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Wednesday, June 9

postheadericon Anatomy of a "STALKER"

The lastest chatter on Twitter is that us jelis haters are "stalkers". As you can imagine, this is quite distressing to me because if I'm going to stalk anyone, it's going to be someone gorgeous and talented like George Clooney, not a ZZZZZZZZZ-list whore face. In the interest of self-discovery I had to ask myself a few questions to determine if I am indeed a stalker or not. So kiddos, sharpen those #2's and let's take a quick quiz:

1. Do you check Tila's Twitter account several times a day to keep abreast of the news?
2. Do you check Tila's Facebook account several times a day to keep abreast of the news?
3. Do you read a couple of blogs devoted to Tila-talk, on a daily basis?

If you answered all three questions with a resounding YES, then you are a Tila fan or Army member. BOOOOOOO!!!!

If you answered all three questions with a resounding YES, then you are a Jelis Hater. YAY!!!!!!!

Whoaaa, hold the train there Fatty. How can this be? Is this one of Zeno's Paradoxes (or is that Paradoxen?)?

There has to be SOMETHING that separates the run-of-the-mill Fans and Jelis Haters from the true-blood STALKERS (cue Wilhelm Scream!) Oh, wait, there was one last question:

4. If Tila posts a photo of her bloody arm, and a graphic and disturbing account of how her arm meet is hanging out and she is sure an alternate personality is out to kill her and she is cowering in fear in her toilet (geez, that's taking fear a little too far, I might have just hid in the bathroom), and a disturbing video where she speaks in a hushed-scared voice and pans the thrashed room, the bloody towels, the bags of pills and broken glass, and you're concerned enough to think 'wow, this may have gone too far, I should call in a welfare check to make sure she's ok". Do you actually make the call?

If you answered YES to that question, then you are a dyed in the wool STALKER (cue Wilhelm Scream again, heck just put it on continuous loop, you'll need it!) So the fans who called and the jelis haters who called, well, we're all a part of one new little sub-family---THE STALKERS MWAHAHHAHAHHHAA!

But Fatty, if the video and the pictures and the blog were all a fake, and the authorities determined independently that Tila was a danger to herself and the fact they caught up with her and were able to get her treatment, doesn't that mean that you did the right thing after all? NO YOU STUPID FART-KNOCKERS, IT DOES NOT! It means Tila's lawyers of which she has will be contacting my lawyers of which I have and I will be going to jail for a very long time.

Jail. For me. Oh my God, those jail jumpsuit stripes will make me look fat fatter. Of course, now that the jailhouse currency is no longer cigarettes, I'll have to stock up on Cup A Soup. I heard that 10 soups will get my hair braided and for 50 soups I can have a man killed on the outside! How many soups do I need to erase the taint of my shame? 

I am sorry my dear RotSpotters. There is a stalker in your midst, and I am it.

Does this make me a jail-is hater? HA!!! At least I can see the funny in my tragic future. Pray for me.




26 comments:

Anna said...

UGHGG You're such a fucking hater!!!!!!!! Lol i'm proud to be a Tila hater/stalker, then again it's not hard to stalk that bitch when she pretty much expose EVERYTHING about her to the world, her cooch and her tampon included. She's making your job easier fatty!

Isis said...

I might have just hid in the bathroom

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHA

tag: lawyers of which I have

*gasp*

HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHA

RNB007 said...

I'll have to stock up on Cup A Soup. I heard that 10 soups will get my hair braided and for 50 soups I can have a man killed on the outside!<--------LMFAO!!! HAHA! I Just spit coffee everywhere! What a way to wake up. I am a stalker but just to this site ;) I just stalk TRS Morning, Noon & Nite! I get my info, and most importantly my laughs! Y'all never let me down! Have an awesome day and thanks!
RNB007 :)

deluwiel said...

wait wait wait...
let me get this straight. Someone posts pictures and video of what appear to be injuries on her arm, covered in what's presumably blood, there's broken glass, mumbling about an alternate personality and being attacked, cut all over, fearful, weak and wounded...
no, no, no! it's okay because it's all a hoax!
- and no one wants to know WHY she would do this? Why the setup? Why the fakery? What's the deal, Tila? They just jump all over those who saw the hallmarks of mental instability, the possibility of actual self-injury, those who maybe have enough life experience to realize that you don't 'joke' about mental illness.

