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Wednesday, June 30

postheadericon Another day...another day of jelis hatin'

I don't know how many of you read the comments on Tilas FaceBook, Twitter, and Flog, but invariably some new age nimrod will pipe up in response to comments demanding Tila tell the truth, that the commenters are 'jelis', 'haterz', or the bestest JELIS HATERZ! When pressed, these folks will state that the jelis haterz are jelis of Tila's fame, fortune and good looks. 

The Tila fans, Army or Tila herself, can only come up with these superficial attributes that one can possibly be jealous of. No one ever says 'you're jelis of Tila because she's an honorable woman who gives of herself to benefit her community'. No, they say we're jelis because Tila could afford a botched surgery and end up with Picasso tits with nipples pointing in all directions like a compass all out of wack.

So, I decided that I would list all these attributes we could be jelis of and test y'all to see if you're really just jelis of Tila, and have no lives.

These are true or false questions. Sharpen up your number 2's, and no fair peeking:

1. I am jelis because Tila drives a nice expensive car

2. I am jelis because Tila is married to a wonderful man who showers her with love and respect.

3. I am jelis because Tila has raised up her children to be happy and productive members of society.

4. I am jelis because Tila has a gorgeous house and to-die-for furnishings

5. I am jelis because Tila hangs out with all the top A-list celebs and is considered a friend and confidante to many

6. I am jelis because Tila flies first class all over the world

7. I am jelis because Tila has a top notch blog that is read and respected by the upper echelon in media journalism

8. I am jelis because Tila owns a world renown record label showcasing the talents of some of our top musical prodigies

9. I'm jelis because Tila sits at the helm of one of the world's top fashion design firms.

10. I am jelis because Tila has a successful reality show on tv that follows her and her wacky antics

11. I am jelis because Tila's charity, Jayden's Angels has made significant contributions to deprived children

12. I am jelis because I can't wear a couple of belts strapped across my surgically enhanced wonky nipples in public

13. I am jelis because Tila is a leader of the brain trust known as Tila's Army, who reach out to others in a loving, positive supportive environment which teaches acceptance and giving back 

14. I am jelis because Tila needs me more than I need her. Without fans and critics, she's just like me. I can live with being me, she can not.

15. I am jelis because Tila can afford all the illegal street drugs that I can not.

16. I am jelis because Tila is always interviewing interesting celebs and has fun contests on her blog, including flying winners out to LA for shopping sprees and being treated like a celeb for the day.

Okay, kiddies, pencils down. How'd you do? Please tell me at least some of you answered TRUE to all those questions, cause I'd hate to make a liar out of the BrainTrust.


Nikky Raney said...

I peed.

Ben said...

I am jelis because Tila is always named "Hottie of the Week" from a website that isn't one she herself owns.

Mark said...

For curiosity sake I recently took a look at some old content that Tila posted on the web 3 years ago, and when I read through the user comments from that same time period I was totally surprised to find that the comments were almost all positive...

Wow, times have changed!

These days Tila can`t sign her name to anything without there being a flurry of overtly negative comments. And anyone leaving her positive comments gets voted down by a very wide margin.

It just staggers the mind that Tila refuses to see that her own lies and attn seeking behaviour has been the sole and exclusive cause of this radical shift from the way things were 3 short years ago...

It's a darn shame too, because it seems to me if she'd just stuck with being herself instead of orchestrating every conceivable drama she'd have probably done very well. Once upon a time the majority of people really genuinely liked her; now, the majority of people really genuinely hate her.

At this point it's deluded for her to blame anyone but herself. I mean, humanity hasn't fundamentally changed in the past 3 years has it? So what other explaination could there be?? Tila's impossibly poor judgement and childish behavior is the reason things are as they are.

Jon and Liz Edmunds said...

Whoa stop the presses I didnt know Tila could drive...Oh well I guess Mogul leader like Tila need to drive. Oh well. Too bad I am not jealous of Tila.

Joann said...

Easiest test I ever took. A big "hell to the no" on all questions.

I wish the army idiots would get it through their thick heads, no one is jealous of Tila personally, we're just tired of her ongoing outright lies, ongoing slandering of others for no apparent reason and her ongoing inappropriate behavior toward minors.

Eduardo Retardo said...

Oh noes, I answered TRUE to all of these questions! I really am a jelis haterz. SAD FACE.

Sigh. How will I live with myself?

BKiddo said...

