Blog Archive

Tuesday, August 31

postheadericon Oh hey, what's Rob doing?


So a lot of you have been inquiring as to what Rob is doing.  Welly welly well, check this out:
That's right, boys and girls!  Rob left yesterday for Hollywood!

Now let me share a secret with you guys.  This brings me IMMENSE joy.  Why?  Because I make no bones about it.  I fucking despise that kid.  He's all the smug douchebaggery of Garry Sun without any of the redeeming qualities.  And I can't wait for this kid to get burned.

It's only a matter of time before he's doing BIG THINGS you guys.  You know, like hosting the gay porn awards.  Raz B who?

Edit 
Ok so it seems lots of you don't know who Rob is, or at least need a refresher.  

So yeah.  Rob is the Aussie New Zealand Idol (he placed #7 in 2004, not #2 as Tila would like you to believe - and yet, this doesn't detour him from working with her) that Tila signed to her "label."  They've both been saying for months that she's going to fly him out to Hollywood and make him a star out here.  Tila kept pushing him off for her own exploits (still, he's not detoured) but it seems she's FINALLY willing to pay attention to him.

He's also a smug douchebag.  I thought he was okay for a while, just misguided.  Then he had a few words with people via Facebook.  People who tried to warn him and were actually pretty polite about it.  He claims all of us are just "jealous haters" and that his music - which is mediocre at best - will speak for itself.

And just for lolz:

I'm going to laugh my ass off when his career is one big, fat crash and burn.  Suck to be you, Rob.

Monday, August 30

postheadericon Watch for Flying Poop, Vegas!


Random Tila sigh-ting:
September 4th, Tila will be hosting the grand opening of Larry Flynt's Hustler Club in Las Vegas.  At least, this is what I'm finding online.  I thought there already was a Hustler Club in Vegas? 

In any case, make sure you watch for all sorts of flying objects!  Better yet, go see Ton Loc and Young MC, who are also performing in Vegas that night.

So she wants to be known as "Miss Tila" because it's classier...but, I mean, who EXACTLY in the strip club circuit is she trying to impress?  Does she think this will up sales of her porno?  And isn't this sort of like shooting fish in a barrel?  She's going to brag about all of the people who showed up for her, but let me tell you something.  Dear old Uncle Eddie here LOVES strippers.  Loves them.  And I especially love going to see them in Vegas.  Those Spearmint Rhino & Glitter Gulch girls have a special place in my heart.  And in Vegas you get a lot of patrons, ESPECIALLY when one is opening. 

Those girls better bleach the hell out of anything she slides her snail trail along, or they'll all end up looking like a blue waffle sooner or later.

If you don't know what a blue waffle is, don't google it.  If you do google it, don't blame me.

Saturday, August 28

postheadericon People Continue to NOT Take Tila Seriously.


Just want to share a few things with you guys.  I was just on Facebook and I nearly died when I saw this ad in the top right corner:

Yes, Facebook, you're goddamn right I like that.

So where does the ad lead?  Right here.  The video is old, obviously, as the article reads "At an Illinois music festival over the weekend..." but it leads me to two funny things.
#1: Fox News covered this whole shebang at some point, and had a banner that said "Tequila Trauma."  HA!
#2: They mention that Tila plans to sue "the owners of the juggalos."

So I was thinking.  A few days ago, Seola made a post about Tila, Method Man, and their plans to sue.  Except OH NOES!  It looks like Tila's now on her own.

Welly welly well.  Looks like Method manned up and left Tila out in the cold with her "impending" lolsuit.  Kudos to Method Man.  Now, when will Tila pull up her big girl panties and admit she's nothing but a sue-happy douche nozzle?  You know she won't.  She'll just do what she always does.  She'll drop it, move on to some other cock-eyed calamity, and leave this in the dust like so much spilled Faygo.

And hey, wanna listen to something that is goddamn HILARIOUS?  Check out Ralph Garman and Kevin Smith completely making fun of Tila and the entire GOTJ incident here.  Holy insanity is that funny!

Later, Rotspotters!


Thursday, August 26

postheadericon OH FOR FUCKS'S SAKE TILA, Give It A Rest!


I'm in a pissy mood. I mean, really pissy. My back fucking hurts, I got no meds, and I got no HoHos. A bitch could lose a fucking limb hanging around me when I'm feeling this way. Paint my fucking face like a clown, and I could totally pass as a Juggalo at a Tila concert.

