Our first Throwback this week comes from an interview I found on web archives from when Tila was 19. Yes, just a tender 19. I'll link it up, but just quote it here in the interest of space. Here's the lulz.

On the day of October 24, 1981, a miracle entered the world. That miracle was me, of course! HaHa! My mom was pregnant with me while we were on our way to America, the land of many opportunities! I guess I was too anxious to come out already so I decided that I couldn’t wait for America. I decided that Singapore would be an excellent place to be born. So Singapore it was!

And the world cried. Even then, America knew they needed to try and stop Tila from being a citizen.

A few years after I was introduced into the world, my Mom, my Dad, my Brother, my Sister and I (the youngest of three) finally came to America. That’s a pretty long way from home, which was Vietnam. We all had lots to learn and many new things to adapt to, but I must say, the process was very memorable and life changing.

How do you go from "on your way" to stopping there for a few years? I travel a lot. If I gave birth on the road to say... France, I wouldn't put roots down in Germany for a few years. My earliest memory, vague as it were is from a theme park and my elderly great grandmother giggling riding one of them 6 man rafts down rapids (ironically, she was elderly then... and lived to 99 last year, maybe the "little things" really is the key to life!). I was 4. How is the process memorable to a newborn, or even a child up through age 3 or so?

Growing up I have always lived on the edge….always! I was always caught hanging out with all the “bad kids” that got in a lot of trouble at school. Even in elementary school I would always find myself in the principle’s office, waiting for my mom to pick me up for being bad. I used to live in an apartment complex that had nothing but boys there. I ended up being friends with many, many boys. I learned to play like them, talk like them, and even worse, smell like them…ewww!

Okay, horrible grammar and spelling aside, as a parent, if you know your young daughter only has boys to play with, I'd think I'd be arranging play dates with girls or finding a better place to live. This whole complex had nary a girl?

I remember me and my ‘lil boy gang broke into an abandoned house that was filled with dog shit. We then started picking up the old dog doo, and threw it at each other. I remember that day when I came home to my mom, she had this weird look on her face, and I knew she was wondering why I smelt like shit. HaHaHaHa! I never ceased to amaze her. Then I remember when I graduated to middle school, my parents’ hopes, and wishes for me to become a better child would never happen. I kept getting in trouble throughout the years, and didn’t become a young lady until high school. I don’t know what hit me, but I threw away the dirty ‘ol pair of jeans that I wore daily, and started looking more feminine. From that day on my life started changing….

Playing in dog shit? I don't know about you guys (and girls) but I had a lot of guy friends (a few girls too) but who the fuck PLAYS in dog crap? What possesses someone to do that? Oh gee kids, I think I feel like looking disgusting and smelling so bad people throw up? When your mama looked at you like that, it wasn't amazement, it was disgust. You know, sorta the way her face contorts when she thinks about you now, except you smell of booze, pills and rotten vag. Nothing special though, she didn't become a lady (snort, cough, gag) until high school. Most girls don't. They haven't hit puberty.

Never once did modeling ever pop up into my mind until one day while I was shopping at the mall. I was walking around when a well-known model scout gave me a proposition to become a model. I decided to give it a shot, and from there I just received more work. I remember thinking to myself, “I have potential?” HaHaHa! Even though modeling is pretty fun, I always knew that I wanted to become an actress. I always had dreams about the Hollywood hills, and I used to always see these bright lights in my dreams. I never understood what they were about, but now I realize that it’s just what my heart calls for. I want it so bad that I actually have dreams about it. So hopefully one of these days my dreams of becoming an actress will come true…..

With love,
Tila Nguyen

Does that dirty old man with the camera and the pink car in CryBaby pop into anyone's minds? A young girl (19 already, so likely 17 when "discovered") in a MALL and some dude propositions her to make her a famous nudie cutie to make good bootie? Bright lights in dreams... too bad they didn't foreshadow Tila laying in the middle of an airport runway. That last line makes me think of Moulin Rouge - the slut/prostitute will sleep with anyone for any reason just to become... *dramatic breath* a real actress....

Moving on to the "FAQ" section:

Q. What kind of qualities do you look for in a guy?
A. I love a man that is tough, rough, yet also has a soft side….get what I’m saying? Kinda like the Marlboro Man! HaHa! He seems so rugged and manly, yet he also seems like he takes good care of the wife and children. I always crack people up with My weird ways, but if a guy can actually make me laugh….oh god, that’s it for me! That is just such a HUGE turn-on. I also feel like a man with ambition, confidence, and a good sense of humor is also a turn-on. Oh yeah, I forgot to mention a man with manners and some southern hospitality is good too! Someone who is not dependant on me would be nice. I have a very busy life, and I expect the guy to have his own life as well. I am a very independent gal and I always need my time and space. Sharing something special with someone is good, but good can go to bad when it’s just too much time together.

There are so many things wrong with this. I was unaware gang bangers had southern hospitality was the first thought that came to mind. Anyone else notice the way Tila wrote "he takes good care of the wife and children"? Like, she wants a man that does that already... taking on a married man with kids? Maybe some of them Japanese men are. Though some of these men in her life recently, she claims have no cash and no job. Guess she was wrong on what she wants in a man.

Q. Do you have any future plans or goals?
A. Yeah, I plan to sit on my fat-ass all day and hope to look pretty forever! HaHa! Just Playin’. No, seriously, I really, really, really hope to become a HUGE actress one day! I’m trying to work sooo hard on becoming one. I know it’s gonna be real hard because everybody and their mama wants to become famous, but I’m not gonna give up on that dream. I’m not gonna just pack up and move to Kali just to come home one day and tell everyone that I’m a failure. I can cry all day and all night from rejection, but I’m not gonna give up ‘til the day I die.

