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Sunday, August 1

postheadericon Makin' the Hoes Rain on Jelis Haters

It's Sunday and it's raining money. Didn't you hear? We are in the pimpin' business now, because Tila "Don't hate my blow job Lambo" Tequila has offered Jelis Haters $500k for leaving her site forever.

I shit you negative. It seems that talking about a escort (hooker) behind her back is okay but once you start waggling your Jelis Hater finger in a hoe's face well then they just offer you money. WTF? Now I can finally finish that underground bunker in the Scandinavian mountains. Twitter's been down so hogul-hooker's been replying to Jelis Haters on her site. Peep the grab for her $500k offer.

You know if we are going to get that money we're going to have to get hogul 20 more visits with Japanese businessmen and Saudi royalty at $25k a day. If we can't get the upscale clientele well then we're just going to have to stop at every truck stop, Waffle House, and wooded area all across these United States, because I reckon she'd be good for $5-20$ a trick.

Now taking an average of tricks from hand jobs to crazy Jane beat downs for the masochist's (technically that would be anyone at all whose willing to pay for play with Tila) she would need to turn
71,428 tricks. No one ever said $ just fell from this sky. Well in this case it might. But don't touch it without gloves. Alright everybody, if we want the dough we have to pimp this hoe.
*Doesn't Uncle Eddie look so happy up there in that picture. Money and baby lambos make him hard and wear a business suit.

.......................Breaking News.......................

Hogul-hooker has been so inscened by the incredulous nature of jelis haters this evening that she had announced her purchase of a penthouse in Trump Towers. That's right. Not only does she own a blow-job lambo, she'll get to live in a blow-job (and every other sexual act out there) penthouse.

This is a good move for her. That way she can be closer to all those Japanese businessmen.

And didn't you know that envy is a sin?

I believe I remember Ms. Jackson in Sunday school telling us that lying, stealing, coveting, and being a general delusional whore were sins. Then again Ms. Jackson drank moonshine and liked to talk to Jesus about what the devil told her on Fridays.

And just so hogul-hooker does not forget, she has come full circle to this point in her life. Nearly ten years ago she started this path, the escort thing being nothing new. Tila has been her own pimp for nearly a decade. Let's start singing Misty Colored Mammaries now. That bookings email has been around for a long time.


Bedazzle THIS said...

Ok.. so.. an apartment in Trump Towers in over 2 million dollars, and this bitch is living in a crappy building in Studio City? BAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHHAHA.. It's like she just thinks of the most stupid fucking thing to say and types it.

I wish she would go to Uganda. We all know what they do to whores there....

Honeythorn said...

She is so full of shit. I did some digging. I remember her telling one of us jeluz haters that she was getting thsi Lambo fron the dealership on Olympic Blvd in Beverly Hills. I went to the website and looked up their inventory, and low and behold it is still listed as for sale. If you click on the inventory tab you can see all the cars listed you see in the background of her photos. Burn Tila Burn..I am calling the dealership tomorrow and inquire if this vehicle is available for purchase. I'll report back!!

Here's the car still listed, you figure if it was sold they'd take it off the website.

FUYU said...

Monopoly money. XD

Anonymous said...

Well the delusional fun ride of Tila is back and I lol'd at this post so much because it is so true. I'm wondering if Jane will come back to crash Tila's "lambo"(imaginary lambo) and almost kill her but the lambo will be totaled. Just my theory.

good post though

Noname said...

Now we all know that if she had bought a lamborghini(sp?) that TMZ would have been on top of it since they were joking about it the other day. They said NO WAY did she buy one. It was just a photo op for her. And if she had bought one there would be pis. her being so defencsive about no pics of it speaks volumes. LIAR LIAR TILA. And buying an apt. @Trump Towers????? She wishes. She goes from living in a litle apt in Studio City to a Penthouse in NYC. Yea, I'm stupid enough to believe that. Since she supposebly filed bankruptsy(not really sure that she did but did read that she had)she wouldn't have the credit to buy one. And we know she doesn't have 4-10 mil. Does she really think anyone, besides her army of tweens and nitwits , is going to believe this bullshit? I am almost insulted thant she thinks everyone is so fricking stupid.

She's probably pissed off as they got some half way decent people on CR4 and she was dumb enough to back out. Can't you just see Janice Dickenson giving Tila a ration of shit and then some? That would have been awesome as ole Janice, who I think is crazy as a loon but she does work her ass off and doesn't have to whore herself out to do it, doesn't take shit from anyone and would call Tila out on all her lies. That would have been great TV. They would have been fighting for camera time for sure. I would def. be on "Team Janice". LMAO

Thanks so much for my first laugh of the new week. I am SOOOOOO happy we're all back and with some fab new writers. You ladies rock!! I there is a gent in the new mix I apologize ;)

Anonymous said...

