Friday, April 30

postheadericon Dear Lindsay...RUN!!

So tonight Tila tweeted and updated her Facebook, saying she was writing an "epic letter" to Lindsay Lohan.

Okay Tila, I'll bite.  I'm sure this isn't just another desperate clutch at fame and anybody more famous than you.  I mean, you've never done that before, right?


Oh, excuse me, I had a little coughing fit there.  Ahem, where was I?  Oh yeah.  I'm sure Tila really means this!  Lindsay, Tila is your only hope!  She's totally what you need to restart your career!  Align yourself with what TMZ calls a "tragic trainwreck" and who Time Magazine named one of the 100 Least Influential People of 2010!  Yes, Lilo, Tila is the savior you've been waiting for!

Hey guys, remember not too long ago when E! made the comment about Tila and Lindsay getting together, and Tila thought it was serious and ran with it on twitter?  Making a total ass of herself?

Wow, can you say DELUSIONAL?  Come on, I know that you can.  So I dunno guys, do you think the super helpful open letter Tila is writing is like those tweets?  Or do you think it's like these tweets, taken from over a year ago?

Just sayin'.  (By the way, isn't it funny that Tila's answer is basically just like The Game's response to Tila?)

Tila, stop trying to get Lindsay Lohan's attention.  It just looks pathetic now and nobody in their right mind would take advice from you, unless it was on which corner drug dealer sells the best crack in Hollywood (that would be Hollywood Court on Yucca and Wilton...I mean NO I DON'T KNOW THAT, you bitches crazy), or how to completely ruin your career and become a Hollywood pariah.  Then, Tila, your advice would come in handy.  Just shut the fuck up and go back to bragging about your gossip blog that is going to dethrone Perez Hilton and change the world as we know it.  You know, the one that leaked the other day and everybody laughed at.  The one that is the biggest waste of time and energy since...oh, I dunno, your record label?

Lindsay, you got enough crazy in your life right now.  And Tila "I'm a meth-mouthed fuck-up" Tequila is not even qualified to judge you.  Once you start faking pregnancies for the publicity, then you might condescend to look her way.

I'm out, bitches!


theredjawa said...

You are such a good writer. You always crack me up!

madison said...

just out of curiosity (because i couldn't find it) where is tila in time's least influential people list?

jayden said...

Ha ha ha. Tweeting Lindsay to tell her that she just wrote her an open letter on a site that doesn't even exist. Classic.

B_McBitcherson said...

@madison, if you go to the site and click "see all" then click on least influential list (at the bottom under all of the people who actually contribute to society), she's on the last page. The funniest thing is that if you go to pg. 7 right before her page you'll see that the group she's in is the "slimy bastards" group. oh, lovely day!

Jacqueline said...

HA HA...i like the way how they describe her azz on the list.

Jacqueline said...

Tila you a real loser. So she can't read even the name of the person pretending to be Lindsay...ha ha...the person she talk to on twitter is called( anisa mohamed hassan)

Steven Clarke said...

It's even funnier that she spelled @lindsaylohan wrong and sent the tweet to the wrong person. It's not like Lohan would even respond to her in the first place, but she didn't even get the tweet.

Monique said...


If you would like a hard-copy of my letter to you, you can pick it up at my mansion. It's in my baby boy's "Moulin Rouge" inspired bedroom.


boytoy said...

im not jealous or envious of tila anymore

Isis said...

Gorky: 04/30/2010 10:54 AM
"I have a suggestion for you Dorky Gorky. Go grab a bottle of lube and fuck yourself. Better yet, skip the lube and shove it right up your fat ass."
Is this the best you can do? I don't know whether you are male, female or in-between, but whatever you are, you are not giving reasons on why you are on this site. Why so mad at Tila? Has she done any wrong to you personally? You know the answer, but if it is "no", then you are sick. It is at least an imbecility to come to this site to feel insulted and with the right to lash back at someone who does not even know you exist. Before giving me any advise, look in the mirror. Imbecile.

Me: @Gorky:

imbicility is not a word. Maybe before you use your big fancy degree you got from the State Penn (oh, I'm sorry, Penn State) you should make sure the 10 dollar "words" you use to psychoanalyze somebody on buzznet actually, you know, "exist".

Oh Tila Army, always failing yet never failing to bring many LULZ

Isis said...