You got your wish baby - BOW CHICKA WOW WOW... BOW CHICKA WOW WOW BIR WOW! Juvenile joke coming in 3.... 2.... 1... - yeah, you know it's gonna be... soooo... hard... how hard is it? But yeah, so she packed up to Cali, lives like a slob in an apartment and has no career. She isn't going to pack up to Houston... you know why? Cause no one there wants her, her family disowned her and most people there want to kick her ass for her moochery.

Q. What do you like to do on your spare time?
A. Ummm….gosh, I like to do so many things, but I’d have to say I love extreme sports. I love doing things that are hella risky like sky-diving, rock-climbing, skiing and all that good stuff. So far, I’m trying to find a place where I can ride a big horse as fast as I can. I think horses are beautiful creatures, and I get kinda turned on watching a man ride his horse, ya know what I’m saying? Hehehe…So, yeah….I guess I love doing adventurous things unlike clubbing and doing drugs all day.

Is this not the typical pageant answer? There is no articles nor photos of Tila doing any of this in existence. Let's pause for the "unlike clubbing and doing drugs all day" comment. Her "tours"? Strip clubs. Her addictions? Meth, Ambien and painkillers. Muah ha ha.

Q. What kind of music do you listen to?
A. To tell you the truth, I listen to anything that makes me feel something. I love Alternative, dance, and reggae, but I mostly enjoy rap and hip-hop. I just luv to get down and dirty when I go out dancing! =) Oh yeah, another thing that you would’ve never guessed just by looking at me is that I also love ballroom dancing. I just love it! I love watching those ballroom dance competitions. They come up with some pretty tight moves! When I watch those competitions my heart starts racing and I imagine that I’m one of the dancers like Cameron Diaz did on Charlie’s Angels….hahaha!

Maybe it's just me, but where does one go dancing? Especially to hear rap and hip hop? I thought she didn't go clubbing? Brief non-Tila comment... has it really been that long since Charlie's Angels came out? Wow, I'm old and I'm only going to be 27 next month. Back to Tila, she'd never have the grace of that dance routine.

Q. What do you always find yourself daydreaming about?
A. For some strange reason, I always find myself lost in my own little world. I always Daydream about long summer nights and me falling in love. I always imagine that I’m running around in some park at night with my dream man chasing me. We then fall down to the soft, dewy, grass and kiss passionately in the night while I lay on my back, gazing up at the stars. My heart then starts to ache every time I think of magical things such as that. Maybe one of these days it’ll happen...who knows?

You are still lost there dear. So how many times did you daydream about falling in love? Getting engaged? Honestly, this is just a bunch of crap lines, but she was 19. When you actually get married and have kids, you look at grass and see stains.

Q. Where do you see yourself 10 years from now?
A. Well, ten years from now I should be 29. By then I’ll already be a super-star, and Maybe be married. I’ll probably be traveling all over the world discovering new things and will be happier than ever! I’ll be attending some ballroom dance competitions with my hubby in Paris, London, ummm…well you get my point. =)

Soooooo... this is probably the best piece in this whole article. I like how she phrased that "I should be 29". Like what, she thinks she's going to die? Or she can't be sure on her math? I vote both. Super star - hmmm.... rolling around in dead bird feathers on a red carpet, faking death, suicide.... married in dance competitions. Nope. Guess she failed. She did make it to London to bang someone else's hubby though.

Q. What is your dream car?
A. My dream car? I would have to say a sliver ferrari. It doesn’t matter what kind, as long as it’s a Ferrari. To be realistic though, I would have to say a silver Mercedes Benz S500 or a Lexus LS430.

Not a baby blue Lambo?

Q. What gets you most excited?
A. Thinking about sex. It’s on my mind all day everyday! =P

So what she is proving here, is that she never grew up? She never changed from 19 to 29 by realizing sexualizing your life gets you nowhere?

Q. How would you describe yourself to others?
A. I can be your best friend or I can be your worst nightmare! You make the call, but Overall I’m a chillen kind of girl. I’ll be your typical homegirl to chill with and have fun with, although I can be one crazy bitch sometimes! Lol…Just don’t piss me off and you’ll be just fine. =)

Yeah, I'm shaking in my boots at a 5 foot cokewhore. Ironically, I counted up 14 people she's screwed over in just a year's time. I don't think she can be anyone's best friend, except her dealer's and football head over there (who is probably her dealer too).

FACT SHEET/DATA SHEET

Age: 19

Birthday: October 24, 1981 ( yes, a Scorpion!)

Height: 5’0 am I tall or what?

Weight: 98 lbs. Don’t let that fool you, cuz I eat like a pig!

Measurements: 34B-24-35

Dress size: 1-2

Shoe size: 5 ½

Hair: Blond, for now! =)

Eyes: Dark Brown

Place of birth: Singapore

Ethnicity: Vietnamese, quarter French

Zodiac: Scorpio baby!

Hometown: For now Houston, TX

Turn-ons: Guys who smell good, have a good sense of humor, and confident.

Turn-offs: Cockiness, bad breath, immaturity, and no sense of humor.

Favorite Color: lavender

Favorite foods: Vietnamese and Chinese

Favorite song: Too many to list

Favorite store: Gucci

Worst pick-up line: Do you know who I am? Please!

Best pick-up line: Don’t say anything at all, just smile at me and walk by casually.

Hobbies: Extreme sports, singing, dancing, sex, and eating lots of chocolate….

Here, we see a short list on Tila... I particularly like her ethnicity. That was certainly a different story when she was preaching on and on about her "baby" she was going to have. Sure French and Vietnamese were in there, but so was about 15 others.