Wednesday, September 1

postheadericon Miss Seola Advice Column

So Tila has apparently gotten some random advice question... it's under her name on her flog so that people will see she's "still around", especially after shafting the Tila Army 12 and ignoring them for... almost a week now! The silence was almost deafening, thought I may have had some leftover poo in my ears from all the Juggalo news.

So, we have someone - who apparently has a long distance relationship. My thoughts in red. First, let me point out, both the email "to" her and "her" response, are in block form. Coincidental before reading it for sure. Not many people write the exact same way, especially someone in college not using any paragraph breaks.

“Hi Miss Tila,

Well, what can I say about you is that I admire you alot. Every single damn letter to her apparently has to kiss her ass constantly.

I have a huge problem and that’s why I want your opinion or your advice!! Umm... we'll see this person is so "smart" later, but both are of the same here.

So I’m begging you to give me some advice about long distance relationships. I have this girl that lives in Hawaii and I live in California but what it most hardest is that we’re sooo far apart from each other and we have a special connection between us. We get to the crux of the argument here. So most likely some nerdy gamers who met on Second Life or something. Unless you are seriously desperate, you don't go looking for relationships on dating sites outside of the possible area you would move to or could travel to. How would I know about gamers? I am one. I DJed in Second Life for a few years and you wouldn't believe how many times this exact story comes up.

And this is why I’m writting to you Miss Tila cuz I need your advice or your opinion about my relationship!!! So here’s my story about relationship with her. I had met her for 3 months as we were friends at first we realized that we had alot things in common like we both like kids, we both are studying criminal justices, and some others things. As weeks and days went by we started to send emails to each other; pics. of us and some romantic emails. Aww... let me start by saying "criminal justices"? WTF? You see kids, Seola has studied some law. (Nope, didn't complete, didn't want to when I interned and found out how long weeks you work for the moolah and the cost of education combined). Criminal Justice is plural already. Anyone in their first class knows that one. I digress. So this brilliant person, who is studying criminal justices cannot form a complete sentence with atrocious grammar, horrible sentence structure... ugh. It's a peeve of mine - people who seemingly have some sort of high degree or studying but cannot write. It's A LOT. Not alot dammit! *sigh* So, they met online for 3 months - yep, in any classic real situation, this is a gamer romance. You won't convince me otherwise! Since this person doesn't exist, it's a bit of a moot statement. What man or woman, that you don't know in real life and only for a few months, will admit to "I hate those fucking retarded cunt of children!" Yeah... we like kids. Totally awesome argument on how in sync you are.

The only problem is that I havent meet her in person yet only on pics. that we send to each other. I know that it’s wrong to send pics. but she says that she has fallen in love with me. But for some reason i cant explain my feels towards her. I hope that you Miss Tila could understand me like the way I understand you.

Thank you and I hope that you could write back when ever you have time Miss Tila!!” Meet... like arm meet? You meet her "on" pics? Sound familiar kiddies? I like the whole period after pics like its an abbreviation or something. Pics is unilateral at this point and has been considered for an addition to the dictionary. And why the hell does this person not seem to be able to capitalize ALL their I's or none of their i's. This is what's known as misdirection when someone is posing as another. People are consistent in their writing, online or off. While I write like this on a blog, I don't write like this on Twitter, but I am consistent between each medium.

Aside from all that, I could write a whole other blog on the grammatical, spelling and structure problems in this "email to Tila from someone else". Not that it's entirely important but since it follows Tila's vernacular and is inconsistent throughout AND is supposed to be written by someone studying law (someone who would at the lowest levels, prepare written statements, write out dictations, draw up formal proposals, etc.) is what gets me. The very first courses required for even basic paralegals in a real college would be an English course.

Now, all that said, we move on to Tila's advice.

As I was reading your letter, I was slowly able to relate to you because I once had a long distance relationship that was very hard and took a lot of effort. Yeah, Japan is quite a ways away from the US.

I was ready to give you advice on all of that, until I read the part where you said that you have never met each other in real life! Ummm…. I don’t mean to be the bearer of bad news here, but unless you have chatted with each other LIVE, whether on Ichat, Skype, etc, so that you can see that this person is who they say they are, then I highly suggest you be careful in this situation. Ah, infamous live stream Tila is so fond of. Well, lets see - I can think of a dozen reasons why someone cannot live chat. I want to start by the point that if neither can visit each other, neither probably has many means. There is a slight possibility this girl would be so broke, she doesn't have a webcam and her pics are from other friends phones/cameras. Or maybe she is so broke, that her laptop or computer cannot run a chat program and a streaming service. Maybe she is still on dial-up. I can tell you this from a po' broke teen girls experience. Also, while Hawaii has it's gorgeous resort areas, much of the population still lives without high speed access (logistics prevent many areas from getting it) and she could be in a net cafe with Wi-Fi. When I met my husband (yes, online, but not a game), I also had a newborn baby. He knew, but he certainly didn't really need to hear a screaming baby or see poopy diapers.

