So a lot of you have been inquiring as to what Rob is doing.  Welly welly well, check this out:
That's right, boys and girls!  Rob left yesterday for Hollywood!

Now let me share a secret with you guys.  This brings me IMMENSE joy.  Why?  Because I make no bones about it.  I fucking despise that kid.  He's all the smug douchebaggery of Garry Sun without any of the redeeming qualities.  And I can't wait for this kid to get burned.

It's only a matter of time before he's doing BIG THINGS you guys.  You know, like hosting the gay porn awards.  Raz B who?

Edit 
Ok so it seems lots of you don't know who Rob is, or at least need a refresher.  

So yeah.  Rob is the Aussie New Zealand Idol (he placed #7 in 2004, not #2 as Tila would like you to believe - and yet, this doesn't detour him from working with her) that Tila signed to her "label."  They've both been saying for months that she's going to fly him out to Hollywood and make him a star out here.  Tila kept pushing him off for her own exploits (still, he's not detoured) but it seems she's FINALLY willing to pay attention to him.

He's also a smug douchebag.  I thought he was okay for a while, just misguided.  Then he had a few words with people via Facebook.  People who tried to warn him and were actually pretty polite about it.  He claims all of us are just "jealous haters" and that his music - which is mediocre at best - will speak for itself.

And just for lolz:

I'm going to laugh my ass off when his career is one big, fat crash and burn.  Suck to be you, Rob.

Random Tila sigh-ting:
September 4th, Tila will be hosting the grand opening of Larry Flynt's Hustler Club in Las Vegas.  At least, this is what I'm finding online.  I thought there already was a Hustler Club in Vegas? 

In any case, make sure you watch for all sorts of flying objects!  Better yet, go see Ton Loc and Young MC, who are also performing in Vegas that night.

So she wants to be known as "Miss Tila" because it's classier...but, I mean, who EXACTLY in the strip club circuit is she trying to impress?  Does she think this will up sales of her porno?  And isn't this sort of like shooting fish in a barrel?  She's going to brag about all of the people who showed up for her, but let me tell you something.  Dear old Uncle Eddie here LOVES strippers.  Loves them.  And I especially love going to see them in Vegas.  Those Spearmint Rhino & Glitter Gulch girls have a special place in my heart.  And in Vegas you get a lot of patrons, ESPECIALLY when one is opening. 

Those girls better bleach the hell out of anything she slides her snail trail along, or they'll all end up looking like a blue waffle sooner or later.

If you don't know what a blue waffle is, don't google it.  If you do google it, don't blame me.

Just want to share a few things with you guys.  I was just on Facebook and I nearly died when I saw this ad in the top right corner:

Yes, Facebook, you're goddamn right I like that.

So where does the ad lead?  Right here.  The video is old, obviously, as the article reads "At an Illinois music festival over the weekend..." but it leads me to two funny things.
#1: Fox News covered this whole shebang at some point, and had a banner that said "Tequila Trauma."  HA!
#2: They mention that Tila plans to sue "the owners of the juggalos."

So I was thinking.  A few days ago, Seola made a post about Tila, Method Man, and their plans to sue.  Except OH NOES!  It looks like Tila's now on her own.

Welly welly well.  Looks like Method manned up and left Tila out in the cold with her "impending" lolsuit.  Kudos to Method Man.  Now, when will Tila pull up her big girl panties and admit she's nothing but a sue-happy douche nozzle?  You know she won't.  She'll just do what she always does.  She'll drop it, move on to some other cock-eyed calamity, and leave this in the dust like so much spilled Faygo.

And hey, wanna listen to something that is goddamn HILARIOUS?  Check out Ralph Garman and Kevin Smith completely making fun of Tila and the entire GOTJ incident here.  Holy insanity is that funny!

Later, Rotspotters!

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Admittedly I don’t know too much about this guy. I know he’s the guy she always claims is her “personal paparazzi” and he takes a lot of photos of her wonky nips. I also heard he has worked or continues to work at TMZ, I couldn’t find anything to confirm that though.

