I gotta admit, I couldn't resist taking the time to write about Tila's "UK tour". I mean the lies and lols are all right there for the taking, like a giant chocolate pie in front of a fat gal. Tila's Wall of Words this time out, is formidable, and I have so little time, so excuse the rush, but enjoy the show.

Tila posted up her "UK Tour" itinerary this morning (after promising it yesterday, hmmm, another lie, go figure!). Now, I've always known the UK to be comprised of 4 countries: Scotland, Wales, Northern Ireland and England. When someone claims they'll be 'touring the UK', I take that to mean they'll be performing in at least 2 of the 4 countries. Not Tila. She will only be touring England...London, specifically. Well, if we want to get really specific, it's actually just 2 neighborhoods. Two of the events are a block from each other. So, Tila's big ass "UK Tour" will only infect 2 neighborhoods, unlike the black plague. Whew.

The venues seem respectable enough, unlike the Australian Dive Tour and Mischairage Event of February 2010.

Without further ado, here's her blog post on the upcoming events:

Ugh. I can't stand that cover for her single. It's just...just...horrendous. I digress, let's pick this thing apart like a Thanksgiving turkey, shall we?

Tila's has so many events and interviews and photo shoots, she can only post part of her schedule. She'll only post up the stuff where she's performing or where all you fans *snicker snicker* can meet her:

But wait, this looks like a full itinerary, including all the interviews and photoshoots. There are just 3 performance times. Is it possible Tila wanted to pad the itinerary so it looks like she has a lot more performances on this whirlwind "UK Tour"? Hard to believe anyone would be so stupid as to be fooled by that ploy...oh wait, she's playing to her Tila Army, you know the group of people who are morons wrapped in idiots sprinkled with ass.

I just caught this little gem (and no, I don't mean that in the condescendingly stupid way Bradshaw uses the word): on July 21, after the part about her hosting at China Whites, it says she'll be picked up and taken to Studio Valbonne, where she'll perform I Fucked the DJ. Didn't she just do that the previous Saturday? Oh my, did I miss this on Studio Valbonne's calender? I guess they missed it too, because Tila is only slated for the 17th. Nothing about her performing on the 21st. Must be their mistake. I'm sure they'll fix that right away. That cute little hogul is padding her itinerary with duplicate events. I hope she doesn't have to fire any 'staff' over this mis-step!

The above paragraph goes on to reiterate how she's unable to post up the complete schedule. You ever notice when Tila lies about something, she just doesn't blurt it out once, but repeats it over and over again, like that makes it more true?

Now, I'm going to segue a bit with this last section of the blog, because..., well, because I can. Remember how she's been blogging that she has no friends (told to her shrink with her fingers over her face, so only her eyes were peeking through...). So, if she has no friends who is this she's speaking of? And who are the 'few friends' she'll be flying out to meet her in Italy?

This is a screen cap from last week, when she posted some pitiful drivel about how tough her poor little hogul life is, and she has no friends or family, and must lean on her Army of Morons and Halfwits. I only include this because I'm tickled pink about her melodramatic "whilt tears streaming down my face", omg, is she reading Shakespeare now?

Dammit. I've got to go, but can't leave without this nugget found on the flog comments regarding the "UK Neighborhood Tour":

Huh? You spent 4th of July all by your lonesome, working your little whore fingers to the bone? That's not what you said on July 4 when you were enjoying your "hectic, but fun" weekend.

Comment this bitch up, 'cause I need some lol's when I check in tonight! I know I totally missed a ton of good shit, but y'all got to take this one from here. 

Forgot to add: Does anyone else think she waited until the last minute to post her itinerary because she feared some hater might call those venues and tell them what a sorry piece of shit will be coming to perform?

Update from Eddie!! 
Great post, Fatty Fat!  I need to add something here!  So see on her itinerary for July 21st, she says she has an interview with DJ Drapes?  *clears throat*
  
LOL, burn!  Let's see how this continues to play out.  <3


Update from Eddie #2!! 
Okay here's a little bit more.  So @Aleczandah is on top of this shit, guys!  He contacted Charles Arthur at Guardian Tech (Tila's schedule for Tuesday the 20th):

He replied with many lolz:

Who indeed!  I mean, you'd think Tila was SO FAMOUS that he'd absolutely know who she was, right?  Anyway, to make a long story short, that @screenjabber piped up and said "Yep, it's me," and then linked @Charlesarthur to her wiki page.  @Charlesarthur was like "so you're interested in her big... Wikipedia entry."  And this is how @screenjabber replied:

LOL!  So we're really hitting these fads at the height of their popularity, eh guys?  I don't mean to stick up for Tila here, but LOL she's done so much more since Myspace, which was YEARS ago.  If I were her I'd be fucking insulted.  What about her HIT MUSIC?  Come on, I Fucked the DJ went super ultra mega mega platinum, right?  What about her record company?  WHAT ABOUT HER TOUR WITH THE RUFF RYDERS?  LOL remember that, guys?  I remembered that last night.  80 day tour with Ruff Ryders!  HA!  What about that?


But no, seriously, this is obviously a big joke, and I think Tila is delightfully unaware that she's the butt of it.  I mean, come the fuck on.  "Hey, remember when you were the queen of a completely outdated social networking site?  Remember when people actually gave a fuck about you?"  NICE.

Anyway, I'll keep bringing these to you as they come.