Hey boo-boos! Uncle Eddie here. This post is gonna be short and sweet, but it's just something I've noticed and I thought you guys might enjoy laughing at Tila's stupid ass, too.

So you know how Tila HATES Perez? I mean HATES him? And she made up that fucking stupid contest she seems to have forgotten all about - the one where she asked her Tila Army morons to make videos proclaiming their hate for him, too?



You remember? Okay good. Well, nobody hates Perez more than Tila, so just as her Hottie of the Week is 99% her own pictures, this contest should have just gone to Tila.


I mean, can't you just FEEL the hate?



Can't you?

LOL fuck you Tila. Those pictures are obviously RECENT because Perez is a skinny bitch in them, even though Tila doesn't have her greasy-fug blond hair. And THAT means she's seen him in person, obviously, being a skinny bitch and STILL refers to him as "Piggy Perez." Yes, I am jelis of Tila because she is so very mature and never stoops to a level unbefitting her mogul status. RIGHT, GUYS?

Personally I think she talks a lot of shit but she absolutely WON'T back it up in person. She's too, I dunno, exaggerated about it. You know what I mean. She talks about it too much for it to be true. And it should be obvious in these pictures. I love it when she says "say it to my face! You'd be singing a different tune then!" Oh Tila, please, let me say it to your face. Please? Pretty please?

So I don't hate Perez, but I definitely thinks he needs to have a HAZMAT team check out his tongue, STAT.

Update!!! 
Today is our 5 month anniversary!  The appropriate gift for 5 months, I believe, is burritos.  So buy us all burritos, dammit.

Update #2!
So I've gathered from the comments that these were taken in August of 2008.  Thank you.  Although that wasn't really the point of this post.  I wanted you guys to see these pictures so you'd stop emailing them to me and asking me if I'd seen them.  And anybody else who wants to leave your little bitchy comments like YOU, Sheriff, you can fuck right off.  Again, I can post whatever the fuck I want here.  Nobody went "searching" or "pushing" for a story.  These haven't ever been featured here and I felt they should be.  Christ, we love most of you, but some of you are really pissing all of us off lately.

When throwing the word cult and religion around mixed with some trashy Tila Tequila all I can think of is her raunchy cam shows exposing herself to children with little or no self esteem. Over the weekend Mama TT did a "roll call" for her new little cult. Now where the fuck else do you do roll call except in grade school?!?


A couple of days ago she blogged, for all the world to see, about her demographic being 15-35. So, one would think she'd be on notice that a semi-nude underwear video, including the provocative pulling down the side of the undies and playing with her breasts is more than inappropriate, it is right up there with her allegations about Perez being a pedophile. Perez posting a picture of questionable merit is not a pedophile, a 28 year old woman videotaping herself in tacky lingerie and making provocative poses and gestures to an audience she fully knows is as young as age 8, is as close to the definition of 'pedophile' as you're ever going to get.


SMH ... Karma is cooking up something very special for this skank. Yesterday we were pointed over to the Hotspot.

Who the fuck else is sick of her talking about "Piggy Perez"?  Usually the ONLY thing she has to talk about is how she's going take over suckin all hollywood cock his "Queen of all Media" title.

"Nonetheless, Santa Monica Criminal Defense Attorney Steve Cron said that it is unlikely that Hilton would even be charged over the incident, let alone be served the maximum penalty."

"For the issue to be taken any further, prosecutors would need to launch an inquest through the local District Attorney or US Attorney’s office, or Cyrus would have to report it to a police agency. "

...look who's up lookin' like a cockstar with his crown and on his throne might I add! He definitely looks healthier than meth mouth and isn't on his way to rolling around and throwing temper tantrums on TV for attention rehab as we speak. I'm really starting to like Perez, he seems to have grown up a lot through the last few years. Either way, thanks to our awesome readers we were tipped off to a Perez TV chat session today. One part of it made me chuckle a little bit!





And I must admit, I'm really diggin' his crown (OK, I KNOW it's a fuckin' hat BUT it's pink and sparkly and I AM allowed to like shit like that!)

Now, I've been waiting for Tila to say something about this, because back on May 20, I found this delicious little Twitter from Swinging Richards, a gay nudie bar:

So just a few minutes ago, Tila tweeted this:


WHAT!?  OMFG SIMON COWELL IS LEAVING IDOL!  NO WAY!

