Monday, May 24
EXCLUSIVE!!! It's Perez's Party, Tila Will Lie If She Wants To!
2:36 AM | 
Posted by
Fatty McFatterson
Sorry RotSpotters, but your girl Fatty's been under the weather and sick in bed the last couple of days. I wanted to blog about this sooner, but it just couldn't be!!!
Tila posted this Saturday:
Now, I've been waiting for Tila to say something about this, because back on May 20, I found this delicious little Twitter from Swinging Richards, a gay nudie bar:
Yes, Tila received an invitation to appear WITH Perez, but it was not an invitation FROM Perez. It was an invitation from Swinging Richards. Tila is spinning it so that she can now save face and be palsy-walsy's with Perez because now that his blog has EXPLODED and he's been offered $20 mil, it's going to be hard for her to say she "dethrowned" him.
I found it hilarious that the club says this is a hush-hush event because of Tila's fear of the paps!!! HAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! No, it's a hush hush so Fatty doesn't have time to do her homework and call Swinging Richards and expose the truth (that whole Conga Room scoop really hurt ya, huh Tila?), but hey, Fatty has access to better 'insiders' than Tila (well, if you count Mr. Google as the only insider. That dude gets around!).
In other tweets it appears Tila isn't so much a guest, but a PAYING CUSTOMER, omg, the lies keep piling up:
So, let's take guesses on who these 30 VIPs are of Tila's:
Well, if we did a head count, 9Head accounts for 9 of them. Tila's hydrocephulectic melon adds another 2 to that number. Tila's sister brings it up to 12, and then I imagine the other 18 are her imaginary staff.
Here is the rest of that Perez blog entry, cause you know, Tila has to try to spin her view numbers once again:
There is just too much funny in the above post. I love how she simultaneously tells us to disregard Alexa, and then pats herself on the back over her 'rankings' believing that her ranking of 15,000 puts her in the TOP 15,000 sites in the whole world. No you pointy headed simpleton, it's not that at all. I copied and pasted this from leapinghare.co.uk, which is a glossary of internet terminology:
Alexa Traffic Rank
A measurement of traffic to a website drawn from data provided to the search company Alexa from tracking software embedded in the Alexa Toolbar. Some people view this as an increasingly important measure of a website's success. However, it is relatively easy to manipulate the statistics and it only measures visits from users of their toolbar, who may not be your target market. If you ask your customers if they use the Alexa toolbar and everyone says "yes", then it is time to work on a higher ranking. Many people (and most anti-spyware software) view the toolbar as a possible security risk.So, if you use the Alexa toolbar for your searches, it's saying that Tila's site is 15,000 on the chart for United States users of Alexa's app. It does NOT indicate that her site is the in the top 150000 of the world (as she says) or even in the US. It doesn't measure overall popularity. It is just saying that a lot of people are checking Tila's stats (in light of her lies of how many views she gets). They are checking her site through Alexa, that's all that's being measured.
I am waiting for Tila to respond to Perez's good fortune at being offered megabucks for his site. Of course, she'll say that he had to take the deal because she is too powerful and she's about to catch up to him.
See that practically flat blue line on the above graph? That's Tila compared to real celebrity gossip bloggers. Sure enough, she's dethrowning them all!!! NOT. BLUE LINE FAIL!!!!
Also, she keeps throwing around this 1 million viewers the first week, and 2 million total in 2 weeks. Well, it's actually been 3 weeks Tila. She announces that this is practically unprecedented for a new website. (Of course, we know her numbers were no where near 1 mil. She bragged that first week that she had 800,000 views and 500,000 unique users (more numbers she pulled out of her semen-packed ass). I guess if 1 million views, on a blog you've advertised for well over one year is phenomenal, than what do you call this unknown 12 year old boy, Greyson Chance, who in the same 3 weeks time span has over 20 million views of his youtube video of his 6th grade talent festival. And, to add insult to Tila injury, the boy has over 3 million views on one of his original songs, and close to 3 million on the other. In addition, he was a guest star on Ellen and there's talk of him signing to a legit record label. Think about it, this little boy was not even known outside his small town three weeks ago, and now he's more of a celeb than Tila will ever be. Not to mention, immensely talented. Hey Tila, how many copies of I Fucked the DJ did you sell? Pretty much a big fat fail, right?
You know what would be really easy Tila? Post the stats you claim you screen capped from your computer. You remember, the stats you claimed would prove the haters wrong. You remember, the stats you said you'd post, except if was so 'high school' of all us silly billys to require that proof. You say you have the only true numbers, so prove it. I'm holding my breath.
Ok, the meds are kicking in again. I'm getting loopy, and you know when Fatty gets loopy, it's not a pretty sight.
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7 comments:
LOL another well done post again! The whore continues to fail at LIFE! So much for dethroning Perez with her blog. The only title she take from him is being the most annoying person on the internet.
OMG. I would sooo love to be a little mouse in the corner that night! When is this party of Perez' that Tila got personally invited to supposed to happen? Fatty - any way you can get some deets from Swinging Richards? Can't wait to see how this plays out.
Thien just admitted she's going on celeb rehab. I had a big comment but I'll save it for the official rehab post.
hey i was reading D listed couple minutes ago ..blog about Tila..and suddenly i almost choked of laughing..because in that same blog it was mentioned Eyjafjallajökull which is icelandic´s volcano..and myself is from iceland..man i so proud hahhaha
http://dlisted.com/node/37380
The only thing Thein can claim to have 1 million of, is STD's.
Hope you're feeling better Fatty.
Godspeed on your recovery, Aunty Fatty.
I'm a lil cornfussled. Please help me out here. How does "I had 75k viewers" + "RECEIVED OVER 235,000+ VIEWERS!!!!!!!!!!!" (whew! I gave myself the brain woosies try'n'a count all those exclamation points one1eleven11 "DAYAM [oh dear gawd, help me, here comes more...]!!!!!") = "RECEIVED ALMOST 2 MILLION VIEWS" ?
I figured this was a good time to try out my Retardo-bot McDuh super-mathematician outfit and charge up whatever brain cells I had left over from last night's debauch.
I tried to input the numbers in my LCD Casio watch-calculator (circa 1982) but you know, my calc has got the smarts and threw me shade when I couldn't figure out how many zeros there are in a million.
...Something tells me Uncle Eddie and I had the same basic math teacher.
The putrid dwarf has "one million hits" and Perez has 20 million dollars.