Blog Archive

Wednesday, June 16

postheadericon Mushy Bullshit Makes Me Barf

Let's take a small, teensy tiny break from being snarky assholes, to wish one of our favorite fellow snarky assholes a Get Well Soon.

Get Well Soon Sheriff Gauncent!  Sorry a drunk prostitute bit off your left testicle.  Get a tetanus shot and suck it up!

Alright alright, that's enough.  STFU, it's back to Tila-hatin'.  All this mushy bullshit gives me crotch burn (hint: really it was the quality time I spent with Gnome last night).


Fatty McFatterson said...

I've been thinking of you Sheriff!!! Hoping you're getting better soon so you can rejoin our little jelis hater family!!!

Wishing you all the best and a speedy recovery!


kristi said...

Amen! Get well soon! Sending positive thoughts and prayers your way, Sheriff.

Joann said...

Get well Sheriff. I'm so glad you took care of your problem. Hope to have you back very soon

Sheriff Gauncent said...

Awwwwweeee. You fucking guys! Much appreciated!

I feel like the VooDoo doll right night! Or pin cushion anyway!!

Long story short. I'm going to be well. I've got plenty of PRESCRIPTION pain killers to go back to being a jelus hatter!

Not that I need them. It's just to easy, but will enjoy them anyway!

Much obliged my ladies and gents.

Now I need to catch of some much needed sleep!

(Tips cap!)

Nikky Raney said...

yo listen
i just looked through old tila tweets right?
First she says she's adopting a baby from kazachstan (cant spell whatever). Then she says a russian ambassador 100% got her to be able to adopt a baby from russia.. but where the hell are these kids?

alison m m said...

She sacrificed the kids to the others and they are down a pit below Disneyland getting programed

alison m m said...

hey Sheriff,
hope you are holding up

Mark said...

Sheriff don't like it, Rock the Casbah! Rock the Casbah!

Get well soon you melon rancher!

tui said...

Enjoy those painkillers! Oh, and get well soon dear sheriff ;)

chey said...

Glad you finally took care of it Sherriff G. And keep it down about those painkillers, Tila just may break into your home to steal them.

Sandy said...

Get better fast Sheriff!

Nikky, she eventually stuck with the sickly Russian toddler adoption story. But like all of her stories, that one got quiet too and her army doesn't even question her on it.

I think that's why she lies so much and her lies are always so dramatic. To take your mind off the last lie she spun for entertainment purposes. That's why she's always topping herself with her shenanigans, for lack of a better word.

Jana said...

The BEST part of my day is my morning coffee, my morning cigarette and my daily dose of rotspot. I love each of your girls more and more. Thank you for everything you have done. Her demise is just right around the corner..mark my words.

BKiddo said...

Wishing a speedy recovery to our favorite Sheriff.

Also, well wishes for our favorite Really, Tila?, she said she had to go in for a 10 hr. surgery right before the moguls' fake suicide.

Fatty McFatterson said...

Sheriff can ya give us an update on the condition of your ball sack. Yeah, I know, we've got mixed company here...but us jelis haters can take it ya know?

I always thought ball skin would make a really cool coin's like crepe paper, the more you stretch it the more it expands. I can see a midget mogul would find one of those testicle bags quite handy, depending on the ball sack, she may be able to shove $30,000 in there. of which she can either pay her Hefty decorator of which she has or private rehab

Manda said...

I can't remember whether or not you have featured this gem but I found a blog posting from June last year clearing up pregnancy rumors!

jayden said...

You have prescription pain pills, Sheriff? Watch out! The putrid dwarf will be sniffing a path to your door any moment now!

Ima said...

Nikki - those kids are chillin with Tila's other kids in her Mansion.

Sherriff - enjoy the pain pills and get well soon!

Oh - Hey everyone!!! My son is graduating high school today!!!! Man, damn near murdered him a few times to get him to this point :)

Sheriff Gauncent said...

Hey Fatty, it was never my coin pouch. It was the crease where my upper thigh meets my abdomen. Sunday it was the size of 2 golf balls. It did feel like I had $30,000 worth of pennies stuffed in there.

I had an ultra sound that came up negative for a hernia and negative for an abscess.

We decided to cut into it anyway. It was a good decision because it was a large abscess that was just really deep.

Sunday night went to the ER, early Monday morning was admitted to the hospital, Monday night had surgery. They got it cleaned out really well so it didn't need to be packed, they surgeon just left a rubberband looped underneath the stitches so it can drain.

I was on IV anitiotics the whole time because it got in my bloodstream.

The last 2 days I spent all hopped up on pain killers and watched movies until I was released late Wednesday afternoon.

I go back in 1 week to have everything checked out and I would imagine more bloodwork.

So now I guess you can call me

Sheriff "The Rubber Band Man" Gauncent.

The Gnome said...

you only have crotch burn eddie because you insisted on using the fucking icy hot on your balls...
i told you that was a bad idea, but you insisted you were hard you're crying like a bitch

(ps i love you, lets get together again real soon...drunken butt secks is where its at wink wink)

The Gnome said...

ps get better soon sheriff <3

GhostofChunks said...

Oh Sheriff, I'm glad you got it taken care of... I'm in the medical field and I've seen some of those things go bad... I'd tell ya some stories but most of us wanna keep down our coffee and you probably wanna keep down your pain meds... before our little hogul gets her little hoofs on them.

Take care and take it easy, dude!

josephgein said...

