Tila is stupid. She's several-extra-chromosomes stupid. How do I know? If I knew there were several web sites devoted, I mean, DEVOTED to dissecting my blogs, tweets, Facebook posts, interviews, and appearances, and then making a fool out of me (and a liar, to boot), I'd be very careful about providing them with more ammo. It doesn't matter how many guns your enemies are toting, they're completely useless without the ammo. If you supply the ammo, you're the fool.

Then a kind commenter here at the Rotspot (thanks Boots!) posted a url for this interesting interview Tila had with Digital Spy this week.

Let's break this bad boy down, shall we?

she doesn't do things in half measures! With new single 'I Love My DJ', new EP Welcome To The Dark Side and her very own record label to run - not to mention a management firm and her own gossip blog - we somehow managed to grab a few minutes in her hectic schedule for a chat.

Her very own record label to run? Well this label has been around since January, how many people has she signed in the last 8 months? Let me give you a sec to count to ZERO! RazB? Nope. TexazTwinz? Nope. Rob Johnson? Nope. As a matter of fact Tila changed the name and created a symbol she promised to reveal to the world months ago. We still haven't seen or heard anything since.

Management firm? Would that be LittleMissTrendSetter? Oh goody, please tell me who she's managing? Ford model? Nope. Shawn Merriman? Nope. He sued her ass for copyright infringement back in December 2009, and won a reported $2 million default judgement. The only 'client' she has, is herself.

Gossip blog? I didn't realize she had a gossip blog. Ohhhhhh. The Flog!! My mistake. I thought that was a self-grandizing, marketing ploy that ripped off stories and pictures from legitimate sources and passed them off as her own.

Tila Tequila is so long ago - it was a screen name, it was on MySpace, it was from Shot At Love.

Is this a multiple choice question? Let me fill in the rest of the choices:

A. it was a screen name

B. it was on MySpace

C. it was from Shot At Love

D. it was given to me at age 13 after I got sick after drinking tequila

E. it was an ironic nickname because I can not, and do not drink alcohol

I'm aspiring to be a mogul.

BWAHAHAHHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. Oh, wait, I mean, oh Tila dear, you want to be a mogul? Well honey you're talented enough and you're smart enough to be the biggest mogul the world has every known. You go get them girl!! BWAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHA. Sorry folks, that just made me all 5 ways silly. A mogul isn't something you aspire to, like being a washed up, std-riddled lying skank. No. A mogul is accomplished after many years of hard work, contemplative business decisions and a keen sense of business and finance. A mogul is never a self-titled position, its a status other see you as. Mogul. Heh. Sorry.

I don't like to copy trends and what's hot right now

Well you slipped in a true statement there Tila. You damn well do not copy trends or copy what's hot right now! Why should you follow trends about decorum and self-worth, when you can be a trendsetter, instead of a trend follower? What A-list (or Z-list) celeb does that whole rolling-on-the-ground-like-an-convulsing gutterslut pose? No one! What A-Z List celeb stuffs their wonky nips into an ingenius top made of belts? No one! What A-Z List celeb knowingly walks out of their hotel room without their panties and then proceeds to flash her rancid vag lips to the audience? No one! You started these trends Tila. Never let anyone take that away from you!

Casey cries in Heaven every time she hears you caterwauling this song you dedicated to her. Jesus is right beside her, crying the same big ass tears and shaking his fist at that heroic Viet Cong who allowed your family to live to see your birth 6 years later.

Was this interview done back in April, before April 23 when she posted up this blog that confirms Rob is signed (after only a couple of hours of negotiations it seems...sigh things were so much easier back in the olden days!)

Oh, I get it. He was signed, but then they went back to the negotiations, and now he'll be signed again. I hope he has time to get that summer album launched, cause my calender says July 21...and that's one month in to the three months summer. Silly me.  I bet she meant New Zealands summer, which is December to February. 

I don't want to be one of those people who tries to do this and that and is then a mess, so I told them to let me take care of this first, take care of him and I'll do it one at a time. It's a small business building up. Once it gets bigger I can bring more people on. I want to do it the point where it's realistic what I can handle.

Confucius says: If a record label isn't prepared to sign their first contract, and they don't have the time to drop an album and launch a tour...well can they be said to be prepared to be a record label? 

Once it gets bigger I can bring more people on.

How many more people do you need beyond the 20-30 you claim currently work for you? Maybe you can pull Bradshaw off fashion and have him do something worthwhile for a change. Aww don't get sand all up in your vagina, 9Head. You know I love any gay man with a plato-esque forehead and paint rollered on eye brows who can bedazzle the hell out of hooker!

I think it's great because it makes their dreams come true but the only con is that it happens overnight and the contracts aren't great

But, but.... I thought that's what your record label was all about...making people overnight stars and promising all their dreams will come true! It's all right there in that Rob Johnson blog above...

And no Tila. The "only con" is you.

I may be reading too much into all this. Tila, no offense, but I think you kinda told the smallest smidgen of a lie in that interview.