@ Admin

I already see the hogul tweeting about Jane's return:

"Hai guise! HALP HALP! Jane got all crunk with me and stole the keys to my Lambo while I was taking a nap and took it for a joy ride and drove it off the cliff by PCH! HALP GUISE I'M SO SCARED FOR MY LIFE! JANE'S BACK!"

Ben said...

Well she's offering rides to the LA Army members, odds are it will turn out like that poor girl who traveled 6 hours round to get stood up by Tila.

Anyone else think it's sad how her followers biggest insult to "haters" also is a put down of themselves? "You're nobody" Why do they have to put themselves down to push her up. Poor misguided children.

Unknown said...

I will believe she owns that Lambo when I see some pics of it outside the dealership, in her garage. It's not like she was ever shy of showing off for the camera right? If she does have it she wouldn't be hiding it away.

Anonymous said...

Tila, send me the money and you will never hear from me again on twitter, LOL.

I won't hold my breath. :P

BigPoppaPhat said...

Im still waiting for her tweets about attending the Clinton wedding and reception by invitation.

Why dosent someone ask her to post pics of her in her "bought and paid for" lambo off the car lot with plates on it? Id like to see her response, if she really owns it then it shouldn't be a problem.

Anonymous said...

A friend of mine recently rented a Lambo for a month for $25k. I don't know if dealerships like that rent their cars out, but who knows. Seems like that would be a little more realistic for "prices."

God, please let her get busted turning tricks. Or at least speeding. Or maybe we'll get lucky and she'll drive the car off a cliff while speeding on the PCH. It would be too bad to lose the car, though...

Foodie in Disguise said...

I believe Tila....wait wait let me explain...

I knew a girl who got to travel the world, had expensive cars, penthouses in Tokyo, New York, London...

It was because of her clients. She wasn't exactly a whore (well according to her) but she was a pretty girl some business men that dotted on her and she had the ability to get anything she wanted as long as she showed up wherever they wanted.

So Tila probably is doing that. No one notices because it is meant to be discreet and I am sure the hogul probably is keeping her mouth shut so she can get her money and crap...she just goes on about all the awesome crap she can buy...she isn't buying it...its those men...

maybe I am wrong and she just is a complete liar..that doesn't seem too far off either.

I do love the picture of Uncle Eddie :)

Unknown said...

Someone needs to call the dealership ASAP and post the results.

Unknown said...

Yaaay Rotspot!

Destroy this bitch. She has NOTHING on you ladies ;)

Keep it up girls!

Prof. Chaos said...

Morning, bitches (of which I am). You can lease a Lambo in Newport Beach for about $2500 a month. One of my clients did (not that kind of client!). He was a mortgage broker who liked to show off. It's really not that unusual around these parts to see people driving expensive cars they can't really afford.

shaniqua said...

I don't know if she bought it or not, I don't really believe her, because she's trying too hard to make it a big deal. She's bragging. Which is not only a sin, but it's tacky. What celebrity gets online and goes on and on about their expensive purchases, acting like they just won the lottery or something, like it's such a surprise that they can afford something like that. None of them do. You hear about the expensive homes and stuff that they buy through the media, not from them talking about how expensive and badass everything they claim to get is. That's why I don't believe her, I watched her write all about her omg expensive mansion that turned out to be a tiny apartment, I read about her claiming to have spent $300K on decorators, but the shit that she posted pics of was cheap and tasteless, yet she wanted to go to CR4 because she didn't want to pay $30K for private rehab. She'll drop $80K shopping (or claim that she will, take pics of stuff from swag parties like she bought it) but when she lies about being pregnant will talk about how she needs to keep every penny from her yard sale instead of giving it to the charity she promised, because as a single mom she'll need to shop at Wal-Mart like the rest of us. I guess she spends all her bj money up from time to time and gets a little frugal until the next Japanese business man needs a 48 hour date.

Either way, she shouldn't seem so thrilled about wasting a bunch of money on something so pointless, when there are starving children and people dying of various diseases all over the world that could use $250K. But no, Tila thinks a baby blue car is more important than that. And I don't care how hard someone works, excess is excess, if you don't NEED it, and other more unfortunate people do, you're a greedy asshole. Whether you're getting $40 million dollar mansions in France like Brangelina, or you're getting a piddly $250K car. That's excess. It's unnecessary. And you care more about image and believing you're royalty than you do about saving lives. Period. But waving it in everyone's face and bragging is beyond tacky, beyond tasteless, and after every other lie she insists about in the same way, it's unbelievable. As believable as the Gaga sex tape she just insisted about in the same way.

Joann said...

Your post was funny Apocryphal You and welcome to the TRS family.

Well, what do I find this morning...skank still saying she paid cash for a Lambo...yea right. Tila doesn't own a Lambo end of story.

