Tuesday, September 7

postheadericon Paging Larry Flynt

Wait, what am I talking about?  Larry Flynt is the Jesus Christ of bad taste.  He's probably laughing his ass off over this.

Let me begin this post by saying I've been to the Hustler Club in Phoenix.  It's okay.  It's not great by any means, nor is it one of my favorite strip clubs here.  They have a fun Halloween night party.  I consider myself to be somewhat of a mammary ranch aficionado (if you're looking for quality, my top two clubs here are Le Girls Cabaret on Washington or Bliss Showclub on W. Deer Valley Road *plug plug*), and I would be sorely disappointed, and probably infected, if I bothered to go to the Hustler Club in Vegas after seeing these pictures.

Let's go through them, shall we?

Tila has that stupid light in a lot of these pictures.  I think it's because she's got the IQ of a 5 year old and she's entertained by shiny things.  Oh, look.  You can KIND OF see something above her eyebrow.  Call me an asshole (you already do), but the idea of her being permanently scarred from the Gathering of the Juggalos makes me feel all moist and romantic.  Speaking of which:

She was SO CAREFUL not to let her hair move.  This is the only picture with a clear shot.  So yes, you can see that something is there.  Just to be a cunt, how about I point out that it looks like cellulite?  In any case, it's probably because she left the bandages on too long, and I'm sure it's going to heal much more than that.  But, like I said, I couldn't be happier that she's scarred.  It's better than a big ol' scarlet A on her chest.  Ever seen Inglorious Basterds?  Just think of it as the juggalos were Brad Pitt and they didn't want her taking off her whore uniform to pass as a normal person.  Feel better?  God knows I do.

"Hey Tila, can you show us that meth mouth?  Excellent!"  Seriously, that shit bugs me you guys.  I immediately think of Michael K. from DListed and the phrase "meemaw mouth."  I thought she had gum, but looking at it more I think it's just one of many disgusting little Tila traits.  But you be the judge.  And no, don't even ask me what's going on with those tits.  Is that a bandaid?  And what's with the tiny heart on the blond below her bigger heart?  Is that a triple nipple?  Oh god, please tell me it's a triple nipple!

Wow, Tila.  Thanks for ruining it with your hideous fucking O-Face there.  Goddamn.  I call this picture "Uncle Eddie Ruins Your Breakfast, Volume 2."  Tila just thought she was at home because of the sheets hung over the windows.  You know, mogul style.  (I can't let you forget that she also talked about hanging trash bags to keep the sun out, because that is some seriously ghetto shit and I really hope she moguls-out the leased Lambo)

Dear God in Heaven, look at those man-hands.  For fuck's sake!  Oh, and check out how entertained everybody in the background is.  I couldn't find one picture where the crowd was looking at her.  Not even a little girl-on-girl can grab attention for you, skeeze.

This is Tila's "Fuck my fake allergy, pour me another one!" face.  It's very similar to her "LOL I have an army of idiots who believe everything I say LOL" face.  You may have gotten them confused.

The look on that girl's face says it all.  You want to submit any captions?  I recommend this one.  That's a doozy.  Also, why the fuck is there an elevator?  PRO TIP: CONCERN YOURSELF WITH HIRING HOT GIRLS INSTEAD OF DECKING OUT YOUR CLUB.  Can somebody get Hustler Vegas on the phone for me?  I think we need to have a little discussion.

Oh hey, I'm glad to see Heidi Montag circa 2006 came out for the party.

The previous pictures were taken from the Hustler Vegas Facebook page.  The following were sniped from x17online.com as you can obviously tell by their watermark.
It wouldn't be Tila if she didn't show us her death roll.  Fuck sanitation codes, the coffee table LIKES herpes.  And yes, that's a mic in her right hand.  There are other pictures of her singing.  Yes, that's terrible, but let's all just be happy she kept her nasty goblin tits in check.  We all remember what happened last time, don't we?
Trashier times at the Crazy Horse, April 2010.