A couple of days ago, Tila went streetwalking shopping down Robertson Blvd in Los Angeles. For those who aren't familiar with the area, it's a small street lined with trendy boutiques which is very popular with celebrities and folks who want to see celebrities. Because of this, it's also paparazzi-central. Kitson and the Ivy are big celeb draws, so the paps hang out in that area just waiting for celebs...and Tila to come waltzing into their view-finders.

So yesterday, Tila writes this absolutely stupid blog about her adventures on Robertson.

If I had a bag of nickels I'd beat this idiot tramp. Ugh. Ok, let's fucking rip the shit out of that stupid blog:

I was dressed like a tomboy yesterday with my androgynous look, hoping NOT to get noticed because I wasn’t feeling too well yesterday. I just had to go to the store to pick up something really quick and get out of there to go to a meeting, but someone at the store called the paparazzi and I was like,

    “FUGGGG I DON’T WANT THEM TO SEE ME!

1. You were not dressed like a 'tomboy'. Tomboys don't have a particular style, but ironically, sluts do. You were dressed in skinny jeans, a wife-beater, a pleather jacket and Doc Martins. Nothing about that outfit says 'tomboy'. Half the chicks in LA dress like that. It's called dressing for comfort. Moron. Oh, and I forgot the stupid knit beret, desperately trying to hide that nasty weave. What's the matter Tila, haven't had a moment to wash the Faygo out of that mop? Or couldn't you find the hairbrush? If I recall, about 2 months ago you filmed the bathroom of your hovel. The brush was in the left hand sink. It's probably still there because not only does it look like you never use it, but you likely haven't cleaned that bathroom since your videoshoot.

2. Learn the fucking definition of androgynous. You somehow managed to spell it correctly, but of course you fail in using it correctly. "Androgynous" refers to looking or dressing in a way that blurs the line between masculine and feminine. It means you're not easily defined as one or the other. Grace Jones is androgynous. So is Tilda Swinton, KD Lang and Katherine Moennig. And yes, Bobby Banhart, was also androgynous. You, on the other hand, are a low-down sewer skank, with no talent and no prospects. You are on par with a raging case of smegma. Oh, and you're not androgynous.

3. If you have to go out to do errands, and you're not feeling well, why not send Forehead? You say you went out looking like that to avoid being noticed, yet two paragraphs later you talk about how fun it was to dress up and parade around. You obviously wanted to get noticed.

4. What makes you think a store clerk called the paps? First of all, if you're so incognito, they wouldn't have recognized you. Of course the scent of quiet desperation, dripping ass-lube and raging herpes would have identified you just as well. I saw other photos on drunkenstepfather.com, and they show you're in front of Kitson, which is a prime pap hangout. You know that. That's the first place you head out to when you need 'candid' pap shots.

5. If you want privacy and don't want anyone to see you, why do you take the time to face the camera and strike 7 or 8 (at least) poses. Oh yeah, you're just 'joking' with them, like you always say.

Anyway, so I’m about to head out now, with my pimpin Gucci backpack. I just hope I don’t effing get pulled over again, just because my Lambo stands out… SO NOT FAIR!
Listen WhoreMeat, if you follow the law and the rules of the road, you won't get pulled over. Easy. Even 16 year old kids learn that lesson when they get their driver's licenses. You didn't get pulled over because your 'Lambo stands out" you got pulled over because you were driving the wrong way down the street, despite passers-by trying to warn you. You were ticketed for that, and for one of your passengers not wearing a seatbelt. You should have been ticketed for blowing through a red light and exhibitionism, but unfortunately, you weren't. You should have been pulled over, ticketed and killed for speeding down a public highway and bragging about it. You know what's not fair? It's not fair that your idiot army, who consist of a Justin Bieber look-a-like, a 28-year old fuck-nut and a creepy young woman who makes equally creepy videos, buy into all your bull and lament that poor Tila has been dealt a bad hand by the po-pos just because her 'Lambo stands out'.

Now here comes the part of the blog that just drives me insane. I mean, certi-fucking-fiably insane. I just noticed that I'm using the word 'fucking' a lot. Sorry. Heh. Seriously, WHY THE FUCK DO YOU STILL HAVE THE BAND-AIDS ON YOUR STUPID FACE ALMOST 2 WEEKS LATER? 

