Showing posts with label tila fail. Show all posts
Showing posts with label tila fail. Show all posts
Friday, October 29
Tila Finally "Wins"
1:22 PM | 
Posted by
Seola
UPDATE BELOW:
Tila has recorded her first ever - court win. But alas kiddies, it's also a comical fail. Just a bit ago, TMZ posted a story showing Tila coming from a court room where she successfully lobbied for a restraining order against the wannabe-can't-rapper. There's too much drama for this mama to cover all the angles, but dude is dumb, and Tila got the happy little bit of famewhoring by calling the media out for another shoot.
She argued to the judge she was terrified enough that this guy needed to be kept away. She begged for 100 yards (the standard distance when a restraining order request is filed and usually granted). She got her order alright. She thinks it's "great news". What she doesn't realize, yet again, is the judge is actually smacking her in the face with it.
What distance did Tila successfully get? 10 yards. Yes, 30 feet. The average road is 12 foot lanes each way and 3 ft shoulders for a total of 30 feet. Dude can stand across the street from her apartmansion (and interestingly, I expect an address leak soon from documents required to be filed for a current address of the applicant) and toss ketchuped tampons at her doorstep. They can even be in the same restaurant. The only restriction.... distance. What does this tell me? The judge did enough to keep him from actually smacking her, but absolutely giggled on the inside with the distance ruling.
30 feet? Average of 3 car lengths.
30 feet? The average length of two standard living rooms.
Yeah. Instead of 300 feet, or 30 cars away... he's still close enough to spit on her. At least, the watermelon seed spitting world record is 68 feet. Straight spit? 100 feet. You are now educated on spitting.
I wonder how the poor kids of Africa feel about watching a humanitarian send herself by holographic magic to LA. Probably don't care, they are still waiting on the clean water Tila swore she was bringing through charity to drink.
Those bottles of Faygo were hurled from 10-100 feet. We're still all good.
UPDATE:
Tila posted up her own blog (did we expect less? She needs all the famewhoring pity me bullshit she can get). But I just have to make a few points, cause I'm literally LOLing her and I'm getting odd looks from the cats.
All those red underlines - are examples of defamation. In fact, in court cases - it can be considered enticement or provocation for reactions. I counted 13, I could have missed one. That's not to include the previous rantings of her claiming Garry tried to kill her. Why does all this matter? The blue and red underline is her claiming she is going to sue HIM for defamation and slander. Oh the sides, they hurt! In Tila's little fucked up world - deletion of tweets and posts means what she has said never existed.
From all the current stories available to me at this time - no where during this particular hearing before the judge, was it ever mentioned that Garry cut her. If she had, he'd have a warrant out for his arrest for attempted murder. In the prior link to the post on this very site - Tila ALREADY CLAIMS TO HAVE FILED A RESTRAINING ORDER!!! Well, her powerhouse Alan Gutman did. Where was her tweets on that? How did the judge have no prior knowledge of an existing order or order request? Why are there no existing police records of Tila filing anything on Garry? Oops. Tila fails again.
I must also point out in her rantings... in pink, she reiterates he tried to kill her. Again, lacking from court documents, no warrants or even police questioning and you can be sure a judge, when given evidence of attempted murder would be ordering a 100 yard order (minimum) pending arrest. Silly silly Tila. Is this like when you "got us shut down" *snicker and waves* - or am I vibrating hard enough to make the blog reality?
Tila has recorded her first ever - court win. But alas kiddies, it's also a comical fail. Just a bit ago, TMZ posted a story showing Tila coming from a court room where she successfully lobbied for a restraining order against the wannabe-can't-rapper. There's too much drama for this mama to cover all the angles, but dude is dumb, and Tila got the happy little bit of famewhoring by calling the media out for another shoot.
She argued to the judge she was terrified enough that this guy needed to be kept away. She begged for 100 yards (the standard distance when a restraining order request is filed and usually granted). She got her order alright. She thinks it's "great news". What she doesn't realize, yet again, is the judge is actually smacking her in the face with it.
