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Thursday, May 13

postheadericon Lady CaCa

I just happened to be beating my cat with a spatula tonight and a couple of the neighborhood teeny-boppers came running over screaming "OMG!!!!! TILA'S SINGING AT FATTY'S HOUSE!!!" Oopsie.

I did give out a couple of autographs though, and the Conga Room booked me and Mr. Cheezy (of course, I'll be accompanying him on the spatula) to come play a few sets. Mr. Cheezy will be on the catwalk (get it?!) with a couple of cat collars buckled over his chest and the remnants of Tweetie hanging off his shoulder.

So, I've been searching blogs about Tila's performance last night, hoping to find a review, ANY REVIEW! Pretty much nothing out there. I did find a slew of horrible pix, including her feathered GaGa mask, which if you ask me, should be a mandatory accessory for every outfit. Of course, Tila will spin it that she came up with the GaGa look and Lady Gaga retroactively stole it from her, but I do have to say it smacks of delicious desperation.

In other news, I spent last night with cucumbers over my eyes after re-reading Tila's record label promise. I figured if she's doing such a bang-up job promoting her own musical career, she has to be doing some wonderful things for the artists she intends to sign.

I've been mighty concerned about the young man from New Zealand who signed up with the nutjob. I have a couple of issues with record label promises, perhaps we can hash this out here to try to make sense of it:

Let's start at the 5th bullet point. So Tila has started her 'tour' as of Wednesday. Not a large tour by anyone's standards, but hey a moguel has to start somewhere. With all the acts she has allegedly signed to her secret label, why didn't we see anyone opening for her? I would have thought her new boo RobinRob would have jumped at this opportunity. And if she's taking these new acts on the road with her how will she deal with the shear numbers of artists she intends to sign? If RobinRob and R2D2 and Smega and Lost Locos and Justin Berber are all signed, how will you have room on stage for all of them? And what about them forging a career outside your impressive shadow?

I do like that you're giving them 5-star accomodations. That's so generous of you, after we saw you at the 3 1/2 star Luxor (which is currently a 2 star after your "unposed" photo spread). I'm sure the Tila's Army of Morons and Halfwits are suitably impressed that you'll live in the doghouse so the clients can live like kings.

So, let's take a peek at what RobinRob is really getting himself into. Over on bullet 6 Tila's lawyers somehow got around that whole conflict of interest thing and they are allowing her to tell her potential clients that she will not only be their label, she's also be their manager! Wow. I hope you didn't spend a half a mil on this advice Tila dear. There's a little law in California that says that's a no-no.

Did you have to pay extra for bullet 7, where you promise that "literally overnight" they will be in business, their record will be put out and they will start making money and seeing checks come in. Let me search my addled brain for the date you signed Mr. RobinRob. I believe it was in late April. Hmmm. It's been over 2 weeks and we haven't heard about Mr. RobinRob in a while. What happened to him being an overnight sensation...LITERALLY??? Oh, wait, isn't he suppose to come out this summer (summer being only one month away)? I'm sure you've lined up events from the moment he gets off the plane (when the paparazzi meet him) to the moment he finishes his international tour. Hold on a sec so I can at least check the dates on his itinerary. I know, it's a little soon, but most artists have a page where they have at least a couple of dates and "TBA" (to be announced) filling up unconfirmed dates. Hmmmm. Over on Rob's myspace there is a mention of Tila on a youtube, but nothing about him signing to her record label. Nothing about upcoming tour dates. Nothing about upcoming iTunes releases. Nothing about any upcoming or current press dates. I mean, basically, I might as well be signing this kid to my personal label, Fatty Records, for all the good it's doing him. He does talk about an upcoming single release, but it's just a vague "due for release in 2010", and I believe that was on his myspace before the Tila encounter. Wow. Tila's sure doing a lot for this young man. I will say, I don't blame him for getting involved with her and I wish him the best of luck, but c'mon dude, you should have done your homework!

I hope Mr. RobinRob can perfect his red carpet body fling to the ground to pose seductively, because I think that's all he's going to learn from the midget idjit.

Until next time dear readers...


fata.morgana_101 said...

Yeah, that ridiculous body fling she does. The way she's always rolling over on her back and kicking her legs up makes me think she's trying to audition for a bug spray commercial.

No Stupor Gurl this wednesday :(

Eduardo Retardo said...

No, our esteemed artist for Stupor Girl is going through some bad shit in real life, so she's opted to take the week off. Hopefully next week Stupor Girl will be getting into more trouble for our amusement.

Monique said...

Not sure if you noticed, but her EP was distributed by INgrooves.

"INgrooves provides clients customized distribution, marketing, promotion, synch licensing and administrative support to help maximize the earnings potential of specific releases or catalogues. INgrooves and ONE Digital clients include: Universal Music Group, VP Records, K-Tel International, Fat Possum, Metal Blade, Dolly Parton, Too $hort, Thievery Corporation, Spinal Tap, and Tila Tequila."

Jen said...

You know Fatty, you bring up a good point - as entertaining as it is to go to her retarded site, and as hard as it is to NOT post to her fucking sheep, it's better to refrain. I didn't think about that.... I was posting on her site (my name was Bye Bye Tila) & calling every one of her fans (6) sheep & baaaa'ing at them. Ya... maybe I shouldn't type while drinking! HAAA! Kidding. OK - thanks for the morning laugh.... will check in later on today for more insight to our favorite little troll

Jenn said...

This morning one of Tila's 12 year-olds asked her, "if you could go anywhere in the world where would it be?" Her response..."I would go to Mars! I already been all over the world! hehe." As much as I doubt that she's been all over the world, oh how I wish it were possible to send her ass to Mars...on a one-way ticket. ticket.

I think what this Rob kid is experiencing is puppy love. I bet Tila showed him her tits (well one of them at least...I wouldn't go showing that crooked nipple around if I was her) and now he thinks that she's just the bees knees. She promised a bunch of things that nobody has promised him (as Fatty has noted above) and he's dumb enough to believe her. Poor puppy.

Isis said...

Did anybody see her say on her blog about how her event was at the Staples Center? LARF!

Annelies said...

miss ti-herpes?????

sure as hell looks like it. so that's why she tried to put the attention to the TaTa's.

Anonymous said...

Guys, I'm sorry to have broken a Resistance rule, but I went to her gossip site for LOLz and get this: she's now saying her stupid "concert" was held at the STAPLES CENTER. BWAHAHAHA! Someone needs to tell her that giving BJs in the parking lot doesn't count as performing at the Staples Center.

Alabama Worley said...

This represents what I hated about being a stripper and going to stage AFTER some idiot wore a home made dress with feathers on it.

I looked through the photos and this is what I can't figure out (chime in if you are a singer) how can you possibly stabilize your voice when you are .cm's away from the microphone and moving every 2.5 seconds? I would think if your voice is already slightly shaky and you aren't lip syncing then you really should stand still a bit, even more so if you are really new to singing live.

I really enjoyed this photo

I told you guys they did something with the heads of the vultures! PROOF! errr POW! Yea pow.

And finally

She didn't do her fucking nails. Also pupil check! Opiates anyone? She wasn't drunk this bitch was high as all hell.

Sorry I can't stop

Here's her Paps... Leo, forehead and probably Gary. All seen here at stage right. I like how forehead is pouting off to the side.

I dont see the herpes (this is why I'm currently going through 104 photos) but what you'll notice if you glance through these pictures is that the DJ's are laughing their dicks off in every photo.

Here is your daily pupil check