Could Tila Have Taken Us For A Ride

Oh, the nakey times that night...sigh. 

Now, look at this, yes it's long and boring and pointless, but I'll break it down for you:

Ok, the Tila's wall of words is basically saying one thing: Tila's not going to go to Celeb Rehab because her life is too busy, she can't walk away from the Army of Morons and Halfwits, she doesn't have a place to leave her dead ,on-a-6-month-photo-shoot, bar-b-qued  beloved dog Onyx, she's too busy dealing with tv agents for a multitude of upcoming projects, press tours all over the world (don't you have to have something to talk to the press about to go on tour) blah, blah, fuckity, blah, blah. The long and the short of it is that I CALLED IT THAT SHE WOULDN'T BE ON THE SHOW AND SHE'D HAVE SOME BULLSHIT EXCUSE! She goes on to call Celeb Rehab "the devil's calling" and claims she can't be further exploited (this said with a straight face while her rancid cavernous twat is open to every spelunker with a strong stomach and a penchant for yeast infections and chlamydia!)

This actually makes me sad. I know, I know, it's fun to watch the trainwreck, but this trainwreck is taking a lot of innocent people down with it. The Army of Morons and Halfwits are applauding her decision, and lamenting her stressful life and the evil Celeb Rehab that would take their favorite 4-eyed twatwaffle from their midst. How can these people be this stupid? I mean seriously??? The woman is falling and falling fast, and makes the biggest blunder of a jaded addict and instead of her fans showing concern, they strike up the campfire, join hands and kumbaya the night away! Listen up Tila Army of Morons and Halfwits, YOUR IDJIT LEADER IS KILLING HERSELF! She is not a strong woman, she is weak and needy, desperate for your attention because she is a vapid vacant shell. How can you call yourself fans, when you care nothing about her present or her future? The jelis haterz show way more concern everyday for Tila than her fans. What fucking irony.

The rest of the Wall of Words blabs about how she had to fire more of her staff (odd that Tila takes credit for every single article, so where are all these staff articles?) and hired on 9Head as her fashion cop. 9Head? Seriously Tila? This is the man who bedazzles spiderwebs in the dark and drapes them across your mawing snatch and calls it haute couture. This is the man who draped a belt across your wonky tits and called it edgy. Had he lifted that belt another 14 inches and covered those herpetic sores on your mouth, I might have jumped on the bandwagon, but alas, it's a 9Head FAIL!

I'd like to highlight a few of the more epics paragraphs. 

Paragraph 1: Tila has been talking to millions of people over 10 years, and that education has resulted in her not only having 4 personalities (notice she says 3 but names 4), but also has resulted in her having the equivalent of a PhD in Psychology, so when she speaks, it behooves you to listen to her educated opinions.

Paragraph 3: A lot of yadda yadda about how wonderful her celeb blog is, and the revelation that she spent "every single dime that I have left" in building it. Wow. That's a lot of money. Doesn't leave much for you to sue all us jelis hater bloggers now does it? Could it be that you spent every dime because it cost a couple grand to get the blog going, and you had to pay out a huge settlement to Shawn Merriman, so you were literally left penniless between those two events? Funny, the company I work for spent $20 grand on our website. A little Flash, lots of custom design, re-branding of logo, all new copy-edited and spell-checked content, fancy-shmancy server, lots of interactive features, you know the stuff you'd expect from a truly professional, high class website. I can tell you right now, you spent less than 10% of that on your site. You claim blogger salaries eat up a lot of your budget, but honey, let me tell you about MONETIZING! If your blog is truly bringing in 1 million hits a week (we all know it's not, but let's play pretend), then you'd be MAKING MONEY via targeted ads. You're not. Why, because there's no money to be made for advertisers on your site, I mean, there could be, but until Monistat, Valtrex, Tetracycline, and Azithromycin realize your demographic, you'll have to seek out likely sponsors yourself.  I guess that's why Mister Google pulled his ads from both of your sites. Yea, surprised we noticed?

In between there's a lot of talk about how she doesn't like being on tv, doesn't like the fame, wants to lead her quiet normal life, has to hire MORE staff because in less than a month's time, she's had to fire so many people who didn't get along with her 'OMG family', even though it's so fun, and then some long drawn out rant, at presumably Gawker (who she's been ranting on for the last day or two) over how they are a non-legit celeb gossip blog because they, like all the other competition make up news and bag on celebs, unlike OMG. Whew. Did I get that all in?

I gotta go play Legos with the kids. They've hauled out the Sponge Bob special addition and I gotta glom onto the little Squidward Lego guy, who I love to death!

Damn. I actually got bored of my own article before I really even finished it. Awww. Such is the life of a blogger writing about Tila.