What distance did Tila successfully get? 10 yards. Yes, 30 feet. The average road is 12 foot lanes each way and 3 ft shoulders for a total of 30 feet. Dude can stand across the street from her apartmansion (and interestingly, I expect an address leak soon from documents required to be filed for a current address of the applicant) and toss ketchuped tampons at her doorstep. They can even be in the same restaurant. The only restriction.... distance. What does this tell me? The judge did enough to keep him from actually smacking her, but absolutely giggled on the inside with the distance ruling.
30 feet? Average of 3 car lengths.
30 feet? The average length of two standard living rooms.
Yeah. Instead of 300 feet, or 30 cars away... he's still close enough to spit on her. At least, the watermelon seed spitting world record is 68 feet. Straight spit? 100 feet. You are now educated on spitting.
I wonder how the poor kids of Africa feel about watching a humanitarian send herself by holographic magic to LA. Probably don't care, they are still waiting on the clean water Tila swore she was bringing through charity to drink.
Those bottles of Faygo were hurled from 10-100 feet. We're still all good.
UPDATE:
Tila posted up her own blog (did we expect less? She needs all the famewhoring pity me bullshit she can get). But I just have to make a few points, cause I'm literally LOLing her and I'm getting odd looks from the cats.
All those red underlines - are examples of defamation. In fact, in court cases - it can be considered enticement or provocation for reactions. I counted 13, I could have missed one. That's not to include the previous rantings of her claiming Garry tried to kill her. Why does all this matter? The blue and red underline is her claiming she is going to sue HIM for defamation and slander. Oh the sides, they hurt! In Tila's little fucked up world - deletion of tweets and posts means what she has said never existed.From all the current stories available to me at this time - no where during this particular hearing before the judge, was it ever mentioned that Garry cut her. If she had, he'd have a warrant out for his arrest for attempted murder. In the prior link to the post on this very site - Tila ALREADY CLAIMS TO HAVE FILED A RESTRAINING ORDER!!! Well, her powerhouse Alan Gutman did. Where was her tweets on that? How did the judge have no prior knowledge of an existing order or order request? Why are there no existing police records of Tila filing anything on Garry? Oops. Tila fails again.
I must also point out in her rantings... in pink, she reiterates he tried to kill her. Again, lacking from court documents, no warrants or even police questioning and you can be sure a judge, when given evidence of attempted murder would be ordering a 100 yard order (minimum) pending arrest. Silly silly Tila. Is this like when you "got us shut down" *snicker and waves* - or am I vibrating hard enough to make the blog reality?
Labels:
Friday, July 30
The Tale of the Tila Tree
11:06 PM |
Posted by
Apocryphal You
First of all it's good, no fantastic to be here at the Rotspot! After all those meetings on the "casting couch," with the Rotspot writers, I was given a golden ticket. Thank you! Once I buttoned my shirt back up and chased away the smell of sex and shame with some Jean Nate body mist, I packed my typewriter and hazmat suit and set out on a journey to find the real Tila.
Look if they can start selling Christmas decorations in July then by golly I can draw upon this most joyous of seasons to begin my tale of Tila.
Last night in a flurry of activity on the hogul's twitter and blog, similar to the trots, Tila grew tired of wandering around her condomansion, pulling at her hair, scratching at the invisible bugs under her skin, adjusting her moldy thong, and she decided to share her sexy with the world. Again. Well mostly just the people who care about her. I mean mostly those that are on twitter who care. I mean just those that don't laugh at her. Mostly just the kids who think talking to a star who talks back to you is some great shit. Mostly just 13 kids.
Anywho, Tila in her quest to engorge her "lady gardens" (thank you Daily Sport epically important interview) with the attention that she needs to stay alive, decided to post early modeling pictures for her mostly under-aged fan base. Well just a picture of her leaning against a wall and then one of her pushing her tits together. Well, really just a picture of her sticking her oiled ass up while tip-toed in hooker heels, and the one where she pushed her tits together and dared the camera to come closer with her goblin eyes.
Tila dug around her condomansion last night. Glass pipes and Red Bull cans were flung about in her tornadic search for the Holy Grail of hodom, several hard drives full of her nakedness. Once she put up the solar array and sequenced the hard drives with the Russian satellite she sucks antenna for in turn for a signal, she offered these most unclean images to her fans. Well to kids.
