Wait, what am I talking about?  Larry Flynt is the Jesus Christ of bad taste.  He's probably laughing his ass off over this.

Let me begin this post by saying I've been to the Hustler Club in Phoenix.  It's okay.  It's not great by any means, nor is it one of my favorite strip clubs here.  They have a fun Halloween night party.  I consider myself to be somewhat of a mammary ranch aficionado (if you're looking for quality, my top two clubs here are Le Girls Cabaret on Washington or Bliss Showclub on W. Deer Valley Road *plug plug*), and I would be sorely disappointed, and probably infected, if I bothered to go to the Hustler Club in Vegas after seeing these pictures.

Let's go through them, shall we?

Tila has that stupid light in a lot of these pictures.  I think it's because she's got the IQ of a 5 year old and she's entertained by shiny things.  Oh, look.  You can KIND OF see something above her eyebrow.  Call me an asshole (you already do), but the idea of her being permanently scarred from the Gathering of the Juggalos makes me feel all moist and romantic.  Speaking of which:

She was SO CAREFUL not to let her hair move.  This is the only picture with a clear shot.  So yes, you can see that something is there.  Just to be a cunt, how about I point out that it looks like cellulite?  In any case, it's probably because she left the bandages on too long, and I'm sure it's going to heal much more than that.  But, like I said, I couldn't be happier that she's scarred.  It's better than a big ol' scarlet A on her chest.  Ever seen Inglorious Basterds?  Just think of it as the juggalos were Brad Pitt and they didn't want her taking off her whore uniform to pass as a normal person.  Feel better?  God knows I do.

"Hey Tila, can you show us that meth mouth?  Excellent!"  Seriously, that shit bugs me you guys.  I immediately think of Michael K. from DListed and the phrase "meemaw mouth."  I thought she had gum, but looking at it more I think it's just one of many disgusting little Tila traits.  But you be the judge.  And no, don't even ask me what's going on with those tits.  Is that a bandaid?  And what's with the tiny heart on the blond below her bigger heart?  Is that a triple nipple?  Oh god, please tell me it's a triple nipple!

Wow, Tila.  Thanks for ruining it with your hideous fucking O-Face there.  Goddamn.  I call this picture "Uncle Eddie Ruins Your Breakfast, Volume 2."  Tila just thought she was at home because of the sheets hung over the windows.  You know, mogul style.  (I can't let you forget that she also talked about hanging trash bags to keep the sun out, because that is some seriously ghetto shit and I really hope she moguls-out the leased Lambo)

Dear God in Heaven, look at those man-hands.  For fuck's sake!  Oh, and check out how entertained everybody in the background is.  I couldn't find one picture where the crowd was looking at her.  Not even a little girl-on-girl can grab attention for you, skeeze.

This is Tila's "Fuck my fake allergy, pour me another one!" face.  It's very similar to her "LOL I have an army of idiots who believe everything I say LOL" face.  You may have gotten them confused.

The look on that girl's face says it all.  You want to submit any captions?  I recommend this one.  That's a doozy.  Also, why the fuck is there an elevator?  PRO TIP: CONCERN YOURSELF WITH HIRING HOT GIRLS INSTEAD OF DECKING OUT YOUR CLUB.  Can somebody get Hustler Vegas on the phone for me?  I think we need to have a little discussion.

The previous pictures were taken from the Hustler Vegas Facebook page.  The following were sniped from x17online.com as you can obviously tell by their watermark.
It wouldn't be Tila if she didn't show us her death roll.  Fuck sanitation codes, the coffee table LIKES herpes.  And yes, that's a mic in her right hand.  There are other pictures of her singing.  Yes, that's terrible, but let's all just be happy she kept her nasty goblin tits in check.  We all remember what happened last time, don't we?
Sorry guys, I had to.  This fucking picture still haunts my dreams.  (Internet rumor: I have to sleep on plastic sheets because of that face)
And finally...this is my favorite picture of the night.
There's just so much going on, but I'd like to take the opportunity and congratulate Tila on getting the ruined weave removed.  I'm 100% sure the last weave was destroyed by eggs, shit and piss, and faygo a the Gathering, and until this past weekend she merely covered it with hats or scarves.  But now we see the absolute glory of this new one!  Tila, that color is 100x better than the blond you had (that Crazy Horse pic is a perfect example).  However!  That length is terrible on you.  I am tempted to think that's your real hair, but most noticeable are your roots (I think Stevie fucking Wonder could see those roots) and the fact that it looks like one of your tracks is slipping in the back.  That's probably from the death roll you fucking insist on doing at every one of your "appearances."  Poor Tila couldn't afford to get a dye job before this event.  SAD FACE. 

Also!  That's a Kid Rock impersonator!  HA!

You know what's funny?  I can tell she tried extra hard to look good.