Here's the same blog update from her Facebook, so you can see the first paragraph to this EXCITING, NEW, AND FRESH article:


Wait, what are those comments talking about?  This isn't the newest and freshest celebrity gossip?  Pow?  No pow?

Here's Perez talking about that IN JANUARY


And, in case that wasn't enough, Perez has been on a crusade to take over Simon's spot.  If you go to PerezHilton.com and search Simon Cowell, you'll see stuff like this.  And for further proof that Tila is way way way behind:


Wow Tila.  Wow.  Thanks for being so up-to-date.  Seriously.

Yes, everybody is calling her out on it.  I'm sure she'll delete it soon.

I heard man walked on the moon in 1969.  Hopefully Tila will have something about that, soon.

Soooo...today (or maybe it was last night.  I don't give a fuck) Tila posted in her Dear Diary section about how OMG AWESOME it is to be a gossip blogger.  And about how she's not jealous of the people she talks about (hahahahaha no really, she said that).  And about how she's actually friends with lots of the people she talks about.  Wanna read it?  Here you go:



Way to reuse that I <3 a Hater image.  But seriously, Tila, for fuck's sake.  Listen, sweetie.  That code you use on your website?  Yeah, it's not a secret.  ANYBODY CAN VIEW IT.  And anybody can see that you use THE FREE site meter to track your hits.

So you don't want us to use Alexa now?  Because you did earlier...


So now suddenly that's not okay?  Okay Tila, Uncle Eddie will play your little crackhead game.  Let's use what you use!  Anybody is welcome to go here and view these results, but I'll cap them and post them here just to make it easy for everybody.  In case that link doesn't take you to the graph, you have to click "previous 7 days" under "visits" on the left side.


Cute how it doesn't even COME CLOSE to a million, isn't it?  Oh wait, what did she say?  That we're just haters and obsessed?  So does "haters" mean "one able to look at graphs and perform simple addition?"  I guess we better add that to the Slutinese dictionary.  We're acting High School?  No, sweetie, it's just that we can perform High School level math.  That's all.


Here it is, as an amusing De-motivational Poster made by @MissTilaOMG on twitter.

Oh and how about Dethroning Perez?  Here it is, again via Sitemeter:


Oh wow, so he's #1 huh?  Ouch.  Tila isn't even top 20.

And just for fun, let's laugh at Tila's math skills:


See?  2+2 = 80.  There's your proof right there.  And let me tell you something.  Uncle Eddie sucks ass at math.  SUCKS ASS.  But even I can tell you what 10% of something is.  That's probably the easiest percentage to figure out.  Goddamn.  When Uncle Eddie can school you at math, there's a problem.

Goddammit Tila, you suck.  You really, really suck.  AT EVERYTHING.  Every single thing you set you mind to turns to shit.  BECAUSE YOU SUCK.

Maybe if you weren't so busy trying to fuck your teachers in high school you'd know how to do basic math?  And really, aren't Asians supposed to be good at math?  YOU'RE LETTING YOUR PEOPLE DOWN, TILA.

Update 

Tila responds to this post:



LOL.  Use any excuse you want, Tila, but you haven't even come close to dethroning Perez or ANYBODY ELSE.  You're a fucking joke and you know it.  And you're right, I'm just jealous.  So very, very jealous.  (hint: that's sarcasm, dumbass)

Don't you have another pathetic letter to write to Lindsay Lohan now?  I'm sure she'll take time out of her schedule at Cannes, her court appointed classes, and movie filming to read it, just like she did the last one.  OH THAT'S RIGHT, SHE IGNORED YOUR ASS.  Just like most of Hollywood does, unless they're making fun of you.

Usually I wouldn't care much about any of the Perez bullshit.  Although I don't hate him I don't really care either way.  However, I am VERY excited to bring to Tila's your attention that Perez has been offered $20 million for his celebrity gossip site.  Really looks like the hogul is "powing" her way into getting owned, doesn't it?  I mean let's take a look at what Tila's site is worth shall we?

Okay so Princess Dumbass is tweeting, and apparently she thinks all of us are as stupid as her.  See, Tila, unlike you I can both READ and DO MATH.


LOL okay we all know that's a lie, but let's just look at the sitemeter she SO CLEVERLY hid in her html because OMG WE ARE ALL STUPID AND CAN'T FIGURE THIS OUT TILA YOU ARE SO SMART.


