...look who's up lookin' like a cockstar with his crown and on his throne might I add! He definitely looks healthier than meth mouth and isn't on his way to rolling around and throwing temper tantrums on TV for attention rehab as we speak. I'm really starting to like Perez, he seems to have grown up a lot through the last few years. Either way, thanks to our awesome readers we were tipped off to a Perez TV chat session today. One part of it made me chuckle a little bit!





And I must admit, I'm really diggin' his crown (OK, I KNOW it's a fuckin' hat BUT it's pink and sparkly and I AM allowed to like shit like that!)

You see, it looks like I'm going to have to school this fuckin' cum-guzzlin' scunt in how to write a blog. She's already attempting to pick up on my snarky bitchiness because I have more fans than she does. Sad, I know. She's tryin' to use ME for press now, right!?!? LOL She makes claims that everything she says is TRUE. Therefore, this is against the law:

Not.

And the gossip blog is up! It actually launched when I was in the middle of typing that last post. I'll sum up my initial thoughts.

1. It looks really cheap. And it's on wordpress. LOL, a "professional" blog on wordpress. Uh huh.

2. This is the best part:



3. Everywhere it refers to itself as "The #1 Gossip Blog in the world." Since it's been up like, 20 minutes, I don't think you can really judge that yet (unless you're a stupid bitch completely up their own ass).

4. She has a section called "Got M.I.L.F?" which consists of 2 pictures of her looking skanky and one picture of Sandra Bullock, also looking kinda skanky. Don't get me wrong, I like Sandy and all, but...well, whatever. The best part of that section is this:

5. She makes a post refuting our claims that Jayden's Angels was a scam. She says she had no address for it - except she did, and we've posted it before. We also have her on ustream two separate times asking for donations - one time saying that anybody who donated would get a "special treat" from Mama T. I bet that special treat is herpes. She then includes emails she apparently sent to people "begging" them to help her set it up. So basically, all she's shown us is that she's too stupid to address the facts (what, was it a fake YOU on ustream soliciting donations, Tila?) and that she never, in fact, had a charity WHICH WE SAID FROM THE BEGINNING.

6. Her letter to Lindsay is hilarious. She begins by acting like she and Lindsay know each other and are friends: "To be honest, I remember us chatting for just a few minutes as there were a lot of fucking lurkers around and you know how that goes. It’s hard for us to keep in contact when those lurkers maybe the same people who will backstab us." Uh huh. She then continues: "I even tried to contact you on your Twitter but fuck all that Twitter bullshit! This is real. This is the only way I know that I can contact you and I KNOW you will read this." LOL. But the best part is this: "I literally told my friends a few days ago that it’s so sad that Me, Miss Tila, Once just a Myspace girl turned Reality star, and I now have surpassed Lindsay Lohan! Girl that is sad!!!! Cuz to me, you were the LEGIT SUPERSTAR, THE MOVIE STAR! And now, you have let a once Reality Star, Miss Tila, Surpass you!!! Come on girl!!!!!!" OUCH. On what fucking planet does Tila fucking meth-mouth Tequila surpass Lindsay Lohan? Okay you guys gotta read it, it's so funny.



She then follows this with like 3 or 4 pictures of HERSELF in New York. Wow.

7. So then I thought "I wonder if I can post screen caps of this shit at the Rotspot for all of our lovely readers?" So I checked out her legal page. HAHAHAHAHAHA.


 Yep, that's it! That's her entire legal page!

8. Wanna know how legit and professional this shit is?


 At least Perez Hilton knows how to use Google when he can't spell someone's name.

9. Speaking of Perez Hilton, does this remind you guys of anything?


 At least Perez Hilton's use of MS Paint is cute in that minimal effort sort of way. Yours, Tila, just looks pathetic.

10. Let's make it an even 10. In case you were wondering, according to Tila, it's Khloe Kardashian "whored herself" at 15.


Uh huh.

Oh and Tila can't let shit go. I know, this comes as a HUGE surprise to you all.


 Jesus Tila, how long ago did you date him? Who the fuck even cares about Jared Leto anymore?

There. It's exactly the train wreck we thought it would be. Don't expect updates often on this shit, because it's a horrible blog and I hate it already. It has no "home" feature (it does, it's just really small) and there's just too much bullshit being thrown at you with surprisingly little information. If she's really been working on this for 4 months, then I'm the goddamn Virgin Mary. Oh no wait, that's Tila. Well, you get my drift. I'm only updating you all on it because you expected it. Don't get me wrong, if she posts something hilarious we'll update you on it. God knows she'll plug it enough on her twitter and facebook. Go if you want, her little poll on whose blog this one will dethrone could always use more votes!