What incredible choices. I almost feel like I'm at the Furrs in hell. Now comes the tree bit. Much like Charlie Brown's Christmas tree, the hogul is an overlooked and pathetic thing. Not too many folks want to hang around her, shower her with presents, or make her the center of attention. Charlie Brown took it upon himself to make the lonely little tree the most special Christmas tree of all, and Tila has no Charlie Brown (though 9 head Bradshaw would make a great Charlie) to make her feel special and loved.
So she makes herself special and loved by forcing her sexuality onto the plates of her many followers. Lots of fans. Several kids.
Tila "I can't scratch my crabs hard enough" Tequila decided that pictures weren't enough; she needed more of her sexy out there to get her drained nether regions excited again. Also she needed the attention so that her heart that was five sizes too small would begin to beat and swell, and grow because of the because she's a succubus like that. And also because Tila really wants to tempt young people to be sexual with her and to be sexualized by her. More on that in another blog. First here's the enticing description of her video:
Hogul uploaded the "naughty" video shoot that contained among other things:
Look if they can start selling Christmas decorations in July then by golly I can draw upon this most joyous of seasons to begin my tale of Tila.
Last night in a flurry of activity on the hogul's twitter and blog, similar to the trots, Tila grew tired of wandering around her condomansion, pulling at her hair, scratching at the invisible bugs under her skin, adjusting her moldy thong, and she decided to share her sexy with the world. Again. Well mostly just the people who care about her. I mean mostly those that are on twitter who care. I mean just those that don't laugh at her. Mostly just the kids who think talking to a star who talks back to you is some great shit. Mostly just 13 kids.
Anywho, Tila in her quest to engorge her "lady gardens" (thank you Daily Sport epically important interview) with the attention that she needs to stay alive, decided to post early modeling pictures for her mostly under-aged fan base. Well just a picture of her leaning against a wall and then one of her pushing her tits together. Well, really just a picture of her sticking her oiled ass up while tip-toed in hooker heels, and the one where she pushed her tits together and dared the camera to come closer with her goblin eyes.
Tila dug around her condomansion last night. Glass pipes and Red Bull cans were flung about in her tornadic search for the Holy Grail of hodom, several hard drives full of her nakedness. Once she put up the solar array and sequenced the hard drives with the Russian satellite she sucks antenna for in turn for a signal, she offered these most unclean images to her fans. Well to kids.
What incredible choices. I almost feel like I'm at the Furrs in hell. Now comes the tree bit. Much like Charlie Brown's Christmas tree, the hogul is an overlooked and pathetic thing. Not too many folks want to hang around her, shower her with presents, or make her the center of attention. Charlie Brown took it upon himself to make the lonely little tree the most special Christmas tree of all, and Tila has no Charlie Brown (though 9 head Bradshaw would make a great Charlie) to make her feel special and loved.
So she makes herself special and loved by forcing her sexuality onto the plates of her many followers. Lots of fans. Several kids.
Tila "I can't scratch my crabs hard enough" Tequila decided that pictures weren't enough; she needed more of her sexy out there to get her drained nether regions excited again. Also she needed the attention so that her heart that was five sizes too small would begin to beat and swell, and grow because of the because she's a succubus like that. And also because Tila really wants to tempt young people to be sexual with her and to be sexualized by her. More on that in another blog. First here's the enticing description of her video:
Hogul uploaded the "naughty" video shoot that contained among other things:- Pulling down her bikini bottoms because her demon snatch needed to breathe
- Shoving her hand down into her undies to close the gateway to hell
- Sucking on her fingers like she had just eaten some Doritos
- Rubbing her crotch so the genie would come out and grant her three wishes
I have done my duty for my fellow Rotspotter's by sitting through this "modeling shoot," to bring you what I felt was the very best. Tonight I shall not sleep.
As you can see these totally were the best parts of the video. I took some roofies just so I could forget the rest. Isn't it wonderful when a full grown woman is so goddamn out of her mind that she feels compelled to put her tits and ass all over the places were she compliments, teases, recruits, and then exposes under-aged children to her lonely vies for attention? Somebody please make this offender stay at least 500 feet away from school zones.