Don't believe me?  See for yourself.  I especially like that the average visit length is 43 FUCKING SECONDS.  Gee, why don't I see a number anywhere near 800,000 on here?

Oh Tila, your bullshit is just ADORABLE.  You do realize that Perez probably has you blocked so he doesn't see the @'s you constantly send him on twitter, right?  And you DO realize that, regardless of what your idiot fans tell you, he hasn't spoken of you in MONTHS, since that Chris Brown tweet, right?

No, you're too busy looking like a fool.  An obsessed, unwashed fool.

LOL.  Cuntscab.

First of all, Uncle Eddie wants to say YAY FATTY!  We finally snagged that bitch Fatty McFatterson to write for us, and you can see her first post here.  That makes a total of 4 writers here at the Rotspot, which is no where close to Tila's 20 blogwriters, but we do a better job so figure that one out.  Also, lots of you have professed your joy at us getting Fatty to write for us, saying you love her comments.   We actually do not like her comments, but she paid us each $2 and a pack of Marlboro reds so SOLD AMERICAN, am I right?  JUST KIDDING FATTY, WE LOVE YOU!

Okay so moving on.  The other day someone alerted me to the fact that Tila isn't quite the first gossip blogger in her neck of the woods.  It's none other than my 9headed boo himself, Mr. Bradshaw!  OMG!


And look, he wants to dethrone Perez too!  Isn't that precious!?  Jesus you two, get an original idea.  And no, I don't mean taking credit for fads that already existed, like androgyny (and I'm not even kidding you guys, Bradshaw takes credit for that, as well as the whole chain thing).  I can't believe they're STILL trying to dethrone Perez.  Jesus.

Anyway, that just made me laugh, and you know how Uncle Eddie loves him some 9head.  Any time I can post on it you know I will because I basically worship it in church every Sunday and this is like penance for all the horrible things Uncle Eddie has done.  Church of the 9head - Join us, won't you?

Speaking of the horrible things Uncle Eddie has done, last night I was watching Tosh.0 and they showed a clip of a man who spent 6 years injecting his penis with silicone and I had to scour the internets to find this video!  (Yes I linked to it, suck it).  Anyway, as I was searching the Tosh.0 blog, I came across this GEM (lol Bradshaw speak) regarding a certain midget meth-mouthed mogul's blog!


"As she says 'There has been many celebrities that I know a lot of juicy, dark secrets about.' [sic]  Celebrities like, um, Tila Tequila.  And, uh, the chick who died who i was supposedly married to or whatever."

And

"Oh, and around the 1:30 mark, she suggests that she might get naked on the site too...because that's what reputable journalists do!"

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

I love showing you guys the random shit I find because I know we all share a good larf over it.  But let's get to the MEAT, okay?

So yesterday, before inundating us with "OMG MY ALBUM IS OUT IT'S SO BEAUTIFUL AND PROFOUND AND I OBVIOUSLY DON'T KNOW WHAT THOSE WORDS MEAN BECAUSE MY ALBUM IS NOTHING LIKE THAT," Tila gave us the heads-up that Katy Perry was named #1 by Maxim's Hot 100.  I didn't go to the blog because, well, Tila sucks, but I did catch the opening paragraph on Facebook (and thankfully that's all you really need).

As you can imagine, most of the comments were as the ones you see here, with a few fans still kissing Tila's ass in the hopes of recognition...or tit pics, or nude ustreams.  Because these fans are too young to know that a mere google image search of "Tila's tits" unleashes a whole bounty right into your computer's screen.  And no, even though I linked to the man who spent 6 years injecting his wang with silicone, I am not going to link you to a google image search of "Tila's tits."  PRINCIPLES, PEOPLE, I HAS THEM.

Anyway, if you're like me, you might be thinking to yourself that Tila sounds just a wee bit bitter in her article.  It might be the random POW!!!!!! stuck in there, just a hint.  I wonder why Tila would be bitter about something like that?  Oh wait, no, it probably has to do with the la times writing this:


HA!

Thanks go our girl Monique, aka MissTilaOMG on twitter, for commenting with this linkOh, to live in Tila's world, where everything surrounding her is "beautiful," and "profound," but only to Tila.  To everybody else it's crab infested and smells like old beef jerky that's been slathered in mayo and left in the sun too long.

