Monday, May 31
Happy One Month Anniversary WhoreMeat!
9:52 PM | 
Posted by
Fatty McFatterson
Ok, I'm on a roll. Just remembered it's been 4 weeks since WhoreMeat opened her stupid celebrity gossip blog. You know, the blog that is not a blog, nor does it talk about celebrities (mainly talks about the Idjit Midget Mogul) and lastly doesn't report gossip, just jelis hater talk.
She's been reporting that her blog numbers are averaging 1 million hits a week, so as soon as she reads this, and remembers it's her 4 week anniversary, she'll run back to her blog and report that she's up to 4 million hits. But, somehow she doesn't know, or doesn't care that there is a site meter on her site. Now, I've been blogging at various sites for 10 years. I was blogging before it was called blogging, so I know a thing or two about site meters. They're very accurate, especially if they're coded to your site. Not only do they count incoming web traffic, but they also count your own visits, unless you muck with the Preference panel and disable the commend to count your visits (which it seems she hasn't, so every time she logs in to swoon over herself, it counts as another hit).
Let's take a peek at the Idjit Midget Moguls numbers (remember, in honor of all the men and women who died so the Idjit Midget Moguel could enjoy the right to bash innocent people and ruin lives on her blog, I will not be printing her name).
Wait! Hold the train! 852,493 hits? This must be for the last week, right? Nope. It's for the ENTIRE MONTH!!! She hasn't even reach a mil yet. All that talk about a million hits a week, is just that, talk. The average length of visit is a minute. A minute for her readers to absorb all the EXCLUSIVE!!! POW!!! LEGIT!! POW!!!! gossip from the #1 GOSSIP BLOG IN THE WORLD!
But surely, a fledgling gossip blog needs to ramp up and gain some momentum. Tsk, tsk Fatty, for not giving it a chance. You can clearly see by the next graph that things start out slowly, and then the blog gains steam by leaps and bounds, on it's way to dethrowning Perez any day now...
Oh wait, no it doesn't.
This is inexplicable. I just don't understand it. Take this blog, for example. Now, I don't know of a site meter here, but I can tell you, from the number of comments, that this blog started out with a low viewership, but has gained a steady stream of readers and fans (call up Mr. Google and ask him about the 'rotspot' and see how many other sites and blogs mention it, and not only that, stand up and cheer for this site). This is what normally occurs with online blogs. They normally don't lose 50% of their audience by the second day!!!! Yes, the SECOND DAY, almost half of her audience dropped off the face of the earth! Wow. That dethrowning is going so well for you! HA!
Well kids, I hope that bedtime story put you to sleep. I shall join you in the land of sugarplums and jelis haterz. Until tomorrow, goodnight sweet bitches!
AHA! I just figured out why WhoreMeat calls it the #1 celebrity gossip site", because anyone searching that phrase will be led to her site. As a matter of fact, all searches on Mr. Google, reference her blog. With the exception of her own site calling out that phrase, all other sites are mocking her over it. HAHAHAHHAHAHAHAA. Omg. I love being evil!
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16 comments:
There was no way I was believing she was getting a million hits a week, even if she had a good gossip site, so that was a moot point with me.
If I'm not mistaken that spike we see is when her blog first went online and everyone was curious about it since Tila blew it up so much when she was promoting it.
After a LOT of people saw it was not what she said it was, they lost interest and didn't return.
I'm hoping by this time next month, or sooner, her blog which is really all about her, will be down and out for the count.
Great post.
Someone commented a few days ago that her google ads where pulled, and that that happens if they think your trying to do something a little shifty, like you us a program to make hits yourself.
So maybe she is counting her own traffic and thats why google pulled the ads? they seen thousands coming from her own IP.
I could just see one of them birds with water init that go back and forwards sitting on her desk all day hitting refresh :) lol
Hi Fatty
I noticed when you write a segment and insert something for us to view, it has the 'select' hand come up but the picture doesn't zoom for us to be able to read it. I've noticed it on a few of your posts so I suspect there's one part of the format you might be missing. I don't want to have to go to 'her' site to read the stuff you guys put here.