I really needed a break from Tila's cult-mongering and exploitation, so I thought I'd read some of her tweets from today to see if I could find some undiscovered gems. Of course, I hit a tiny motherload!!! Now, this isn't something big like the whole SUICIDE HOAX, but I thought it was a small token.

Oh Poo! what do we have here? This is dated February 14, 2010. It appears there was actually 16,000 submissions and she went through all of them and only found the Texas Twinz as talented enough to sign to her label.

Well, that begs the question, what ever happened to the Texaz Twinz? A visit to their Twitter didn't give any info, but a visit to their myspace, did: texaztwinz. Lovely site, but I don't see any mention of Tila's secretly named record label or the badass symbol. They say they're unsigned and their management company is The Monster Squad. Oh wait, silly me, they've probably been on the road so much touring that they haven't had time to update their info...yep, I was right, they last were seen on myspace on June 13, 2010. Of course not updating their label status is not a priority for anyone trying to get a foothold on credibility in the music industry.

Now that summer is upon us, I expect to see great things for Rob Johnson...you remember the American Idol winner 2nd place runner up New Zealand Idol 7th place runner up. Tila promised this summer he was going to BLOW UP on her label, and she'd be doing heavy press tours and having him run all over the world performing for all of us. Let's look at his myspace, just for shitz and gigglez: robjohnson. Again with forgetting to update the signing status? What's with all these musical acts forgetting to update that TILA BOSS MOGUL PUSSY POWER BITCH IN DA HOUSE is their label? Both have 'unsigned' as their status. Oh, mayhaps 'UNSIGNED' is the new super secret name of the label! Very clever Tila. Now when I visit all these band myspace sites and see UNSIGNED, I'll know you have your herpetic little fingers in the pie!

I just happened to be beating my cat with a spatula tonight and a couple of the neighborhood teeny-boppers came running over screaming "OMG!!!!! TILA'S SINGING AT FATTY'S HOUSE!!!" Oopsie.

Let's start at the 5th bullet point. So Tila has started her 'tour' as of Wednesday. Not a large tour by anyone's standards, but hey a moguel has to start somewhere. With all the acts she has allegedly signed to her secret label, why didn't we see anyone opening for her? I would have thought her new boo RobinRob would have jumped at this opportunity. And if she's taking these new acts on the road with her how will she deal with the shear numbers of artists she intends to sign? If RobinRob and R2D2 and Smega and Lost Locos and Justin Berber are all signed, how will you have room on stage for all of them? And what about them forging a career outside your impressive shadow?

I do like that you're giving them 5-star accomodations. That's so generous of you, after we saw you at the 3 1/2 star Luxor (which is currently a 2 star after your "unposed" photo spread). I'm sure the Tila's Army of Morons and Halfwits are suitably impressed that you'll live in the doghouse so the clients can live like kings.

So, let's take a peek at what RobinRob is really getting himself into. Over on bullet 6 Tila's lawyers somehow got around that whole conflict of interest thing and they are allowing her to tell her potential clients that she will not only be their label, she's also be their manager! Wow. I hope you didn't spend a half a mil on this advice Tila dear. There's a little law in California that says that's a no-no.

Did you have to pay extra for bullet 7, where you promise that "literally overnight" they will be in business, their record will be put out and they will start making money and seeing checks come in. Let me search my addled brain for the date you signed Mr. RobinRob. I believe it was in late April. Hmmm. It's been over 2 weeks and we haven't heard about Mr. RobinRob in a while. What happened to him being an overnight sensation...LITERALLY??? Oh, wait, isn't he suppose to come out this summer (summer being only one month away)? I'm sure you've lined up events from the moment he gets off the plane (when the paparazzi meet him) to the moment he finishes his international tour. Hold on a sec so I can at least check the dates on his itinerary. I know, it's a little soon, but most artists have a page where they have at least a couple of dates and "TBA" (to be announced) filling up unconfirmed dates. Hmmmm. Over on Rob's myspace there is a mention of Tila on a youtube, but nothing about him signing to her record label. Nothing about upcoming tour dates. Nothing about upcoming iTunes releases. Nothing about any upcoming or current press dates. I mean, basically, I might as well be signing this kid to my personal label, Fatty Records, for all the good it's doing him. He does talk about an upcoming single release, but it's just a vague "due for release in 2010", and I believe that was on his myspace before the Tila encounter. Wow. Tila's sure doing a lot for this young man. I will say, I don't blame him for getting involved with her and I wish him the best of luck, but c'mon dude, you should have done your homework!

I hope Mr. RobinRob can perfect his red carpet body fling to the ground to pose seductively, because I think that's all he's going to learn from the midget idjit.

Until next time dear readers...

*sidenote, I love all you gays...but it's no secret that gay men are bitchier than women*


Like the attention whore and master manipulator that Tila is...she attempts to twist it into her being the victim....AS USUAL...


There was a whole lotta blah blah blah after this...because Tila can fill a page with bullshit like no one else I've ever encountered.....