Peace out, bitches!

Okay little miss meth mouth. You're supposedly updating your blog which is AT THIS VERY MOMENT 56 minutes late. Well, for the latest launch date anyway. There's been so many...

Anyway, here's what Tila JUST tweeted:


Cute. That news would be 13 years old. How awesome and fresh! And way to delay your blog even more so you can update with this FRESH AND NEW information!

But Tila, you really wanna talk shit on someone for doing something as a teenager?



LOL Coach Carter? Really? So it's not okay for Paris to perform oral sex at 16 (shit, I wish somebody would have told Uncle Eddie that...), but it's okay for you to flirt with your teacher and offer him a lap dance?

NICE.

Oh and Tila?



LOL you're not that famous!

So remember this post I made a few days ago? Well Tila is STILL up Lindsay's ass, begging for attention.




Oh please Lindsay! Let me latch onto your fame! Oh please! I'm nobody and I'm crashing in Hollywood!

What's that smell? Smells like desperation up in here.

So Tila, you're team Lindsay huh? Then why did you say this?


Isn't it great how nothing on the internet is ever really gone?

And blog update: She's now saying in about 2 hours. That will make it approximately 7 pm West Coast time, 10 pm East Coast time. Wow Tila, you're quickly running out of time to launch it on May 3rd like you PROMISED. Kind of like the April 1st promise...and the March 16th promise...

While we're still waiting for this epic failure to launch, I thought I'd entertain you with this article from thehollywoodgossip.com.



LOL amazing.

Anyway, I'm working on a post for later, unless the failure to launch actually launches. Either way, we'll keep you up to date with the crazy little miss meth mouth.

Hey kiddies.  Education is super important.  Without an education you'll end up sounding like an idiot.  Like Tila.  And then you won't have any other option than to be an overly sexualized bimbo, and people will only love you for your wonky tits and INCREDIBLY loose vagina.  So come sit on Uncle Eddie's lap and we'll have a geography lesson.

Let's learn about Singapore.  First off, did you know that Singapore is NOT in Vietnam?  So if you were born in Singapore, you are NOT from Vietnam!  Even if your family is from Vietnam, YOU ARE NOT.

Secondly, did you know that Singapore is NOT a 3rd world country?  In fact, it is one of the richest states in East Asia!  Singapore is the fourth wealthiest country in the world in terms of GDP (PPP) per capita and twentieth most wealthiest in terms of GDP (nominal) per capita. Despite Singapore's small physical size, the country has the world's ninth largest foreign reserves and one of the biggest and most technologically advanced military in South-East Asia.  You can click here to learn more! 

And thirdly, did you know that Tila Tequila is an idiot?



Yes, there will be a test on this.


(From TRS: I didn't realize that you could get food stamps in a fake third world country.  In fact, there are countries that ARE NOT third world countries who DO NOT have the option of government assistance.  I just can't quite understand or comprehend the idea of a group of Buddhist "gang bangers" bringin' commotion to their gated community in Houston twenty years ago.  I guess at around nine years old skipping rocks in your community pool is considered being a "hard ass" when it's against the rules.  -  And out of the blue it hit me!  I get it now!  THIS is how TT learned to fuck for what she wanted.  I guess poor little Thien Thang Ching Chong had nooo other way to eat in Vietnam (bless her little heart) so she had to start swindlin' and fuckin' for food stamps.) 

Oh and by the way, her blog still didn't launch.  Supposed to be tomorrow sometime.  2 nights ago (so either April 30th or May 1st) I was looking through her old tweets and LOOKIE WHAT I FOUND:


Yes, you can see how fucking long ago that was.  That's 53 days shy of a year ago.  That means that was approximately June 23rd, 2009.  JESUS she's been working on it that long!!!  And it sucks!  The topics got leaked today, you can see them over on Spiked's blog.  No, nobody tell her Nicky Hilton's name isn't spelled Nikki.  Let her dig her own grave.  And I'm certain this is real, I mean, look how up her own ass it is.

Here's the intro video she just posted.  Don't play a drinking game where you take a shot every time she loses her place and forgets what she's talking about.  Uncle Eddie don't want no alcohol poisoning on his hands.