I see now that Tila "Valtrex Prescription for Life" Tequila doesn't have anything but the glow of her laptop, the warmth of the computer on her legs, and the quiet of her condomansion with the crunchy dog piss stained carpet, and the never ending confusion of the glamor room sinks.
Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was never a predator, but that one up there is. Charlie Brown's Christmas tree became a beloved symbol of the triumph of the living over the fake. When Lucy picked up that big silver aluminum tree, Charlie chose the small, living one.
Up there trying her best to be something is a big 'ol fake aluminum Christmas tree. She can't be real with herself, she can't be real with other people, and she gets pleasure from being just a decoration.
I can see her now. She wipes the Doritos crumbs off her chest while eating in bed. She shakes away the carpal tunnel pain in her wrists from googling herself; her head dips down after lighting the pipe and she falls asleep between the bed and the wall, while far away at another computer a child reacts to Tila's video and pictures. And tomorrow that child will draw a picture of Tila with hearts and be the happiest they've been in a long, long, time when they get that tweet from the shark up there, to let them know they have been allowed into her army.
As you can see these totally were the best parts of the video. I took some roofies just so I could forget the rest. Isn't it wonderful when a full grown woman is so goddamn out of her mind that she feels compelled to put her tits and ass all over the places were she compliments, teases, recruits, and then exposes under-aged children to her lonely vies for attention? Somebody please make this offender stay at least 500 feet away from school zones.I see now that Tila "Valtrex Prescription for Life" Tequila doesn't have anything but the glow of her laptop, the warmth of the computer on her legs, and the quiet of her condomansion with the crunchy dog piss stained carpet, and the never ending confusion of the glamor room sinks.
Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was never a predator, but that one up there is. Charlie Brown's Christmas tree became a beloved symbol of the triumph of the living over the fake. When Lucy picked up that big silver aluminum tree, Charlie chose the small, living one.
Up there trying her best to be something is a big 'ol fake aluminum Christmas tree. She can't be real with herself, she can't be real with other people, and she gets pleasure from being just a decoration.
I can see her now. She wipes the Doritos crumbs off her chest while eating in bed. She shakes away the carpal tunnel pain in her wrists from googling herself; her head dips down after lighting the pipe and she falls asleep between the bed and the wall, while far away at another computer a child reacts to Tila's video and pictures. And tomorrow that child will draw a picture of Tila with hearts and be the happiest they've been in a long, long, time when they get that tweet from the shark up there, to let them know they have been allowed into her army.
Lawls and Ewwies
7:56 AM |
Posted by
Seola
Okay, so - stop me if you've heard this one... skanky chick really has no staff or legal team, and will probably have to pull yet another post for wrongly accusing something and not having the common sense to use the right wording to keep her ass from having to rip more pieces of her jaded puzzle out of her site. Heard it? Yeah, because it's happened and will again.
Here for your lolz and comparison is the original wording of both Tila's site and the original poster, Zack Taylor's site. But first take note (I do hot have images enabled, one hit is one from me!) of what she named the location for the picture: The Queen of "The All Seeing Eye" Biggest Devil Worshipper! She's so rad, doncha know? Tila's blurb is about twice as long as Zack's and in his limited space, he uses alleged twice and the lovely "don't sue me" phrase - looks like. Tila uses alleged once, but not only does her headline state as fact, but she repeats that it IS Gaga again. When pictures like this come out, when writing a blog based on gossip, you must include alleged or similar terms each time. Forget that it was already fact when she posted that it was not Gaga. I saw it on Zack's site, looks like a porn still with the camera angle not possible from the dude.
But she's soooo legit, she says it all the time!
This reads to me: Wah wah wah! BELIEVE ME PLEASE!!! I'm soooooo awesome and I'm comparing my site to Perez and TMZ to prove it! A) Perez is a douche but his sister runs the site, even Tila knew that. So it isn't Perez posting it. B) TMZ has NEVER posted a full uncensored picture of anyone. They always have those red stars over everything. As far as I can tell, they stayed far, far away from the Miley crotch shot scenario. Makes sense, Levin is a former lawyer. Tila's site isn't celeb gossip - it's an RSS feed of other sites and the "exclusives" are all about her. In a quick tag search, more than 60% of the articles on her site, are about her. If they aren't about her, she makes it about her somehow. In any event, copying and pasting from an RSS feed isn't breaking news - it's just an RSS feed of others stories with some ridiculously selfish additions to it.
