Saturday, July 31

postheadericon Who, What, When, Where, How and Why!?!?!?!


ROTTY!  WE NEED ANSWERS!!!!!!!!

Well, considering I'm a pretty big cunt I usually don't feel the need to explain anything to anyone.  But since I've found a little place in my mean ol' heart to allow some love in (Don't tell anyone, it might ruin my reputation!) I figured I'd give you a little bit of info on what has been going on.

We've been very busy lately and I was getting ultra bombarded with bullshit from a wolfenbeast, the pedo & attention whore couple (internet love I tell you - it's precious), the midget hogul's usual retardedness, and that no name girl trying to use the Rotspot for some exposure.  And boy did she get it.  We just all wanted and needed a break and goddammit, we're entitled to it. 

There are still some new posts to give to our loyal readers for our Six Month Anniversary!!!!  You will also notice two NEW writers.  Seola Uno and Apocryphal You have been invited to write here with us at the Rotspot.  We are very excited to have these jelis haters alongside us.

Tila chose to run her cocksucker because she was in hopes that her threats did something.  Unlike her, I am NOT a liar.  I don't have to lie and say that "something is temporarily wrong and I'm working on it".  The blog was never "shut down" as you'll see in this post.  *points and laughs* at TT!

So back to the reason of why we're here - to make fun of the drug induced, money grubbing, hooker known as Tila "the skank" Tequila.

Now ... on with the show!!!!!!!! 



postheadericon Overseas trips = prostitution?!?!



Recently TT took a "trip" to the UK to "perform" in sleezy nightclubs as usual.  That's her thing.  She's proud of it and I guess rightly so since she can't get anyone here in our wonderful country to pay her to do shit ... except suck some cock.  Funny enough, readers also think that she goes on her "tours" for the same reason.


Boy oh boy!  You really don't know how close to right you probably are.  I can't say for sure who's knob she was slobbin' on during her infamous rolling around on dirty club floors and falling off of stripper poles, but I CAN tell you that she certainly becomes pretty interested in some money for some sucky sucky.  Rotty, HOW do you KNOW this?  Well you see, a little birdie has been sending me emails and you don't know HOW HARD it has been to keep it a secret.  And I know, I haven't REALLY kept it a secret.  I've hinted at it to torture all of you guys.  I know, I know ... I'm a mean motherfucker!


I really don't have to say too much.  In my opinion, this says a lot ... it once again proves that I'm right Tila.  I wonder if the guys know that you're giving them something they can't wash off?  Anything for a buck, right whore?  We're onto you ;)  Too bad Van Der Sloot didn't entice you with one of his big modeling contracts before he got busted killin' girls. 


Friday, July 30

postheadericon The Tale of the Tila Tree


First of all it's good, no fantastic to be here at the Rotspot! After all those meetings on the "casting couch," with the Rotspot writers, I was given a golden ticket. Thank you! Once I buttoned my shirt back up and chased away the smell of sex and shame with some Jean Nate body mist, I packed my typewriter and hazmat suit and set out on a journey to find the real Tila.


Look if they can start selling Christmas decorations in July then by golly I can draw upon this most joyous of seasons to begin my tale of Tila.

Last night in a flurry of activity on the hogul's twitter and blog, similar to the trots, Tila grew tired of wandering around her condomansion, pulling at her hair, scratching at the invisible bugs under her skin, adjusting her moldy thong, and she decided to share her sexy with the world. Again. Well mostly just the people who care about her. I mean mostly those that are on twitter who care. I mean just those that don't laugh at her. Mostly just the kids who think talking to a star who talks back to you is some great shit. Mostly just 13 kids.

Anywho, Tila in her quest to engorge her "lady gardens" (thank you Daily Sport epically important interview) with the attention that she needs to stay alive, decided to post
early modeling pictures for her mostly under-aged fan base. Well just a picture of her leaning against a wall and then one of her pushing her tits together. Well, really just a picture of her sticking her oiled ass up while tip-toed in hooker heels, and the one where she pushed her tits together and dared the camera to come closer with her goblin eyes.

Tila dug around her condomansion last night. Glass pipes and Red Bull cans were flung about in her tornadic search for the Holy Grail of hodom, several hard drives full of her nakedness. Once she put up the solar array and sequenced the hard drives with the Russian satellite she sucks antenna for in turn for a signal, she offered these most unclean images to her fans. Well to kids.