Because it's been almost 2 weeks, I had to go back to remind myself why you have the band-aids on in the first place. Here's exhibit A:



See that little bitty laceration on her cheek. Well, in order to see it clearly, you'd first have to clean that raging volcano of blood off it. Tila thought she was slick in this picture. She squeezed a drop of blood out, and then sprinkled water on it to make it stream. I'll remind you all that this is the same wound the hospital dressed with a teensy, weensy, tiny band-aid. In a previous blog, I posted that those band-aids are for wounds under 1/4". Tila later plastered the biggest bandaid Curad makes on it. There appears to be a Steri-strip, or maybe it's Scotch tape on her eyebrow. That should have been removed over a week ago. You only need Steri-strips on a minor laceration for 4 or 5 days until the wound has sealed itself.

Photo from drunkenstepfather.com

She wants us to believe that 12 days after she got hit in the face, she still needs bandaids. Funny, the one of her cheek always seems so fresh, yet the one of her eyebrow is always a bit tattered. You know why? The one on her cheek is only worn for these magical public viewings. At home, she doesn't wear it. The Steri-strip was applied at the hospital, and that's because with all the movement in the brow, they were playing conservatively with making sure it wouldn't open up. I can guarantee they told her to take that off in a few days, but who wants to bet Tila's Christmas posters will have an even rattier version of it.

And finally, let's took a look at this photo;
 
Photo from drunkenstepfather.com

Oh darn, we can't see Tila's horrendous wounds because of those big sunglasses. That's right, she was trying to be incognito, hence the shades. Of course, she didn't want to call attention to those band-aids either...which is why in most of the pictures she took the glasses off.

Tila, Tila, Tila. Do you really feel you're fooling anyone with a double-digit IQ?

postheadericon The Garry Sun Mystery

Admittedly I don’t know too much about this guy. I know he’s the guy she always claims is her “personal paparazzi” and he takes a lot of photos of her wonky nips. I also heard he has worked or continues to work at TMZ, I couldn’t find anything to confirm that though.


Anyway, he was on my radar back in April when Tila and Casa had their big blowup at the airport on her way to the Skankzilla Press Tour in New York. Tila started tweeting about how she got rid of the ‘bad’ friend, and was now going to date the ‘good’ friend or some such nonsense. She followed with several tweets that seemed to indicate she and Garry would hit the Motel 6 sheets that night and he was her new boo, and went as far as to taunt Casa by naming Garry as her new lover.


At the time I didn’t buy the Garry Sun/Tila relationship. I figured it was just more talk to piss off Casa. Casa was suppose to be a friend of Garry’s and as I remember some bad blood went down between the two of them over Tila. Like I said, I’m not as familiar with Garry, as I am with Bradshaw and that billboard-size head of his, but in the back of my head thought he was a normal non-drama guy, so didn’t pay him too much mind.


After Tila fired Garry over Arm-MeetGate, I started paying attention to his tweets. He seemed very hurt by the firing, and particularly devastated when Tila started accusing him of harassment, Arm-MeetGate and other vile things she pulled out of her syphilitc alien brain. I tweeted him several times to offer support and try to get some answers from him about Tila but he wasn’t having any of it. He tweets these kinda spiritual haiku/zen poetry responses, and I got to tell ya, I’m just not that deep. I don’t get half the shit he says, and trying to read between the lines is next to impossible. I did encourage him to stand his ground and go after her, but I never got a definitive answer out of him whether he was going to go forward or not..


Rather than go apeshit all over Tila’s ass for the accusations, he got all philosophical and once again, I got all confuzzled, (then again, I can get lost in the deep messages in a bowl of AlphaBets cereal, so go figure). Anyway, I’ve been on the fence with Garry. I hope he nails her skank-ass to the floor, but he now appears to have mellowed and sadly, I won’t see Tila next to me in jelis hater jail, shackled to one of our many pedos, snacking on Cup O’Noodles and braiding each other’s hair. I do hope he slams her ass with a lawsuit for defamation of character and slander. He holds all the cards, and I hope he uses that power for good (suing Tila) and not evil (turning into a pansy-ass cowardly chickenshit).


But, we seem to have a new development.