But instead of offering some kind of explanation, some kind of apology, she drags out the tired old legal threats. You know, if this wasn't so utterly pathetic it would be hilarious.

What am I saying? It IS hilarious!

kellymae said...

Frantically packaging cup a soup to send to Fatty so she can get someone shanked.

Fatty, my lawyer to which I actually do have um, just because says to tell Tilas lawyers to which she has to suck your ass with a bendy straw.

BigPoppaPhat said...

At least she spelled "stalker" right.

Veronica said...

Because clearly, the people who fake attempt a terriorist attack or fake an emergency are let off easy, no fines, no jailtime. NO NO NO
tila is a perfect human being.

she hasn't even spoken about what she did, she TOTALLY knew it was wrong.

jayden said...

You want for me to hide a file in all dem cup o'soups I'll be sending to you at the jelis h8rs big house?

Sandy said...

Let me get this straight. So she fakes whatever the hell that was, we fall for it or at least are concerned enough to get a welfare check on her. In return, she calls us stalkers and to punish us, unleashes her army of nitwits and threatens us with lolsuits and jail time.

On top of that, she acknowledges us every chance she gets and now instructs her "army" to basically do the same.

But we're all stalkers now, facing lolsuits and jail time.

~long sip of Starbucks~ Okay. I think I'm following this right.

Did you see the part where she pledges to post the haters pictures, work info, home info, etc... and that karma is a bitch?

I wonder if her attorney, of which she has, advised her to make such a stalkerish move?

J.J. said...

Oh un-holy hell, Fatty did you make me laugh this morning!!!!! I enjoy you all so much, I'm going to spend my life savings on truck loads of Campbell's just for YOU!!! ......oh....wait........I donated my life savings to a wonderful charity called Jayden's Angel's.......sux to be me :(

Ben said...

Every time I think this chick can't get any more crazy, she does. And just when I think she might learn something, she doesn't.

It reminds me of that quote from the movie Seven: "If we catch John Doe and he turns out to be the devil, I mean if he's Satan himself, that might live up to our expectations, but he's not the devil. He's just a man."

That's my new expectation of what Tila is capable of next. If she perches herself on the roof of her apartmansion like a gargoyle and starts throwing feces, I will not be shocked. Not anymore.

Jon said...

is JAIL for you in COURT with Mr GOOGLE and here have some bedazzles. I love you. Bai. In Jail.

Love,

Jon. BAI.

Jen said...

So it appears our favorite little leprechaun is looking to look more ridiculous than she already does. Check out this tweet that I found insanely hilarious:
"yea Im thinking of shaving my hair in the back more & tattoo my skull there and say "POW!" in the back of my skull! LOL 4 real! U DOWN?"
HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!! The word POW? REALLY Tila? I can't even come up with a joke because a) I'm laughing too much and b) I think your statement speaks for itself. I say go for it! It'll go with your herpes infected lips, your wonky tits, your dilated pupils & those crabs trying to escape your tampon riddled cooch!
Hey to my fellow stalkers, let's go to war too! Except instead of doing anything, let's just pretend we're doing something when we're all sitting back & watching this dumbass dig herself into a deeper hole of drugs & deluisions. POW BANG BOOM!!!
ps: Another awesome post Fatty!! :)

good book said...

Hi Rotspot,

Im from the UK and I think Tila has actually put herself in the shit with her antics and she would be laughed out of court. First of all she is proving herself to be a liar because she said her bipolar multiple personality 'Jane' did the video? If thats the case then how can she know it was a hoax and be so blaze about it?