And I want to apologize because right now it's just ol' Uncle Eddie rockin' the Rotspot.  I do have some good stuff to show you!  I really do!  But you gotta hold your horses a little bit!  Or Uncle Eddie will hit you with his ring hand!

So I wake up this morning and the Resistance is abuzz with the news that Tila's gossip blog leaked. And, as we already figured, it sucks. No, really, it REALLY REALLY REALLY sucks. It's boring, it's dry, it's petty and it's stupid.

Go here to see what Spiked Tequila already said about it.

Or go here and see what our darling reader Steven Clarke had to say about it in the comments. Thank you much, Steven Clarke!

Look, it's crap. I mean, there's nothing more I can say about it. It's fucking horrible, it really is. In fact, here's a list of words that sum up Tila's gossip blog, courtesy of Thesaurus.com:

Abominable, amiss, atrocious, awful, bad news, beastly, blah, bottom out, bummer, careless, cheap, cheesy, crappy, cruddy, crummy, defective, deficient, diddly, dissatisfactory, downer, dreadful, erroneous, fallacious, faulty, garbage, godawful, grody, gross, grungy, icky, imperfect, inadequate, incorrect, inferior, junky, lousy, not good, off, poor, raunchy, rough, sad, slipshod, stinking, substandard, synthetic, the pits, unacceptable, unsatisfactory.

It's also embarrassing. Really, really embarrassing. I'm going to drive all the way to LA just to high five Perez Hilton.

Yes, Tila wants you to believe that she lives the life of a mogul. I don't know which mogul exactly, because she does shit like this:



 And of course

Ugh, sick. I don't know about you guys, but that fucking hotdog picture is now my favorite picture of Tila EVER, even though it makes Uncle Eddie's gigantic phallus shrivel up and die. Hey, if The Gnome can have a giant cock, so can I!

Anyway, since her "Party with my Syphilis" tour is now over, we see what the daily life of a mogul...no, fuck that, HOGUL...is really like.

Spiked Tequila gave us a great write-up of Tila trying to get attention from Perez Hilton today, during his twitter feud with Mr. Flesh Colored Beard himself, Spencer Pratt. You can read it here. In short, Tila can't stand that Perez won't give her the time of day, even though she tries so hard to get his attention. Personally I love it. She tries so hard, look:


LOL. I hate to break it to you sweets, but he's not going to respond. He couldn't give less of a fuck about you because you are nothing. You are shit to him. He's not afraid of you, HE JUST DOESN'T GIVE A FUX. LOL see what I did there? Also, the media outlets are saying that about your blog dethroning his because THEY'RE QUOTING YOUR FUCKING DUMB ASS IN THE INTERVIEW YOU GAVE. Jesus fucking Christ Tila, you can't possibly be this stupid, can you?

And just for kicks, let's look at a recent picture of Perez.


Why the fuck does she still call him Piggy Perez? He's obviously lost a lot of weight and looks fucking awesome. Look at him, Tila, you gonna say he's copying your "trademark" blowing a kiss pose? Ooh and he's with Lindsay Lohan - she went to his birthday party! Did she ever go to yours? No? But you tweet her so often! Just because she NEVER EVER responds...I mean...I thought you guys were friends! (LOL no I didn't. You're fucking pathetic, Tila.)

So anyway, a little later Tila can't get off this Perez kick she's on. She tells her Tila Army to vote in this poll:


And you can see her Army runs to it in DROVES. FUCKING DROVES I TELL YOU.

Wanna see how it turned out?


Note: you can STILL go vote on this poll. But oh, poor Tila. Even your army couldn't help you win this one.

And then, my personal favorite, she starts telling us all about Alexa searches.


I did one of my own - I compared Tila's new yet-to-be-launched gossip blog to Perezhilton.com. Here's what I got:


LOL you can hardly even see Tila's gossip blog WAY down there at the bottom! The stats on the right, like where it says "up 70%" are the stats for Tila's gossip blog. Yes, in the past month, when you've been out spouting your meth-crazy word vomit all over the place, the hits for your blog have gone up 70%. Too bad they're going and seeing that it's not launched yet. But you still see how the numbers are REALLY REALLY LOW? Does that show you how successful your PR pantyshot tour was?

And you better believe if the gossip blog actually ever launches we'll be keeping an eye on it, just to see if you ever really do beat Perez. (Hint: DOUBTFUL)

And thus, kiddies, is the real life day of a hogul. Everybody golf clap for Tila!