Remember back in June when Tila was talking about having a couple of hot chicks over for a pillow fight with whipped cream? I got to wondering about that post, and wondered if that was actually the day she was filming her porn/sex tape, whatever the hell you want to call it. So, I went dumpster diving (in contrast to cum-dumpster diving, which is legally banned in 48 states). My dumpster diving brought up some interesting posts that I had forgotten about, but which pointed me in a new direction for a blog post (shiny pennies on the ground do that to me, as well).


One was Tila posting on the Flog a plea to her moron army to help her decide on a birthday gift for her “best friend”. That was on June 22. I had forgotten this little nugget, but decided it warranted further research. Why? Because I’m finding Tila often has a kernel of truth in her tweets/blogs. In that particular blog, she mentioned how the lucky young stud would have the option of unwrapping her *gagas part of his celebration.


My first thought was Bradshaw. He may have a 9Head, and be a little gay, but hell, enough birthday hooch might turn any guy/gay into a raving Tila love machine. A quick Google search showed that he had a couple of birthday parties in February, because his birthday is around Valentine’s Day.


So, Bradshaw is out, that leaves me with Garry. Nothing on Google for Garry. Ugh. But wait, let’s check his Twitter. Oopsie, Twitter doesn’t make birthdays viewable….but Facebook does and SCORE! Guess when Garry’s birthday is (well, his birthday and what appears to be his multiple-STD day!). Yep, you guessed it, June 22.


I have to admit, I find it hard to believe that Garry would bang that  ratted-up hairspray-fuckbox (thank you uncle Eddie, for that perfect insult!). Garry certainly seems intelligent enough to bag a normal, high-functioning chick, but Tila? I mean, c’mon, that’s really scraping the bottom of the bottom of the barrel. I could see that nasty Casa hitting it, but Gary? I don’t know.


Then, several days after the birthday post, she posts about insecure men who whine like pussies because they don’t think they’re good enough to be with her *gag*. Could she and Garry have had a falling out of their own? Though this seems unlikely, because it’s another several weeks before she kicks him to the curb with the Arm Meet accusations. But note, she also accused him of sexual harassment against her staff, and we all know her staff consists of her and Bradshaw (please DO NOT let a 3-way amongst these mis-fits be the next leaked sex tape!)


Let’s back this wreck up just a smidge, ‘cause I need to point out the holes in her Arm Meet story. We now have 5 scenarios that Tila has admitted to in regards to Arm MeetGate:

1. Jane did it in a murderous rage

2. It was all a performance piece a’la Gaga

3. Tila was suicidal and tried to take her own life with a tacky-ass broken hooker lamp

4. Garry Sun did it

5. Her friend’s saber tooth tiger cat did it. (Poor Fluffy gets the short end of the stick. He oughta join Garry in that defamation suit!)


Ok, let’s haul this wreck back on track…

 

Could Tila and Garry have kept their relationship secret for 3 months without Tila flapping her gums and riding him while eating pizza? I can’t see her shutting her mouth (or legs) about anything, but if this Biff thing is real (and the jury is still out on that) is it possible Tila has finally learned *gasp* discretion? Tila bullshits about all this fake shit, but perhaps if it’s something or someone really important to her, she shuts her pie-hole.


Is Garry so blinded by the herpes miasma floating 3 inches above her twat, that he drank the KoolAid? I mean, if so, we have to give the guy credit. He lasted several months, whereas a psycho crazed stalking Biff lasted less than 2 weeks. But, then again, Garry kept his mouth respectfully shut, while ol' Biff has reported that Tila got tested at the STD clinic and confirmed it was for her porn/sex tape, that they fucked on the 8th floor of his office complex, and that he's 'smashed' her on more than one occasion. If Garry and Tila really did have a relationship, and Garry was respectful and considerate enough to keep his mouth shut, it kinda makes me believe he's the nuttiest of the bunch!


I wish I knew either way, but I thought I’d post this in case any of y’all can make a determination. Just as I’m on the fence about Garry, I suppose you can say I’m on the fence about believing Tila and Garry had a relationship.


In closing, regarding the Biff stuff. I’ve been researching the heck out of that, and it appears to be a 50/50 split that the guy is a crazy stalker dood, and that he’s ‘Sky’. I wasn’t in on the Sky drama, so I can’t comment on that. I would suggest, that perhaps Biff is a male who was playing being a female (Sky), thinking it would get him closer to other females, because he wouldn’t be as threatening.  Or, there really is a Biff and there really is a Sky, and they are really dating (or were dating) and they share the same brand of crazy, and the same obsession with Tila.


