Showing posts with label Big Mogul Underpants©. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Big Mogul Underpants©. Show all posts
Thursday, July 22

postheadericon BWAHAHAHHAHAHAHAAHA!

3:33 PM | Posted by Fatty McFatterson

OMG, I knew it. Tila will not be doing any traveling to Florence or any other country now that her UK Neighborhood Tour is over.

Tila left an audio message on her Flog that says because of Europe being on 'holiday' all flights out of London are canceled. No flights to Florence, no flights to Amsterdam, no flights anywhere until tomorrow morning. She claims several times its because Europe is on holiday. She also claims she and 9Head have to rent a hotel room (with double doors to get both those ginourmous melons on their shoulders into the room) for another night because of it.  Ummm. No Tila, that is not true. There are flights coming in and out of countries all over Europe today, even in Italy, where there is a transportation strike. 

Go to orbitz.com, look up a flight leaving any city or country in Europe and then track it on flightstats.com:

For example, British Airways flight 175 left Heathrow today at 4:05 pm, arriving at LAX at 7:05 pm. It is currently enroute as we speak according to this site, though it's delayed 40 minutes:


Alitalia Airlines 205 left Heathrow at 6:00 am today and arrived in Florence at 10:29 am, almost an hour late. Or she could have taken a flight from Heathrow into Milan and then Florence. It's all there. Tons of flights in and out of Europe.

How do I know all this? Well, my kids were in Italy for the last couple of weeks and I just picked them up at the airport. Granted their flight from Venice to Philadelphia was late by 3 hours because US Airways wouldn't fly out of Italy in support of the strike, they did get another airline to fly them to the US. That meant they missed their connecting flight home and had to stay overnight in Phily, but they just got home and no other problems were encountered. And, because it was US Airways fault, the kids were put up in a nice hotel WITHOUT CHARGE and were given meal vouchers for dinner and breakfast. They didn't have to 'rent another hotel room' because if a cheap ass airline like US Airways (yeah we're not multimillion dollar moguls) paid out when it was their fault, then I'm sure British Airways would do the same.

So, that leads me to believe that Tila missed her flight AGAIN and couldn't find a return flight because they were all booked.   And Tila had no intention of going to Florence anyway, like she claimed earlier in the week, because she's been tweeting about coming home to LA. Coincidentally when she made her Florence announcement, I had just got off the phone with my kids as they had just arrived in Florence that morning. I was so hoping they could have stayed another day or two so they could have pointed and laughed at the fail mogul---the fogul, if you will. Alas, my kids are too polite and raised too well to intentionally hurt someone. I just have to hope someday, a little bit of me rubs off on them if they ever run in to Tila.

In closing Tila warns  that if you're ever flying out of Heathrow to get there a day in advance so if you 'miss your flight' you won't end up like Tom Hanks in that movie Airport. Yeah, Tila, blame the airline because they don't find you important enough to accommodate your tardy ass. It seemed when she started her audioblog, that it was a holiday which prevented flights from being scheduled, now she says something about missing a flight? Which is it? I trust you Rotspotters can figure out the truth between the lies.

What I have to laugh about is that Fatty's children, of which she has, who are not confident women, moguls, CEO's of #1 flogs, or skanks, were able to get flights out of Europe AND when they missed their connecting flights, were provided a beautiful room in a 4-star hotel, and dinner and breakfast at no charge, and Tila, who is well-loved and well-known all over the UK can't get a flight home and has to bunk with 9Head. Hope they have King size mattresses over there, otherwise those huge heads of which they have will be hanging over the side of the bed. Maybe Tila should have worn her Big Mogul Underpants©


UPDATE:

Tila just posted this flog entry, which confirms she did miss her flight to LOS ANGELES, NOT FLORENCE. Hmmmm. What happened to her traveling from London to Florence? We knew that was a big lie, but of course the Tila Army of Morons and Halfwits, didn't believe us.


And, again she's lying. Go to orbitz.com and you'll find plenty of flights leaving Heathrow to LA tomorrow. Tila's travel agent of which she has should be fired.


UPDATE: 11:40 pm July 22, 2010 Pacific Time

Tila has removed the blog post I pasted above. I can only imagine the comments she got from that as fans and jelis haters alike flooded her comments with tons and tons of available flights. I guess when Heathrow went on 'vacation' they forgot about all the folks who reserved this date when they originally purchased their tickets.

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Saturday, June 12

postheadericon Oh Valtrex, where are you??? Got the perfect place for you to advertise!

9:56 PM | Posted by Fatty McFatterson

It seems like WhoreMeat put on her Big Mogul Underpants© and is looking for advertisers for her totally professional, legit blog. I guess Mr. Google didn't like Tila so much. Which, if you think about it, makes sense, because she never consults Mr. Google when she's weaving those preposterous lies to give them any hope of credibility (remember in the year late 1070 when her parents escaped VietNam with Tila just a wee little mogul tucked in her mama's uterus, 6 years before Tila was born?): 


As you can imagine,  I have a few issues with Tila's claims. I've worked in marketing for many years. Though I don't have a lot of ad experience, I certainly know a thing or two about how it works, and of course Miss Tila Fail is going about it completely wrong and lying, to boot.

You have as many views as major gossip blogs? Ummm. Well, let's look at YOUR site meter. I know, I know, it's not tracking in Real Time, but because it's attached to YOUR site, it's the source any legitimate advertiser will look to for facts:


Hmmmm. Now this doesn't look too good. You average only 17,000 views per day, and your visitors are spending less than a minute and a  half per visit. As an advertiser your low numbers and low retention rate would concern me. The most revealing number an advertiser would like to see is your unique visitors. If 16,000 of these hits are Mittie refreshing the page all day, then advertisers are not going to be too interested.

