First off, let me just start this post off with....

Curious and Curiouser....
Now...Moving right along.

Last night, the porn muppet decided she would reveal to the world, what it looks like when a guy is basically blowing you off blushing bashfully.

Really, you just have to watch the video to see how into the dirty bitch he is. My personal favorite is where she's desperately clutching onto him like he's the last cheeseburger before a nuclear war.

Because I woke up with a boner, and I am out of whiskey, I'm feeling like a complete dickhead....and when I'm in a mood like this, the only thing that consoles me is to point and laugh at Tila....


Now, there's a lot that can be said here.....but lets just point out a couple of things....

1. Don't let the hip bones fool you bitches, she's only wearing control top panty-hose to contain that wicked baby bump...last I checked though, there was nothing sexy about undergarments that are supposed to be used to control fat....girdles anyone? Now I'm not saying Tila's fat...because clearly that's not the case....but I sure as shit am saying this is NOT sexy.
2. This dirty bitch is trying sooooo hard to be Lady Gaga right now it's ridiculous....it seems that Tila has a girl crush....
3. What the fucking belted menagerie is going on here?
4. The "necklace" that's hanging around her neck....all I have to say is, it should be a noose.
5. Aren't tassels used for nipple covers, and not cufflinks?

The only good thing about this picture is the fact that whatever the mask thing is on her ugly mug, is covering it up.

So did you guys get to see Tila's fancy pants red carpet pictures from Wednesday night? What do you suppose this amazing event was? Was it, like, a movie premiere? Was it super A-List?

No, it was a concert. John Buchan, my boo (see Tila, anybody can have a boo! Even me!) filled me in on all the deets this morning. It was a Faith Evans concert at the Key Club.

Let's see how many A-List stars we can find in these photos!

Here's the first link!

This is just a collection of Tila photos, but you can see the first section is of Tila from Wednesday night's festivities. Here's my favorite of Tila being super fucking classy as always:

Hmm. Yes. If I had a nickel for every time Angelina Jolie or Megan Fox or any other A-List actress posed on the red carpet like this...oh, I'd be broke.

And just for funsies, let's look at an old one of Tila where she looks AMAZING.

Seriously guys, this face is going to haunt my dreams.

Okay so let's look at the second link. This one has actual other people in it! So many A-List stars!

So let's count the celebrities! First there's Bai Ling:

And she's famous for being cut from Star Wars and doing Playboy.

Then there's Don Magic Juan, who is famous for...hanging out with Snoop Dogg? Being a motha fuckin' pimp? Dude, I don't know.

It doesn't really matter what he's famous for, he's obviously awesome. I mean, just look at him.

Anybody recognize anybody else? I sure as fuck don't! It seriously looks like Tila was the biggest star there, aside from Faith Evans who was performing! Jesus Christ. Unless you count Anthony Suncin Mr. Bradshaw, LOL. And in case you don't believe me, here's another link to the red carpet pictures.

LOL I can't get over fucking Bai Ling being there. She might be the only person more fucking nutbar than Tila.

"But Uncle Eddie, I don't see your bitch ass at a red carpet event!"

Goddammit, I already warned you I will hit you with my ring hand. Don't tempt me. I'm still pissed because it's past 4 am now and Tila still hasn't posted her OMG surprise. And besides, you can SMD because I could have been there! And so could you! FOR TWENTY FUCKING DOLLARS.


God knows I got $20 lying around!

Tila, honestly, if you were just real with people, and didn't make yourself sound way more highfalutin' than you actually are, we wouldn't have to do this. You bring this on yourself. And yes, we are ALL laughing at you.

Again, special thanks to my boo John Buchan for filling me in with all of this.