...and the world is SHOCKED.  Seriously, just SHOCKED.

So Tila blatantly stole something from The Superficial and posted it.  I know, shock and awe, right?  Except The Superficial seems to be pretty pissed about it.  Here's what they tweeted today:


Whore-hole?  Party with AIDS?  That shit is CLASSIC.  So here's the actual theft referred to in the third tweet:


This is the Superficial's pic.  Check out the file name.  Compare that to Tila's:


WOW.  Tila isn't even smart enough to change the file name!  Tila credits Splash News, but I don't think that's good enough.  Take it to the limit, Superficial!

By the way, the story Tila "broke" is that Heidi (Tila spells her name "Heidi Montage") wants bigger boobs.  Heidi actually began saying that in interviews right after her surgery months ago, and Perez posted about it on February 15, 2010.  You can read it here.   WAY TO BREAK THAT NEWS, TILA.  Fucking idiot.

And now for something really funny.  Tila actually got an exclusive!  She caught Michael Lohan uh...sitting in a car...in front of a club...just sitting there!  WHOO!  You go Tila!


And it only SLIGHTLY reeks of desperation!  (By "slightly" I mean "immensely.")  I love how she's all "omg look Lindsay!  I sent paparazzi to take pictures of your dad!  He's sitting in a car!  He didn't want his picture taken!  Please be my friend now!  I told you girl, I got your back!  Please?"  Great, so your only "exclusive" is nothing but absolute conjecture?  Wow Tila, your gossip blog is obviously changing the world.  It's allowing people to be idiots.  Great.  Way to benefit society there, meth face.

See, Tila army?  This is what you've done because you couldn't get #tilacommitsuicide trending last year.  This is all your fault.

Here's two things I'd love it if Tila could just understand for 2 seconds.
#1: Paparazzi is an Italian word.   Here is the origin:

Origin:
1965–70; < It, from the surname of such a photographer in Federico Fellini's La dolce vita (1959), after the name of a hotelkeeper in George Gissing's By the Ionian Sea (1901), read by Fellini in It trans. at the time of the movie's producton

Thus, Tila, the plural of Paparazzi is PAPARAZZI.  The singular of the word is PAPARAZZO.  One photographer is a PAPARAZZO.  Two or more are PAPARAZZI.  Not PAPARAZZIS.

#2: Your blog is seeing such high numbers because it's new.  Stop comparing yourself to TMZ and bragging that they've been around for years and you've only been around 2 days.  Besides that, people like Michael K (who you bragged about talking about your blog) think it's stupid.  I'm sorry you are too stupid to understand sarcasm, I really am.  Just wait, Tila.  Just wait and see where your numbers are once the shock of this idiot blog wears off.  We all predicted this would happen, you aren't showing anybody up.  Bad press might be press, but it's not gaining you any fans.  Sweetheart, you aren't going to like being famous when everybody hates you.  You can't handle it, you're a suicidal mess.

Ugh, I don't know why I even try.  At least I know she'll read it.  Uncle Eddie loves you, boys and girls!  Uncle Eddie does not love Tila because Tila is stupid.  Uncle Eddie doesn't love stupid.

Later bitches!

So there's two things I wanted to show you guys.  First off, remember this post I made earlier today, detailing Tila's suicidal tweets from 2009?  Well I'M SURE IT'S A COINCIDENCE (yeah fucking right) but Tila talked about them today too in her Dear Diary!


Yes Tila, of course we remember them.  HI CUNT, I GUESS YOU'RE READING THIS RIGHT NOW.  Stop stealing our content!

In fact, stop stealing ANYBODY'S content.  Here's the second thing I wanted to show you!  Here's Tila's article on a cop who got arrested for smoking the crack on duty:


Wow, fascinating stuff for a celebrity gossip blog, Tila.  Gosh though, it sounds REALLY familiar...


That's from Hiphopwired.com, you can see the article here.  For God's sake Tila, you added two words to it and you call it YOUR OWN!?    And she does, too, look:


Goddamn.  We might be a "hater blog" but at least we post all our own shit, you stupid skank.

Also, NGL (that stands for "Not Gonna Lie"), Fatty McFatterson totally tipped me off to the cop thing.  SEE LOOK, I CREDIT MY SOURCES.  Fuck you, Tila.

By the way, for anybody curious, when you click on the link that is "Tila Staff," it either takes you to a page that says

http://misstilaomg.com/author/carltonjordanomg/ (as this one does)
or it might take you to one that says
http://misstilaomg.com/author/terringuyenomg

You know, Terri Nguyen.  Tila's equally trainwreck yet not as famous sister.  YES, TILA HAS HER SISTER BLOGGING FOR HER.  After all that bullshit she put Perez and Barbie through.