Sorry guys, I had to.  This fucking picture still haunts my dreams.  (Internet rumor: I have to sleep on plastic sheets because of that face)
And finally...this is my favorite picture of the night.
There's just so much going on, but I'd like to take the opportunity and congratulate Tila on getting the ruined weave removed.  I'm 100% sure the last weave was destroyed by eggs, shit and piss, and faygo a the Gathering, and until this past weekend she merely covered it with hats or scarves.  But now we see the absolute glory of this new one!  Tila, that color is 100x better than the blond you had (that Crazy Horse pic is a perfect example).  However!  That length is terrible on you.  I am tempted to think that's your real hair, but most noticeable are your roots (I think Stevie fucking Wonder could see those roots) and the fact that it looks like one of your tracks is slipping in the back.  That's probably from the death roll you fucking insist on doing at every one of your "appearances."  Poor Tila couldn't afford to get a dye job before this event.  SAD FACE. 

Also!  That's a Kid Rock impersonator!  HA!

You know what's funny?  I can tell she tried extra hard to look good.


Drizella said...

she's looking chunky in these photos.... all those candy cravings after meth binges are hopefully catching up with her! oh yeah and her stupid scars are impossible to see in any of the other photos... you want to see a scar... check my twitpic acct.

Hollie said...

I was just taking a peek at some of the pictures where this dumb ass was showing off her bandaids and I realized something. The current scarring is on the wrong place. The new one is closer to the side of her face while the bandaid she placed was towards the middle of her face. Either it is way too early for me and I am delusional or ya...

Also, I bet she picked at her "wound" to make it scar. I know I have the dumbest scars cause I itch cuts a lot. Just saying..

Is that really kid rock? What a role model Tila is...

Prof. Chaos said...

Damn! Those Hustler strippers are worn out.

BTW, turns out that Kid Rock isn't Kid Rock. It's an impersonator. Reported by X17 as an update this morning. Wonder if the twatwaffle will figure that out before she starts spouting off about her fabulous weekend with the "stars".

Fatty McFatterson said...

Note to 9Head:

Learn to dress a short petite woman, please. Ok, sorry, I meant to say, learn to dress a short, petite whoregoblin, please. The long thick gloves (in late summer Las Vegas...who does that shit?) are way too clunky for her. The dress is also clunky and doesn't suit her figure at all, it makes her look heavier. The stupid wide belt cuts a very short woman right in half.

I'm no fashionista, but good lord man, watch a couple of episodes of 'What Not To Wear" or whatever it's called.

I believe the hair is her own. Makes sense that it's about the length it should be after growing out that hideous blond bob. I agree the color is 'healthier' looking than that blonde mess, but yeah bitch, touch up a root or two!

Regarding scars: The one Uncle Eddie points on the eyebrow is too centered. Original injury was a little closer to edge of eyebrow as a I recall. The eye one (where her eye meat is slashed open) shouldn't be that big because the original injury was very very small. Makeup should have easily covered it, and perhaps she's wearing makeup to accentuate it...only Tila.

Lastly,Tila knows girl-on-girl sells, but grabbing boobs in all her pix just shows she's forcing it for the camera. Considering we only hear about her female exploits and she's mainly been linked to men, I suspect she wears her 'bisexuality' like a cloak, to be removed when it's not necessary.

Uncle Eddie, great fucking writeup!!! You're the man/woman!!!

FUYU said...

Ugh her face....

shaniqua said...

She does look like shit. More than usual. And yeah, the scar on the brow doesn't look like it's in the right spot, it's also very visible that she added extra makeup above that eye, it's darker than the rest of her forehead. Either way, like Uncle Eddie said, if there are scars, they were made worse by leaving the wounds bandaged for too long. Scabs need oxygen, you have to let them breathe, you can't leave them moist for days, that's a set up for infection, and prolongs healing. If she's scarred, she made it worse by milking those tired bandaids. And lol, the one on her cheekbone DOES look like cellulite. lulz.

gillianthemad1013 said...

JESUS CHRIST Tila, couldn't you take a few dollars from the Lambo lease fund to get your roots done? Also, hating the new do. Looks like Jane broke in one night and chopped her tired-ass weave with a razor. Ooops, here I go giving Tila's diseased, delusional mind ideas.

SammiDe said...

please. The long thick gloves (in late summer Las Vegas...who does that shit?)

I am beginning to believe the gloves are that to hide her track marks! No doubt!

SammiDe said...

O & Gillian I go to Sally's beauty supply buy hair coloring (3.99 a piece) & always have a large bottle of conditioner at home! All you have to do is mix it half and half put it on 45 minutes or however long you want! Rinse and you just died your hair SALON quality at home for 4 bucks! LOL!She is an idiot! SMH! (They have Schoeneman Beauty Supply Inc. all over as well so please Tila, your just a used up druggie bitch who cant even manage personal hygiene! WTF!)