Anyway, he was on my radar back in April when Tila and Casa had their big blowup at the airport on her way to the Skankzilla Press Tour in New York. Tila started tweeting about how she got rid of the ‘bad’ friend, and was now going to date the ‘good’ friend or some such nonsense. She followed with several tweets that seemed to indicate she and Garry would hit the Motel 6 sheets that night and he was her new boo, and went as far as to taunt Casa by naming Garry as her new lover.

At the time I didn’t buy the Garry Sun/Tila relationship. I figured it was just more talk to piss off Casa. Casa was suppose to be a friend of Garry’s and as I remember some bad blood went down between the two of them over Tila. Like I said, I’m not as familiar with Garry, as I am with Bradshaw and that billboard-size head of his, but in the back of my head thought he was a normal non-drama guy, so didn’t pay him too much mind.

After Tila fired Garry over Arm-MeetGate, I started paying attention to his tweets. He seemed very hurt by the firing, and particularly devastated when Tila started accusing him of harassment, Arm-MeetGate and other vile things she pulled out of her syphilitc alien brain. I tweeted him several times to offer support and try to get some answers from him about Tila but he wasn’t having any of it. He tweets these kinda spiritual haiku/zen poetry responses, and I got to tell ya, I’m just not that deep. I don’t get half the shit he says, and trying to read between the lines is next to impossible. I did encourage him to stand his ground and go after her, but I never got a definitive answer out of him whether he was going to go forward or not..

Rather than go apeshit all over Tila’s ass for the accusations, he got all philosophical and once again, I got all confuzzled, (then again, I can get lost in the deep messages in a bowl of AlphaBets cereal, so go figure). Anyway, I’ve been on the fence with Garry. I hope he nails her skank-ass to the floor, but he now appears to have mellowed and sadly, I won’t see Tila next to me in jelis hater jail, shackled to one of our many pedos, snacking on Cup O’Noodles and braiding each other’s hair. I do hope he slams her ass with a lawsuit for defamation of character and slander. He holds all the cards, and I hope he uses that power for good (suing Tila) and not evil (turning into a pansy-ass cowardly chickenshit).

But, we seem to have a new development.

Remember back in June when Tila was talking about having a couple of hot chicks over for a pillow fight with whipped cream? I got to wondering about that post, and wondered if that was actually the day she was filming her porn/sex tape, whatever the hell you want to call it. So, I went dumpster diving (in contrast to cum-dumpster diving, which is legally banned in 48 states). My dumpster diving brought up some interesting posts that I had forgotten about, but which pointed me in a new direction for a blog post (shiny pennies on the ground do that to me, as well).

One was Tila posting on the Flog a plea to her moron army to help her decide on a birthday gift for her “best friend”. That was on June 22. I had forgotten this little nugget, but decided it warranted further research. Why? Because I’m finding Tila often has a kernel of truth in her tweets/blogs. In that particular blog, she mentioned how the lucky young stud would have the option of unwrapping her *gag* as part of his celebration.

My first thought was Bradshaw. He may have a 9Head, and be a little gay, but hell, enough birthday hooch might turn any guy/gay into a raving Tila love machine. A quick Google search showed that he had a couple of birthday parties in February, because his birthday is around Valentine’s Day.

So, Bradshaw is out, that leaves me with Garry. Nothing on Google for Garry. Ugh. But wait, let’s check his Twitter. Oopsie, Twitter doesn’t make birthdays viewable….but Facebook does and SCORE! Guess when Garry’s birthday is (well, his birthday and what appears to be his multiple-STD day!). Yep, you guessed it, June 22.

I have to admit, I find it hard to believe that Garry would bang that  ratted-up hairspray-fuckbox (thank you uncle Eddie, for that perfect insult!). Garry certainly seems intelligent enough to bag a normal, high-functioning chick, but Tila? I mean, c’mon, that’s really scraping the bottom of the bottom of the barrel. I could see that nasty Casa hitting it, but Gary? I don’t know.