Update!  This doesn't really have anything to do with the article, but Katie Schumaker over on facebook just linked me to this hilarious article by terryaley.com that gives an AMAZING rundown of Tila's fail blog.  Read it for a larf.

Okay boys and girls, Uncle Eddie is up early (early for Uncle Eddie anyway) so I've decided to tell you guys a little story. It occurred to me recently that some of you may not remember the time when our favorite midget mogul Tila TeCRAZY threatened to commit suicide. There are rumors that there was a time she threatened to commit suicide if her retarded army of underage lemmings didn't get something trending on twitter. See, I don't have those screen caps, but I'm pretty sure I remember that too. However, I do have the screen caps of THIS time when she threatened it. And as we all know, suicide is NOTHING to this crazy bitch. It's the equivalent of faking a pregnancy or a miscarriage mischairage. So here we go! Read from the bottom up!







So there are two things about this that piss me off to no end. First, she's all "omg you guys aren't my fans and you're killing me if you don't tell Diddy!" then apparently Diddy said something (probably "bitch wtf you smokin'?") and she's all "oh gosh Diddy I'm so sorry my fans got you involved." God what a fucking STUPID bitch. Secondly, how dare she get my fucking hopes up like that? I've said it before and I'll say it again, Uncle Eddie already has the post ready for you bitches when she either kills herself by overdosing in the gutter or is found chopped up in a suitcase.

So you know that miracle she was begging for? Well she brings it up a couple more times. And can you believe it, she uses it as an excuse to name drop! Wow! How very unlike her! She basically continues, hinting at what we now know to be the first in a series of fake pregnancies (I'll post more about that in a few days, you'll see why then) and she starts to insinuate that she and Diddy have a relationship.




And, as you probably noticed at the top of the suicide tweets - after she comes back with "what's up bitches?" (which is fucking lovely, with as many of her fans who were undoubtedly worried that she disappeared and THAT'S how she comes back), she talks about filing a criminal restraining order against someone. Well, that's because of this (again, read from the bottom up):






Later, from what I understand, someone at 4chan took credit for hacking into her twitter and typing that. I mean really, her story is COMPLETELY unbelievable. So someone broke into your house, updated your twitter, and locked your fucking PIT BULL in the trunk of your car? Okay Tila, sure. Oh, and blackmail? WTF does blackmail have to do with it? And, in true Tila fashion, this slowly fades away just like everything else does.

It probably wouldn't bother me so much that she lies all the time if she were at least GOOD at it.

Okay I think that's it for now. Uncle Eddie has some more good stories for you, but you have to be good little boys and girls. You have to eat all your vegetables and do your homework and the rest of that bullshit until next time. Promise?

Update!! 

I totally forgot to add this one too!  We still have hope, ladies and gentlemen!


Okay I'm seriously crossing my fingers. 

Update Number 2!! 

Amber Sweet over on Facebook found a link to the OTHER suicide, the one where Tila was threatening if her fans got #tilacommitsuicide  trending on twitter.  If the Resistance had been around back then, you can bet that shit would have been trending.  Tila fans, you let us down!

Here's the link!!!  

Dude...amazing.  AMAZING.  That is attention whoring on a whole 'nother level.

I decided to post this week's edition of Stuporgirl early for you! I know, you love Uncle Eddie. And Uncle Eddie loves you!


This is the most accurate artist rendering of Tila's blog I have ever seen. I should probably inform you guys that (from what I hear) the Khloe Kardashian post has been taken down, as so has the Paris Hilton one. Now, Uncle Eddie refuses to go back to the blog that launched a thousand annoyed grimaces, and you can't make me! She gave some excuse like "their agents called a friend of mine and I would do anything for my friend so I took it down!" But you know what Uncle Eddie heard? "BLAH BLAH BLAH SUCKY SUCKY FIVE DOLLA BLAH BLAH BLAH."

She's also doing the "Tila Army Soldier of the Week." What a perfect chance for us "haters" to put a face to the idiots we make fun of, and for pedophiles to get their jollies, Tila! She might as well call it "Kid who was young enough to fall for my stupid bullshit of the week."