What incredible choices. I almost feel like I'm at the Furrs in hell. Now comes the tree bit. Much like Charlie Brown's Christmas tree, the hogul is an overlooked and pathetic thing. Not too many folks want to hang around her, shower her with presents, or make her the center of attention. Charlie Brown took it upon himself to make the lonely little tree the most special Christmas tree of all, and Tila has no Charlie Brown (though 9 head Bradshaw would make a great Charlie) to make her feel special and loved.

So she makes herself special and loved by forcing her sexuality onto the plates of her many followers. Lots of fans. Several kids.

Tila "I can't scratch my crabs hard enough" Tequila decided that pictures weren't enough; she needed more of her sexy out there to get her drained nether regions excited again. Also she needed the attention so that her heart that was five sizes too small would begin to beat and swell, and grow because of the because she's a succubus like that. And also because Tila really wants to tempt young people to be sexual with her and to be sexualized by her. More on that in another blog. First here's the enticing description of her video:

Hogul uploaded the "naughty" video shoot that contained among other things:
  • Pulling down her bikini bottoms because her demon snatch needed to breathe
  • Shoving her hand down into her undies to close the gateway to hell
  • Sucking on her fingers like she had just eaten some Doritos
  • Rubbing her crotch so the genie would come out and grant her three wishes
I have done my duty for my fellow Rotspotter's by sitting through this "modeling shoot," to bring you what I felt was the very best. Tonight I shall not sleep.



As you can see these totally were the best parts of the video. I took some roofies just so I could forget the rest. Isn't it wonderful when a full grown woman is so goddamn out of her mind that she feels compelled to put her tits and ass all over the places were she compliments, teases, recruits, and then exposes under-aged children to her lonely vies for attention? Somebody please make this offender stay at least 500 feet away from school zones.

I see now that Tila "Valtrex Prescription for Life" Tequila doesn't have anything but the glow of her laptop, the warmth of the computer on her legs, and the quiet of her condomansion with the crunchy dog piss stained carpet, and the never ending confusion of the glamor room sinks.

Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was never a predator, but that one up there is. Charlie Brown's Christmas tree became a beloved symbol of the triumph of the living over the fake. When Lucy picked up that big silver aluminum tree, Charlie chose the small, living one.

Up there trying her best to be something is a big 'ol fake aluminum Christmas tree. She can't be real with herself, she can't be real with other people, and she gets pleasure from being just a decoration.

I can see her now. She wipes the Doritos crumbs off her chest while eating in bed. She shakes away the carpal tunnel pain in her wrists from googling herself; her head dips down after lighting the pipe and she falls asleep between the bed and the wall, while far away at another computer a child reacts to Tila's video and pictures. And tomorrow that child will draw a picture of Tila with hearts and be the happiest they've been in a long, long, time when they get that tweet from the shark up there, to let them know they have been allowed into her army.


postheadericon The Rotspot: Overflowing with Love (and Boobies)


Hey guys!  So how do you like our newest writer Seola?  Personally I like her a lot, but only because she puts out.

So if you're reading this, it means we're unlocked!  Yippee!  Hooray!  However, as I'm writing this we are STILL locked, so it's a little weird.  Anyway, in an attempt to get us to unlock early (you cheeky bastards) we were inundated with love and admiration over on twitter.  I wish I would have saved some of the tweets that abounded with #TeamRotSpot in them, because some of them were amazing.  What I did save, however, were the awesome twitpics we got!  So here you guys go, see if you can recognize your art!


This one made me lol for a long time.  This was the first.  Then came the boobies.




What's up with everyone on #TeamRotSpot having huge knockers?  I dunno but I approve.


And, not to be outdone, my boyfriend got his sweater puppies out for a good time.


Merlin knows what's up.  High five, Merlin.





Wow, Sade!  That's as close to a celebrity endorsement as we'll ever get!  I'LL TAKE IT!

Special thanks to @PKittyTrisha, @Neenahboo2, @jtkalcich, @LiquidHardCandy, @macmacmac1, @apocryphalyou, @jumsgirl and @HATERMEHHEH for their love!  <3

Update! 
Many of you have asked if you can get your own boobie pics posted here.  Absolutely.  Uncle Eddie will NEVER turn away pictures of your melons, DUH.  So just tweet 'em, or email 'em to us if you don't have twitter, and I'll get that shit a-poppin'!  (Tweeting them to me is the most sure-fire way for me to see them, don't forget to @EduardoRetardo)

Our mega-fan, and all around plethora of radness, Alabama Worley tweeted these to me today!