Hey, anybody got $2 I can borrow?  There's this really beautiful and profound CD I wanna buy...I have some neighborhood kids I wanna torture.  Thanks in advance,

Love,
Uncle Eddie

P.S. Here's a really good article on Tila's EP: Click it, bitches!

Hey guys!  Just finished watching Betty White on SNL and if you didn't see that shit, you need to make sure you go to nbc.com first thing tomorrow and witness the funniest shit that has ever been put on TV.

ANYWAY, you know how we've been saying since Tila's fail blog launched that she checks our site constantly?  Okay, so remember when it first launched and I made this post saying exactly WHY the blog sucks?   Okay, go to #8.  It says:

Not.

And the gossip blog is up! It actually launched when I was in the middle of typing that last post. I'll sum up my initial thoughts.

1. It looks really cheap. And it's on wordpress. LOL, a "professional" blog on wordpress. Uh huh.

2. This is the best part:



3. Everywhere it refers to itself as "The #1 Gossip Blog in the world." Since it's been up like, 20 minutes, I don't think you can really judge that yet (unless you're a stupid bitch completely up their own ass).

4. She has a section called "Got M.I.L.F?" which consists of 2 pictures of her looking skanky and one picture of Sandra Bullock, also looking kinda skanky. Don't get me wrong, I like Sandy and all, but...well, whatever. The best part of that section is this:

5. She makes a post refuting our claims that Jayden's Angels was a scam. She says she had no address for it - except she did, and we've posted it before. We also have her on ustream two separate times asking for donations - one time saying that anybody who donated would get a "special treat" from Mama T. I bet that special treat is herpes. She then includes emails she apparently sent to people "begging" them to help her set it up. So basically, all she's shown us is that she's too stupid to address the facts (what, was it a fake YOU on ustream soliciting donations, Tila?) and that she never, in fact, had a charity WHICH WE SAID FROM THE BEGINNING.

6. Her letter to Lindsay is hilarious. She begins by acting like she and Lindsay know each other and are friends: "To be honest, I remember us chatting for just a few minutes as there were a lot of fucking lurkers around and you know how that goes. It’s hard for us to keep in contact when those lurkers maybe the same people who will backstab us." Uh huh. She then continues: "I even tried to contact you on your Twitter but fuck all that Twitter bullshit! This is real. This is the only way I know that I can contact you and I KNOW you will read this." LOL. But the best part is this: "I literally told my friends a few days ago that it’s so sad that Me, Miss Tila, Once just a Myspace girl turned Reality star, and I now have surpassed Lindsay Lohan! Girl that is sad!!!! Cuz to me, you were the LEGIT SUPERSTAR, THE MOVIE STAR! And now, you have let a once Reality Star, Miss Tila, Surpass you!!! Come on girl!!!!!!" OUCH. On what fucking planet does Tila fucking meth-mouth Tequila surpass Lindsay Lohan? Okay you guys gotta read it, it's so funny.



She then follows this with like 3 or 4 pictures of HERSELF in New York. Wow.

7. So then I thought "I wonder if I can post screen caps of this shit at the Rotspot for all of our lovely readers?" So I checked out her legal page. HAHAHAHAHAHA.


 Yep, that's it! That's her entire legal page!

8. Wanna know how legit and professional this shit is?


 At least Perez Hilton knows how to use Google when he can't spell someone's name.

9. Speaking of Perez Hilton, does this remind you guys of anything?


 At least Perez Hilton's use of MS Paint is cute in that minimal effort sort of way. Yours, Tila, just looks pathetic.

10. Let's make it an even 10. In case you were wondering, according to Tila, it's Khloe Kardashian "whored herself" at 15.


Uh huh.

Oh and Tila can't let shit go. I know, this comes as a HUGE surprise to you all.


 Jesus Tila, how long ago did you date him? Who the fuck even cares about Jared Leto anymore?

There. It's exactly the train wreck we thought it would be. Don't expect updates often on this shit, because it's a horrible blog and I hate it already. It has no "home" feature (it does, it's just really small) and there's just too much bullshit being thrown at you with surprisingly little information. If she's really been working on this for 4 months, then I'm the goddamn Virgin Mary. Oh no wait, that's Tila. Well, you get my drift. I'm only updating you all on it because you expected it. Don't get me wrong, if she posts something hilarious we'll update you on it. God knows she'll plug it enough on her twitter and facebook. Go if you want, her little poll on whose blog this one will dethrone could always use more votes!

Peace out, bitches!