YOu don't have to post this publicly - and thanks!
yeah, but... Fatty - those numbers aren't in 'REAL TIME'; therefore, it doesn't reflect the REAL TIME EXTRA SPECIAL SUPER DUPER numbers that appear out of nowhere because they're REAL TIME and like that super-sexy Albert Einstein smart guy but with really bad hair would tell you, because anyone who knows about blogging and how expensive it is and how hard and everything and REAL TIME!!!! POW!!!! uhhh...
umm...
TILA ARMY! YAY! mmbphfhslhahshsh nappy time... zzzzzzzzz
Hi hi hi!!
@khandersuk - I emailed Fatty this morning to let her know. I can't change them as she is the one w/the original files for her posts.
Thanks for lookin' out for us! Unlike Tila, we have no excuse. I mistake is a mistake. We'll have it cleared up as soon as Fatty gets the email :)
Thanks!
Rotty
The funniest part is the "average visit time" is 1:01. HHAHAHAHAHA
KE$HA IS TRYING TWO COPY ME!!! OH NO DIS BITCH DIDN'T!!! YOU FAIL KOSHER!
LOLOLOL
WHERE'S MY PRETEND HOMIE BLOGZILLA HE'S THE ONLY PERSON FROM GLOBAL GRIND WHO DON'T BLEED FROM THE EYES WHEN I'M AROUND!!!!
AWWWW SHIT SON!!!
BAM! A LITTLE ESSENCE, A LITTLE ESSENCE!!!
Y'all know Emril stole BAM!!! from me!!! LMAOOOOOOO
@Ray. Google wont pull your ads because you generate your own hits to your website. They will pull them when you click on your own ads. Or have a significant percentage of them being generated from the same ip address and they red flag the account and will not re-instate it. I'm guilty of doing it to my own website. There so many other "adsense" type of companies out there but she is probably to stupid to realize it.
Clearly Tila's site gets SO MANY HITS that the normal site meters just can't keep up with the traffic! Yeah ..... that's it!
What's funny is that she constantly repeats her tweets.
When I go to celebrity tweets and see what she's tweeted, she'll tweet something, and regurgitate (sp) it like 3 more times to make it look like she's got all kinds of things to say.
Yep, she's a smooth smoothy alright.
TMZ is now reporting that Celebrity Rehab has been put on hold:
It should be easier than finding oil in the Gulf ... but "Celebrity Rehab" has been put on ice because they just can't find a big star with a big problem.
Sources connected with the show tell TMZ producers of "Celeb Rehab" can't fill the roster for the new season, which was supposed to start shooting today.
As we first reported, Tila Tequila and Jason Wahler signed on, but there are still holes in the roster. Most important ... we're told there isn't a big headliner.
Our sources say producers offered Lindsay Lohan $1 million and her own show, but LiLo turned them down. We're thinking a good move on Lindsay's part.
oh, tila. even though she claimed to have dropped celebrity rehab, yet claimed she was shooting for it, yet claimed she didnt need it while saying she did, looks like celebrity rehab is on hold.
http://www.tmz.com/2010/06/01/celebrity-rehab-vh1-dr-drew-lindsay-lohan-tila-tequila-jason-wahler/
Honestly that makes me ill that they aren't going through with a new season of CR right now because they can't find somebody who is fucked up enough to cast.
i kind of wanted to see her on celeb rehab....hmm....GO DO IT TILA! YOU NEED HELP!
i dont read numbers
I had a feeling when she was spouting off about being too busy for CR that I'd be hearing about the cancellation of CR in the next few days...
Jesus, she's getting to be so predictable she's boring the shit out of me! Couldja at least put a little effort into your fails, Tila??
Also, loving the new "whoremeat" name. It sounds so gross - it's perfect for her! (And a helluva lot more creative than "kosher" for kesha - again, a little more effort would be nice, Tila!)