SHIT. YES.  <3

Update #2 
The boobies just keep pouring in!  Man, I sure love boobies.  Seriously, keep sending them in and this will be the longest, boob-filled-est post ever. 


These fabulous knockers come direct from my favorite wee Scottish lassie Claire Bear!

You know, if you want to send me boobie pictures that you don't want posted here...for Uncle Eddie's PERSONAL collection...I fully support that, too.  Just sayin'.

postheadericon Throwback Tacky Tila: Edition 1

This will be a weekly feature from your dearest, Seola Uno. I will dig deep into the chlamydia and push aside the warts to get to some old info, articles, etc. on our beloved cum dumpster. We’ll get to see her lies played out several years ago and show she had haters long before us and will long after. I will attempt to number the lies, so throughout our time together, we’ll get to celebrate each and every driveling, winding, cheesy lie and you get to count up! We are going to start with one of the first tweets off her “officialtila” account with Twitter. Just for fun’s sake – let’s start where the Rotspot did.

Excuse me while I catch my breath. 485 days ago, or 69 weeks, or 16 months ago – someone tweeted her something that hurt our poor little Tila. This tweet proves relevant for one major reason. “Wtf are you on?” Ah hahahaha hahah roflcopterz. This coming from the skank who’s “on” dozens of unwitting guys and girls and drugs too! I can say that because Tila herself admitted it when she thought she was going to get some love from the Celeb Rehab folks. But here also lies an insult that many of us have not ticked off the list (black people, African Americans, men, pregnant women, “non ethnic”, etc.). It’s a not so clever blond reference!

Can’t keep betting when you’re broke, baby. You’ve gambled on trying to take out an NFL star (fail), gambled on several pregnancies (fail), faking mental illness (fail), faking suicide (fail), IVF claims (fail), dating site (fail), gambling site (fail), record label (can it be a fail if it never started?), music (fail), house in Thailand (fail), fake engagements (fail) and you don’t even know how to operate a simple alarm clock to get to flights on time.

Time for Lie #1.

For all the working out she did, Oliver Stone had no projects from this tweet through now attached to Tila’s name. Really though, how slow does someone ask a question to have time for someone to do all that? And why, oh God, why couldn't she have knocked herself out forever by one of her beef curtains smacking her in the face during a jumping jack? Yeah bitches, you know you got that imagery. Don't be grossed out - think of how fucking funny that would be.

Now, as minor as this lie is – it’s got the lolz. Lie #2.

Tila spouting intelligence on how we are all vibrators! You see, we are made of energy, not… *snort* vibrations. Energy doesn’t vibrate; its energy in shifting is made of natural combines. Humans have to manipulate energy of atoms and rearrange it to make shoes. Atoms are not vibrations – they are solid mass. The lie comes in with this stupid claim of an experiment in Philly. She claims this isn't known because it's a government cover up. But somehow, Skankbag Tila was able to get what would probably be classified Yankee White security clearance? Like, she totally only exists because we read the interwebz. Get it? Does this mean if we shake Tila hard enough she’ll disappear? Wow – that’d be amazingly awesome. If everything Tila always wanted was a shitty, trashed apartment, a dog chained to a stripper pole, no car, no job, no money and a sidekick with a forehead they are turfing now for the Superbowl – she wins! But why didn’t she rearrange her atoms to save Casey, instead of having Casey move all her shit (and medications) to her house, then locking her out and Casey’s dogs in, and take off to parts unknown?

postheadericon Lawls and Ewwies

Okay, so - stop me if you've heard this one... skanky chick really has no staff or legal team, and will probably have to pull yet another post for wrongly accusing something and not having the common sense to use the right wording to keep her ass from having to rip more pieces of her jaded puzzle out of her site. Heard it? Yeah, because it's happened and will again.

Here for your lolz and comparison is the original wording of both Tila's site and the original poster, Zack Taylor's site. But first take note (I do hot have images enabled, one hit is one from me!) of what she named the location for the picture: The Queen of "The All Seeing Eye" Biggest Devil Worshipper! She's so rad, doncha know? Tila's blurb is about twice as long as Zack's and in his limited space, he uses alleged twice and the lovely "don't sue me" phrase - looks like. Tila uses alleged once, but not only does her headline state as fact, but she repeats that it IS Gaga again. When pictures like this come out, when writing a blog based on gossip, you must include alleged or similar terms each time. Forget that it was already fact when she posted that it was not Gaga. I saw it on Zack's site, looks like a porn still with the camera angle not possible from the dude.