Sheriff Gauncent said...

That doesn't even look like Kid Rock. Well, one might mistake him when you are high as a kite! Did any of you see the videos from these pics? She sounds wasted! Talking about the microphone looking like a cock and putting it in her asshole. Class act! Also signing a Whitney Houston song and saying she's being Celine Dione. Priceless.

MsWonkyTits said...

She looks awful. I mean, she usually does, but WOW. That meth is catching up very fast. Why is she always with that tall blonde? Those girls looked like they wanted her the hell outta there. She was probably feeling all thier tits to find out where hers went so very wrong.

Eduardo Retardo said...

The belt isn't Mr. Bradshaw's fault entirely.

It comes with the dress.

It certainly is a dress fit for a mogul.

Ben said...

How Bradshaw is a stylist I'll never know. All he does is bitch and get people fired.

There has to be a purpose for the gloves, track marks makes sense. I wonder if the guy waiting til he came before telling her "btw, I'm not really Kid Rock" cause if so, there will be another sexual assault claim.

Joann said...

There is so much skankiness(my word) going on in these pictures I don't know where to begin.

I've already left a comment about her wearing long gloves in the Vegas heat and the non-existing scars(at least I don't see any in those pictures) but why is she always feeling on another woman's boobs or taking suggestive pictures with other women? She's not bi.

That lying in the floor while cat wailing has got to go. Whoever told her that was a good move is more out of touch with reality than she is.

I mean, what entertainer rolls around on the floor like that...oh wait...she's not an entertainer anyway so I guess she has to do something "beyond stupid" to get people to notice her when she's not taking off her clothes.

Wow...she looks so old and greasy in those pictures it. It seems like every current picture I see of her she looks worse. Could that be the reason she always put up old pictures of herself on her piece of crap blog?

Her hair/weave looks bad because she can't afford to get it done properly and I'm sure she hasn't a clue how to do it herself. Mr. Bradshaw probably did her hair this time..lol.

I like it when she was arriving and the paparazzi were telling her she looked beautiful and the fool was eating it up which made her pose even sluttier which is all the paparazzi wanted in the first place.

They put these type of pictures online and people make fun of her and laugh at how ridiculous she looks, but she thinks she looks hot. As long as they're taking her pictures the skank could care less how she looks to the public.

That last picture with her and the Kid Rock look-a-like is mind numbing to say the least. Tila has that dimwitted army, full of minors, who looks up to her like a bunch of mindless robots and she could care less if they see her in suggestive poses like this one and the ones with the women.

But I don't feel sorry for any of them, the get what they deserve.

Ben said...

What's funny is I didn't pay much attention to the labeling of the pictures, I just glanced and thought they were label HIV after Tila, but they're label HV after Hustler Vegas. lol. Whoops.

Sheriff Gauncent said...

Next she'll be suing Larry Flynt and Hustler because the Kid Rock impersonator could have killed her. She could have "almost died" again.

stephaniebear said...

I used to think she was pretty in a trashy way when I was about 13/14 and first started using myspace and she added me as a 'friend'. Now she's just so...urgh. She should be a postergirl for what selling your soul and body for cheap drugs and a little bit of fame will do for you. God, and she's not even that old.

Stupid 'ho.

khandersuk said...

To the commenters who mention her weight gain. Perhaps you have forgotten she is 9 months pregnant now, with the baby due in December.

Bedazzle THIS said...

See, I like fatty on a girl. Give me that FAT.

But Tila just looks bloated and drug fucked. Funny how shes gone underground since the weekend. She truly looks like one huge hot tranny MESS. NO offence to Trannys, who often look better than that whoreish accident.

My caption for the medical boob intervention pic?

" Turn your head to the left and cough please Sir "


Im Out Of It said...

To the Hustler Girl with the bandaid covering her incision scars, damn she can't even wait for them to heal. She's showing off those puppies ASAP!

All these chicks are haggard and are the non-primetime counterparts that are not invited/not scheduled to work on the official opening. Geez, Tila needs to wake up and smell the urinal cake. Her and her so called career has been flushed down the toilet.

Fatty McFatterson said...

"See, I like fatty on a girl."

Thanks for the compliment, but I don't go that way...heh.

Alice.B.Toklas.AZ said...

You're crazy, Eduardo, if you don't think that Bandaids on 7th St is the best strip joint in town.

Tiffany said...