But let the record show - she tells haters to Fuck Off, posts about a celeb and STD's, Devil worshiping, etc. but Perez "posts nasty things 24/7". At least he doesn't post about jacking off - for which I am profoundly grateful and so is my lunch. I swear, when I saw her posts last night about her getting all hot and bothered, I threw up in my mouth. I was eating for God's Sakes - Stop it Tila. I'm starting a new campaign aimed at keeping Tila from grossing people out. S.O.L.D. Save Our Lunch & Dinner. (Double meaning ftw.)
So after all that, what does one do, when trying to act like she's a buddy to a mega superstar with an alleged nude photo? Why, claim he's the baby dad... well, it's a girl this time so claim there's a sex tape!
Here for your lolz and comparison is the original wording of both Tila's site and the original poster, Zack Taylor's site. But first take note (I do hot have images enabled, one hit is one from me!) of what she named the location for the picture: The Queen of "The All Seeing Eye" Biggest Devil Worshipper! She's so rad, doncha know? Tila's blurb is about twice as long as Zack's and in his limited space, he uses alleged twice and the lovely "don't sue me" phrase - looks like. Tila uses alleged once, but not only does her headline state as fact, but she repeats that it IS Gaga again. When pictures like this come out, when writing a blog based on gossip, you must include alleged or similar terms each time. Forget that it was already fact when she posted that it was not Gaga. I saw it on Zack's site, looks like a porn still with the camera angle not possible from the dude.But she's soooo legit, she says it all the time!
This reads to me: Wah wah wah! BELIEVE ME PLEASE!!! I'm soooooo awesome and I'm comparing my site to Perez and TMZ to prove it! A) Perez is a douche but his sister runs the site, even Tila knew that. So it isn't Perez posting it. B) TMZ has NEVER posted a full uncensored picture of anyone. They always have those red stars over everything. As far as I can tell, they stayed far, far away from the Miley crotch shot scenario. Makes sense, Levin is a former lawyer. Tila's site isn't celeb gossip - it's an RSS feed of other sites and the "exclusives" are all about her. In a quick tag search, more than 60% of the articles on her site, are about her. If they aren't about her, she makes it about her somehow. In any event, copying and pasting from an RSS feed isn't breaking news - it's just an RSS feed of others stories with some ridiculously selfish additions to it.But let the record show - she tells haters to Fuck Off, posts about a celeb and STD's, Devil worshiping, etc. but Perez "posts nasty things 24/7". At least he doesn't post about jacking off - for which I am profoundly grateful and so is my lunch. I swear, when I saw her posts last night about her getting all hot and bothered, I threw up in my mouth. I was eating for God's Sakes - Stop it Tila. I'm starting a new campaign aimed at keeping Tila from grossing people out. S.O.L.D. Save Our Lunch & Dinner. (Double meaning ftw.)
So after all that, what does one do, when trying to act like she's a buddy to a mega superstar with an alleged nude photo? Why, claim he's the baby dad... well, it's a girl this time so claim there's a sex tape!
Second cap courtesy of Uncle Eddie
Our esteemed Uncle Eddie covered the angle of all the tweets. I present another. When she posted the link for the pic, Tila acted absolutely grossed out, even apologizing for posting it. I am grossed out too - we all know it's a lie, but she's claiming to have a sex tape (even if a joke) of her "10 years ago" with Gaga... who was 14 at the time Tila was 18. Gaga is only 24. I know, she appears much older, but no. Gaga became an adult 2 years AFTER Tila was named Asian Cybergirl of the Month and had already been in the public eye. More evidence that Tila wishes she could bang underage girls.
Thursday, July 22
BWAHAHAHHAHAHAHAAHA!