Thousands of people get fooled by other faker’s on the internet who use fake pictures of other people they find. It’s a bit pathetic, I know, but I also understand that in your mind, you are so in love with this person you have been chatting with online and sending photos, but you never chatted with this girl LIVE on webcam. This is not untrue, but it's not true 100% of the time either. Webcam's can be deceiving as well. I could just as easily take a video online, splice it from Camtasia, make it choppy so you cannot tell it's not a mouth moving, blame the speeds and voila! I'm a sexy European chatting with my real voice, but not my real video feed. But anyone who knows Tila, doesn't need her to lecture on fake pictures (ow ow ow, my arms are bleeding, it's art, it's me, it's attempted murder!).

You said only sending each other pictures, and never met in real life. This sounds like a very shady situation and if I were you, I would be more cautious. Next time you chat with her, ask her to get on the webcam for you so you can see that it is really her. If she continues to make up excuses, as to why she cannot get on webchat with you, then block her immediately. It means she is a FAKE. Umm... it's just as shady on his part. He hasn't taken steps to show himself either. Blocking over a specific, single time of demanding and making an ultimatum is not how to cultivate a relationship. What if this girl is all she says she is? I wouldn't say yea or nay, but geesh, pretty stupid and harsh advice. Logically, it wouldn't happen anyways. This "writer" is apparently smitten with this girl. A one time demand she didn't bow to would not force anyone to block someone out of their life. Frankly, if I was unable to chat and someone said "show yourself or we're through", I'd be saying "bye".

Don’t waste your time getting heartbroken over a girl who isn’t real…… Unless she can finally show you that she is, on webcam, but after chatting with her for THIS LONG, without seeing her one webcam yet, sounds sketchy to me. May be a faker. So she ISN'T real, you make a demand... for someone who "may be a faker". Three months is not that long, especially if you've been a girl who doesn't trust a lot of people. A friend of mine basically went through steps for a year before meeting a guy, who proposed on the spot. It's the exception I am sure, but Tila is laying down absolutes. They chatted for a couple months, then sent pics for a few months, the spoke on the phone a few months, they didn't get on webcam for like... 9 months or so, I believe. They met on their "year anniversary" and have been married almost 10 years now.

Save your heart for someone who’s real, and not someone who’s stealing people’s photos, pretending it’s them. Trust me, a lot of people have been fooled this way and it’s not cool. Just be careful. So wait, she isn't real for sure this time? Sure, a lot have been fooled - but not all, and there are no stats on who has or hasn't been done like that. For every crazy "not real" person, I can come up with people who've found total bliss online. My mom and dad are one (my dad is actually my step), they hit 10 years this last June. My husband and I passed 6 extremely tough years with miscarriages, deployments, 5 of his family dying from cancer and a special needs child (I mention all this to show that it's not just cheesy people staying strong in marriage), which included his adopting my newborn son. I have dozens of friends who met online. My friends hate the bar scene - meeting online is sometimes the last option if you don't like to go get hammered or if you have children. Being military is especially tough to meet people because you don't have the basis of people willing to set you up.

Best of Luck,
Miss Tila

My point of all this rambling and ranting (maybe I should have had coffee first, who knows?) is that in the grand scheme of things, 3 months is not that long. I know when Tila wrote to herself, she was trying to sound all hoity toity and know-it-all. But that's me! If giving real advice, what should be more concerning is the fact of how they met and the fact that neither seem to have any disposable cash to actually see each other. If that's the case, they may not meet, webcam or not, for a year or two or three. Even if they could verify each real existence, several years, while trying to finish a degree is at best impossible. You have never met and the longing for physical touch from the one you are in love with is too much of a strain. After a certain amount of time, especially since they are moving so fast, love cannot be fostered without even a simple hug or kiss.


Jubilee said...

Hahaha i just read that and i was laughing so hard I spat out Faygo. She hasn't even tried to change her writing style! I came on to say, if you haven't seen this yet, you MUST, it's the funniest fucking thing I've read in forever.

angela said...

I remember on THSD site, Tila talked about falling in love with a girl in her chatroom whom she had never met and just happened to live in Hawaii. I believe that Tila wrote this letter herself. She was probably referring to herself when she mentioned the lies, the phoney photos and pretending to be someone she is not. After all, Tila is the biggest fake of them all.
Great Post Seola!

Sandra said...

I wrote a comment on her flog to that post, saying that some people can actually have a real relationship as long as they play it safe and don't lose their hearts too quick. I've heard heaps of fantastic stories of love online, I have also heard horror stories as well. If she's giving advise she should not only tell him about fake people, but give advise on if he keeps going on with the relationship on how to stay safe and tell him that some can and do work out. I also said it's funny he's asking for advise from someone who's never had a successful relationship in her life.

