Friday, July 30

postheadericon Throwback Tacky Tila: Edition 1

This will be a weekly feature from your dearest, Seola Uno. I will dig deep into the chlamydia and push aside the warts to get to some old info, articles, etc. on our beloved cum dumpster. We’ll get to see her lies played out several years ago and show she had haters long before us and will long after. I will attempt to number the lies, so throughout our time together, we’ll get to celebrate each and every driveling, winding, cheesy lie and you get to count up! We are going to start with one of the first tweets off her “officialtila” account with Twitter. Just for fun’s sake – let’s start where the Rotspot did.

Excuse me while I catch my breath. 485 days ago, or 69 weeks, or 16 months ago – someone tweeted her something that hurt our poor little Tila. This tweet proves relevant for one major reason. “Wtf are you on?” Ah hahahaha hahah roflcopterz. This coming from the skank who’s “on” dozens of unwitting guys and girls and drugs too! I can say that because Tila herself admitted it when she thought she was going to get some love from the Celeb Rehab folks. But here also lies an insult that many of us have not ticked off the list (black people, African Americans, men, pregnant women, “non ethnic”, etc.). It’s a not so clever blond reference!

Can’t keep betting when you’re broke, baby. You’ve gambled on trying to take out an NFL star (fail), gambled on several pregnancies (fail), faking mental illness (fail), faking suicide (fail), IVF claims (fail), dating site (fail), gambling site (fail), record label (can it be a fail if it never started?), music (fail), house in Thailand (fail), fake engagements (fail) and you don’t even know how to operate a simple alarm clock to get to flights on time.

Time for Lie #1.

For all the working out she did, Oliver Stone had no projects from this tweet through now attached to Tila’s name. Really though, how slow does someone ask a question to have time for someone to do all that? And why, oh God, why couldn't she have knocked herself out forever by one of her beef curtains smacking her in the face during a jumping jack? Yeah bitches, you know you got that imagery. Don't be grossed out - think of how fucking funny that would be.

Now, as minor as this lie is – it’s got the lolz. Lie #2.

Tila spouting intelligence on how we are all vibrators! You see, we are made of energy, not… *snort* vibrations. Energy doesn’t vibrate; its energy in shifting is made of natural combines. Humans have to manipulate energy of atoms and rearrange it to make shoes. Atoms are not vibrations – they are solid mass. The lie comes in with this stupid claim of an experiment in Philly. She claims this isn't known because it's a government cover up. But somehow, Skankbag Tila was able to get what would probably be classified Yankee White security clearance? Like, she totally only exists because we read the interwebz. Get it? Does this mean if we shake Tila hard enough she’ll disappear? Wow – that’d be amazingly awesome. If everything Tila always wanted was a shitty, trashed apartment, a dog chained to a stripper pole, no car, no job, no money and a sidekick with a forehead they are turfing now for the Superbowl – she wins! But why didn’t she rearrange her atoms to save Casey, instead of having Casey move all her shit (and medications) to her house, then locking her out and Casey’s dogs in, and take off to parts unknown?

8 comments:

suz said...

ahhahaaha Vibrators! I'm dying ova here! Thanks Seola and welcome. <3

Apocryphal You said...

Freakin' bless you for wading through the sewage. "I learned how to use my atoms." Dear Lord baby Jesus, lyin' there in your ghost manger, just lookin' at your Baby Einstein developmental videos, learnin' 'bout shapes and colors. I would like to thank you for SeolaUno and the rotspot.

SammiDe said...

ahahahaha this is to funny! So can we please get a boat and a generator and PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE CAN WE MAKE HER DISAPPEAR!? Wow, if only it were that EASY!

& VERY good job Seola! :) You fit right in I see! hehehee Awesome! ☻

Anonymous said...

She's talking about the Philadelphia Experiment during WWII. You guys need to get more hip to well-known conspiracy theories if you're gonna cover Tila. She either does some reading or watches old episodes of the X-Files.

Seola Uno said...

Anonymous - I was speaking of the angle of it not happening and no proof or knowledge exists. She's claiming she "knows". That particular conspiracy has (at least in my limited experience, I love reading the conspiracy theories - this one isn't particularly well known, especially since it's around thousands of military cover up conspiracies) nothing to do with vibrations but rather what would be called a cloak of invisibility, altering light and visuals rather than vibrations. I decided not to interject that theory because she was not speaking of anything relative to it, but a passing reference to Philly. ( I always did wonder why they didn't just X-ray the hull of the ship for humans stuck inside :D )

I suppose it would logically reference this, but either way - the position still stands that even to get that information, it would be highly classified and no part of what she is saying pertains to anything out there, which includes her vibration rant.

Apocryphal You said...

@anonymous Suppose you should get more hip to the rotspot before telling a contributor how they should cover the hogul. You don't.

SammiDe said...

Yeah really! We don't want it back on LOCK again now do we? No!!! So kindly STFU, K thnxbi!

Jana said...

The BEST part of my day is my morning coffee, my morning cigarette and my daily dose of rotspot. I love each of your girls more and more. Thank you for everything you have done. Her demise is just right around the corner..mark my words.

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