You see, it looks like I'm going to have to school this fuckin' cum-guzzlin' scunt in how to write a blog. She's already attempting to pick up on my snarky bitchiness because I have more fans than she does. Sad, I know. She's tryin' to use ME for press now, right!?!? LOL She makes claims that everything she says is TRUE. Therefore, this is against the law:

Ok peeps, so I've had a temporary hiatus from the wonderful world of the "interwebs"....and once I woke up from my drunken stupor, what do I see? That the porn muppet "Miss Tila" officially kicked off her copycat version of twitter blog...wow....*golf clap*

Now, several things caught my attention (yeah not really, I have a pretty shitty attention span) thankfully though, our beloved Uncle Eddie held down the fort and WILLINGLY took one for the team by rummaging through Tila's menagerie of misspellings and improper grammar to bring to YOU ALL the "launch"....

I'd like to capitalize on something however....Remember the charity shit....the one she claimed, then didn't claim, then claimed again....

uh ohs....well as it just so happens I have screencaps of the cockroach queen Tila SOLICITING DONATIONS AND GIVING AN ADDRESS....*GASP*

She was also having her "friends" solicit donations for the bullshit charity....


Surely that's a mistake right? Because we all know Tila wouldn't LIE about anything...especially something as big and ILLEGAL as setting up a fraudulent charity....

Not.

And the gossip blog is up! It actually launched when I was in the middle of typing that last post. I'll sum up my initial thoughts.

1. It looks really cheap. And it's on wordpress. LOL, a "professional" blog on wordpress. Uh huh.

2. This is the best part:



3. Everywhere it refers to itself as "The #1 Gossip Blog in the world." Since it's been up like, 20 minutes, I don't think you can really judge that yet (unless you're a stupid bitch completely up their own ass).

4. She has a section called "Got M.I.L.F?" which consists of 2 pictures of her looking skanky and one picture of Sandra Bullock, also looking kinda skanky. Don't get me wrong, I like Sandy and all, but...well, whatever. The best part of that section is this:

5. She makes a post refuting our claims that Jayden's Angels was a scam. She says she had no address for it - except she did, and we've posted it before. We also have her on ustream two separate times asking for donations - one time saying that anybody who donated would get a "special treat" from Mama T. I bet that special treat is herpes. She then includes emails she apparently sent to people "begging" them to help her set it up. So basically, all she's shown us is that she's too stupid to address the facts (what, was it a fake YOU on ustream soliciting donations, Tila?) and that she never, in fact, had a charity WHICH WE SAID FROM THE BEGINNING.

6. Her letter to Lindsay is hilarious. She begins by acting like she and Lindsay know each other and are friends: "To be honest, I remember us chatting for just a few minutes as there were a lot of fucking lurkers around and you know how that goes. It’s hard for us to keep in contact when those lurkers maybe the same people who will backstab us." Uh huh. She then continues: "I even tried to contact you on your Twitter but fuck all that Twitter bullshit! This is real. This is the only way I know that I can contact you and I KNOW you will read this." LOL. But the best part is this: "I literally told my friends a few days ago that it’s so sad that Me, Miss Tila, Once just a Myspace girl turned Reality star, and I now have surpassed Lindsay Lohan! Girl that is sad!!!! Cuz to me, you were the LEGIT SUPERSTAR, THE MOVIE STAR! And now, you have let a once Reality Star, Miss Tila, Surpass you!!! Come on girl!!!!!!" OUCH. On what fucking planet does Tila fucking meth-mouth Tequila surpass Lindsay Lohan? Okay you guys gotta read it, it's so funny.



She then follows this with like 3 or 4 pictures of HERSELF in New York. Wow.

7. So then I thought "I wonder if I can post screen caps of this shit at the Rotspot for all of our lovely readers?" So I checked out her legal page. HAHAHAHAHAHA.


 Yep, that's it! That's her entire legal page!

8. Wanna know how legit and professional this shit is?


 At least Perez Hilton knows how to use Google when he can't spell someone's name.

9. Speaking of Perez Hilton, does this remind you guys of anything?


 At least Perez Hilton's use of MS Paint is cute in that minimal effort sort of way. Yours, Tila, just looks pathetic.

10. Let's make it an even 10. In case you were wondering, according to Tila, it's Khloe Kardashian "whored herself" at 15.


Uh huh.

Oh and Tila can't let shit go. I know, this comes as a HUGE surprise to you all.


 Jesus Tila, how long ago did you date him? Who the fuck even cares about Jared Leto anymore?

There. It's exactly the train wreck we thought it would be. Don't expect updates often on this shit, because it's a horrible blog and I hate it already. It has no "home" feature (it does, it's just really small) and there's just too much bullshit being thrown at you with surprisingly little information. If she's really been working on this for 4 months, then I'm the goddamn Virgin Mary. Oh no wait, that's Tila. Well, you get my drift. I'm only updating you all on it because you expected it. Don't get me wrong, if she posts something hilarious we'll update you on it. God knows she'll plug it enough on her twitter and facebook. Go if you want, her little poll on whose blog this one will dethrone could always use more votes!