Uncle Eddie,
You should've sat by Joann and me.
We'd have let you peek!

Fatty McFatterson said...

Uncle Eddie I think it's time you joined up with the Tila Army. Your lack of awareness and low IQ will assure you a place amongst those giants.

As for how you will live with yourself, I hear Ambien and OPIATE addictions is the answer to your dilemma. Good luck. We loved you while we had you.

I wish the Army had their own blog so I can copy and paste this blog as a comment whenever they accuse me of hating Tila because she's so beautiful and successful.

The Jezebel said...

wow i haven't been to the rotspot in a min...yessss finally my daily dosage of jeliz hating hmm my feel so much more fullfilled...i wonder is tila still on meth?

K.R. Omen said...

I'm jelis because I don't have a nine head to follow me around and smell my poo. I'm also jelis because I can sleep for longer than five hours at a time and I don't have stains in my carpet because I have time to walk my dog.

Anna said...

On one of the other blogs, Tila Truth I think, someone anonymously posted that they should end the blog. Since Tila is nearing the end of... would be best to ignore her completely.

I am still trying to figure out if that was a Tila Army member or it if it a legit comment!

On this post...come to think of it, I don't recall seeing a picture of Tila with a car!

Fatty McFatterson said...

I heard that Tila doesn't own a car because for whatever reason she can't get a driver's license. Don't know if that's true or not.

I do know when I spoke with law enforcement regarding the SUICIDE HOAX, the officer said something about she hadn't updated her California ID with her new address, so they didn't have her in the system. Now whether he was using 'ID' interchangably with 'license', I don't know. I don't know why he'd reference an ID, when most people of Tila's age would have a license. He would, of course, be able to see if she had a restricted license or otherwise did not have a license.

In any case, Tila often talks about having to hire a car, so it's obvious she doesn't own one.

I'm no mogul, but we over here, in the Fatty household do own a car and have a much nicer house than Tila. Go figure!

Anna said...

But, I suppose the plus side to having to rent cars is that she can change cars easily and she wouldn't have to worry too much about paying for insurance and stuff for it.

Have you heard anything else about that supposed charity of hers? Jayden's Angels...what was it supposed to benefit?

jayden said...

Oh come on! Number 15 was a trick question because we all know Tila don't do dem drugz no mo! :P

Ray said...

I jeliz of Tila because she's just such a nice person and wouldnt hurt a fly and she NEVER lies, you can trust her with anything......

Jana said...

The BEST part of my day is my morning coffee, my morning cigarette and my daily dose of rotspot. I love each of your girls more and more. Thank you for everything you have done. Her demise is just right around the corner..mark my words.

Seagal said...

I'm jelis of Tila because she is so very humble not like us jelis haterz.

Sheriff Gauncent said...

Sorry I haven't had the time to take the test. I've been busy hanging out with all the sex predators in my neighborhood and selling my food stamps for cash so I can buy drugs.

I'll try to get to it today.

Jennifer said...

damn.. now I'm going to be sad all day... I answered false so now I can't be in the jelis haterzzz club :(
I guess I'll have to sit here with my purdy husband, gorgeous kids, in my 4 bedroom house, with my two cars and try to think of a new way to be jelis.

Anonymous said...

Boo, I copied answers from some of the folks and I still ended up being jelis of Tila.

I'm just glad she's not driving around. I don't want her pill-popping ass driving around California and causing some god-awful accident that claims the lives of other people. Her major mode of transportation is BMW (Bus, Metro, Walking).

kellymae said...

Damn, guess I shouldn't have copied off Uncle Eddie. Oh and thanks for the pepsi through the nose at Brain Trust Fatty, that shit burns!!

Isis said...

I just used the Scantron circles to spell out "fuck you" like I always do. Meh.

Purgatorial Road said...

I am so jelis of Tila because she's such a beautiful actress with pure talent and dignity. Her success is built completely on her hard working, her enormous talent and sense of practicality. And she has such wonderful followers that are absolutely well-educated, opened-mind who love her for who she is. Meanwhile I am a lazy bastard who have paid my rent 5 months in advance- like lots of us here.

FUYU said...

I'm so super-duper jelis of her. :( I agree with Seagal about her humbleness. If only we all could be as humble as her. lmao

OHHH and don't forget about her private jet and her being able to fly first class all the time! :( MAAAN... My ass burns with envy... but I found that Preparation H relieves that burn.