1. Do you check Tila's Twitter account several times a day to keep abreast of the news?

2. Do you check Tila's Facebook account several times a day to keep abreast of the news?

3. Do you read a couple of blogs devoted to Tila-talk, on a daily basis?

If you answered all three questions with a resounding YES, then you are a Tila fan or Army member. BOOOOOOO!!!!

If you answered all three questions with a resounding YES, then you are a Jelis Hater. YAY!!!!!!!

Whoaaa, hold the train there Fatty. How can this be? Is this one of Zeno's Paradoxes (or is that Paradoxen?)?

There has to be SOMETHING that separates the run-of-the-mill Fans and Jelis Haters from the true-blood STALKERS (cue Wilhelm Scream!) Oh, wait, there was one last question:

4. If Tila posts a photo of her bloody arm, and a graphic and disturbing account of how her arm meet is hanging out and she is sure an alternate personality is out to kill her and she is cowering in fear in her toilet (geez, that's taking fear a little too far, I might have just hid in the bathroom), and a disturbing video where she speaks in a hushed-scared voice and pans the thrashed room, the bloody towels, the bags of pills and broken glass, and you're concerned enough to think 'wow, this may have gone too far, I should call in a welfare check to make sure she's ok". Do you actually make the call?

If you answered YES to that question, then you are a dyed in the wool STALKER (cue Wilhelm Scream again, heck just put it on continuous loop, you'll need it!) So the fans who called and the jelis haters who called, well, we're all a part of one new little sub-family---THE STALKERS MWAHAHHAHAHHHAA!

But Fatty, if the video and the pictures and the blog were all a fake, and the authorities determined independently that Tila was a danger to herself and the fact they caught up with her and were able to get her treatment, doesn't that mean that you did the right thing after all? NO YOU STUPID FART-KNOCKERS, IT DOES NOT! It means Tila's lawyers of which she has will be contacting my lawyers of which I have and I will be going to jail for a very long time.

Jail. For me. Oh my God, those jail jumpsuit stripes will make me look fat fatter. Of course, now that the jailhouse currency is no longer cigarettes, I'll have to stock up on Cup A Soup. I heard that 10 soups will get my hair braided and for 50 soups I can have a man killed on the outside! How many soups do I need to erase the taint of my shame? 

I am sorry my dear RotSpotters. There is a stalker in your midst, and I am it.

Does this make me a jail-is hater? HA!!! At least I can see the funny in my tragic future. Pray for me.