She might be driving one as part of a promotion deal for a short period of time but buying one for herself....not even when hell freezes over.

She don't have that kind of money. If she did she would be living in a much nicer place than where she's living now.

Has she put up her video of her and Mr. Bradshaw driving around in the car yet?

I noticed this on her twitter yesterday:
GOOD NEWS! I got approved for the BABY BLUE LAMBO!! Saweeeet!!!! Now I gotta go down there and pick it up! OMG OMGG!!! SOOO EXCITED! about 13 hours ago via web

Then after 3 or 4 tweets later she tweets this:
These hater's.. why dont u SUCK IT! Get over the fact that I bought myself a $250,000 Lambo, all cash upfront! SO get over it! Geez! 34 minutes ago via web

If you are going to pay all cash upfront for a car you do NOT need to be approved.

They will check your credit report along with your drivers license to confirm you are who you say you are but a cash paying customer has no reason to wait to get approved by the dealership before they can get their auto.

I won't even comment on the Trump Towers apartment she claims she bought...another lie, going to Africa, Uganda, etc another lie...can't you see her over there digging a water well..LMAO...and Tila don't donate to anything but herself.

If Tila was on the real and did all this I would have respect for her and give her kudos for a job well done but I know the skank is lying about damn near everything she claims she has or have done.

I hope she understands(don't give a shit if she doesn't though) there is NO WAY IN HELL I would be jealous of her and her imaginary lifestyle.

I feel pity for the skank.

erin said...

she's now deleted the comment about giving us jelis h8rs $500k. surprise, surprise.

Anna said...

That is too funny! I wonder if you were to call Trump Towers if they would confirm the tweet? Probably not since it would be a disclosure issue.

Does Tila know you guys are up and running again? I really want to see her reaction to the news!

Apocryphal You said...

@Foodie No I agree I think you're right, but she's been doing this for a long time, just hit a dry spell after shot of love fell off. But the thing is I don't know if she's gotten any steady regulars because the crazy turns them away.

Uncle Eddie was so hawt in this shoot. Made me all moist 'cause he was pulling a strong Steven Colbert vibe.

Joann said...

Ben said....."she's offering rides to the LA Army members,"....when I saw that I was LMAO.....and the really sad part about that is the saps believe her.

"Hey Tila, I'll be in LA on Tuesday pick me up on Hollywood and Vine at 3:30 PM"....that poor soul will be waiting until this time next year.

I can't believe these idiots actually believe Tila will hang out with them if they ever came to Hollywood.

She don't want nothing from them but to buy her merchandise(if she ever gets any),buy her crappy songs on itunes, keep reading her piece of crap blog, keep telling her she's hot, sexy and the best person in the world.

Julie Cornewell said...

Have any of you noticed that the Trump Towers comment has now been deleted? lmfao

FUYU said...

OH MY GOOOOOD!! The Trump Towers comment really is gone!!!!!! ROFLMAOOOOO It's really funny how she used to do that SO much on twitter but since celebrity tweet took her freedom of lying (and delete it afterwards) speech away she does it on her blog now. Thank goodness for screen caps.

This is why I love these blogs so much. She could get away with all of her ridiculous lies if it were not for posts & blogs like these. Thanks again guys, for all of your work here!

Sandy said...

Oh BULLSHIT she got a place at Trump. BULLSHIT THIEN. This is not a jelis hater speaking, this is simply someone with common sense and a native New Yorker to boot. A place at Trump Tower will cost her around 2.5 million and up just for a ONE BEDROOM. They easily go to the double digit millions. Plus, taxes monthly are in the THOUSANDS, as are the maintenance fees, thousands per month. She can't afford this, I don't care WHAT little fledgling side projects she's bragging about, she doesn't have the money. Not even from sucking foreign dick does she have this money.

Let's not forget that she "allegedly" had a bankruptcy last year and was "allegedly" kicked out of her last rental for non-payment. Is she really going to secure a mortgage for a Trump apt? NO. And don't give me further bullshit that she's paying cash. This bitch stole 5k from some Bronx strippers the other month. Anyone that needy sure as fuck all ain't got the down payment for a place at Trump.

Why does she do this? Does she really think we're stupid?

FINE THIEN. Get that Trump Tower apartment, you big baller bitch you. Then have MTV do a Cribs show on you. DO IT.

Sandy said...

LOL @ the Trump Towers comment disappearing. Put up or shut up, I always say. Right, Thien?

Unknown said...

She is just..insane. Talk about spinning out of control. I mean there's crazy and then there's off the rails, eyes rolling back in the head crazy.

She comes up with the most insane lies. Trump Tower? A "Lambo?" I love that she's finally getting called out for the whore that she is. I see that she's noticeably silent on that one.