But she's soooo legit, she says it all the time!
This reads to me: Wah wah wah! BELIEVE ME PLEASE!!! I'm soooooo awesome and I'm comparing my site to Perez and TMZ to prove it! A) Perez is a douche but his sister runs the site, even Tila knew that. So it isn't Perez posting it. B) TMZ has NEVER posted a full uncensored picture of anyone. They always have those red stars over everything. As far as I can tell, they stayed far, far away from the Miley crotch shot scenario. Makes sense, Levin is a former lawyer. Tila's site isn't celeb gossip - it's an RSS feed of other sites and the "exclusives" are all about her. In a quick tag search, more than 60% of the articles on her site, are about her. If they aren't about her, she makes it about her somehow. In any event, copying and pasting from an RSS feed isn't breaking news - it's just an RSS feed of others stories with some ridiculously selfish additions to it.

But let the record show - she tells haters to Fuck Off, posts about a celeb and STD's, Devil worshiping, etc. but Perez "posts nasty things 24/7". At least he doesn't post about jacking off - for which I am profoundly grateful and so is my lunch. I swear, when I saw her posts last night about her getting all hot and bothered, I threw up in my mouth. I was eating for God's Sakes - Stop it Tila. I'm starting a new campaign aimed at keeping Tila from grossing people out. S.O.L.D. Save Our Lunch & Dinner. (Double meaning ftw.)

So after all that, what does one do, when trying to act like she's a buddy to a mega superstar with an alleged nude photo? Why, claim he's the baby dad... well, it's a girl this time so claim there's a sex tape!
Second cap courtesy of Uncle Eddie

Our esteemed Uncle Eddie covered the angle of all the tweets. I present another. When she posted the link for the pic, Tila acted absolutely grossed out, even apologizing for posting it. I am grossed out too - we all know it's a lie, but she's claiming to have a sex tape (even if a joke) of her "10 years ago" with Gaga... who was 14 at the time Tila was 18. Gaga is only 24. I know, she appears much older, but no. Gaga became an adult 2 years AFTER Tila was named Asian Cybergirl of the Month and had already been in the public eye. More evidence that Tila wishes she could bang underage girls.
Thursday, July 29

postheadericon The Gaga lie nobody believes


I like Lady Gaga.  I really do.  So tonight I saw Tila saying she didn't just have Gaga NUDES, she had a pic of Gaga that included full on penetration, and I was curious.  Instead of clicking on her link, I asked people on twitter and was QUICKLY informed that Radar had already confirmed that it wasn't Gaga.  No big surprise.  I also heard that the pic was blurry and half the face was missing, besides the fact that it looked nothing like Gaga.  Okay, whatever.

But that started a whole shebang of utter bullshit coming from Tila's twitter.


See the =P?  That probably means she's joking, right?  But then she kept going...


and going


and when people didn't believe her, she tweeted:


and when she STILL got called a liar, by the #littlemonsters (Gaga's fans on twitter), she tweeted:


and when they STILL didn't believe her, she tweeted:


Tila, always true to her pre-teen audience *cough cough* then tweeted:


So this is what is currently going on over in Tila Land.  This doesn't even include her replies to people, like the one where she talks about being a squirter.  Yeah, I thought you guys could live without that one.  And now she's off furiously masturbating.  I'm kind of depressed that I know that.

But hey, remember this?


Hey, you guys want a link to a 4 second clip of Tila's sex tape?  Okay, here it is.  There's lots of porn circulating the internet that claims to be of her (trust me, my boyfriend - who is truly evil - put it on our Apple TV without telling me so I had a lovely surprise one day) and is NOT her.  It's some other Asian porn actress who only KIND OF, IF YOU SQUINT (hahaha no pun intended you racist jackholes) looks like Tila.  Then there's her Playboy videos, and her video with Masuimi Max which can be found here in stills. 

And for good measure, since she denies that's her in the 4tube video, here she is threatening to sue over it on TMZ.

Nice job, dipshit.  Hey, remember when Tila was famous for being overly-sexualized, and not for being an overly-sexualized liar with mental issues?  Ah, memories.

