Blog Archive

Tuesday, May 18

postheadericon Dating advice or The Makings of a Cheap Porn?


Jesus Christ I don't even know where to start....I guess this will be like jumping off the diving board in the big kids side of the pool....just close my eyes, 1........2..............

Ok, so I wasn't going to watch Tila's "ode to being a whorebag" dating advice video, much less post on it....but you guys have requested it, and because I'm not a complete pretentious asshole, I've delivered.

Has anyone actually watched it? I mean seriously?! Cuz....I....uh......hmmmm...
If you haven't...save yourselves. I'm not even kidding. It's entirely too early in any part of the day to listen to her obnoxious giggle and grinding on some poor innocent. Let's be completely honest here, it basically started off the way you'd expect any cheap porno to.

There were 2 good things about the video (hey I can give credit where credit is due)....1. Tila making a complete fucking ass outta herself with her fancy dancy "green screen" and 2. The end.

You see, the best part about her whole winged whore campaign is that the dirty bitch hasn't had a good, strong, steady relationshit since who knows when. So I know that I'd certainly be taking advice on "how to get and keep a man" from the porn muppet Tila.

Anyway, the main reason I've snagged and uploaded this video is so that you, our loyal readers do NOT have to go to her youtube page, OR her website.....you can watch all of the disgusting antics of the hogul here. Now, who loves you? WHO LOVES YOU!!! Alright then...




video

55 comments:

Mary said...

What?! It's 3 minutes long... I DON'T HAVE THAT KIND OF TIME!!! I got shit to do, my ass isn't going to scratch itself.

punkass said...

Who is she kidding?? She wouldnt even get to a second date, on the first she would be riding him while eating a greasy pizza, all the while taking hits off of her meth pipe, while typing about it..She's disgusting and I just threw up in my mouth!! Thanks Gnomey....mwah

justmyopinion said...

I can't watch this bitch one more time. I posted, my LAST post yesterday on that hag's outhouse site and won't be going back! I did feel sorry for the guy though. You know he saw that oozy sore on her lip and thought, bitch don't even try it. I replied TI Herpes lol...I'm @Tilasmind..Yeah, I chose to parody her F'd up mind. Hard job, huh?
LOVE your spot!!!!

Lisa said...

All I can say is

BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAAAAAHAAAAAAAA

HAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAA HAHAHAHAAAAAAA
'she makes me feel like a king'

HAHAHAHAAA oooooh mmyyyyy goooossshhh hilarious!

wait. this isn't a spoof...
oh god.

deluwiel said...

This isn't "how to get and keep the man of your dreams." This is "how to get picked up by some random guy in a club". There IS a difference. *sigh*

I said it before and I'll say it again. Grow up Tila. Just... grow up.

Jenn said...

Is she fucking serious? Did she forget that that her past three relationships have ended in either rape accusations or death? Whoever this poor schmuck in the video is better get to the clinic asap and get himself tested.

Thanks for posting this Gnome!

Capt. Mcfibbins said...

Lmao I didn't even make it to 10 seconds. My God her hair is a freaking mess. Kinda looks like that bird nest I just took outta the attic.

Jon said...

I lasted 33 seconds.

I mean really. This coming from a woman who could need keep her undercrakers on, nevermind a man/woman/dog.

And the guy is so deeply awkward. Imagine coming to audition to find you have to pretend to get picked up by Tila. Mouth throwup.

Love, the Higher Lower

B_McBitcherson said...

What the fuckity-fuck?!

"DEAR HIGHER UPPER: I KNOW WHO YOU ARE! HUSH, HUSH SECRET!

Dear Higher Upper Shhhhhh!

Yes, ‘Tis I, Miss Tila. I know you have been following me for a while. I know you have been watching me very closely. I know you have done a lot to shush me up, but now is the time I call you out and we meet face to face. So how about it? If anything, you have the wrong people. If anything, I have all the right people you need, that you want, that you work oh so hard to get to. Yes. I have them at the tip of my fingers, all by my little self.