Now, lets look at your numbers over the last month. You claim in one month you've built this site up to the impressive viewers one would find on perezhilton.com or tmz.

Of course, advertisers will question you about what caused that curious spike in viewers on June 5, hoping you'd be able to replicate the numbers across the board.  Ohoh. I don't know if they'd be pleased to learn that this was the day of your SUICIDE HOAX. Any legit advertiser wouldn't suggest you replicate that disaster...I mean the liability they'd incur from LAPD, LAFD and Rescue, the EMT's, and whatever other resources were WASTED on that little stunt would pretty much bankrupt them.

But at least you have your comps for the last month. Advertisers will be interested in seeing just how much higher your viewership is over patsy-asses like Perez, tmx, radaronline, and for shits-and-giggles, I threw in your new best buds over at buzzfeed.com:


This is starting to remind me of that Where's Waldo book,....where's Tila's daily pageview ranking? Ohhhhhhhh wait, you see right there, on the very bottom, right on top of the black line outlining the graph, there's a hint of a blue line. Maybe you better zoom in a bit. There she is. Now, being a blonde, I've had my blonde moments, and I have enormous natural breastesses so I tend to do things ass-backwards, so I admit it may be that I loaded this image upside down, but you be the judge.

Hey look our pals buzzfeed.com, who I've never heard of before yesterday are doing a helluva lot better than Tila. No wonder she wanted to partner with them! Don't forget to look up in the sky and wave to Perez, he's flying high right up there with tmz. Isn't it cute how Perez and Harvey are just fighting it out for number 1. So cute.

Now I'm not a hotshot mogul or anything, but I'd say any advertiser who saw this proof, would be pretty damn crazy to pour money into anything connected with WhoreMeat.

But, I gotta go back to Tila's plea, cause the lol's are writing themselves in that pathetic piece of crap. Yep kids, it's your favorite part of the program Quote Recraps! YAY!!!
 With that said, I have and INCREDIBLE staff at my site and everyone who works on it behind the scene, I only picked out the top of the top, the best of the best!
Last week you were patting yourself on the back, while simultaneously looking for sympathy when you stated you've only had yourself and one person working night and day on the site.  I guess the other 18-28 staffers were too busy to copy edit, search out new and interesting stories, start the fun contests, conduct all those celebrity interviews, you know WORK!
right now there are a couple of big ad agencies that would like to work with me, but in the meanwhile, until I decide which company will be the best fit for mine, I am willing to offer anyone who wants to advertise on my site an EXTREMELY GOOD DEAL!
I can tell you with 100% confidence that there are no ad agencies, big or small, who want to work with you. If there were, they'd be a little pissed that you're undercutting them on the ad rates, and they'd want to have some control over what other advertisers were on your site. I mean, c'mon, do you really need a hair-pulling, drag-out fight between Massengil and Summer's Eve?

Advertisers put their money where they believe it will make the most sense (no pun intended, but damn, what an awesome pun!). They also want to showcase their product in the best possible light, so they're careful who they associate with. Believe me, the Center for Missing and Exploited Children, is going to have a really hard time placing an ad banner over a picture of your wonky tits and a plea for your minor viewers to send their contact info to you so you can fly them out to meet you.

it will be quite expensive to advertise here since we get so much traffic! It is just standard business numbers.
You just pull these gems out of your ass don't you? Standard business numbers? What the hell is that? If you're trying to say it's industry practice, again, you're wrong. Let me give you a moment so you can contact those powerful lawyers of which you have so you ask them what it means to lie to potential clients with the purpose of defrauding them. Yep. That's what we have here folks, Tila conspiring to defraud. Puffery is one thing, outright lying about your numbers and your success is another. Of course, Tila believes if she breaks out the belts and used tampons and puts on a little show for the advertisers, no one will think to look at her actual Real Time stats, of which she has.

My site has already costed me nearly $30,000 to build
That's Mogulese for "my site cost $15 bucks, but for me and my broke ass, it might as well be $30,000 because I have no prospects of finding paying work and no hope of ever being more than I am today".

Aside from my massive traffic on my site, the age demographic is from mostly 15-34 years old and 50/50 male and female. I am also currently speaking to big motion picture companies that want to be placed on the site as well.
You know Tila, you say you like to help folks, and I admire that. In that spirit, I'm going to help you by re-writing the above paragraph. Feel free to copy and paste, sweetie!:

Aside from my lackluster traffic on my site, the age demographic is mostly 12-15 years old and 50/50 school children and pedophiles. I am also currently speaking to the voices in my big head and they want to be placed on the site as well.
Tila, the professional I am, says that if you had all these potential advertising opportunities you claim, you wouldn't be begging on your site for sponsorship. The sponsors would be coming to you. That's how it works. Advertisers look at trends, at what's hot, and they glom onto that. If you have to compose a poorly written plea on your own blog to get them to notice you, you're not doing it right.

If I were you, I'd apologize to Mr. Google. He was your only hope.

Addendum: Big Mogul Underpants is hereby copyrighted. By me. With Tila putting together that fashion line, I need to protect myself when she needs a catchy name for her lingerie line.

I agree with many who think that all Tila's talk of the 'others', and the possibility they may shut down her site, and now her inability to attract advertisers, spells doom for her blog, and we may see her shutting the doors soon. It's obvious she's getting bored with it, and it was just a vehicle to legitimately bash celebs of whom she's jelis, and has recently devolved into a compilation of her graphic diarrhea. Bye bye Tila.
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