I actually like what Tila is wearing. She is the best looking one there. How sad. Those breast pasties on those females are hideous and the blonde tattoo chick...ew.

Eduardo Retardo said...

On 7th and Thomas? I don't really have an opinion...so that means I'll have to go back. You know, for educational purposes. Yeah, that's it. Research.



Fatty McFatterson said...

Uncle Eddie is growing on me...


Joann said...

What's going down on the skank's twitter. I don't have a twitter account so all I see are the replies and everyone is tweeting about some creep following Tila and she is suppose to be freaking out behind it.

Funny....she's suppose to be such a bad bitch yet she wants us to believe that someone sitting behind a computer is freaking her out by sending her creepy tweets. Skank is probably doing this for attention.

Eduardo Retardo said...

Remember last month when Fatty posted about the guy we called Biff? Seems Tila just found out and says it's all a big lie. Except he's been gone for weeks and she just NOW caught on.

Joann said...

You have got to be kidding me..lol. SMH.

Thanks Eddie.

shabbycat said...

Omg I just wrote this long comment and in the process of trying to member my FREAKING password , I lost it. Ahhhhhh I HATE when that happens. So besides all the incoherent shit I won't rewrite ...........

1. Tila does look like a much worse steaming pile of shit than normal.

2. I believe everything she does is planned ,from all the lies/contradictions to the TAMPON shit to everything. See- she must make something off all these disgusting appearances she somehow gets booked for and its better than having to actually work ,in her eyes. She obviously has enough money to keep her internet service on. She really doesn't seem to leave her home much or go shopping much and she wears cheap ugly clothes: for a big bad mongrel. So her expenses must be minimal. Even her "LAMBO" payments are nothing by Hollywood standards.

3. Ok so princess walking ,talking STD did a (shit you can't call that crap writing (ill just say shitpiece) shitpiece about Lady GaGa and her meet outfit on the cover of a foreign Vogue cover. Well it seems she was so offended by this because .....poor cow.(how many times has that slag mentioned in and out burger, what are her (Ughhh hate this nickname) "LAMBO" seats made of? On top of that the skank strategically places a tweet about her getting ready to eat her VEGAN NOODLES WITH VEGAN TOFU CHICKEN AND SHRIMP somewhere in that biff crap. For some reason I found that hilarious.


Anyway I'm sure this has all become incoherent seeing as its the middle of the night and I get extra wordy when I am delirious.



rockitqueen13 said...

I can't stop laughing about that Kid Rock impersonator. If you watch the video of her sitting on his lap, you can tell everyone knows it's not the real Kid Rock except for her. The photogs are totally making fun of her.

God, she is such a fucking annoying little gnat in that video. Her awful singing, her loud, unfunny comments, the fact that she thinks she's hilarious. Ugg!

Blondie Zero said...


BigPoppaPhat said...

Im glad im not the only one who thought these women looked bad, used and abused. Definitely not arm candy worthy, and yea Tila is looking not so healthy these days.

whatahautemess said...

@Alice.B.Toklas.AZ @EduardoRetardo
I'm DYING. Bandaids FTW, second place Gem Club, a charming establishment across from the Burger King at 32nd St/McDowell. You've gone too far if you hit the car wash where the Baseline Killah dropped a body.

Have either of you been to Cruisin' on 7th? That place looks like dive bar manna from heaven.
Eddie, you're my hero for rocking #3DNC - I am in fucking AWE.

NaNoWriMo 2010-can't wait.

Just One of Many said...

Jesus fucking Christ, those pics are worth a lol and a half.

First pic--she looks like Leah Rimini when LR got a case of the baby chunk.

Third pic of her with those four hos--FUCKING CLASSIC. I dunno WTF is up with Sponge Bob Square Tits on the right--she needs a refund from her surgeon, stat! And a tube of Mederma. But homegirl on the left's face says it all--she is SOOOO over this shit.

We all are, homegirl. We all are.

Tilatakedown said...

WOW that blonde girls Tit's
worse than tila's my god i can't believe im saying that but whoa...
and tila is just a sad lil desperate midgit trying to suck of every person's attention....she would combust with out it i believe

axetina81 said...

I swear, every picture of that trainwreck from that night looks like shes going to swallow herself whole! Keep your mouth closed biotch! You're letting all your air out! There may be nothing left!!!!!

MizMewzy said...

I think when she wears her gloves she is covering up track marks, she always looks more than wasted on the nights where she wears gloves.

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