I decided to post this week's edition of Stuporgirl early for you! I know, you love Uncle Eddie. And Uncle Eddie loves you!


This is the most accurate artist rendering of Tila's blog I have ever seen. I should probably inform you guys that (from what I hear) the Khloe Kardashian post has been taken down, as so has the Paris Hilton one. Now, Uncle Eddie refuses to go back to the blog that launched a thousand annoyed grimaces, and you can't make me! She gave some excuse like "their agents called a friend of mine and I would do anything for my friend so I took it down!" But you know what Uncle Eddie heard? "BLAH BLAH BLAH SUCKY SUCKY FIVE DOLLA BLAH BLAH BLAH."

She's also doing the "Tila Army Soldier of the Week." What a perfect chance for us "haters" to put a face to the idiots we make fun of, and for pedophiles to get their jollies, Tila! She might as well call it "Kid who was young enough to fall for my stupid bullshit of the week."

You see, it looks like I'm going to have to school this fuckin' cum-guzzlin' scunt in how to write a blog. She's already attempting to pick up on my snarky bitchiness because I have more fans than she does. Sad, I know. She's tryin' to use ME for press now, right!?!? LOL She makes claims that everything she says is TRUE. Therefore, this is against the law:

Not.

And the gossip blog is up! It actually launched when I was in the middle of typing that last post. I'll sum up my initial thoughts.

1. It looks really cheap. And it's on wordpress. LOL, a "professional" blog on wordpress. Uh huh.

2. This is the best part:



3. Everywhere it refers to itself as "The #1 Gossip Blog in the world." Since it's been up like, 20 minutes, I don't think you can really judge that yet (unless you're a stupid bitch completely up their own ass).

4. She has a section called "Got M.I.L.F?" which consists of 2 pictures of her looking skanky and one picture of Sandra Bullock, also looking kinda skanky. Don't get me wrong, I like Sandy and all, but...well, whatever. The best part of that section is this:

5. She makes a post refuting our claims that Jayden's Angels was a scam. She says she had no address for it - except she did, and we've posted it before. We also have her on ustream two separate times asking for donations - one time saying that anybody who donated would get a "special treat" from Mama T. I bet that special treat is herpes. She then includes emails she apparently sent to people "begging" them to help her set it up. So basically, all she's shown us is that she's too stupid to address the facts (what, was it a fake YOU on ustream soliciting donations, Tila?) and that she never, in fact, had a charity WHICH WE SAID FROM THE BEGINNING.

6. Her letter to Lindsay is hilarious. She begins by acting like she and Lindsay know each other and are friends: "To be honest, I remember us chatting for just a few minutes as there were a lot of fucking lurkers around and you know how that goes. It’s hard for us to keep in contact when those lurkers maybe the same people who will backstab us." Uh huh. She then continues: "I even tried to contact you on your Twitter but fuck all that Twitter bullshit! This is real. This is the only way I know that I can contact you and I KNOW you will read this." LOL. But the best part is this: "I literally told my friends a few days ago that it’s so sad that Me, Miss Tila, Once just a Myspace girl turned Reality star, and I now have surpassed Lindsay Lohan! Girl that is sad!!!! Cuz to me, you were the LEGIT SUPERSTAR, THE MOVIE STAR! And now, you have let a once Reality Star, Miss Tila, Surpass you!!! Come on girl!!!!!!" OUCH. On what fucking planet does Tila fucking meth-mouth Tequila surpass Lindsay Lohan? Okay you guys gotta read it, it's so funny.



She then follows this with like 3 or 4 pictures of HERSELF in New York. Wow.

7. So then I thought "I wonder if I can post screen caps of this shit at the Rotspot for all of our lovely readers?" So I checked out her legal page. HAHAHAHAHAHA.


 Yep, that's it! That's her entire legal page!

8. Wanna know how legit and professional this shit is?


 At least Perez Hilton knows how to use Google when he can't spell someone's name.

9. Speaking of Perez Hilton, does this remind you guys of anything?


 At least Perez Hilton's use of MS Paint is cute in that minimal effort sort of way. Yours, Tila, just looks pathetic.

10. Let's make it an even 10. In case you were wondering, according to Tila, it's Khloe Kardashian "whored herself" at 15.


Uh huh.

Oh and Tila can't let shit go. I know, this comes as a HUGE surprise to you all.


 Jesus Tila, how long ago did you date him? Who the fuck even cares about Jared Leto anymore?

There. It's exactly the train wreck we thought it would be. Don't expect updates often on this shit, because it's a horrible blog and I hate it already. It has no "home" feature (it does, it's just really small) and there's just too much bullshit being thrown at you with surprisingly little information. If she's really been working on this for 4 months, then I'm the goddamn Virgin Mary. Oh no wait, that's Tila. Well, you get my drift. I'm only updating you all on it because you expected it. Don't get me wrong, if she posts something hilarious we'll update you on it. God knows she'll plug it enough on her twitter and facebook. Go if you want, her little poll on whose blog this one will dethrone could always use more votes!

Peace out, bitches!

Okay little miss meth mouth. You're supposedly updating your blog which is AT THIS VERY MOMENT 56 minutes late. Well, for the latest launch date anyway. There's been so many...

Anyway, here's what Tila JUST tweeted:


Cute. That news would be 13 years old. How awesome and fresh! And way to delay your blog even more so you can update with this FRESH AND NEW information!

But Tila, you really wanna talk shit on someone for doing something as a teenager?



LOL Coach Carter? Really? So it's not okay for Paris to perform oral sex at 16 (shit, I wish somebody would have told Uncle Eddie that...), but it's okay for you to flirt with your teacher and offer him a lap dance?

NICE.

Oh and Tila?



LOL you're not that famous!