"It is at least an imbicility" is like my new favorite phrase now.

Eduardo Retardo said...

LOL Isis, it's adorable that they try so hard! Aren't they presh? One time one of them called me a "zit faced penus breathed fag." It's obviously the best ever.

Isis said...

Yew haz a penus face and yew haz they ghey, Eddie.

Isis said...

And they still think they are soooo SMRT:

Gorky: 04/30/2010 12:26 PM
"imbicility is not a word"
You should learn to read. I did not write "imbicility" I wrote "imbecility" and it does exist. It refers to someone like you. Besides being an imbecile, you are ignorant.


you don't even know the meaning of the word "Ignorant". I can tell all you do is use to make yourself sound smart.

You know what ignorant is? Insisting that you are allergic to alcohol when you are shown on camera that you CAN actually drink if you take a certain amount of Zantac and then calling anybody who isn't afraid to point that out to people "haters" "loser inbred stalkers" or "imbeciles".

THAT'S ignorance.

Oh, I'm sorry, I must have misspoke again. That's not ignorance, that being a pathetic media whore who can't stand being caught in their own lies. Forgive me.

Isis said...

Sorry but the army of the fourth to the last least influential person in the world better check themselves on who they accuse of who uses who for notoriety. Grover was more influential then Tila. She looks like a muppet but could not even beat an ACTUAL muppet. Poetic justice, Time magazine is doin' it right! :D

Isis said...

But anyway LiLo is a hot mess her damn self and I don't keep hot messes of any kind around me. That is all.

Monique said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Monique said...

Registrant: Little Miss Trendsetter Registered through:, Inc.
Domain servers in listed order: NS1.WORDPRESS.COM
Updated Date: 29-apr-2010
Creation Date: 14-apr-2010
Expiration Date: 14-apr-2011

Chi said...

Awww bless Tila. Always disappointing her fans, but NEVER disappointing the Haters!

Isis said...

Here's a blog to check out if you haven't already:

Monique said...

I wouldn't be surprised if Tila comes back after being "sick", and her boobs have suddenly increased in size (or maybe, at least, a "nip leveling"). Desperate times call for desperate measures. There's no doubt that Tila's life screams of desperation.

Kateřina said...

Posted by Tila Tequila on 03/01/2009 4:15 AM

I know this may sound a bit grandiose of me to say something like this but I don't care. This is my life and I have every right to see myself as who I want to be. Negative opinions from other people regarding this post shall be held irrelevant in my world. With that said, and I want you to mark my words, I will be one of THE most powerful woman to have ever walked this planet. That is what true calling in life and God has told me so many, many times when I thought he had failed me. I finally believe it now. Tila Tequila, one of the powerful women in the world! Trust me. It will happen. I always make shit happen because that's just how I work.


Isis said...

I've written some pretty messed up cookoo things in my day, but that was just me practicing my right to parody and creative license, so if that is what she is trying to do, she really needs to take a writing class or something, because honestly I liked this rant better the first time when "Pinky" from Animaniacs said it.


Kateřina said...

Some oldschool Tila about Lindsay Lohan:

Adtastic said...

Ever wondered what TT's like in the sack? Nah, me neither. It's actually something I AVOID thinking about. But now thanks to Casa Wilson we have all the deets. And apparently she's pretty vocal:

"Lick your cunt and suck that clit
While you scream out "A MOGUL LOVES THIS SHIT""

Okay guys, this is hilarious... but it WILL make you vomit. So, sorry about that. But seriously, read the rest at your own risk.

Melissa said...

I've been waiting for this day - It's May and her non-existent gossip blog says "coming in April". EPIC FAIL. hahaha

Joann said...

I was reading Tila's twitter today and she has her moronic army in a frenzy over her blog which is suppose to launch tomorrow. They're saying she is the most successful woman on Earth and she is their god. These kids are completely brainwashed by Tila. It's sad, really sad. you guys have any idea what this is about:
@mrbradshaw Honeyyyy... so I am booked for Vegas, London, Brighton, Germany & Russia! So... have u learned your pink slip lesson dahling?
37 minutes ago via web in reply to mrbradshaw

@mrbradshaw because if so..... then I shall give you my darling another chance to be FAB in London, Germany & all over the world! Love u! xo
36 minutes ago via web in reply to mrbradshaw

mrbradshaw: @TilaOMG I've learned my lesson completely! Wait till you see the gift basket you're getting this week! You're going to fall in LOVE with me
about 1 hour ago from UberTwitter

@mrbradshaw ohh huuunnnaayy I am always in love w/u.. that's why u got the pink slip cuz I want u to be in LONGEVITY not short term! xox
about 2 hours ago via web in reply to mrbradshaw

Jubilee said...