They won’t listen to you, however, they WILL listen to me. Now, if anything, you may want to re-think what you are doing and do this deal with me as I do have my MASSIVE TILA ARMY! Yes, I do, and I know you know that I do! I have a powerful voice, and I don’t hold back anything. We can either go to war with each other, even though you think you will win, however through the past decade, I have proven to you that no matter what you try to do to me, I still stand tall and am still here, with my “TILA ARMY” growing bigger everyday! Even my Corporations and Companies are growing more powerful and influential everyday, all by myself! hmmmm….

Now let’s get down to business shall we. This is not a letter to my fans nor my haters nor anyone else relevant to this blog nor pop culture. This is an open letter to.. AHEM.. YOU! Yes, YOU! I have known about you for quite some time now, and I do know who is with you. I have always been on the other side of “YOU AND YOUR TRAINED ONES” however, even with all that power you have and all of your trained ones, I still, all on my own, have my OWN POWER, and MY OWN TRAINED ONES. So how about it? Would you like to cut a deal? It would be very smart of you to do so as out of all of your “TRAINED ONES” I am the smartest of them all. The most outspoken of them all, with many faces and allure. Captivating and Enchanting people and luring them in is quite easy for me. I need no training in that area. However you spend a lot more time on your OWN “TRAINED ONES” to do what I was born to do NATURALLY.

So, I am writing this offer to you once and once only. I have more to say but we can discuss in private. You know how to find me, as I know you have been following me for quite some time now and have been setting me up with many “OBSTACLES” to which I surpassed them all. Sure you can just kill me off, but wouldn’t that be a little too obvious? Why am I writing this for all the public to see? well that is because I don’t care and they do not know what I speak of. However, i know YOU know what I am speaking of. So go ahead. Let’s cut a deal and meet half way. What I can do is a million times more powerful tha what your “TRAINED ONES” can do. Trust me. I know you have followed and watch my career very closely. You’re the only ones who KNOW, I know EXACTLY what I am doing.

Meet me halfway. I am here. How to find me? Tips@MissTilaOMG.com – NDA and all that… No worries. DONE.

Sincerely,

Miss Tila, The Greatest of All Time.

A Legend in the Making. Are you in or out?

ANYTHING HERE RING A BELL TO YOU, DEAR LONG TIME FOLLOWER? MMMM HMMM…. YES, I KNOW WHO YOU ARE!

PS-as for my readers, please disregard this entire blog post. Thank you."



She is fucking nuts - like, seriously NUCKING FUTS.

i_am_that_girl said...

a) She has NO business giving out dating advice (or any advice for that matter)
b) The dude in the video is ugly

JustMoi said...

It really starts to get good around the 3:20 mark.

khandersuk said...

I couldn't watch the whole thing.

From what I did see, as per usual, it was completely reliant on overt sexuality. I think to her that IS a relationship and not the things most of the rest of us look for sustenance, such as mutual connection, personality, shared interests, etc.

In a way I'm really impressed she can now include dating coach on her mogul list. Where does she find the time? :-)

Fatty McFatterson said...

Welcome back Gnome!!! So good to see you again YAY!!!
I think the funniest thing about the vid, is that the hundredaire went on and on for the last couple of months about her fantastic 'green screen' and she forgot to hire the video editor she'd need to actually make it work (or she ran out of money, but either way).

The editing on this piece of shit is absolutely HILARIOUS. I mean seriously, turn down the volume and just watch. My cat could have done a better job sitting on my keyboard and batting random letters.

Cathy said...

WOW , Tila WOW. Great use of the green screen. Isnt the point of the green screen so we dont have to "imagine" that we are in front of a door or at a sleazy tila hangout. Good editing as well all of those clips and pauses. And yes what a hottie that guy was (rolls eyes)....

cray-zee asian said...

So.... Miss Chairage is stealing stories from the Onion and then ... claiming that they're real. It's actually pretty funny in a retarded way.

Also, she's being totally psychotic. There should be at least a week's worth of material from just these recent posts.

Thank you for all you've been doing. This site is totally on my list of sites I visit every day or pretty damn close to it. Keep up the awesome work and I look forward to reading future posts.

Lisa said...