Who woulda thunk that there are actually folks out there crazier than Tila?

Wednesday, August 25

postheadericon Legal Beagle Eagle Fadeagle


I didn't have a witty name for the post. Sorry. Your favorite lawlyer was tied up... in court so much this week! While Tila's post is a few days old, it's always fun to decipher the crazy rantings, especially when it deals with legal issues. This post comes from Tila's site on August 21st, in her incredibly stupid "Dear Diary" posts. She starts by ranting about a book written for stupid people, a new age style book that tells you to scream into pages. I don't need to, I have pillows. Seriously, if it's all of what she described, it's just a book of random stress releasers you can find for free on the interwebz. Dumbass probably paid like $50 for blank pages to scream into and a whole book of "shut ups".

Moving onto her contract rant:

con·tract [n., adj., and usually for v. 15–17, 21, 22 kon-trakt; otherwise v. kuhn-trakt]
noun
1.
an agreement between two or more parties for the doing or not doing of something specified.
2.
an agreement enforceable by law.
3.
the written form of such an agreement.
4.
the division of law dealing with contracts.

Well in my line of work, almost at least 90% of the time, there’s always a contract that is involved which both parties; client and artist, must sign before an assigned job is booked. Contracts may vary depending on the situation, and when an artist signs a contract to do a job, then the artist is obliged to do the job, otherwise, artist can get sued for breach of contract.

So yay, because her fans have probably not gone far enough in school to know what a contract is yet, she wonderfully posts the definition. Edumacation for dah kiddies. Score! However, in her schooling she says something incomprehensible of "almost at least". It's even worse than double negatives to me. For every "almost" and "at least", I logically tell myself to remove 10% from whatever stat is given. In comes the lawlyer.

An artist or client would not be held to contracts that specifically endanger themselves or their crew. Not a single case in the history of the world, has any company successfully sued for breech of contract based on failure to perform when there is a personal endangerment to the performer, security, or even to fans.

My point is, if I cancel on a booking, I get sued by the booker, but if the booker also signs the contract on their behalf, stating that there will be a certain amount of security for certain things and doesn’t follow through with what is promised by both parties within the contract, any party who breaches the contract can get sued. Just like the other post we did on Brandy getting Sued for breach of contract, etc. Wow, I sound like a lawyer right about now. The whole point of a contract is to protect both parties in an event that something bad occurs. Once both parties agree’s to the final draft of the contract and signs it, then it’s done. Everyone is protected and whomever breaches the contract, gets sued…..I hope you know where I’m getting at, but if not, then that’s ok too because I’m just thinking to myself.

Miss Tila’s Lawyer/Contract law for Dummies 101. :)

There is a difference between canceling and actually showing up with the intention of performing, only to have issues with safety. Additionally, and more importantly, she has admitted (on camera even!) that she was told prior to performing she would still get her paycheck and all would be forgiven. This is not only confirmed by security on site, security with her and ICP themselves, but the actual performer being Tila. This is an enforceable verbal contract clause that would override, based on the situation, any prior contractual obligations. She tosses in Brandy's suit, which has nothing to do with anything really. Most circles call this a red herring argument. (i.e. present something totally irrelevant to the current situation as if it pertains to anything.) I think it classifies as a slippery slope argument as well. (Someone got sued for breech of contract, so therefore, so would I, regardless of circumstance.)

Brandy was contracted to do a job, she did not make an attempt to do the job, did not attempt to contact the contract holders and did not show with any goods on an agreed upon date. Even with all this, because of her *ahem* legal issues, any normal judge will basically take the time stated, tack it onto the end of the contract because of circumstances beyond Brandy's control and set a new date for delivery. One only has to look at the list of plantiffs to see the person filing for breech is money hungry. (Not only the label he was contracted with, not only Brandy, but even her mother!) Even in a solid, iron-clad contract (if there was one) there are still options. All this aside, if Tila's contract stated there'd be security, and in her words, none was provided, ICP had already been in breech of contract by failing to provide adequate and necessary precautions. Since there is video of the entire event, we do know that not only was she told not to go on for her own safety, that she was excused from performance, security came onstage with her and she refused to leave for 15 minutes, only having to be dragged offstage unwillingly - it all becomes moot.