Feel better, my evil friend.

kellymae said...

sheriff, glad you got looked after. Hey there gnome and uncle eddie, how about some threeway drunken but secks

Eduardo Retardo said...

Gnome is always up for threeway drunken butt secks, but me? I need romance goddammit. Tell me you love me while you shit on my chest. It's the proper thing to do.

Also you guys, Sheriff is lying. I know a drunken prostitute bit off his left testicle. I know this because I was that prostitute. SAD FACE. I said I was sorry, asshole.


Sheriff Gauncent said...

Having my testicles chewed off and shitting of chests.

Yep, that's about the only way I can get off!

Oh yes, the memories 2 girls 1 cup!

BKiddo said...

Congrats on your son's graduation!
Ya done good!

MsWonkyTits said...

That coin pouch comment just made me laugh so freaking hard. You ladies are awesome! LOVE the blog so much. I read it daily for my dose of jelis hating and LOLZ!

Anonymous said...

Shurf, you're definitely missed! I hope you'll be tea-bagging with the rest of us in no time.

Anonymous said...

Hey Sheriff,
I am so happy that you are out of the hospital and on the mend. I was thinking of you and hoping to hear good news for your recovery!While surgery is never fun, the prescription painkillers always make it a bit more tolerable, huh?!?! I am so happy that you have such a supportive group in the Rotspot crew.... This is why I come everyday. There is so much love and compasion for other people here. (Regardless of what Tila may think about us Jelis Haters!)

Thanks BKiddo for your sweet well wishes for me as well. I was in the hopital for 6 days recovering from a Spinal Fusion. It ended up being an 8 1/2 hour procedure and they put titaninum plates and dowels in my spine to hold it all together. I have a pretty big incision from my pubic bone to just below my ribcage (They do alot of spinal procedures from the front now to avoid scar tissue on your spine!) so most of my pain radiates from there. I'll have to wear a huge back brace and use an old lady walker for another 6-8 weeks, but I'll be ok. I have a long road of physical therapy ahead of me, but I'm up for a challenge! This by far has been the worst pain I've ever had in my life (And I've had other surgeries and even labor!) but the end result will ensure I'll be able to play with my two beautiful babies again without being in pain. I'm just so happy The Military allowed my Husband to take 2 weeks of leave to be with me. This situation has showed me how fortunate I am to have such loving friends and family to help us. We have had people make us meals every day for the last two weeks and bring them to my Husband and boys at dinnertime. At the hospital, my husband was sending updates to over 45 people via text because they asked him to. He was updating both of our Facebook and Myspace accounts with updates and offers poured in to take care of our boys,clean our house, do shopping, bring us food or do yard work. We had to limit how many People could visit each day at the Hospital because I wasn't getting enough sleep.

I tell you all of this because as I was laying there in the Hospital one afternoon, I realized that I loved my life and everyone in it. They love me and would do anything for us. What does Tila have? She doesn't have anyone to call except an ambulance and the paparazzi. Her Tila Army doesn't even care if she tries to commit suicide. She would think that my life sucks. Well, maybe right now it does "suck" but when I look at my Husband's face who just interupted me a second ago to give my medication without my even asking with a "Here you go Baby....Can I get you anything else? I love you. Are you feeling ok?" I am so blessed and I know I wouldn't change this for the world.

Lady Luck said...

Get well soon, Sheriff!!!

We'll pretend you didn't just say anything about 2 girls 1 cup, k?

Sheriff Gauncent said...

Why pretend? Great video.

Even greater song by the comedian Jon Lajoie!

If any of you guys don't know about this guy Jon Lajoie, you need to check out his youtube page. Awesome comedian. He has done work on FX and comedy central. He really blew up out of no where a couple of years ago. So funny. Here's a link to his youtube page.

Sheriff Gauncent said...

Thanks again for all the well wishes guys.

Even though I am on the mend, I still want to see the curtains hit the hamster!

chey said...

Eeeek, Really Tila?, that sounds awful. I hope you're out of pain soon and back to yourself.

Did you all hear about the Jeremy London story? Cue Tila wandering the streets of Palm Springs hoping to be kidnapped.

Jennifer said...

Hey big S, I have not been a huge commenter on this site (so many people say what I think already) but have always been a fan of your comments. Best wishes and speedy recovery!!

BKiddo said...

@Our Really, Tila,
You've been on my mind. Especially when you said how long they thought the surgery would be.
Glad you're back--(ha ha, no pun intended-jk).
I've got back problems, and could never get on the floor to play with our son, but you really went though some tough stuff, and I'm soo happy that there's people around you to help out.
I bet you've got alot of reading to catch up on!
You'll be on your feet in not time!

BKiddo said...

Real quick,
Sorry to be redundent (big sp there), Really Tila? , you rock that black brace and walker!

Now, to Tila ( I hate to capitolize her name),do you see this?
I know you don't care, but it needs to be said, again, there are soo many people out here that are badder bitches than you!
I'll let you in on a little secret too, we're so much more better off than you, in every way.

Cathy said...


Im glad you are feeling better :)

Back to the hatin rubber band man Wonkey tits never takes a day off neither should you

Anonymous said...

Sheriff I am so happy to hear you got it taken care of! :) Hope you can heal swiftly ♥! & ReallyTila ;) LOVED your comment the end is so true for me as well! :) And glad to hear your doing much better from your surgery also! Take care all of you! ♥