This will be a weekly feature from your dearest, Seola Uno. I will dig deep into the chlamydia and push aside the warts to get to some old info, articles, etc. on our beloved cum dumpster. We’ll get to see her lies played out several years ago and show she had haters long before us and will long after. I will attempt to number the lies, so throughout our time together, we’ll get to celebrate each and every driveling, winding, cheesy lie and you get to count up! We are going to start with one of the first tweets off her “officialtila” account with Twitter. Just for fun’s sake – let’s start where the Rotspot did.

Excuse me while I catch my breath. 485 days ago, or 69 weeks, or 16 months ago – someone tweeted her something that hurt our poor little Tila. This tweet proves relevant for one major reason. “Wtf are you on?” Ah hahahaha hahah roflcopterz. This coming from the skank who’s “on” dozens of unwitting guys and girls and drugs too! I can say that because Tila herself admitted it when she thought she was going to get some love from the Celeb Rehab folks. But here also lies an insult that many of us have not ticked off the list (black people, African Americans, men, pregnant women, “non ethnic”, etc.). It’s a not so clever blond reference!

Can’t keep betting when you’re broke, baby. You’ve gambled on trying to take out an NFL star (fail), gambled on several pregnancies (fail), faking mental illness (fail), faking suicide (fail), IVF claims (fail), dating site (fail), gambling site (fail), record label (can it be a fail if it never started?), music (fail), house in Thailand (fail), fake engagements (fail) and you don’t even know how to operate a simple alarm clock to get to flights on time.

Time for Lie #1.

For all the working out she did, Oliver Stone had no projects from this tweet through now attached to Tila’s name. Really though, how slow does someone ask a question to have time for someone to do all that? And why, oh God, why couldn't she have knocked herself out forever by one of her beef curtains smacking her in the face during a jumping jack? Yeah bitches, you know you got that imagery. Don't be grossed out - think of how fucking funny that would be.

Now, as minor as this lie is – it’s got the lolz. Lie #2.

Tila spouting intelligence on how we are all vibrators! You see, we are made of energy, not… *snort* vibrations. Energy doesn’t vibrate; its energy in shifting is made of natural combines. Humans have to manipulate energy of atoms and rearrange it to make shoes. Atoms are not vibrations – they are solid mass. The lie comes in with this stupid claim of an experiment in Philly. She claims this isn't known because it's a government cover up. But somehow, Skankbag Tila was able to get what would probably be classified Yankee White security clearance? Like, she totally only exists because we read the interwebz. Get it? Does this mean if we shake Tila hard enough she’ll disappear? Wow – that’d be amazingly awesome. If everything Tila always wanted was a shitty, trashed apartment, a dog chained to a stripper pole, no car, no job, no money and a sidekick with a forehead they are turfing now for the Superbowl – she wins! But why didn’t she rearrange her atoms to save Casey, instead of having Casey move all her shit (and medications) to her house, then locking her out and Casey’s dogs in, and take off to parts unknown?

Usually I wouldn't care much about any of the Perez bullshit.  Although I don't hate him I don't really care either way.  However, I am VERY excited to bring to Tila's your attention that Perez has been offered $20 million for his celebrity gossip site.  Really looks like the hogul is "powing" her way into getting owned, doesn't it?  I mean let's take a look at what Tila's site is worth shall we?

Not.

And the gossip blog is up! It actually launched when I was in the middle of typing that last post. I'll sum up my initial thoughts.

1. It looks really cheap. And it's on wordpress. LOL, a "professional" blog on wordpress. Uh huh.

2. This is the best part:



3. Everywhere it refers to itself as "The #1 Gossip Blog in the world." Since it's been up like, 20 minutes, I don't think you can really judge that yet (unless you're a stupid bitch completely up their own ass).

4. She has a section called "Got M.I.L.F?" which consists of 2 pictures of her looking skanky and one picture of Sandra Bullock, also looking kinda skanky. Don't get me wrong, I like Sandy and all, but...well, whatever. The best part of that section is this:

5. She makes a post refuting our claims that Jayden's Angels was a scam. She says she had no address for it - except she did, and we've posted it before. We also have her on ustream two separate times asking for donations - one time saying that anybody who donated would get a "special treat" from Mama T. I bet that special treat is herpes. She then includes emails she apparently sent to people "begging" them to help her set it up. So basically, all she's shown us is that she's too stupid to address the facts (what, was it a fake YOU on ustream soliciting donations, Tila?) and that she never, in fact, had a charity WHICH WE SAID FROM THE BEGINNING.

6. Her letter to Lindsay is hilarious. She begins by acting like she and Lindsay know each other and are friends: "To be honest, I remember us chatting for just a few minutes as there were a lot of fucking lurkers around and you know how that goes. It’s hard for us to keep in contact when those lurkers maybe the same people who will backstab us." Uh huh. She then continues: "I even tried to contact you on your Twitter but fuck all that Twitter bullshit! This is real. This is the only way I know that I can contact you and I KNOW you will read this." LOL. But the best part is this: "I literally told my friends a few days ago that it’s so sad that Me, Miss Tila, Once just a Myspace girl turned Reality star, and I now have surpassed Lindsay Lohan! Girl that is sad!!!! Cuz to me, you were the LEGIT SUPERSTAR, THE MOVIE STAR! And now, you have let a once Reality Star, Miss Tila, Surpass you!!! Come on girl!!!!!!" OUCH. On what fucking planet does Tila fucking meth-mouth Tequila surpass Lindsay Lohan? Okay you guys gotta read it, it's so funny.



She then follows this with like 3 or 4 pictures of HERSELF in New York. Wow.

7. So then I thought "I wonder if I can post screen caps of this shit at the Rotspot for all of our lovely readers?" So I checked out her legal page. HAHAHAHAHAHA.


 Yep, that's it! That's her entire legal page!

8. Wanna know how legit and professional this shit is?


 At least Perez Hilton knows how to use Google when he can't spell someone's name.

9. Speaking of Perez Hilton, does this remind you guys of anything?


 At least Perez Hilton's use of MS Paint is cute in that minimal effort sort of way. Yours, Tila, just looks pathetic.

10. Let's make it an even 10. In case you were wondering, according to Tila, it's Khloe Kardashian "whored herself" at 15.


Uh huh.

Oh and Tila can't let shit go. I know, this comes as a HUGE surprise to you all.


 Jesus Tila, how long ago did you date him? Who the fuck even cares about Jared Leto anymore?

There. It's exactly the train wreck we thought it would be. Don't expect updates often on this shit, because it's a horrible blog and I hate it already. It has no "home" feature (it does, it's just really small) and there's just too much bullshit being thrown at you with surprisingly little information. If she's really been working on this for 4 months, then I'm the goddamn Virgin Mary. Oh no wait, that's Tila. Well, you get my drift. I'm only updating you all on it because you expected it. Don't get me wrong, if she posts something hilarious we'll update you on it. God knows she'll plug it enough on her twitter and facebook. Go if you want, her little poll on whose blog this one will dethrone could always use more votes!

Peace out, bitches!