3:33 PM |
Posted by
Fatty McFatterson
OMG, I knew it. Tila will not be doing any traveling to Florence or any other country now that her UK Neighborhood Tour is over.
Tila left an audio message on her Flog that says because of Europe being on 'holiday' all flights out of London are canceled. No flights to Florence, no flights to Amsterdam, no flights anywhere until tomorrow morning. She claims several times its because Europe is on holiday. She also claims she and 9Head have to rent a hotel room (with double doors to get both those ginourmous melons on their shoulders into the room) for another night because of it. Ummm. No Tila, that is not true. There are flights coming in and out of countries all over Europe today, even in Italy, where there is a transportation strike.
Go to orbitz.com, look up a flight leaving any city or country in Europe and then track it on flightstats.com:
For example, British Airways flight 175 left Heathrow today at 4:05 pm, arriving at LAX at 7:05 pm. It is currently enroute as we speak according to this site, though it's delayed 40 minutes:
Alitalia Airlines 205 left Heathrow at 6:00 am today and arrived in Florence at 10:29 am, almost an hour late. Or she could have taken a flight from Heathrow into Milan and then Florence. It's all there. Tons of flights in and out of Europe.
How do I know all this? Well, my kids were in Italy for the last couple of weeks and I just picked them up at the airport. Granted their flight from Venice to Philadelphia was late by 3 hours because US Airways wouldn't fly out of Italy in support of the strike, they did get another airline to fly them to the US. That meant they missed their connecting flight home and had to stay overnight in Phily, but they just got home and no other problems were encountered. And, because it was US Airways fault, the kids were put up in a nice hotel WITHOUT CHARGE and were given meal vouchers for dinner and breakfast. They didn't have to 'rent another hotel room' because if a cheap ass airline like US Airways (yeah we're not multimillion dollar moguls) paid out when it was their fault, then I'm sure British Airways would do the same.
So, that leads me to believe that Tila missed her flight AGAIN and couldn't find a return flight because they were all booked. And Tila had no intention of going to Florence anyway, like she claimed earlier in the week, because she's been tweeting about coming home to LA. Coincidentally when she made her Florence announcement, I had just got off the phone with my kids as they had just arrived in Florence that morning. I was so hoping they could have stayed another day or two so they could have pointed and laughed at the fail mogul---the fogul, if you will. Alas, my kids are too polite and raised too well to intentionally hurt someone. I just have to hope someday, a little bit of me rubs off on them if they ever run in to Tila.
In closing Tila warns that if you're ever flying out of Heathrow to get there a day in advance so if you 'miss your flight' you won't end up like Tom Hanks in that movie Airport. Yeah, Tila, blame the airline because they don't find you important enough to accommodate your tardy ass. It seemed when she started her audioblog, that it was a holiday which prevented flights from being scheduled, now she says something about missing a flight? Which is it? I trust you Rotspotters can figure out the truth between the lies.
What I have to laugh about is that Fatty's children, of which she has, who are not confident women, moguls, CEO's of #1 flogs, or skanks, were able to get flights out of Europe AND when they missed their connecting flights, were provided a beautiful room in a 4-star hotel, and dinner and breakfast at no charge, and Tila, who is well-loved and well-known all over the UK can't get a flight home and has to bunk with 9Head. Hope they have King size mattresses over there, otherwise those huge heads of which they have will be hanging over the side of the bed. Maybe Tila should have worn her Big Mogul Underpants©
UPDATE:
Tila just posted this flog entry, which confirms she did miss her flight to LOS ANGELES, NOT FLORENCE. Hmmmm. What happened to her traveling from London to Florence? We knew that was a big lie, but of course the Tila Army of Morons and Halfwits, didn't believe us.
And, again she's lying. Go to orbitz.com and you'll find plenty of flights leaving Heathrow to LA tomorrow. Tila's travel agent of which she has should be fired.
UPDATE: 11:40 pm July 22, 2010 Pacific Time
Tila has removed the blog post I pasted above. I can only imagine the comments she got from that as fans and jelis haters alike flooded her comments with tons and tons of available flights. I guess when Heathrow went on 'vacation' they forgot about all the folks who reserved this date when they originally purchased their tickets.
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