Showing posts with label sitemeter. Show all posts
Showing posts with label sitemeter. Show all posts
Monday, May 31
Happy One Month Anniversary WhoreMeat!
9:52 PM | 
Posted by
Fatty McFatterson
Ok, I'm on a roll. Just remembered it's been 4 weeks since WhoreMeat opened her stupid celebrity gossip blog. You know, the blog that is not a blog, nor does it talk about celebrities (mainly talks about the Idjit Midget Mogul) and lastly doesn't report gossip, just jelis hater talk.
She's been reporting that her blog numbers are averaging 1 million hits a week, so as soon as she reads this, and remembers it's her 4 week anniversary, she'll run back to her blog and report that she's up to 4 million hits. But, somehow she doesn't know, or doesn't care that there is a site meter on her site. Now, I've been blogging at various sites for 10 years. I was blogging before it was called blogging, so I know a thing or two about site meters. They're very accurate, especially if they're coded to your site. Not only do they count incoming web traffic, but they also count your own visits, unless you muck with the Preference panel and disable the commend to count your visits (which it seems she hasn't, so every time she logs in to swoon over herself, it counts as another hit).
Let's take a peek at the Idjit Midget Moguls numbers (remember, in honor of all the men and women who died so the Idjit Midget Moguel could enjoy the right to bash innocent people and ruin lives on her blog, I will not be printing her name).
Wait! Hold the train! 852,493 hits? This must be for the last week, right? Nope. It's for the ENTIRE MONTH!!! She hasn't even reach a mil yet. All that talk about a million hits a week, is just that, talk. The average length of visit is a minute. A minute for her readers to absorb all the EXCLUSIVE!!! POW!!! LEGIT!! POW!!!! gossip from the #1 GOSSIP BLOG IN THE WORLD!
But surely, a fledgling gossip blog needs to ramp up and gain some momentum. Tsk, tsk Fatty, for not giving it a chance. You can clearly see by the next graph that things start out slowly, and then the blog gains steam by leaps and bounds, on it's way to dethrowning Perez any day now...
Oh wait, no it doesn't.
This is inexplicable. I just don't understand it. Take this blog, for example. Now, I don't know of a site meter here, but I can tell you, from the number of comments, that this blog started out with a low viewership, but has gained a steady stream of readers and fans (call up Mr. Google and ask him about the 'rotspot' and see how many other sites and blogs mention it, and not only that, stand up and cheer for this site). This is what normally occurs with online blogs. They normally don't lose 50% of their audience by the second day!!!! Yes, the SECOND DAY, almost half of her audience dropped off the face of the earth! Wow. That dethrowning is going so well for you! HA!
Well kids, I hope that bedtime story put you to sleep. I shall join you in the land of sugarplums and jelis haterz. Until tomorrow, goodnight sweet bitches!
AHA! I just figured out why WhoreMeat calls it the #1 celebrity gossip site", because anyone searching that phrase will be led to her site. As a matter of fact, all searches on Mr. Google, reference her blog. With the exception of her own site calling out that phrase, all other sites are mocking her over it. HAHAHAHHAHAHAHAA. Omg. I love being evil!
Wednesday, May 19
OMG a million views!
8:38 PM |
Posted by
Anonymous
Soooo...today (or maybe it was last night. I don't give a fuck) Tila posted in her Dear Diary section about how OMG AWESOME it is to be a gossip blogger. And about how she's not jealous of the people she talks about (hahahahaha no really, she said that). And about how she's actually friends with lots of the people she talks about. Wanna read it? Here you go:
Way to reuse that I <3 a Hater image. But seriously, Tila, for fuck's sake. Listen, sweetie. That code you use on your website? Yeah, it's not a secret. ANYBODY CAN VIEW IT. And anybody can see that you use THE FREE site meter to track your hits.
So you don't want us to use Alexa now? Because you did earlier...
So now suddenly that's not okay? Okay Tila, Uncle Eddie will play your little crackhead game. Let's use what you use! Anybody is welcome to go here and view these results, but I'll cap them and post them here just to make it easy for everybody. In case that link doesn't take you to the graph, you have to click "previous 7 days" under "visits" on the left side.
Cute how it doesn't even COME CLOSE to a million, isn't it? Oh wait, what did she say? That we're just haters and obsessed? So does "haters" mean "one able to look at graphs and perform simple addition?" I guess we better add that to the Slutinese dictionary. We're acting High School? No, sweetie, it's just that we can perform High School level math. That's all.
Here it is, as an amusing De-motivational Poster made by @MissTilaOMG on twitter.
Oh and how about Dethroning Perez? Here it is, again via Sitemeter:
Oh wow, so he's #1 huh? Ouch. Tila isn't even top 20.
And just for fun, let's laugh at Tila's math skills:
See? 2+2 = 80. There's your proof right there. And let me tell you something. Uncle Eddie sucks ass at math. SUCKS ASS. But even I can tell you what 10% of something is. That's probably the easiest percentage to figure out. Goddamn. When Uncle Eddie can school you at math, there's a problem.
Goddammit Tila, you suck. You really, really suck. AT EVERYTHING. Every single thing you set you mind to turns to shit. BECAUSE YOU SUCK.
Maybe if you weren't so busy trying to fuck your teachers in high school you'd know how to do basic math? And really, aren't Asians supposed to be good at math? YOU'RE LETTING YOUR PEOPLE DOWN, TILA.
Update
Tila responds to this post:
LOL. Use any excuse you want, Tila, but you haven't even come close to dethroning Perez or ANYBODY ELSE. You're a fucking joke and you know it. And you're right, I'm just jealous. So very, very jealous. (hint: that's sarcasm, dumbass)
Don't you have another pathetic letter to write to Lindsay Lohan now? I'm sure she'll take time out of her schedule at Cannes, her court appointed classes, and movie filming to read it, just like she did the last one. OH THAT'S RIGHT, SHE IGNORED YOUR ASS. Just like most of Hollywood does, unless they're making fun of you.
Labels:
alexa search,
blog statistics,
fail blog,
math,
miss tila,
perez hilton,
sitemeter,
tila tequila
|
29
comments
Tuesday, May 11
Uh oh, somebody's a liar!
6:48 PM |
Posted by
Anonymous
Okay so Princess Dumbass is tweeting, and apparently she thinks all of us are as stupid as her. See, Tila, unlike you I can both READ and DO MATH.
LOL okay we all know that's a lie, but let's just look at the sitemeter she SO CLEVERLY hid in her html because OMG WE ARE ALL STUPID AND CAN'T FIGURE THIS OUT TILA YOU ARE SO SMART.
Don't believe me? See for yourself. I especially like that the average visit length is 43 FUCKING SECONDS. Gee, why don't I see a number anywhere near 800,000 on here?
Oh Tila, your bullshit is just ADORABLE. You do realize that Perez probably has you blocked so he doesn't see the @'s you constantly send him on twitter, right? And you DO realize that, regardless of what your idiot fans tell you, he hasn't spoken of you in MONTHS, since that Chris Brown tweet, right?
No, you're too busy looking like a fool. An obsessed, unwashed fool.
LOL. Cuntscab.
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