I agree fatty, editing is so funny
*PAUSE!*
tbh I think the green screen stole the show...

WindWaker said...

This is kind of off-topic, but I just found out about it today. A while back Tila wrote a Twilight fanfiction where she is a ninja sent to tell Edward he is gay, tell Jacob to get with her when he's 18, and then become lesbian lovers with Bella. I...don't even know. But here it is:

http://community.livejournal.com/ohnotheydidnt/41437287.html

Seagal said...

I tried gnome, I really did but I just can't watch it. I'll try again but for now I need my eyes and ears.

gee said...

Don't hate on the super amazing green screen that will be syndicated to television stations all over the world!! POW!! I've tried to watch this twice but couldn't make it through either time. The quality is HORRIBLE and its just so boring. Whats Tila's most lasting relationship? Two weeks?

Lisa said...

p.s LOVE the new fan art page, thanks for putting mine up :)
I will be photoshopping more! Its so fun! Has anyone tried writing like Tila too? I swear it's just as fun, hang on I will show you, I haven't started a blog, I just didn't want to leave this as a long ass comment, so I put it up on a page!
http://shawtandsweet.blogspot.com/

jenn said...

yeah, i couldn't make it past 30 seconds.

Isis said...

THEY ARE SPEAKING OF THE EPIC FINAL BATTLE BETWEEN CEILING CAT AND BASEMENT CAT. GOD HELP US. GOD HELP US ALL.

Fatty McFatterson said...

Y'all have to check out Lisa's blog she linked to up above Too fricking funny!!! She totally nailed Tila

Ericka said...

Has anyone seen this article about Tila's blog today? http://www.gossipcop.com/tila-tequila-drew-barrymore-coloring-book-onion/

FAIL!

Joann said...

Thanks gnome but I watched a few seconds of this crap and turned it off AND who is she to give dating advice to ANYONE!!!

I only know of two "relationships" she had with both lasting only a matter of weeks and both ended in a bad way.

Thanks for the link WindWaker but after reading "The night was ONCE AGAIN dark"..I had to stop. Too early for me now, but I'll go back later and check the rest of it out.

Lisa..you got her to a T. That was funny, especially..."I mean who would be stupid enough to blog untrue things about people they wish they could be as successful as.. NOT ME thats for sure.".

Lisa, do one of her when she's on meth and on a twitter rant. I swear that's the only time I find Tila really entertaining. Those twitter drug rants would have me rolling.

Joann said...

What happen to her live interview with the Russian boxer?

Isis said...

Check out the swanky new digs!!!

I_Cant_Stand_Tila said...

just found this article ..bbbbahahahahaha

http://allieiswired.com/archives/2010/05/tila-tequila-cites-the-onion-as-a-source-for-drew-barrymore-story/

The Gnome said...

Isis,
TRS is VERY talented in a vast amount of things.....and NOT just of the physical kind either! :P

Isis said...

.....I trip up the stairs. :(

Mark said...

LOL, that poor guy in the vid... The whole time I bet he was thinking:

"Geez, why did I agree to do this?? I should have taken my agent's advice and done the bit-part as the singing hotdog in the Oscar Mayer commercial instead."

janajustsaid said...

cant wait to see what you all have to say on her newest "dear diary" entry. Tila needs to learn how to share these fucking drugs shes on man. SHARE YOUR SUPPLY TILA! you might get a lot more fans!! Oh p.s. LOVE LOVE LOVE the new layout all!!

navywife said...

I would like to say I just couldn't make it past a minute without falling out of my chair laughing! Thank you for making my day showing this!

TessDeco said...

Look out boys! Miss Tila dating video is sure to set all the single ladies on fire!! lulz

And that dude in the video with his cell phone, I kept thinking ..Quick! Save yourself ..dail 911!!

The Blotspot said...

I made it to the point where she stopped her pretend dance and that's it. I had to click out or I swear I would have been shopping for a new comp screen. That is the lamest bitch in the world. The only ones that are worse, are her fucktard army "Members". Good job gang on exposing Pumpkin Tits for the idiot,liar and deceitful bitch that she is. I really love all your writing. <3

K.R. Omen said...

