Okay boys and girls, Uncle Eddie is up early (early for Uncle Eddie anyway) so I've decided to tell you guys a little story. It occurred to me recently that some of you may not remember the time when our favorite midget mogul Tila TeCRAZY threatened to commit suicide. There are rumors that there was a time she threatened to commit suicide if her retarded army of underage lemmings didn't get something trending on twitter. See, I don't have those screen caps, but I'm pretty sure I remember that too. However, I do have the screen caps of THIS time when she threatened it. And as we all know, suicide is NOTHING to this crazy bitch. It's the equivalent of faking a pregnancy or a miscarriage mischairage. So here we go! Read from the bottom up!







So there are two things about this that piss me off to no end. First, she's all "omg you guys aren't my fans and you're killing me if you don't tell Diddy!" then apparently Diddy said something (probably "bitch wtf you smokin'?") and she's all "oh gosh Diddy I'm so sorry my fans got you involved." God what a fucking STUPID bitch. Secondly, how dare she get my fucking hopes up like that? I've said it before and I'll say it again, Uncle Eddie already has the post ready for you bitches when she either kills herself by overdosing in the gutter or is found chopped up in a suitcase.

So you know that miracle she was begging for? Well she brings it up a couple more times. And can you believe it, she uses it as an excuse to name drop! Wow! How very unlike her! She basically continues, hinting at what we now know to be the first in a series of fake pregnancies (I'll post more about that in a few days, you'll see why then) and she starts to insinuate that she and Diddy have a relationship.




And, as you probably noticed at the top of the suicide tweets - after she comes back with "what's up bitches?" (which is fucking lovely, with as many of her fans who were undoubtedly worried that she disappeared and THAT'S how she comes back), she talks about filing a criminal restraining order against someone. Well, that's because of this (again, read from the bottom up):






Later, from what I understand, someone at 4chan took credit for hacking into her twitter and typing that. I mean really, her story is COMPLETELY unbelievable. So someone broke into your house, updated your twitter, and locked your fucking PIT BULL in the trunk of your car? Okay Tila, sure. Oh, and blackmail? WTF does blackmail have to do with it? And, in true Tila fashion, this slowly fades away just like everything else does.

It probably wouldn't bother me so much that she lies all the time if she were at least GOOD at it.

Okay I think that's it for now. Uncle Eddie has some more good stories for you, but you have to be good little boys and girls. You have to eat all your vegetables and do your homework and the rest of that bullshit until next time. Promise?

Update!! 

I totally forgot to add this one too!  We still have hope, ladies and gentlemen!


Okay I'm seriously crossing my fingers. 

Update Number 2!! 

Amber Sweet over on Facebook found a link to the OTHER suicide, the one where Tila was threatening if her fans got #tilacommitsuicide  trending on twitter.  If the Resistance had been around back then, you can bet that shit would have been trending.  Tila fans, you let us down!

Here's the link!!!  

Dude...amazing.  AMAZING.  That is attention whoring on a whole 'nother level.