What else glares to me, is that a suit has not been filed yet by neither Tila nor Method Man. My feelings about ICP aside, you don't build a cult following on stupidity. They are not stupid men. They know how to rake the cash in, then protect it. They know their market and their fans and what can happen. Especially after Bubba Sparxx, Ying Yang Twins, etc. I'd even venture personally (without personal knowledge or proof), after the first incident of tossing, they paid the performer a few extra bucks then had lawyers draft up an even more iron-clad agreement that it's at the performer's own risk.

Miss Seola's contract law for Tila, 101.

postheadericon Tila's Myspace Friends


We've gotten a lot of comments since our friends over at Ghost Rider Radio posted this entry about Tila.  You guys have been asking us to report on it.  There's nothing new we can really add to it, so I urge you to go check out their entry (and the rest of their blog, too).  Anyway, I'll touch on it briefly.

GRR introduces a screen cap they found via Queen_LaQueefa (who is fucking hilarious) by saying it was
written by an unknown guy, going by the name of admin, on the website owned by Gerard Spinks Publishing, LLC.
And here's the screen cap:

Ghost Rider Radio continues by breaking this down, step by step.  It's really interesting.

In any case, there's no proof of this being factual.  Did it happen?  I'd guess yes, it probably did.  It wouldn't surprise me in the least.  Do we know for sure?  No.  So I suggest we all keep this in the back of our minds until more proof comes up.  But it's a good read and definitely an interesting (and probable) theory.

Tuesday, August 24

postheadericon Ooopsie! Heh. The Biff Kerfluffle is heating up!


Who could anticipate the shitstorm brewing on my Twitter timeline this morning? Wow. Seems everyone's talking about Biff, lol. There's a lot of controversy about just who this dude is. Folks are wondering if it's really a guy, a girl, a chick named Sky who was in the center of some other Tila controversy before I came on the scene, or just a really stupid, creepy teepee stalker dood who happens to be very naive about Tila.

I've been sitting on the Biff story for a few days prior to last night's post (heh, yeah, I know everyone knows his name, but I like the sound of 'Biff'. It's just so suitable!) because I needed to confirm if he was the real McCoy or not. It appears, from my sources, that he is. I'm going to operate on the assumption that he is a real guy and he's really dating (or was dating) Tila.

Luckily, we have someone who has been tweeting with him since he first began dating Tila, so we have these lovely screencaps of the big blowout between him and Tila last night:




Ohoh. Get out the cigars, we got ourselves another Maybe Baby Daddy!!!


You don't know if her tears are real and she wants to get married to Stalky in the space of 2 weeks? Where have we seen this scenario played out before? Oh yeah every single person she has 'dated' in the last year!


How do you not know that she was taken away on a 5150 back in June? This is odd to me because it's obvious he tweeted her that day (see last night's post) in reponse to her stupid Jane tweet, and he asked how she was. In addition, if he lived next door as he claims, every fucking neighbor would have been talking about it! I think he moved there after the 5150, around the 24th of June, when he starts tweeting Tila that he lives near her.

What the hell kind of cat does that 'friend' have? A saber tooth tiger?


So, he's saying Tila has a key he didn't know she had? 

The following screencaps are prior to last night. I don't have timestamps on these, but they're in the last week or so, as I understand:


You never saw this side of her? Even Mittiee has seen this side of her, though he does deny it's anything to worry about and we all make 'mistakes'. Dude is either flat-out lying, or Tila has really found the stupidest person to ever walk this earth.


Lovely. I'm sure she wants it out there that she was at the STD clinic being tested for the porno she's denying being a part of.

Sex tape? OOOOOooooooOOOOOh. Can you say "Spencer Pratt". Hey Tila, I hope you have a handle on this one. That Lambo lease payment is coming up next month and sounds like LoverBoy may cash in on your payday.

Monday, August 23

postheadericon Jeepers peepers, where'd you get that Creeper? Part 1


I'm going to preface this by admitting I have no life. None. So, the fact that I have tons and tons of screencaps and several hours to put this post together is just testament to my loyalty to you dear readers or my abject empty shell of a life. I'd like you to believe it's my loyalty, but shit, y'all are too smart for that!

In the last couple of weeks a certain young man, I'll call, Biff, who is currently dating our midget idjit mogul, has come to my attention. I'm not going to reveal his real name or screen name, only because he's not a celeb or anything. His Twitter is all public so I'm just pulling shit off there and commenting about it.

