him several times to offer support and try to get some answers from him about Tila but he wasn’t having any of it. He tweets these kinda spiritual haiku/zen poetry responses, and I got to tell ya, I’m just not that deep. I don’t get half the shit he says, and trying to read between the lines is next to impossible. I did encourage him to stand his ground and go after her, but I never got a definitive answer out of him whether he was going to go forward or not..

Rather than go apeshit all over Tila’s ass for the accusations, he got all philosophical and once again, I got all confuzzled, (then again, I can get lost in the deep messages in a bowl of AlphaBets cereal, so go figure). Anyway, I’ve been on the fence with Garry. I hope he nails her skank-ass to the floor, but he now appears to have mellowed and sadly, I won’t see Tila next to me in jelis hater jail, shackled to one of our many pedos, snacking on Cup O’Noodles and braiding each other’s hair. I do hope he slams her ass with a lawsuit for defamation of character and slander. He holds all the cards, and I hope he uses that power for good (suing Tila) and not evil (turning into a pansy-ass cowardly chickenshit).

But, we seem to have a new development.

Remember back in June when Tila was talking about having a couple of hot chicks over for a pillow fight with whipped cream? I got to wondering about that post, and wondered if that was actually the day she was filming her porn/sex tape, whatever the hell you want to call it. So, I went dumpster diving (in contrast to cum-dumpster diving, which is legally banned in 48 states). My dumpster diving brought up some interesting posts that I had forgotten about, but which pointed me in a new direction for a blog post (shiny pennies on the ground do that to me, as well).

One was Tila posting on the Flog a plea to her moron army to help her decide on a birthday gift for her “best friend”. That was on June 22. I had forgotten this little nugget, but decided it warranted further research. Why? Because I’m finding Tila often has a kernel of truth in her tweets/blogs. In that particular blog, she mentioned how the lucky young stud would have the option of unwrapping her *gag* as part of his celebration.

My first thought was Bradshaw. He may have a 9Head, and be a little gay, but hell, enough birthday hooch might turn any guy/gay into a raving Tila love machine. A quick Google search showed that he had a couple of birthday parties in February, because his birthday is around Valentine’s Day.

So, Bradshaw is out, that leaves me with Garry. Nothing on Google for Garry. Ugh. But wait, let’s check his Twitter. Oopsie, Twitter doesn’t make birthdays viewable….but Facebook does and SCORE! Guess when Garry’s birthday is (well, his birthday and what appears to be his multiple-STD day!). Yep, you guessed it, June 22.

I have to admit, I find it hard to believe that Garry would bang that ratted-up hairspray-fuckbox (thank you uncle Eddie, for that perfect insult!). Garry certainly seems intelligent enough to bag a normal, high-functioning chick, but Tila? I mean, c’mon, that’s really scraping the bottom of the bottom of the barrel. I could see that nasty Casa hitting it, but Gary? I don’t know.

Then, several days after the birthday post, she posts about insecure men who whine like pussies because they don’t think they’re good enough to be with her *gag*. Could she and Garry have had a falling out of their own? Though this seems unlikely, because it’s another several weeks before she kicks him to the curb with the Arm Meet accusations. But note, she also accused him of sexual harassment against her staff, and we all know her staff consists of her and Bradshaw (please DO NOT let a 3-way amongst these mis-fits be the next leaked sex tape!)

Let’s back this wreck up just a smidge, ‘cause I need to point out the holes in her Arm Meet story. We now have 5 scenarios that Tila has admitted to in regards to Arm MeetGate:

1. Jane did it in a murderous rage

2. It was all a performance piece a’la Gaga

3. Tila was suicidal and tried to take her own life with a tacky-ass broken hooker lamp

4. Garry Sun did it

5. Her friend’s saber tooth tiger cat did it. (Poor Fluffy gets the short end of the stick. He oughta join Garry in that defamation suit!)

Ok, let’s haul this wreck back on track…

Could Tila and Garry have kept their relationship secret for 3 months without Tila flapping her gums and riding him while eating pizza? I can’t see her shutting her mouth (or legs) about anything, but if this Biff thing is real (and the jury is still out on that) is it possible Tila has finally learned *gasp* discretion? Tila bullshits about all this fake shit, but perhaps if it’s something or someone really important to her, she shuts her pie-hole.

Is Garry so blinded by the herpes miasma floating 3 inches above her twat, that he drank the KoolAid? I mean, if so, we have to give the guy credit. He lasted several months, whereas a psycho crazed stalking Biff lasted less than 2 weeks. But, then again, Garry kept his mouth respectfully shut, while ol' Biff has reported that Tila got tested at the STD clinic and confirmed it was for her porn/sex tape, that they fucked on the 8th floor of his office complex, and that he's 'smashed' her on more than one occasion. If Garry and Tila really did have a relationship, and Garry was respectful and considerate enough to keep his mouth shut, it kinda makes me believe he's the nuttiest of the bunch!

I wish I knew either way, but I thought I’d post this in case any of y’all can make a determination. Just as I’m on the fence about Garry, I suppose you can say I’m on the fence about believing Tila and Garry had a relationship.

In closing, regarding the Biff stuff. I’ve been researching the heck out of that, and it appears to be a 50/50 split that the guy is a crazy stalker dood, and that he’s ‘Sky’. I wasn’t in on the Sky drama, so I can’t comment on that. I would suggest, that perhaps Biff is a male who was playing being a female (Sky), thinking it would get him closer to other females, because he wouldn’t be as threatening. Or, there really is a Biff and there really is a Sky, and they are really dating (or were dating) and they share the same brand of crazy, and the same obsession with Tila.

Who woulda thunk that there are actually folks out there crazier than Tila?

Labels: arm meetgate, biff, casa wilson, garry sun |

33 comments