Peace out, bitches!

Okay little miss meth mouth. You're supposedly updating your blog which is AT THIS VERY MOMENT 56 minutes late. Well, for the latest launch date anyway. There's been so many...

Anyway, here's what Tila JUST tweeted:


Cute. That news would be 13 years old. How awesome and fresh! And way to delay your blog even more so you can update with this FRESH AND NEW information!

But Tila, you really wanna talk shit on someone for doing something as a teenager?



LOL Coach Carter? Really? So it's not okay for Paris to perform oral sex at 16 (shit, I wish somebody would have told Uncle Eddie that...), but it's okay for you to flirt with your teacher and offer him a lap dance?

NICE.

Oh and Tila?



LOL you're not that famous!

So remember this post I made a few days ago? Well Tila is STILL up Lindsay's ass, begging for attention.




Oh please Lindsay! Let me latch onto your fame! Oh please! I'm nobody and I'm crashing in Hollywood!

What's that smell? Smells like desperation up in here.

So Tila, you're team Lindsay huh? Then why did you say this?


Isn't it great how nothing on the internet is ever really gone?

And blog update: She's now saying in about 2 hours. That will make it approximately 7 pm West Coast time, 10 pm East Coast time. Wow Tila, you're quickly running out of time to launch it on May 3rd like you PROMISED. Kind of like the April 1st promise...and the March 16th promise...

While we're still waiting for this epic failure to launch, I thought I'd entertain you with this article from thehollywoodgossip.com.



LOL amazing.

Anyway, I'm working on a post for later, unless the failure to launch actually launches. Either way, we'll keep you up to date with the crazy little miss meth mouth.

Hey kiddies.  Education is super important.  Without an education you'll end up sounding like an idiot.  Like Tila.  And then you won't have any other option than to be an overly sexualized bimbo, and people will only love you for your wonky tits and INCREDIBLY loose vagina.  So come sit on Uncle Eddie's lap and we'll have a geography lesson.

Let's learn about Singapore.  First off, did you know that Singapore is NOT in Vietnam?  So if you were born in Singapore, you are NOT from Vietnam!  Even if your family is from Vietnam, YOU ARE NOT.

Secondly, did you know that Singapore is NOT a 3rd world country?  In fact, it is one of the richest states in East Asia!  Singapore is the fourth wealthiest country in the world in terms of GDP (PPP) per capita and twentieth most wealthiest in terms of GDP (nominal) per capita. Despite Singapore's small physical size, the country has the world's ninth largest foreign reserves and one of the biggest and most technologically advanced military in South-East Asia.  You can click here to learn more! 

And thirdly, did you know that Tila Tequila is an idiot?



Yes, there will be a test on this.


(From TRS: I didn't realize that you could get food stamps in a fake third world country.  In fact, there are countries that ARE NOT third world countries who DO NOT have the option of government assistance.  I just can't quite understand or comprehend the idea of a group of Buddhist "gang bangers" bringin' commotion to their gated community in Houston twenty years ago.  I guess at around nine years old skipping rocks in your community pool is considered being a "hard ass" when it's against the rules.  -  And out of the blue it hit me!  I get it now!  THIS is how TT learned to fuck for what she wanted.  I guess poor little Thien Thang Ching Chong had nooo other way to eat in Vietnam (bless her little heart) so she had to start swindlin' and fuckin' for food stamps.) 

Oh and by the way, her blog still didn't launch.  Supposed to be tomorrow sometime.  2 nights ago (so either April 30th or May 1st) I was looking through her old tweets and LOOKIE WHAT I FOUND:


Yes, you can see how fucking long ago that was.  That's 53 days shy of a year ago.  That means that was approximately June 23rd, 2009.  JESUS she's been working on it that long!!!  And it sucks!  The topics got leaked today, you can see them over on Spiked's blog.  No, nobody tell her Nicky Hilton's name isn't spelled Nikki.  Let her dig her own grave.  And I'm certain this is real, I mean, look how up her own ass it is.

Here's the intro video she just posted.  Don't play a drinking game where you take a shot every time she loses her place and forgets what she's talking about.  Uncle Eddie don't want no alcohol poisoning on his hands.




And I want to apologize because right now it's just ol' Uncle Eddie rockin' the Rotspot.  I do have some good stuff to show you!  I really do!  But you gotta hold your horses a little bit!  Or Uncle Eddie will hit you with his ring hand!