Now if you don't like my stale news, you can go to those other hater sites and read their stale news. I give you what I want, and if I tell you there will be contests, and fan blogs, and video of my Russian boxer's interview, and a fashion line and a record label, and hell, whatever else my pea brain can think of, you can be assured, I won't deliver, just as I don't deliver any fresh, or funny, or exclusive or relevant news. Now there are those that say OMG OMG OMG FATTY YOU'RE JUST JELIS OF SO, AND SO" I actually laugh at those comments...and take a big bite of HoHo. I guess you can say I must be pretty jelis of EVERYONE, right? Well, yes, that's right.

So, in closing (even though I have 4 more paragraphs to go) I am not jelis of the person I post about. I am not jelis of any non-celebrity, nor will I ever be. POW!

I got almost one eleventy billion views in one week. Don't go looking at those legit sites like Alexa, they don't know nothing even though they only do this kind of thing for a living, they are not precise and in REAL TIME!  My site has this super secret program that give you the stats of my imaginary web site hits, where it's coming from, IP ADDRESSES (oh wait, the IP's were here all along, why did I go spend all the money in the world to my powerful attornies? to which I have). I can DEFINITELY take a screen shot for you and post the stats of my site in REAL TIME! But geez...acting so high school there are you not? Because you know me well enough to know that if I had actual factual evidence to back myself up and totally OWN the haters I would post it, but I'm too much above that you silly billys!

Don't forget our EXCLUSIVES, that no one else has. Just like we were the ones who broke the story FIRST, about Tila lying about her CHAIRity, and her miscCHAIRage (did you see what I did there? That's the mark of a real journalist, reporter, POW blogger mogul!)

Love you guys! keep coming back for more! KAPOW BITCHES!

Love, 

MISS FATTY

This just in!

Tila posted a stupid dear diary blog today (which I've spoofed above). I have a little problem with this part:

Here is the PROOF that Tila scooped the Justin Bieber/Miley Cyrus dating story and TMZ and Piggy, reported it the NEXT DAY! Oh, wait, TMZ and Pigsty  must have fucked with their time and date stamp...wait, I BETTER GET NAKED AND PROMISE MY ARMY THEY CAN BUTTER MY BREAD OR SOMETHING, this might hurt me!

HOLD ON, I SAVED THE BEST FOR LAST..... this is from Tila's Facebook. She updates her Facebook/Twitter and Stupid Blog pretty much at the same time...so check out the 3 hour later time stamp. THAT 3 HOURS LATER THAN TMZ AND PEREZ!!! HA!!! I OWNED YOU TILA BITCH!!! Fuck you and your fuckity fucking EXCLUSIVES. You didn't scoop anyone you syphilitic cunt-stain!