This will be a weekly feature from your dearest, Seola Uno. I will dig deep into the chlamydia and push aside the warts to get to some old info, articles, etc. on our beloved cum dumpster. We’ll get to see her lies played out several years ago and show she had haters long before us and will long after. I will attempt to number the lies, so throughout our time together, we’ll get to celebrate each and every driveling, winding, cheesy lie and you get to count up! We are going to start with one of the first tweets off her “officialtila” account with Twitter. Just for fun’s sake – let’s start where the Rotspot did.

Excuse me while I catch my breath. 485 days ago, or 69 weeks, or 16 months ago – someone tweeted her something that hurt our poor little Tila. This tweet proves relevant for one major reason. “Wtf are you on?” Ah hahahaha hahah roflcopterz. This coming from the skank who’s “on” dozens of unwitting guys and girls and drugs too! I can say that because Tila herself admitted it when she thought she was going to get some love from the Celeb Rehab folks. But here also lies an insult that many of us have not ticked off the list (black people, African Americans, men, pregnant women, “non ethnic”, etc.). It’s a not so clever blond reference!

Can’t keep betting when you’re broke, baby. You’ve gambled on trying to take out an NFL star (fail), gambled on several pregnancies (fail), faking mental illness (fail), faking suicide (fail), IVF claims (fail), dating site (fail), gambling site (fail), record label (can it be a fail if it never started?), music (fail), house in Thailand (fail), fake engagements (fail) and you don’t even know how to operate a simple alarm clock to get to flights on time.

Time for Lie #1.

For all the working out she did, Oliver Stone had no projects from this tweet through now attached to Tila’s name. Really though, how slow does someone ask a question to have time for someone to do all that? And why, oh God, why couldn't she have knocked herself out forever by one of her beef curtains smacking her in the face during a jumping jack? Yeah bitches, you know you got that imagery. Don't be grossed out - think of how fucking funny that would be.

Now, as minor as this lie is – it’s got the lolz. Lie #2.

Tila spouting intelligence on how we are all vibrators! You see, we are made of energy, not… *snort* vibrations. Energy doesn’t vibrate; its energy in shifting is made of natural combines. Humans have to manipulate energy of atoms and rearrange it to make shoes. Atoms are not vibrations – they are solid mass. The lie comes in with this stupid claim of an experiment in Philly. She claims this isn't known because it's a government cover up. But somehow, Skankbag Tila was able to get what would probably be classified Yankee White security clearance? Like, she totally only exists because we read the interwebz. Get it? Does this mean if we shake Tila hard enough she’ll disappear? Wow – that’d be amazingly awesome. If everything Tila always wanted was a shitty, trashed apartment, a dog chained to a stripper pole, no car, no job, no money and a sidekick with a forehead they are turfing now for the Superbowl – she wins! But why didn’t she rearrange her atoms to save Casey, instead of having Casey move all her shit (and medications) to her house, then locking her out and Casey’s dogs in, and take off to parts unknown?