Then, several days after the birthday post, she posts about insecure men who whine like pussies because they don’t think they’re good enough to be with her *gag*. Could she and Garry have had a falling out of their own? Though this seems unlikely, because it’s another several weeks before she kicks him to the curb with the Arm Meet accusations. But note, she also accused him of sexual harassment against her staff, and we all know her staff consists of her and Bradshaw (please DO NOT let a 3-way amongst these mis-fits be the next leaked sex tape!)

Let’s back this wreck up just a smidge, ‘cause I need to point out the holes in her Arm Meet story. We now have 5 scenarios that Tila has admitted to in regards to Arm MeetGate:

1. Jane did it in a murderous rage

2. It was all a performance piece a’la Gaga

3. Tila was suicidal and tried to take her own life with a tacky-ass broken hooker lamp

4. Garry Sun did it

5. Her friend’s saber tooth tiger cat did it. (Poor Fluffy gets the short end of the stick. He oughta join Garry in that defamation suit!)

Ok, let’s haul this wreck back on track…

 

Could Tila and Garry have kept their relationship secret for 3 months without Tila flapping her gums and riding him while eating pizza? I can’t see her shutting her mouth (or legs) about anything, but if this Biff thing is real (and the jury is still out on that) is it possible Tila has finally learned *gasp* discretion? Tila bullshits about all this fake shit, but perhaps if it’s something or someone really important to her, she shuts her pie-hole.

Is Garry so blinded by the herpes miasma floating 3 inches above her twat, that he drank the KoolAid? I mean, if so, we have to give the guy credit. He lasted several months, whereas a psycho crazed stalking Biff lasted less than 2 weeks. But, then again, Garry kept his mouth respectfully shut, while ol' Biff has reported that Tila got tested at the STD clinic and confirmed it was for her porn/sex tape, that they fucked on the 8th floor of his office complex, and that he's 'smashed' her on more than one occasion. If Garry and Tila really did have a relationship, and Garry was respectful and considerate enough to keep his mouth shut, it kinda makes me believe he's the nuttiest of the bunch!

I wish I knew either way, but I thought I’d post this in case any of y’all can make a determination. Just as I’m on the fence about Garry, I suppose you can say I’m on the fence about believing Tila and Garry had a relationship.

In closing, regarding the Biff stuff. I’ve been researching the heck out of that, and it appears to be a 50/50 split that the guy is a crazy stalker dood, and that he’s ‘Sky’. I wasn’t in on the Sky drama, so I can’t comment on that. I would suggest, that perhaps Biff is a male who was playing being a female (Sky), thinking it would get him closer to other females, because he wouldn’t be as threatening.  Or, there really is a Biff and there really is a Sky, and they are really dating (or were dating) and they share the same brand of crazy, and the same obsession with Tila.

Who woulda thunk that there are actually folks out there crazier than Tila?

I didn't have a witty name for the post. Sorry. Your favorite lawlyer was tied up... in court so much this week! While Tila's post is a few days old, it's always fun to decipher the crazy rantings, especially when it deals with legal issues. This post comes from Tila's site on August 21st, in her incredibly stupid "Dear Diary" posts. She starts by ranting about a book written for stupid people, a new age style book that tells you to scream into pages. I don't need to, I have pillows. Seriously, if it's all of what she described, it's just a book of random stress releasers you can find for free on the interwebz. Dumbass probably paid like $50 for blank pages to scream into and a whole book of "shut ups".

Moving onto her contract rant:

So yay, because her fans have probably not gone far enough in school to know what a contract is yet, she wonderfully posts the definition. Edumacation for dah kiddies. Score! However, in her schooling she says something incomprehensible of "almost at least". It's even worse than double negatives to me. For every "almost" and "at least", I logically tell myself to remove 10% from whatever stat is given. In comes the lawlyer.