I just wanted to give you fabulous people a bit of info in case you wanted it for when you get to write another blog about what a fail her 'gossip blog' is. She just put on her twitter that her fake blog was more widely known than TMZ (adding an 'IM DEAD SERIOUS' which just reminded me of the Al Gore episode of south park - I'm super serial you guys!!!!!). Her reasoning? 'TMZ is only known in the States, tilaomg is known worldwide'. Okay, Im from the UK, and my friends and I have been checking TMZ online for years. EVERYONE IN THE UK KNOWS WHAT TMZ IS. On the other hand, pretty much nobody knows who Tila Tequila is in the UK, except that you couldn't do anything on myspace without her invading it, and she's now completely unbalanced. I know it's just a tiny thing, but it's just more proof she lies about the tiniest, most stupid things.

Cam said...

Jubilee- I am from UK too. Totally agree!

Statistics show it is all bullshit anyway. check out Tila and TMZ compared on the same graph; TMZ is way in front in almost everything.

Fatty McFatterson said...

Oh rotspot, how you've failed me!!! All this delicious Tila garbage going on and no rotspot reporting!!!

I feel like a Jewish kid celebrating know it's wrong and you're not suppose to enjoy it, but there is something exciting about being so naughty! Check this out, where she talks about RazB and the Game:

So funny how she lies about other people lying. I guess she was out ho'ing in high school when they were teaching the class about irony!

In better news, Tila has changed the name of her non-existent record label to a super secret name and symbol that is in the process of being trademarked and copyrighted. Ummmmm. Tila, you little pointy headed simpleton, you don't need to trademark and copyright your stupid secret name and symbol for it to be legally valid. First a copyright would not be applicable in this case. A copyright refers to a body of writing, not a business name/logo. Secondly, you're not using a 'trademark' because you have no product, you're using a 'servicemark', which is for businesses that deal in a service, rather than a product. If you use the symbol "SM" or even"TM" if you're stubborn, every time you reference your business name or logo, you are protected under intellectual property laws, and you don't have to register with the US Patent and Trademark Office. You can register anytime after you start using it. I do find it presumptuous of you to think that your business name and logo are going to be so POW that you feel people will want to steal it.

What's funnier, is that Tila feels the need to lie about this whole name change thing because the New Zealand idol guy signed with someone and the name isn't Tila Tequila records, so she's got to do damage control.

I guess tonight is the night the world has been waiting for. I wonder if she meant May 3 at midnight to be Monday night, instead of Sunday night, which buys her another day? Of course, she'll act like the people who correct her are stupid and of course she meant Monday night.

If this stupid blog launches, the only things she'll write about will be 'controversial' so that she gets a lot of press for being a cunt. She'll talk about Sandra Bullock being anti-semetic and racist, just because she knows people will be outraged, not because she necessarily thinks that. That's the whole premise of her stupid blog, to garner attention at any cost, no matter who she hurts. Perez cornered the market on snarky celeb remarks, Tila is trying to come up with a new angle to go up against him. The fact remains that TILA IS COPYING PEREZ!!!

Oh and rotspot, you know I love you in that special way, so I was wondering if you can set up a linky to perez's site on the sidebar so every time Tila mentions him, we can click through to his site. This will balance out the Army of Morons and Halfwits clicking on Tila's site. Also, if her site does launch (I know, big 'if") we need to know we can depend on someone to screencap the lol's and wtf's, without sending undue traffic her way, so we can all enjoy them.

Thank you rotspot!

Joann said...

Thanks Cam and Jubilee. Tila says things like that to keep her young impressionable fans who follow her blindly believing in her and they don't have enough sense to check out her lies.

Tila knows they are dumb as dirt which is why she can tell them anything and they will not question it. She uses them to keep herself relevant

There is no way she can get any sensible adults to follow her so this 28 year old woman uses minors. The sad part is she could care less about any of them, they just can't see it.

Fatty McFatterson said...