Does that not totally prove that the 'Jane' personality is bollocks?
I mean think about it? Tila must have looked a right prat in hospital saying 'Hi doctor, it was just a joke. I do not have a multiple personality called Jane because I am able to identify it as a hoax for entertainment meaning I made the personality thing up for attention! Can you imagine having to explain that shit? No wonder they carted her off for a while. Of course she is pissed, she was THIS close to going to the loony bin. I bet the doctors were pissing themselves laughing. She looks such an idiot right now so the only way she can style it out is by raging at the jeliz haters. I mean of course its totally normal for media moguls to stage fake suicide videos. Gosh Kimora lee Simmons has shit loads! P Diddy did one last week! Seriously how can she justify her actions?

B_McBitcherson said...

OMFG, this post and the last one have me lolzing all over the place!! I really hope that on the glorious day that Tila goes away you all find something or someone else to write about because I need you in my life, I really do. Not that I'm a stalker or anything, jeez!

I think going off on the stalker and lawyer of which I have thing is tila and her army's way of "keeping up the fight" even though they're desperately out of ammunition. I mean, tell us something we haven't heard a thousand times, Tila!

Also, I've read one post and I'm pretty sure the totallytila.com is being maintained by tila herself or tila's staff. Her fans just couldn't put that shit together all in their heads and most of them can't even speak much less write coherently in english. Oh, she's so desperate it's alllmost not funny anymore.


But it totally is.

imoutofit said...

Reading her antics on twitter and her army's response is making me want to drink whiskey for breakfast.

I'm just waiting for the day when shit hits the fan and Tila gets carted away for good.

Jules said...

I love that alot of people are putting her on blast!

http://allieiswired.com/archives/2010/06/tila-tequilas-suicide-hoax/

Barbara said...

Why on earth would Celebrity Rehab want this troll after all this? She's obviously doing it for the attention, are they THAT stupid?

Cathy said...

Yes yes Tila sue away because you have such and case and we have heard this "Im going to sue POW" like a million times already. No lawyer in their right mind would even consider taking on that train wreck. I agree I am a ROTSPOT stalker not TILA. I love to read what YOU write. Its funny as hell. Dumbass Tila just provides the AMMO

starfish said...

i laughed too....she actually went and hid in the toilet! ha!! she likes to say chunks alot too. i cant believe she used that gross word again! chunks! ha! where is the new stuporgirl???

BKiddo said...

BKiddo's list for today
1. Lite candle for Fatty at church--better make it like 80.
2. Pick up a couple of pallets of Cup O' Noodles. (She needs to be all stalked, I mean stocked up).
3. Send Fatty latest issue of "Fuck! I'm in the Clink!" magazine. (they've got the best articles on hair braiding and new uses for grape jelly). Depending on how long she'll have to serve for being concerned, we might have to get her a subscription.
4. Pick up dog food, if Fatty has a dog, we'll take care of it.
5. Write comment to Tila.

Hey Tila, you don't and won't ever scare anyone here. Most people here have more than you'll ever hope to have. We just don't brag about it.
None of the writers here or any other site, manipulate, beg, yell, promise or promote anything false.
Stalk you Tila? Please Bitch, you wish.

Joann said...

LOL...we know Tila's not dealing with a full deck...in fact she's not dealing with a half deck and that idiotic army is dealing with less than that.

A grown woman trying to get a bunch of tweens, teens and unstable young adults to start a "war", that exists only in her mind by the way, with intelligent, well adjusted adults...SMH.

This makes me think of the story that was in the news some time back about the pirates who hijack other ships on the open seas but one day they came up against this ship and tried to do their thing but what the pirates didn't know was THIS ship was a warship.

The warship captured them, made the pirates take them to the location of the mother ship and beat the crap out of them too. Get the picture nitwit.

By the way, who would even want to stalk her??? For what?? SHE'S A NOBODY TRYING TO STAY RELEVANT.

She probably wish she had a legit stalker, like the A-list celebs do.

Oh lord...maybe I shouldn't have said that. I don't want to give her any ideas for her next stunt.

You know she reads this blog. She might get somebody off the streets, buy them some booze and smokes and sex him/her up to pretend they are stalking her to get in the tabloids. LOL.