Personally, the guy skeeves me the fuck out. He totally gives me the heebie-jeebies, but that's just me, and as you read his tweets and follow the commentary I'll let you make your own decisions on his creepy-teepee tweets to Tila and several porn chicks.

The backstory: Biff is a 24- or 25-year old The Situation-looking dude, with the same 'game' as the Situation, but better looking. He's got the smarmy fake personality and hits up at least 8 different porn chicks, including Tila on his Twitter. Tila and another gal seem to be his prime targets. There are many many facets to Biff, but I want to comment first on his interest in Tila. It appears Biff arrived on Twitter just a fan of Tila's and a bunch of other porn chicks. Most of his crap is the lovey-dovely drival of a horny man hoping to score some STD-laced poontang. 

The Tila stuff is much more interesting and much more disturbing. It appears to me that Biff has been stalky mcstalkerson when it comes to Tila. He starts off being the usual vapid fan, but then after sending her gifts and talking about his girlfriend loving Tila and begging Tila to follow him, you start to get a little freaked out by his intensity. Things build up when he somehow manages to live next door to her, and yet doesn't realize her lives next door to her.

Now, of course we'd expect people to live next door to Tila, but what about a guy who claims he sent $500 to Jayden's Angels? Tila advertised that sham back in December '09 and shut it down by end of January '10. Biff would have us believe he innocently donated $500 and then miraculously she moved next door to him months later.

Tweets are in semi-chronological order. That means where there are several tweets grouped together, you'd read them like on Twitter, from the bottom-up, but I'll be striving to go from the earliest to the latest. 

He starts out May 4, logging into Twitter for the first time. Oopsie, hope Tila isn't angry that her new bf covets another porn star to be his 'wifey'!

Here he talks about his girlfriend getting off on one of Tila's songs from her Caterwauling EP. Keep the fact that he claims to have a girlfriend in mind:

That last tweet confirms he and Tila don't know each other personally, or he wouldn't have to tell her he's on the West coast.

The next tweet is all about the lulz. Heh.

Here he wonders when she'll perform in Texas, and that he caught one of her lame-ass shows the previous nite. Doesn't appear he tried to meet her though.

Next, he begs Tila to follow him. He has important info, but it's critical she follow him:

Suddenly he has her address because he claims it was 'leaked', and then he confirmed it's her address. How did he confirm, did he drive over there? Does it appear to you that she lives next door to him? The vibe of this tweet tells me he may know where she lives, but doesn't live next door. Love how any other stalkers out there who got ahold of this 'leaked' address now have confirmation that they have the right one. Note this is May 15.

Remember a little while ago he questioned her about Texas? It seems she ignored his question (probably because her little alien nose smelled a creeper!), but she is claiming to be in Texas (this was that stupid 'wedding' she claimed to have flown out to).

Now he's hitting 9Head up for a free trip, and still talking about how people blasting her new address. Funny thing is, I never heard that it had been leaked. With all the info I see on Tila, this one completely escaped me. And, why not DM her the info, why announce it so every other creeper can look for themselves? Sounds like he's setting the stage for something.

He's now out on Robertson looking for Tila. I'm assuming she tweeted she'd be there and he went running.

OH boohoo, Tila seems to be ignoring Don Juan 'cause he's no longer her favorite person.

Note the date. This was the day of Arm Meet-Gate. Remember, down the way you'll see where he tweets he lives next door to her. If he lived next door to her, don't you think he'd see the fire and rescue, police and emts? Let's see, when my daughter we 2 and fell off the bed on her head, 911 sent a humongous fire truck, a smaller fire and rescue truck, a police car and an ambulance. Four large vehicles on one street for a tiny little girl. At least that many were there for the suicide hoax, possibly more because they were thinking there was another person involved (Jane). Tongues would have been wagging amongst the neighbors all days and into the next, yet Biff responds to her tweets, and doesn't seem to know what is happening. 

A week later he wonders why she still won't follow him, or perhaps she was following and then unfollowed:

A couple days later, now that Tila's back from her 5150 vacation, she does decide to follow him. It's now been almost 6 weeks since he's followed her both Twitterly and literally. Lots of love for Tila though, as he's also sending packages to other porn chicks and he mentions his girlfriend.