Oh for fuck's sake!!! This is absolute gold!!! Just reading Tila's twitter, omg she's so fucking stupid. She claims her stupid blog site has already passed up TMZ in terms of popularity "Did u guys know that statistics shows that is WAAAY more powerful than TMZ??? Im so dead serious!". She then posts links to Google trends with TMZ and Tila Tequila, NOT TILATEQUILAOMG, or TilaTilaOMG, just her name as a news source. Of course, in 2010 there is really nothing about her, all the 'news' is about the Shawn Merriman thing and Casey's death.

Tila obviously doesn't know how Google trends works. First, they pull their info from your mention on other websites, not from your website. Tila doesn't have her stupid blog site up, so there is nothing to pull from there. So, they are not ranking either TMZ's site or Tila's blog, they are ranking the mentions across Google on other sites.

Secondly, the graphs they provide mean nothing with out a reference on the y-axis (ha, I'm smarter than y'all thought, ain't I, and I'm not even a mogul!!!) The y-axis is the vertical line that gauges how many hits you're actually getting. Google trends doesn't have a utility that allows you to do a side-by-side comparision unfortunately. Do a quick Google trend on "Obama", now compare that with tmz. It would appear tmz was far over-taking any mention of Obama, but that can't be accurate can it. The reason is, Obama's y-axis probably measures in the hundreds of thousands of units, while TMZ's measures in the hundreds or thousands, and Tila's measures in the singles.

Anyway, I'm sure the Army of Morons and Halfwits will run with this newest Tila revelation, so that can be fun on it's own.

Joann said...

Way to go Fatty. Good job on the trademark and copyright info and why does everything have to be a "secret" with this skank? Now her fake record label will be renamed with a symbol instead of another name. SMH.

I didn't listen to her link about Raz and the Game. It's nothing but a bunch of lies anyway so I didn't even bother.

I was wondering the same thing about the supposed lauch date. Is it tonight at 12 midnight or tomorrow at 12 midnight, which would then make it May 4th. And why midnight???

jayden said...

Because it's so easy to promote a product when it doesn't have a name, only a symbol. The artist formerly known as Prince anyone?

Every day she proves she's even more retarded than I've given her credit for.

Fatty McFatterson said...

Note to Tila: You claim on your recent Facebook/Twitter that if come from a third world country, and if you can make your dreams come true, anyone can. Newsflash Tila, you did not come from a third world country. You were born in Singapore, which is considered first world and is one of the richest ports in the world. You moved to the US at the age of one year old. The US is also first world. Your family came from Vietnam, which is third world, but it is through their efforts, their blood, sweat and tears, that you were brought here to enjoy the riches of America. You did nothing to further your cause other than talk shit about people and act like a common skank. It's your family's story of redemption, not yours.

One other thing, I want you to think of your family's struggles to make a life in the US. I know it wasn't easy for them. What did you do to help? You were a delinquent in middle school and high school. You got in trouble. You worried your parents and they had to do all they could to rein in your troublesome ways.
Since your adulthood you have embarrassed them and caused them no end of grief. Vietnamese people are a proud people and in that culture, the family name is not only worth fighting for, it's worth preserving. What have you done to bring pride to your family name? I know your parents are mortified that you took all they gave you and turned their good name to shit. How could you bring such dishonor to them? How dare you sit in front of your computer and tell all your lies and bring them more embarrassment? How dare you? You're a piece of shit and I hope your family is able to live in peace, and no one connects you to that poor family.

Monique said...

My call is the blog goes up & soon after the "server crashes". Which is fine and all, but MSN and The New York Times better be down too.

@Fatty I tweeted Tila about the whole third world country statement. Singapore is the 4th wealthiest country in the world (had to look it up so thought I would share. lol)

Jubilee said...

Thanks Cam and Joann, so glad to have someone else from the UK backing me up! I only discovered Tila's monumental meltdown when I read Kelly Osbourne's column in Closer magazine basically saying Tila Tequila needed to shut up about Casey Johnson. Looked it up, and BAM now it's like a trainwreck I can't look away from! To begin with I was like 'dude this girl needs psychiatric help she's so unwell', but then her narcissim and cruelty to others whilst maintaining she is a 'really sweet girl' (people who are really sweet girls don't need to constantly tell everyone they are for validation, just saying) started to really aggravate me. Loved the stats by the way Cam and Fatty!