Hey Fatty, when you go to jail I'm going to send you some high end soup girl, no Cup O' Noodles for you, you deserve the very best of the best. LOL.

mmmj said...

My first comment, although I have been reading your blog for months waiting for every lie to be exposed and loving every sarcastic blog point out on just how stupid and idiotic this tramp really is.
THANKYOU SO MUCH FOR MAKING ME LAUGH TILL I PISS MYSELF XXXX

I have been through some nasty sh*t and being attacked and stabbed was one of them. I was not laughing then and sure as hell am not now. I believe in a girl called Kharma and when that girl comes for tila She is not going to know what hit her. That is what helps me get through the shock and utter disbelieve that someone with an obvious lack of braincells would see this prank as funny/entertaining. For the rest of the dimwit morons she has following her I pray your balls drop soon and mummy takes away internet access. Fingers crossed.

Tila, when you die how many people will be at your funeral? How many people will mourn the loss? I can tell you the answer if your struggling with simple math - none
A big fat zero.
You are a sad pathetic excuse for a human and I truely hope my girl KHARMA will visit you as soon as she's free

Rotspot keep up the good work. I look forward to reading your next blog. mwah

Mark said...

Hehe, well, I don't think I'm qualified to be a memeber of your club since I don't check her facebook, etc.

Really for me I just come here because I get so upset with her lies and you guys are the ones who piece it all together. I'm still really choked about the pregnancy lies and the self harm was whacked too, and 99 other things as well, but I don't know man...

I think Tila has a few good qualities, and I think some of the people here (myself included) have a few bad qualities. And vice versa.

The thing is though: I can't abide people who tell lies and won't admit to it; that's where Fatty, and Rotty, Ediie, and Gnomie, have a colossal edge on Tila. They aren't liars. So I am here.

I wouldn't say I "hate" Tila; if she'd just came clean for once and admitted to what she's done I don't think I would have a reason to be here in the first place, but she never does and probably never will. So I'm here.

I remember when Perez got punched out that time. He receive so much hate mail telling him that he deserved it, so naturally he did what any reasonable person would do and took an look at his behavor. He basically just said "wow I am really surprised at how many people say I deserved that, maybe some of them have a valid point..."

I must admit I had some degree of respect for Perez after that, but alas Tila just doesn't have the character to take a good honest look like Perez did. It's a real shame, because I think she has some good qualities, but who's ever gonna believe that if she shows no remorse and constantly lies about everything?

Tess said...

Oh look! ..there goes the last shred of Miss Tila's arm "meet" circling the drain in Fatty's jail house toilet! Miss Tila sure is one pissed off little turd after her latest public act of celebuside backfired. smh

If Tila is threatening jail for "stalkers" based on the 911 calls made on her behalf on Saturday, then obviously she's never heard of the Good Samaritan Act.

Jen said...

@ mmmj - I'm so sorry to hear about your ordeal. I can't even begin to imagine what you are going through.
Which brings me to my point.. The people on this site are made up of such quality people. Tila can make fun of us all she wants. Her army of 3 can call us names - but the fact is, we are SMART, compassionate, funny (SO funny) & always respect one another. We are well spoken, so well spoken that her army of halfwits probably don't understand a bloody thing we say, which is why they probably never reply to any questions we ask them. I've said it before & I'll say it again, I am PROUD to stand amongst you guys becasue we are QUALITY men & women. That and speaking for myself.... I got great tits. HA! Tila's probably sitting there reading this going "FUCK! AND great tits to top it all off??? I guess I should have invested more than $29.95 in my augmentation. Maybe THEN and just maybe they would be even & the nipple wouldn't be hanging off. And MAYBE, just maybe, I wouldn't have a HUGE ass scar underneath them." (HI TILA!! We love you!! Love you so much, we wish nothing but karma - cause like my friend mmmj said, KARMA IS a bitch & will come back and kick you in your non existance flat ass.) - Speaking of which is there anyway we can all pitch in 9 bucks to hire someone to punch Tila in the throat? HA! FUN!

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