So I woke up this morning to news that Tila's fail blog had finally dethroned Perez Hilton!  Wait, what's that?  Oh, my bad guys.  What I mean to say is that Tila's fail blog was running away with it's tail between it's legs!  That's right, Rotspotters.  Tila has given up the Celebrity Gossip trade!


Let me break this down for you, Uncle Eddie style.

First screen cap: Wow Tila, that's an OLD ASS picture of you.  But of course it is.  You know just as well as we do, Tila, that you presently look like something the cat dragged in.  Whoring and drugs will do that to you.  And whoever published this picture is really working overtime on the smoothing brush.  Goddamn.

She continues on that her readers just aren't interested in celebrity gossip, and that it bores the hell out of her to write about it.  Yes, Tila, that seems like an excellent career path to me, especially when you "knew NOTHING about Pop Culture."  Do I believe this?  My answer is: HELL TO THE NO!!!!!!  (See what I did there?)  And neither should you.  I believe Tila's just realizing that her blog is complete and utter fail, so in true Tila fashion, she "never liked doing it, anyway."  Right.  But I love how she goes from having "A staff member" to "tons of different staff members" in the same paragraph.  Jesus Christ, Tila. 

So she lays it out for us. 

I am going to change the ENTIRE dynamic, direction, and content of my website to target what the demographic of my reader’s seem to like! So from now on, my website’s content will be dedicated to all the “REAL” people out there and not about all the worthless celebrity news. I want to dedicate my website to all the people out there who work their asses off trying to make it in this industry. Whether you’re an upcoming Musician, Model, aspiring Actor, or for all of the people who email me for advice. I am making the changes to my website due to the high demand of what my reader’s want. I get SO many emails from people asking me for advice, or if I can help them promote their charities, music, modeling, acting, etc, etc, etc. So this is why I have decided to change the direction of my website.

God, you guys, this bitch is a real humanitarian!  She just wants to help people!

I think my favorite part of this whole thing is when she talks about the Universe guiding her to the right place.  Yeah, Tila?  Did the Universe guide you to the GOTJ?  Did the universe tell you to keep "performing" (I use that term loosely) when you were getting pelted with "poop and pee?"  When your previous face meet was exposed?  If so, I think the Universe is on our side.  High five, Universe!

Oh, then she lays it on the line.  The posts that get the most hits are the ones about her, like her dumbass "the Others" entries and her Dear Diaries.  Oh!  So what you're saying, Tila, is that your site is going to be mostly about you!  Because I've only seen you post a handful of "helping the little guy" posts, but TONS of posts are totally up your own ass! 

Hang on, I'll let you get over the shock and awe of Tila changing her fail blog to be only about her.  Deep breaths, everybody.

And really, she's so far up her own ass that even the "helping the little guy" posts she's claiming to focus on now are still all about her.  She's SO awesome, ask her for advice!  Don't go through a legit agency, send your applications to Tila!  I just vomited twice and died.

And yes, she's still going to blog about celebrity gossip.  But, ACCORDING TO TILA:

• Only if she finds it interesting for her and her readers
• Only if it's SUPER DUPER SCANDALOUS AND BREAKING NEWS

What, like this?

Yeah, I went to that post.  It's posted by "Tila Staff" and completely ripped off from The Hollywood Reporter.  So when Tila said "I'm going to change the ENTIRE dynamic, direction, and content of my website," she apparently didn't inform Tila Staff...or maybe this was super interesting and scandalous/breaking news?  I guess I'm just an asshole then, because I couldn't give a fuck how much The Situation earned this year.

I think this is the closest we're going to get to Tila admitting failure.  Soak it in, boys.  Is this just a ploy to get people to cover her useless bullshit more often?  To get Tila more attention?  OMG no, why ever would you think that!?