Wednesday, July 28

postheadericon Lamborghini LOLz


So you guys probably saw Tila tweeting about buying a Lambo.  Lately she's been on this driving kick since that video of her driving Bradshaw home when he was drunk.  And then there's this video where she says she's a "professional speed racer."  Sort of.  She stumbles upon that conclusion.

video

Let's just ignore the fact that if you really WERE a professional race car driver you'd probably know how to say you were.  No, really, let's just play along.  Sure, Tila, you participated in the Bullrun.  Sure.  I totally believe that.

Update:  Oh look, Tila did the Bullrun in 2007!  Check out this blog, written by her driving partner.  Notice how every time Tila is brought up, it's about how she fucks up?  And there's that lovely bit here:
I let Tila do most of the driving today and I got to teach her how to down shift and use the emergency brake when she’s afraid of rolling forward.
Professional race car driver!  Uh huh.  Anyway, back to your regularly scheduled snark.

Sigh.

Anyway, while "shopping" *snicker* she posted many twitpics such as this one:

Then she tweeted that she couldn't make up her mind, and that she wanted to see more colors or something.  Yeah, THAT'S believable.

You know what?  I'm just going to let the guys at TMZ take care of this one.  They sum it up pretty well.

video

Thanks boys!

Sincerely yours from a blog that got "shut down,"
Uncle Eddie

Tuesday, July 27

postheadericon LOL at you, Tila!


So Tila is STILL running her mouth over the fact that we "got shut down."  Except I'm making this post right now, so...shut down?  YOU SURE ABOUT THAT, GUTTER TROLL?


OMG NOW WE HAVE NOTHING GUYS.  Whatever will we do!?  OMG SOB SOB SOB.


WE GOT TAKEN DOWN GUYS.  The cyber police backtraced us and we faced the consequences, which will never be the same!  WE DUN GOOFED. 


LOL I could seriously fucking pee my pants.  Tila, your bitch ass is going to have to buy me more fatty girl pants in a minute.  You've been saying FOREVER that you know who's running this...
THEN WHY ARE YOU TRYING SO HARD TO FIND OUT HERE:

OMG YOU FOUND ME TILA.  I'm the "leader" and my name is Chandall!  YOU GOT ME!  And, you fucking cuntstain, you know this isn't the only one I have.  Why are you this stupid?  WHY!?  How have you lived to be almost 30 with the brain power of a 3 year old?

One of life's great mysteries, man.

Anyway, Princess Dumbass (it's been a hot minute since I called you that!  Aww, Eddie's getting all nostalgic up in here!), we look forward to you DROPPING A BOMB on us.  We really do.  Don't forget, your lawyers couldn't shut us up with a C&D, and we're obviously still here!  I'm sorry you don't know the difference between "locked down" and "shut down."  Someone even showed you this:
And you STILL aren't smart enough to figure it out!  That's okay, because we're all just sitting here laughing our fat hater asses off at you.  Keep 'em coming, sweetheart.  And I'll keep posting on it.

Oh, and good luck with the Lambo shopping!  *snicker*

Sincerely yours from a "shut down" blog,
Chandall
The "leader" of the Resistance, apparently

Monday, July 26

postheadericon Eddie Puts a Damper on Tila's Joy


HEY ROTSPOTTERS!  So as many of you know, this little ol' blog was on lock for a little while.  Obviously we weren't "down," as many people thought.  Let's just say we all needed a break.  But we're back!  Unlocked and better than ever!


Here's a screen shot of Tila being overjoyed that we were "down."  Oh, silly Tila!  You should know better than to trust internet trolls!

HAHAHAHA SUCK IT BITCHES, WE'RE BACK!

<3

Thursday, July 22

postheadericon BWAHAHAHHAHAHAHAAHA!


OMG, I knew it. Tila will not be doing any traveling to Florence or any other country now that her UK Neighborhood Tour is over.

Tila left an audio message on her Flog that says because of Europe being on 'holiday' all flights out of London are canceled. No flights to Florence, no flights to Amsterdam, no flights anywhere until tomorrow morning. She claims several times its because Europe is on holiday. She also claims she and 9Head have to rent a hotel room (with double doors to get both those ginourmous melons on their shoulders into the room) for another night because of it.  Ummm. No Tila, that is not true. There are flights coming in and out of countries all over Europe today, even in Italy, where there is a transportation strike. 

