Hey guys. I moderate the comments, and I also see on twitter where y'all BITCHES are complaining that there aren't a lot of entries over here anymore. That's for a few reasons, let me explain:

#1: We're short 2 writers right now. The Gnome (mah wifey) is in jail for something called "absurd sex crimes" and she's currently awaiting trial. What can you do? You can post lots of jailhouse recipes for moonshine in the comments, or you can show up at the courthouse and try to stop the 12 midgets and 3 donkeys from testifying. I'll be doing the second. FREE OUR GNOME! FREE OUR GNOME!

#2: Rotty, the HBIC, is super busy decorating her bedroom. Here's a pic of it. You should all feel pretty lucky to see a pic of Hotty Rotty in her element.


So basically your dirty Uncle Eddie and your favorite Fatty Fat Fat are running the ship while our two companions sort their shit out.

#3: Tila is fucking retarded and boring. She wasn't doing anything that really caught our attention. She posted in her comments on her fail blog the other day that she's pregnant again.


How fucking dumb is that? Seriously, if she WAS pregnant (and nobody believes she is), she'd be posting that shit all over her fail blog, not just in the comments. And yeah, the other day she made a comment about posting proof of her mischairages (I didn't see it personally, but I've heard about it), and let Uncle Eddie tell you something. If you're really waiting on her to post proof, you're gonna be waiting a damn long time. You know she won't. She'll drop it for a while until she's pressed again, and then she'll get all ghetto-fabulous (you know she types with her head shaking all "oh no you di-int!") and say "I ain't gots to prove nothing to you HATERS!" Same shit, different day.

Anyway, faithful readers, tomorrow we'll have the new Stupor Girl for you, and maybe we'll be posting pretty soon about her hideous new hair or whatever the fuck she's up to now. I, for one, am kind of happy she got her FB back. Now I don't have to go to her stupid goddamn blog to know what her posts are about.

For all of you voicing your concern, I can happily announce that the Yeti has been vanquished and has retreated back to it's cave of solitude...for now.

Oh and one last thing. We've been getting a lot of inquiries on doing guest writing here. We've decided, if you're interested, you should write them up and send them to: fukutila@hotmail.com. We'll pick the best ones and post them. K thanks.

UNCLE EDDIE OUT!

So I wake up this morning and the Resistance is abuzz with the news that Tila's gossip blog leaked. And, as we already figured, it sucks. No, really, it REALLY REALLY REALLY sucks. It's boring, it's dry, it's petty and it's stupid.

Go here to see what Spiked Tequila already said about it.

Or go here and see what our darling reader Steven Clarke had to say about it in the comments. Thank you much, Steven Clarke!

Look, it's crap. I mean, there's nothing more I can say about it. It's fucking horrible, it really is. In fact, here's a list of words that sum up Tila's gossip blog, courtesy of Thesaurus.com:

Abominable, amiss, atrocious, awful, bad news, beastly, blah, bottom out, bummer, careless, cheap, cheesy, crappy, cruddy, crummy, defective, deficient, diddly, dissatisfactory, downer, dreadful, erroneous, fallacious, faulty, garbage, godawful, grody, gross, grungy, icky, imperfect, inadequate, incorrect, inferior, junky, lousy, not good, off, poor, raunchy, rough, sad, slipshod, stinking, substandard, synthetic, the pits, unacceptable, unsatisfactory.

It's also embarrassing. Really, really embarrassing. I'm going to drive all the way to LA just to high five Perez Hilton.