Whoa! Did I enter the right blog? Give my eyes a second to adjust. I love the remodel!

RockitQueen said...

navywife, are you saying that would make you have a mis-chair-age? *rim shot*

I have a feeling we're seeing the beginning of the end here, folks. She mistook two Onion articles for truth today (that Steve Nash picture is obviously fake and also from the Onion), plus posted that weird cracked-out rant about the Illuminati (or whatever the fuck that was). I predict something serious is around the corner. And I hope it's her wandering around West Hollywood calling herself Celestia.

Isis said...

Everybody lock your doors and windows....or you'll wind up with a stranger in your bed...and it WON'T be Robert Downey Jr. this time!!!!

dina a.k.a. KiKi said...

I *LOVE* the new look of your blog!! =)

Tyranny4U said...

OMG... It's Gnomey! Where've ya been? And why is TRS largely MIA? Anydrunktits, I <3 the new layout. Good to see you posting again. ::grin::

BKiddo said...

Thanks Gnome, and I love the new layout here.
This video was one of the stupidest things I've seen yet.
The part that cracks me up the most, is that they acutally had to stop and edit.

DarkwingPhoen1x said...

haha guys, do an Alexa search comparing Tila's blog and Perez's blog, the results are staggering

Jen said...

LOVE the new look!! Way to go guys!
OK - this is going to blow your mind. I checked out Hogul's twitter & she's talking about an open letter she wrote to "higher ups" - it links back to her blog. From there, there is a long ass letter talking about how she's aware that this person has been following her for awhile blah blah blah.... Anyway, at the end, there is a picture of Lady Gaga. Now, the interesting part? In the comments section, people are saying that Tila is referring to the Illuminati/Masons. Anyway, you guys are better at me than this.... looking forward to the post!! This girl has LOST her fucking mind (if we didn't know already, but COME ON!!) WOW. I hope they capture her and kill her. Oops! Is that not what they do?? LOLOLOL

BKiddo said...

@B_McBicherson,
I kinda think all the fuckedy-fuck (love that phrase! It's right up there with fuckery, wish I could use that more) could be a bunch of made-up bullshit to make her small fanbase of kids and pedophiles think she's important and powerful.
It's the first thing I thought of because if it was that "hush hush", it wouldn't be out there.
It's got me wondering though.

The Gnome said...

tyr,
i loves me some you. let's snuggle.

Kleckner family said...

Love the new look!! Why can't she just over dose already?

TRS (Superbitch) said...

Thanks guys! I really appreciate the positive comments and patience during our revamp.

As to where I have been, I have a busy month this month with vacation/family/etc. I'm still here, just in the background. I'm working on revamping the page (as you can see).

Thanks for the love and the hate!
TRS

thatshot121 said...

Someone please do a blog on her recent post to whomever she is referring to. Sounds to me like she admitted that she owns her fans and can basically make them do anything (manipulate).

The Jezebel said...

lol this green screen video and editing is uber elite...-_-......lol like I was watching Avatar all over again and tila was the alien

Sheriff Gauncent said...

tweetphoto.com/22972177

This has got to go well for the upcoming adoption in northern california considering she already missed her meeting with her new son last month.

Sheriff Gauncent said...

My post above is not the pic I intended. My screen cap didn't go well about her putting a cig out on her leg 'cause a friend made her mad.

Oh well, never mind.

Ray said...

She really doesnt seem to think before she says/does stuff. Who in their right mind would take advice from the hogul.
@lisa LMAO i looked at your blog and I think you really did type that just as she would have :)

Adtastic said...

The "higher ups" must be the "aliens" that are (of course) obsessed with her.... she was ranting about that as the reason she had to move house... they kept visiting her.

There was a post on here about it a while back... remember?

Lisa said...

Joann I gave the meth rant tweets a go!
http://shawtandsweet.blogspot.com/2010/05/how-to-tweek-like-tila.html

Jacqueline said...

HAHA....FAKE BI OR LESBIAN teaching girls how to date?! ha ha...What a looser Tila you are.

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