Have no idea why he would say this this first tweet, but it's ickers:

And a week after she starts following him, they're engaged. But wait, I thought he wanted to marry that other porn chick, you know the first person he tweeted. Men!

Oh look, the Biffuation is getting all charming and sexy on her:

PS: I can't stand that term, "wifey". Gag me with a spoon!

Ohoh, trouble in paradise....

Ugh. More of the creepy false intimacy I so love.

He's really desperate....

I believe this was referencing her tweet about going to the UPS store and seeing David Alan Grier. Did someone follow her? Looks like he 'cause he couldn't hug her because of all her packages.

Now he knows her gym:

Oddly, he wonders if another porn star is also his new neighbor. Did he just move in, or did she move in. Odd. If he moved in, then it appears he moved in to Tila's neighborhood knowing she lived there. I have to think he just moved in this week, because these other tweets tell the story as he suddenly tries to make Tila aware how close he is.

Well it certainly appears to be that he moved in, because the next day he tells Tila he's in the 'same place'. It still doesn't appear that Tila really acknowledges him as someone she knows. If she did, she'd have him DM her, and not post this crap in public.

Ohoh. It's taking a very creepy tone:

Good thing he and his other 'wife' (the girlfriend, he claims to have, is in love with Kaylani and they both send her handmade gifts) are busy with the other porn chicks:

And there's an urgent package he wants Tila to pick up. He now believes he saw her the previous night walking Onyx. If I thought I lived next door to someone I admired, I certainly wouldn't be so calm about it. It seems like he's trying to tell her it's all just a crazy quirk of fate that they live next door to each other.

She still hasn't picked up his package. If he knew he lived next door, why send it to her fan mail address, why not send it to the address she lives at? You've already proven yourself to be creepy by all these tweets, a little package isn't going to put you over the top.

Still hasn't picked up the package and he wants to cuddle. If I was Tila, I'd be freaking out about now.

Anything to get her attention. He keeps telling her he knows where she lives. That, in itself, is stalker behavior to me. 

Looks like 10 days later, she still hasn't picked up the package.

Tila has no real friends at all, let alone fans.

Ickers.
Two weeks, and she thinks so much about him that she still hasn't picked up the package. But even more creepy, the last tweet where he asks who she asked about making a video. Is this something her heard in her hallway outside her apartment? That's the only thing I get out of it.

Finally, 15 days later she picks up the damn package.

Ick, again. 

Love how he just keeps grooming her by stoking her ego. And I don't know where he'd have a big house because he lives in the apartments next to Tila's.

Now he wants to know where she eats. Perhaps he's hoping for an invite. He doesn't let up, does he?
Nope, he doesn't.
Gross.
August 3 he's still with his girlfriend. Or did her ever have a girlfriend? If you saw his timeline, you'd be amazed at how much time he spends tweeting all these porn chicks. Does he throw in the girlfriend to look less threatening?

A few days later, he tweets he has cigarettes in response to Tila begging for smokes. She has obviously never met the guy, because he has to keep telling her lives next door. She must have been totally freaked out when she read his other tweets about knowing where she lives and was she walking her dog, etc. RUN TILA, RUN!!! Oh wait, what happened to the girlfriend from 5 days ago? You know, the one you've been with since at least May.

He goes on to explain that he's not a stalker when he lives next door, though he seems to have moved in in late June and he just happens to have moved next door to Tila, after knowing her address since mid-May. Oh yeah, that's normal.

Here's where his charm really shines through:

Ummmmm. I don't think respect is telling all of Twitter that you 'smashed' her or fucked her. What class.

He really should take his own advise:

But he doesn't:


As of today, he tweeted that Tila visited him on the 8th floor of his employer's building where they fucked. Yeah. Thing is I can't believe she'd do that for any man. If anything she'd call the shots and tell him to get to her hovel for a little afternoon delight. But we shall see.

So, is this guy just a romantical love-lorn Lothario? Could be. I have to say, the fact Tila has no one filtering her dates means she's wide open to exploit. I'm not saying Biff is doing anything wrong, but it sure seems fishy (and that's just not the smell of Tila's open legs!). It wouldn't surprise me if she met up with someone who stalked her and ended up meeting her just so he could make a sex tape to sell behind her back, ala Spencer Pratt. I guess we shall see.

I have more that he tweeted about Casa, and some random crap, but I'll follow up in the coming days with that shit.

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