An artist or client would not be held to contracts that specifically endanger themselves or their crew. Not a single case in the history of the world, has any company successfully sued for breech of contract based on failure to perform when there is a personal endangerment to the performer, security, or even to fans.

My point is, if I cancel on a booking, I get sued by the booker, but if the booker also signs the contract on their behalf, stating that there will be a certain amount of security for certain things and doesn’t follow through with what is promised by both parties within the contract, any party who breaches the contract can get sued. Just like the other post we did on Brandy getting Sued for breach of contract, etc. Wow, I sound like a lawyer right about now. The whole point of a contract is to protect both parties in an event that something bad occurs. Once both parties agree’s to the final draft of the contract and signs it, then it’s done. Everyone is protected and whomever breaches the contract, gets sued…..I hope you know where I’m getting at, but if not, then that’s ok too because I’m just thinking to myself.

Miss Tila’s Lawyer/Contract law for Dummies 101.

There is a difference between canceling and actually showing up with the intention of performing, only to have issues with safety. Additionally, and more importantly, she has admitted (on camera even!) that she was told prior to performing she would still get her paycheck and all would be forgiven. This is not only confirmed by security on site, security with her and ICP themselves, but the actual performer being Tila. This is an enforceable verbal contract clause that would override, based on the situation, any prior contractual obligations. She tosses in Brandy's suit, which has nothing to do with anything really. Most circles call this a red herring argument. (i.e. present something totally irrelevant to the current situation as if it pertains to anything.) I think it classifies as a slippery slope argument as well. (Someone got sued for breech of contract, so therefore, so would I, regardless of circumstance.)

Brandy was contracted to do a job, she did not make an attempt to do the job, did not attempt to contact the contract holders and did not show with any goods on an agreed upon date. Even with all this, because of her *ahem* legal issues, any normal judge will basically take the time stated, tack it onto the end of the contract because of circumstances beyond Brandy's control and set a new date for delivery. One only has to look at the list of plantiffs to see the person filing for breech is money hungry. (Not only the label he was contracted with, not only Brandy, but even her mother!) Even in a solid, iron-clad contract (if there was one) there are still options. All this aside, if Tila's contract stated there'd be security, and in her words, none was provided, ICP had already been in breech of contract by failing to provide adequate and necessary precautions. Since there is video of the entire event, we do know that not only was she told not to go on for her own safety, that she was excused from performance, security came onstage with her and she refused to leave for 15 minutes, only having to be dragged offstage unwillingly - it all becomes moot.

What else glares to me, is that a suit has not been filed yet by neither Tila nor Method Man. My feelings about ICP aside, you don't build a cult following on stupidity. They are not stupid men. They know how to rake the cash in, then protect it. They know their market and their fans and what can happen. Especially after Bubba Sparxx, Ying Yang Twins, etc. I'd even venture personally (without personal knowledge or proof), after the first incident of tossing, they paid the performer a few extra bucks then had lawyers draft up an even more iron-clad agreement that it's at the performer's own risk.

Miss Seola's contract law for Tila, 101.

We've gotten a lot of comments since our friends over at Ghost Rider Radio posted this entry about Tila.  You guys have been asking us to report on it.  There's nothing new we can really add to it, so I urge you to go check out their entry (and the rest of their blog, too).  Anyway, I'll touch on it briefly.

GRR introduces a screen cap they found via Queen_LaQueefa (who is fucking hilarious) by saying it was

written by an unknown guy, going by the name of admin, on the website owned by Gerard Spinks Publishing, LLC.

And here's the screen cap:

Ghost Rider Radio continues by breaking this down, step by step.  It's really interesting.

In any case, there's no proof of this being factual.  Did it happen?  I'd guess yes, it probably did.  It wouldn't surprise me in the least.  Do we know for sure?  No.  So I suggest we all keep this in the back of our minds until more proof comes up.  But it's a good read and definitely an interesting (and probable) theory.

Here he talks about his girlfriend getting off on one of Tila's songs from her Caterwauling EP. Keep the fact that he claims to have a girlfriend in mind: