Hey guys!  Uncle Eddie here again.  Hotty Rotty and Gnome my favorite sex offender from Bumfuck, Iowa are super busy, and Fatty is having some kind of blueberry emergency (I think that's code for "overdosing on cookie dough") so I'm going to take you through Tila's idea of Neutrality.  We're gonna take this step by step, okay?


So first off, I love how she uses that same picture CONSTANTLY when she's going to pretend to be "the REAL Tila."  And I love how it says it's an exclusive for her fail blog, except for the little tag for the hotspot on there...LOL.  There we go, Tila.  Showing off AGAIN how you don't know what "exclusive" means.  I also thought I'd be witty and underline where Tila shows off her MAD writing skills (hint: THEY DON'T EXIST AND WHOEVER TOLD HER SHE HAD TALENT IN WRITING LIED TO THAT POOR GIRL), but I soon realized I'd have to underline 99% of her post.  It was seriously so painful to read, guys.  I was texting Fatty with little quotes and saying "wtf does this mean, Fatty?" and she responded "mmmf mffmf mmfmmf" because she had a spoon in her mouth (of course) but I took it to mean she couldn't decipher it, either.


Okay, so here Tila shows off her expert manipulator skills.  She knows her fans aren't exactly the brightest crayons in the box, and she knows that if she lies about why people "hate on her" they'll fall for it.  So she tells them THIS is the reason.  Because she's so strong.  Yes, Tila, we hate on you because you're so strong.  In fact, if you go though every single post here - every post that documents your lies and your batshit crazy behavior - you'll see it's all because we...wait, what is her point exactly?  "Until she realizes..." what?  Goddammit, Tila.  Can't you TRY to make sense? I mean, check out this gem: "In this generation where the internet has become the most popular source of medium, has it's pros and cons."  WTF does that mean!?  Please, Tila, stop trying to sound intelligent.  Stick to showing your tits to underage viewers - it's what you're good at.

Also, Tila, we see your Army kissing your ass 24/7.  I've seen people actually say "I don't care what Tila does.  She could murder someone and I'd still love her!"  Even after your suicide hoax, which you claim is NOT a hoax now (I think Fatty's going to write on that this weekend), your fans stood by you and completely kissed your ass.  But whatever.  Everybody enjoys a little ass kissing now and then.  Fine.

Now she goes on AGAIN saying that people won't say shit to her face.  Again, Tila, give me the chance.  There's a whole group of people here, both writers and readers, who would relish the opportunity to spit in your ugly, meth-pocked face.  Also, Tila?  I don't buy that for a second.  I really don't.  Whenever you go out, there are always tons of tweets that pop up talking serious shit on you from people who are wherever you are.  In fact, when you went to the BET after party or whatever it was, one guy tweeted that he had to stay away from you before you claimed he was your next baby daddy.  I lolled.  But again, stop lying to your army that we wouldn't say shit to your face.  I know I would, and I know a lot of people who would.  Unfortunately, the majority of the time you're holed up in your shitty apartmansion (you know, the one you SWEAR is "your house").  And these people even exist in the UK, so enjoy your trip, scumbag.


Ah, so here we get to the real arm meet of the situation.  Here's where she starts to say she doesn't lie, and that she doesn't need to prove anything to anybody because it's her private life.  Hmmm...funny how this comes out AFTER she said she'd show her doctor bills proving her mischarraige.  Who didn't call this?  Did anybody really think she'd post anything?  No.  In fact, I think we said this would happen EXACTLY.  You're far too predictable, Tila.  "I don't care who believes me, I know I'm telling the truth."  LOL you know who says that, Tila?  SOMEONE WHO IS LYING.

So I think that's the whole reason for this post.  As much shit as we give her for being an idiot, Tila really is an expert manipulator.  I mean, if she just came out and said "I decided I don't have to prove anything to anybody," it would look SUPER fishy.  But if she frames it with "internet bullies" and concerns for the people who comment on her blog, then (apparently) it looks less suspicious.  I guess.  I dunno, it doesn't to me!  It looks just as fishy.  But maybe that's because I think with my brain and not my dick or my hormones like the Tila Army.

I wouldn't "swear upon God" that you've never lied, Tila.  Just for our faithful readers, I'm going to tag this post with "tila's lies."  Click on that to see a ton of the things we've caught her lying about.  I don't think God, of whom you are supposedly an "angel" and a "messenger," would appreciate you bringing Him up in your web of dumbass deceit.


Then she ends it on a really boring note, but there is one gem in there.  "This is a celebrity gossip site, not a Tila fan site."  Then why, Tila, do you tie every single entry back to yourself?  Why do you post these "dear diary" posts there?  Why are almost ALL of the Hotties of the Week (which would mean you post them weekly, but you don't seem to understand that, either) YOU!?

Tila, you're as far up your own ass as the worst Tila Army member.  You've been caught in countless lies, and I see your own army turning on you one by one.  What about Celebrity Rehab, Tila?  What about that big fat lie?  You know, how you supposedly got help BEFORE you admitted you had a problem?  Dates aren't your strong point, are they Tila? 

Stupid bitch.