Monday, April 12

postheadericon BaBa Booey, Howard Stern's Penis!

Dear Howard Stern,
You have a billion fans worldwide, and we here at the Rotspot are no exception! We see that tomorrow, April 13th, you are going to interview none other than Tila Tequila. Well, since we specialize in all things related to the midget hogul MOGUL, we would like to assist you! Here are some topics to discuss:

Her lovelife
As you may know, at the end of last year Tila became engaged to Casey Johnson, heiress to the Johnson & Johnson empire.


Tila made goddamn sure that we all knew Casey was a billionaire. Casey bought her that 17 karat diamond ring. Did we mention she's a billionaire? Even though the rest of the world was reporting differently, Tila made sure we all knew that.  Then, tragedy struck. Casey Johnson was found dead. Tila mourned.


Tila's Pregnancies and Subsequent Miscarriages

On December 19th, Tila tells the world she's pregnant:


 The entire world laughs at her. It quickly changed from being a baby for her brother, to being one just for her. In fact, she got pregnant FOR CASEY.


The world continues to laugh at her. You may wonder why the world laughed? Well, Howard, this whole pregnancy thing is nothing new to Tila. You see, last year she claimed to be pregnant:


And, as you know, NOTHING CAME OF THAT ONE EITHER. So we basically waited with baited breath for the miscarriage announcement. In February, she falls and dents her head. No, seriously. Ask her. She'll tell you that bullshit lie, too. If you're lucky, she'll tell you that's what caused her miscarriage. If she doesn't tell you, here's a few of the tweets she made about it on Feb. 13:


So then, just two days later, Tila tweets that she feels great pain in her stomach but she doesn't want to go to the doctor because of the paparazzi.


Later, Tila would tell us that she had a miscarriage when she dented her head. That's the lie she's going with as of late, so I'm sure she'll tell you guys that, too. Keep in mind that she got on a 24 hour flight two days later and performed in Australia at 3 shitty clubs. Because they'll totally let you do that right after a miscarriage! AND SHE DID IT IN WHITE TIGHTS!

So now Tila claims a miscarriage, just as we said she would. Was there ever a baby? HIGHLY DOUBTFUL. Anyway, she then claimed to be pregnant AGAIN, this time via IVF:


But then she basically stopped talking about it. Here's a random miscarriage admission, but now she's pregnant again because God blessed her:


Ugh, anyway, the pregnancy shit gets real boring real fast. Is she pregnant? Sometimes? WHO GIVES A FUCK. This bitch is crazy, Howard. Anyway, the funny thing about the pregnancy/miscarriage shit is how UPSET she gets when you mention it. Because it sucks being caught in a lie. But funny, she has no problem joking around about it on twitter, when she can delete it real quick. Good thing for everybody I'm quicker.
Here's a picture from bauergriffinonline.com


Cute, huh? Here's what she tweeted about it:


 Wow, for somebody who recently went through a miscarriage, she sure is fucking JOVIAL about it!!

Tila's Music

It sucks. Go ahead, listen to it. She mainly rips off other artists. She has this one song, Blue Dress:


Oh, except it's really Depeche Mode's song. Yeah, after she got busted lying about it, she now says she covered it.

Here's a full list of music Tila has ripped off.

Howard, we're counting on you not to be overtaken by Tila's prostitute-like appearance and focus on the real issues. Like the fact that she thinks she's going to become the ambassador to Vietnam in a few years:

video

When she has videos like this around. Yes, that's her masturbating.

Oh, and maybe if you're lucky you'll get to talk to Jane! Jane is Tila's other personality. She is WAY more fun than Tila. Just watch:

video

Basically you guys over there are going to feel like this by the end of the interview:


 Just stare at Tila's tits. Yes, as you can see, girl has a serious hack job. You're a connoisseur of sweater puppies, Howard. Are nipples SUPPOSED to be cock-eyed like that?

Sincerely yours,
The girls at the Rotspot
<3 <3 <3 P.S. This is the Tila we know. Everything in this cartoon is true.

13 comments:

likereally said...

you should add some stuff about Casa Wilson since it was recent!

likereally said...

OH and how she's mentioned a NEW MAN on facebook. even though she denied dating anyone today on Fox... wtf

Isis said...

I miss the old school Tila when she had more meat and her boobs were smaller. She just keeps getting thinner and thinner it seems.

WandaCal said...

I'm sure you already know this but what the hell! I'll say it again:

Eddie! You are da BOMB!!!

starfish said...

wow she contradicted herself so many times. she got offended when he said he sees nude pictures then she agreed and says she needs to update her playboy pics....geez! ha! hey is there any way we can hear the interview? i have to hear it!!! yes howard please, address these issues haha!!

Praxis said...

I'm wondering if she is on some kind of bad combination of prescription drugs like adderall, xanax, zoloft, ambien, and pristique all at once. It would make a lot of sense. I know some people on really bad combinations like this and they behave similarly. Add alcohol and forget about it. Come to think of it, Lindsey Lohan strikes me that way too.

Does anyone know if this could be true? I can't imagine that she's only doing crank + alchohol. The Big Pharma combinations trump even that. I've seen it over and over.

Seagal said...

Love Love Love the letter. Great Job Eduardo!!

Erin said...

@Starfish, download the free 30 day trial for Sirius here http://www.sirius.com/siriusinternetradio or if you have a blackberry or iphone, get the Flycast ap and find Howard 101 under genres "talk". It's the west coast feed so it starts at 9 am. It's how I pass my days at work. :-)

boytoy said...

you want playboy pics of tila go to yahoo images and type in "tila tequila" or "tila nguyen" there's your free pics.

Howard will probably rip her a new one

starfish said...

thanks erin...

josh said...

She was scheduled to go on Opie and Anthony too.. But they decided not to have her because of her "rules".. They weren't allowed to bring up Casey Johnson, they weren't allowed to call her Tila Tequila(had to refer to her as 'Miss Tila'), and they weren't allowed to film her and post it without the clips being reviewed and ok'd... It's a shame because Howard doesn't slam people like he used to.. But these guys?... It would've been a radio bloodbath..

Eleanor/LNR said...

Beautiful just beautiful

RNB007 said...

"Life of a Mogul" cartoon, LMAOOOO!!!
OMG that made me crack up!! LOVE IT! =)

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