Go to orbitz.com, look up a flight leaving any city or country in Europe and then track it on flightstats.com:

For example, British Airways flight 175 left Heathrow today at 4:05 pm, arriving at LAX at 7:05 pm. It is currently enroute as we speak according to this site, though it's delayed 40 minutes:


Alitalia Airlines 205 left Heathrow at 6:00 am today and arrived in Florence at 10:29 am, almost an hour late. Or she could have taken a flight from Heathrow into Milan and then Florence. It's all there. Tons of flights in and out of Europe.

How do I know all this? Well, my kids were in Italy for the last couple of weeks and I just picked them up at the airport. Granted their flight from Venice to Philadelphia was late by 3 hours because US Airways wouldn't fly out of Italy in support of the strike, they did get another airline to fly them to the US. That meant they missed their connecting flight home and had to stay overnight in Phily, but they just got home and no other problems were encountered. And, because it was US Airways fault, the kids were put up in a nice hotel WITHOUT CHARGE and were given meal vouchers for dinner and breakfast. They didn't have to 'rent another hotel room' because if a cheap ass airline like US Airways (yeah we're not multimillion dollar moguls) paid out when it was their fault, then I'm sure British Airways would do the same.

So, that leads me to believe that Tila missed her flight AGAIN and couldn't find a return flight because they were all booked.   And Tila had no intention of going to Florence anyway, like she claimed earlier in the week, because she's been tweeting about coming home to LA. Coincidentally when she made her Florence announcement, I had just got off the phone with my kids as they had just arrived in Florence that morning. I was so hoping they could have stayed another day or two so they could have pointed and laughed at the fail mogul---the fogul, if you will. Alas, my kids are too polite and raised too well to intentionally hurt someone. I just have to hope someday, a little bit of me rubs off on them if they ever run in to Tila.

In closing Tila warns  that if you're ever flying out of Heathrow to get there a day in advance so if you 'miss your flight' you won't end up like Tom Hanks in that movie Airport. Yeah, Tila, blame the airline because they don't find you important enough to accommodate your tardy ass. It seemed when she started her audioblog, that it was a holiday which prevented flights from being scheduled, now she says something about missing a flight? Which is it? I trust you Rotspotters can figure out the truth between the lies.

What I have to laugh about is that Fatty's children, of which she has, who are not confident women, moguls, CEO's of #1 flogs, or skanks, were able to get flights out of Europe AND when they missed their connecting flights, were provided a beautiful room in a 4-star hotel, and dinner and breakfast at no charge, and Tila, who is well-loved and well-known all over the UK can't get a flight home and has to bunk with 9Head. Hope they have King size mattresses over there, otherwise those huge heads of which they have will be hanging over the side of the bed. Maybe Tila should have worn her Big Mogul Underpants©


UPDATE:

Tila just posted this flog entry, which confirms she did miss her flight to LOS ANGELES, NOT FLORENCE. Hmmmm. What happened to her traveling from London to Florence? We knew that was a big lie, but of course the Tila Army of Morons and Halfwits, didn't believe us.


And, again she's lying. Go to orbitz.com and you'll find plenty of flights leaving Heathrow to LA tomorrow. Tila's travel agent of which she has should be fired.


UPDATE: 11:40 pm July 22, 2010 Pacific Time

Tila has removed the blog post I pasted above. I can only imagine the comments she got from that as fans and jelis haters alike flooded her comments with tons and tons of available flights. I guess when Heathrow went on 'vacation' they forgot about all the folks who reserved this date when they originally purchased their tickets.

Wednesday, July 21

postheadericon Lies, lies, LIES!


Tila is stupid. She's several-extra-chromosomes stupid. How do I know? If I knew there were several web sites devoted, I mean, DEVOTED to dissecting my blogs, tweets, Facebook posts, interviews, and appearances, and then making a fool out of me (and a liar, to boot), I'd be very careful about providing them with more ammo. It doesn't matter how many guns your enemies are toting, they're completely useless without the ammo. If you supply the ammo, you're the fool.

Then a kind commenter here at the Rotspot (thanks Boots!) posted a url for this interesting interview Tila had with Digital Spy this week.

Let's break this bad boy down, shall we?




she doesn't do things in half measures! With new single 'I Love My DJ', new EP Welcome To The Dark Side and her very own record label to run - not to mention a management firm and her own gossip blog - we somehow managed to grab a few minutes in her hectic schedule for a chat.
Her very own record label to run? Well this label has been around since January, how many people has she signed in the last 8 months? Let me give you a sec to count to ZERO! RazB? Nope. TexazTwinz? Nope. Rob Johnson? Nope. As a matter of fact Tila changed the name and created a symbol she promised to reveal to the world months ago. We still haven't seen or heard anything since.

