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Wednesday, May 19

postheadericon The Dummies Guide to Speaking Slutinese


One of the many things that perplex me about Tila is the fact she seems to speak a different language than the ‘jelis haters’. The Army of Morons and Halfwits seem to speak and understand her, but us jelis haters don’t seem to have a grasp of the mother tongue. So, I’m sitting here, butt naked, wolfing down pizza and talking nasty to the neighbor kids, ‘hey there Skippy, wanna see my boobies? C’mon on over and I’ll drag them off the ground for ya…you know you wanna see them!” I digress…anyway, so now I’m in the mood, so to speak, and realize that Tila’s native tongue, Slutinese, is actually not too difficult to learn when you’re acting a slut. So, here is a rudimentary Tila Slutinese Dictionary. This may help us make sense of the midget idjit mogul’s ramblings! I’ll add to it later, if there’s interest!
 CHAIRity: Collecting money illegally for a fake cause because you’re so damn broke you can’t even afford a 13Head, you had to go for the more compact 9Head model
 EXCLUSIVE!!!: the first mogul to copy and paste content in its entirety from a legit or even non-legit news source.
 Jelis Hater: A well-informed person with a grasp of critical thinking skills and a sense of moral outrage
 Kardashian sisters: Three sisters who are known for little more than their reality show, but who manage to be mega famous and extraordinarily successful in their individual endeavors
 MisCHAIRage: A bi-annual event where you milk a fake pregnancy for as many months as you think you can get away with, only for it to end in a bloodless, painless tragedy that clears up faster than a zit on your ass cheek
 Mogul: a person who promises many things, and delivers none (see poser, faker, liar, jelis bitch)
 Piggy Perez: One of the most successful celebrity gossip bloggers. Still not “dethrowned”.
 POW: An exclamation ending every inane thought that emanates from Tila’s pointy noggin
 Rape: a fun activity to do to your partner while he sleeps
 Tila’s Army: a rogue’s gallery of mis-fits, teeny-boppers and perverted old men, who dismiss any evidence of Tila’s illegal activities and wrong-doings for the chance to someday design fashions, or work on her record label, or travel the world with her. Their motto is: why you be hatin’ on Tila you is all pethedic and jelis and you don’t have a life


23 comments:

BKiddo said...

Ohh, we need one for ambASSiDER.
I can't do it justice, but I'm sure it won't take long for someone to come up with a good one.

BKiddo said...

Crap, I forgot "Apartmansion".

Monique said...

http://twitpic.com/1p5o21

:)

IcelandicReader said...

WOW that´s awesome layout. at first i wasn´t sure if i was visiting the right site lol! :D keep up ..it looks much cooler than misstilaomg.com. who brought up this layout i may ask??

greetings

Jon said...

You forgot:

Lezbian: Something Tila decided to be for a payday, but sadly her payday passed away before the payout happened.


Boo: Something you call a stranger you meet in a supermarket, have sex with, call your husband, then strike in the face.

I will add more as they come to me..
J x x x

Ericka said...

Candid Photos: A series of provocative staged photographs taken in an Ambien stupor.

Jenn said...

Lindsay Lohan: prospective meal ticket

Ericka said...

GOING INNNN: Making yourself look a damn fool on the interwebs while slandering someone who is more successful.

Jayden: Name given to a nonexistent fetus whose nonexistence was brought to an untimely end by a hammer wielding gangsta. *See Chunks

Chunks: Descriptive term used to garner sympathy for a misCHAIRage of a nonexistent fetus. *See misCHIARage *See Jayden

starfish said...

damn i need to get used to this new layout...also, when i click on comments, it brings up a smaller window...

erghhhh!!!

B_McBitcherson said...

OMG, these are great. I just <3 the tila resistance!

jenn said...

Perez Hilton has been issued a buyout offer of $20 million for the rights to PerezHilton.com.

READ THAT TILA? more money than you will ever see in your life. You can't even count that high, honey.

Ericka said...

Hoe phrase translations -

To which I have: A POWERFUL phrase used as PROOF and eviDENSE.

Jen said...

BAHHHAAAAA...On her crappy site, her disclaimer says the following: Misstilaomg.com contains published rumours, speculation, assumptions, opinions as well as factual information. Info on this site may or may not be true and not meant to be taken as fact.
So in other words..... she writes out in plain english that she's a fucking liar. HAAAA Fun.

kellymae said...

Yay I finally remembered my password for here. HI guys, it's kellymaeGS from twitter. Love the site, except I can't see anything other than post headings right now?

BigPoppaPhat said...

you forgot another quote i frequently see posted by the tila army: "Fuk all u haters U just jelis cause you aint her"

Spiked Tequila said...

I'm lovin the new look ladies! <3

mav1457 said...

woah all the text is black? change text to white or pink or anything but black please.

love the new layout tho

The Gnome said...

mav,
workin on it...it'll go back to normal, TRS is adjusting column spacing and what not...fret not young jedi

Schleen said...

I actually just lold XD hahaha i love the rotspot, it is truly an amazing contribution to the web. unlike miss hogul tits. keep it upppp!!

Veritas Ignis said...

WAIT! You guys forgot a couple classics

Lawsuit: something Tila will threaten any and everyone with if they don't bend over and kiss her pimpled ass and agree with her. Oftentimes applied to people Tila is jealous of or who have pissed her off by being honest and truthful.

Lawyers, to which she has: imaginary people conjured up when no other defense is available. Meant to scare the "jelis haterzzzz" into hiding.

Truth: Anything Tila's meth infested head imagines and writes on twitter, facebook, and any other media outlet that Crab Crotch has gotten access to.

Super-Dope-Red-Carpet Outfit: the remnants of random scraps of fabric, leather straps, and dead birds that one usually finds themselves wearing after another good roll in the dumpster after giving a handy j to a homeless man.

Wifey and/or Hubby: any random person, found in either a dumpster, grocery store, or laundromat who spends more than 5 minutes with Tila and either takes photos with or goes live on Ustream to help Tila expiose her googly nips to minors. Such person is always left much poorer than they were, and are usually confused about the seemingly endless verbal assault Tila heaps onto them after they discover she's broke/ugly/a crackhead/ insane beyond hope.

Miscarriage: Something caused by both a need to eliminate another fake pregnancy and dangerous chairs. Can also be caused by dents in one's head.

Pregnancy: something not be cherished and enjoyed privately, but to be massively exploited on multiple media outlets in order to gain attention.

Baby, see also Adopted or Biological: an imaginary being, never to be seen or actually cared for. Used by Tila in a desperate bid to either cover up a lie about donating her garbage sales to charity or to be used to teach the mean paparazzi people that their wicked, truth telling ways kill orphans. Tila especially loves gallons of babies, because gallons has now become the newest, most correct measurement of a non-liquid human being.

Tweet: the most efficient way to simultaneously insult millions and provide entertainment for dirty old men and underage teens and children.

kellymae said...

@Veritas: Hahahahahahaha!!

I noticed the asian thing earlier on her site (first time I've been there, just had to see for myself, won't be back) but I couldn't comment because I haunted her so much on twitter I guess, she has me blocked. Bitch. She just can't handle the truth.

Isis said...

Tila's new Facebook fan page

http://bit.ly/ayI5Xr

Stephin said...

what a vile disgusting pig she is

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