My next comment after that one, I said, "it's so funny taking advise from someone with a blue waffle," and whatta ya know, bummer it got deleted. Yippee my first deleted comment, I'm growing up *wipes a tear*.

Isis said...

off to belittle the hat BBL

Seola Uno said...

Jubilee - a couple writers debated that post on her warrior stuff. It was so... out there and absurd, I can't personally digest it. I can't make any snarky comments on it because it's just that laughable on it's own! One may tackle it, but not me - it's just so damn stupid. The only thing I could come up with is that it was Lun-Ti, then Ti-Lun or whatever...

There is someone saying "thanks for the advise" but I doubt it was towards him, his writing is even worse!

Sandra, I agree, both sides need presented. Safety is probably the biggest problem related to the net relationships. Maybe it was me being sexist, but since it was a "man" who wrote it, it didn't cross my mind in general. I'd be more concerned on the safety aspect if it was a girl, but you are right - there are some really psycho girls out there too. Play Misty For Me rings a bell.

Ben said...

Well this is the same hogul who got a letter that read "I'm broke and alone" and told that person to up and move to New York.

I do agree that the writing styles look entirely similar, I wouldn't be surprised if she got a 1 line question and decided to expand upon it to make it "more interesting". One thing is for sure, she sure is afraid of fakers.

I love that she's refusing to tweet her army. Odds are her lawyer told her to shut the hell up cause she was either contradicting her story, or bragging about being high. Either one wasn't good. She's not too busy because she's still posting shit on her flog.

All I know is that with each Blue Waffle mention I'm tempted to google, but I really don't need to see anything that makes me lose my lunch, so it's my desire for info vs my dislike of vomiting.

Anonymous said...

"Once upon a time there was a nameless warrior called Lun-Ti"


Thank you for posts, Seola Uno--you've been missed. I love the interplay between the TRS writers' styles.

Everyone's writing has a specific signature--even trolls.I'm always amused when Tila tries to pass off flogs, love letters (remember the Former Hater letter?), comments and now, a Dear Crabby letter.

Jubilee said...

Seola, totally agree that it's LULZ aplenty on it's own, I just love that now she's a ninja warrior who's parents shoved a butter knife in her mouth, but she warmed the hearts of all the hospital with her big smile! JESUS CHRIST she can't even finish a sentence without saying how hot she is, even as a kid, it's a sickness. Histronic Personality Disorder is what it is. POW! NINJA TILA! I miss Jane :(

Anonymous said...

It's rather odd that he is saying he wants to know what Tila thinks of his relationship. WTF? Who in their right mind would ask someone a question like that, nevermind someone he doesn't know? It's symptomatic of the type of person Tila attracts - those who believe they connect with her through a computer.

I am not downing the internet as a meeting place as I myself have had my share of good and bad experiences over the years. But I agree Tila is overly focused on the negative, most likely due to her own relationship difficulties. In the therapeutic world, this is known as countertransference.

It truly concerns me to no end that Tila's direction at the moment is giving advice. She cheapens the entire process, which is far more complex than taking a problem at face value and thinking she can deal with it. The first rule she needs to learn is 'do no harm.' Fortunately this shouldn't last long as she changes direction so much, I hope this is something she drops. It's dangerous.

Seola Uno said...

khandersuk - I'm with you. I think your comments are definitely valid ones. I'm not totally versed in the issues you mentioned, but it had crossed my mind, though much more crudely than you stated. I was just thinking, when people write anywhere to her about relationships, you are right, it seems to be always bad. I did look up the term you used and it sounds just about perfect. I think, given just a quick look at it, that your thoughts apply to everywhere in her life.

Business to blogging, relationships to music and models - it all seems like it's all negative to her, to lift herself up.

Kungfukitten said...

A quick grammar tip because some people are getting these confused. Advice is a noun: "I'd like to give Tila some advice regarding her wardrobe." Advise is a verb: "I advised Tila not to piss of the Juggaloes." Don't be mad at me, if I don't do this once a year they'll take away my English license. Loved this post! The letter did feel like Tila's writing, kinda all over the place and repetitive.

angela said...

I googled blue waffle. All I can say to that is, LMFAO

Ben said...

I caved on the Blue Waffle, that's Ti-Lun to a T

Barbara said...

Don't quote me on it, since I haven't been with him in a while, but a Brit I dated used to spell advice as "advise" and bitch that it was the same thing.

How bizzarro is it that the first letter from a "reader" sounds like real Twatwaffle Tila and the second one from the purported actual Tila sounds like some sort of alternate-world Twatwaffle that's been run through both a spell-check and a fifth-grader for potential proofing?

What's this wacky world coming to when we can't even depend on reading shit that's supposedly come out of her own mouth to not be illegible anymore?!

Think of the children!