Management firm? Would that be LittleMissTrendSetter? Oh goody, please tell me who she's managing? Ford model? Nope. Shawn Merriman? Nope. He sued her ass for copyright infringement back in December 2009, and won a reported $2 million default judgement. The only 'client' she has, is herself.

Gossip blog? I didn't realize she had a gossip blog. Ohhhhhh. The Flog!! My mistake. I thought that was a self-grandizing, marketing ploy that ripped off stories and pictures from legitimate sources and passed them off as her own.

Tila Tequila is so long ago - it was a screen name, it was on MySpace, it was from Shot At Love.
Is this a multiple choice question? Let me fill in the rest of the choices:

A. it was a screen name
B. it was on MySpace
C. it was from Shot At Love
D. it was given to me at age 13 after I got sick after drinking tequila
E. it was an ironic nickname because I can not, and do not drink alcohol

I'm aspiring to be a mogul.
BWAHAHAHHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. Oh, wait, I mean, oh Tila dear, you want to be a mogul? Well honey you're talented enough and you're smart enough to be the biggest mogul the world has every known. You go get them girl!! BWAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHA. Sorry folks, that just made me all 5 ways silly. A mogul isn't something you aspire to, like being a washed up, std-riddled lying skank. No. A mogul is accomplished after many years of hard work, contemplative business decisions and a keen sense of business and finance. A mogul is never a self-titled position, its a status other see you as. Mogul. Heh. Sorry.

I don't like to copy trends and what's hot right now
Well you slipped in a true statement there Tila. You damn well do not copy trends or copy what's hot right now! Why should you follow trends about decorum and self-worth, when you can be a trendsetter, instead of a trend follower? What A-list (or Z-list) celeb does that whole rolling-on-the-ground-like-an-convulsing gutterslut pose? No one! What A-Z List celeb stuffs their wonky nips into an ingenius top made of belts? No one! What A-Z List celeb knowingly walks out of their hotel room without their panties and then proceeds to flash her rancid vag lips to the audience? No one! You started these trends Tila. Never let anyone take that away from you!

Blue Dress' and it means a lot to me. I sing it with so much passion because somebody really inspired me to just get out there and do it, and every time I sing it I remember that person and I don't see anybody else.

Casey cries in Heaven every time she hears you caterwauling this song you dedicated to her. Jesus is right beside her, crying the same big ass tears and shaking his fist at that heroic Viet Cong who allowed your family to live to see your birth 6 years later.

I'm in negotiations to sign an artist from New Zealand at the moment. I was supposed to fly him out here to be with me but there's so much stuff going on I thought I should deal with it when I'm back home. We've been working with him for the past few months

Was this interview done back in April, before April 23 when she posted up this blog that confirms Rob is signed (after only a couple of hours of negotiations it seems...sigh things were so much easier back in the olden days!)

Oh, I get it. He was signed, but then they went back to the negotiations, and now he'll be signed again. I hope he has time to get that summer album launched, cause my calender says July 21...and that's one month in to the three months summer. Silly me.  I bet she meant New Zealands summer, which is December to February. 

I don't want to be one of those people who tries to do this and that and is then a mess, so I told them to let me take care of this first, take care of him and I'll do it one at a time. It's a small business building up. Once it gets bigger I can bring more people on. I want to do it the point where it's realistic what I can handle.
Confucius says: If a record label isn't prepared to sign their first contract, and they don't have the time to drop an album and launch a tour...well can they be said to be prepared to be a record label? 

Once it gets bigger I can bring more people on.
How many more people do you need beyond the 20-30 you claim currently work for you? Maybe you can pull Bradshaw off fashion and have him do something worthwhile for a change. Aww don't get sand all up in your vagina, 9Head. You know I love any gay man with a plato-esque forehead and paint rollered on eye brows who can bedazzle the hell out of hooker!

I think it's great because it makes their dreams come true but the only con is that it happens overnight and the contracts aren't great
But, but.... I thought that's what your record label was all about...making people overnight stars and promising all their dreams will come true! It's all right there in that Rob Johnson blog above...

And no Tila. The "only con" is you.

I may be reading too much into all this. Tila, no offense, but I think you kinda told the smallest smidgen of a lie in that interview.

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