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Monday, May 10

postheadericon The World Weeps as Tila Continues to Assault our Ears.

Hi kiddies, Uncle Eddie here, bringing you the latest in fuckery from our favorite Methed-out Midget Mogul Millionaire. Time to reach on back into the vaults for some good ol' Tila history!

So yesterday Tila tweeted us with this:

Oh no! Well, that is a crime! No promotion? Wait, did she do promotion for "I Fucked the DJ?" I don't know if she did or not, but she assures us that it's doing pretty well over on iTunes:

Oh well that's good, Tila. I was worried for a second! I was really, really hoping that your horrendous single WAS "doinf quite well."

Oh wait...

This was taken TODAY, May 10. 2 stars, Tila? Still a shit-load of negative comments, Tila? You call that "doing quite well?" Oh wait, I get it. As long as Tila says it's so, most of those Army tards won't think to question it. Ah, makes sense.

So anyway, in the wake of her 2 star single, Miss Tila has an EP coming out tomorrow! And she couldn't do any publicity for it since it was SO SUDDENLY DROPPED ON HER AT THE LAST MINUTE.

You guys wanna see how long she's been talking about this EP?

Okay let's go!

This tweet came to us on April 21, 2009. Hmmm.

So around that time, she starts telling us what her stage show will be like. Seriously guys, it is LOL hilarious. You ready for it? It's fucking CRAZY.

Good Lord! I remember when I found those tweets, and I sent them to TRS, and we both just stared at them...I mean, what do you say to such obvious mental bullshit? I think at that point you just call the men in the white jackets who give Tila that special jacket so she can hug herself all the time!

Okay so around that same time she continues tweeting:

Notice she doesn't mention anybody by name? Like "the guitarist from Guns N' Roses." That's probably because if you said "I have Slash working on my new album..." (or the new guy - look, Uncle Eddie doesn't like to acknowledge the new Guns N Roses because it makes him sad, okay?) you'd have Slash laughing at you and calling you a liar, Tila. Anyway, we've gone from "Jessica Rabbit style music" to "Kill Bill style."


Okay moving on!

She says it again, in case you missed it:

She was probably on this kick because, as we all know, Tila is mega famous and does tons of movies!

HAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHA. Oh, don't worry, I have tons of tweets like that, too, but that's for a post at a different time.


Uh oh, I think somebody lied about that...

Again, did you forget that Tila is super mega famous? YOU DID? Well shame on you!

How dare you forget that?!

LOL 2, Tila? HAAHAHAHA. Really now, Tila. You're such a bad liar. Too bad the Resistance wasn't really around then to call you on your bullshit. THANK GOD WE ARE NOW! *waves* HI PRINCESS DUMBASS!

Hey you guys see how she's talking about Blue Dress? Ugh, as if we haven't had to go over that 1,000,000 times. You guys already know it's not hers, so I won't insult you with telling you again. But Tila will!

LOL "my song" huh? Okay. It's extra funny because Tila posted the video of her screeching like a cat in heat oh wait, I mean SINGING Blue Dress today!

Oh and recently she's been promising to tour again. I know all of you realize she does this all the time, but here's a really old one that's FAR TOO EASY to debunk:

Yes, this was supposed to be after her EP released last summer.

Here's a fine example of what is going to be on her "album" (it goes back and forth from being an "album" to being an EP, notice that?)

Goddamn. And I thought the lyrics to "I Fucked the DJ" were bad. (hint: THEY ARE BAD. These are slightly less bad.) I like how she says she wants to credit herself as song writer. NO SHIT TILA. Who else would write such fucking TRIPE!?

Wait, you know what's missing? Tila isn't name dropping like she usually does! I mean, she's hinting at "the guitarist from Guns N Roses" and stuff, but I need some good old fashioned Tila name dropping! What about you guys?

OMG I feel so much better. It's funny how way up there at the top, in the iTunes reviews, somebody said Tila is worse than Soulja Boy. I bet that person didn't even know they used to be friends! I say "used to be" because I have no idea if they still are. Tila used to tweet him all the time. He probably eventually saw through her like everybody does and dropped her ass. Dude, that's pretty bad.

Hey guys, wanna hear from Jane?

I know, it doesn't really have anything to do with this post. But she does say "Welcome Back to the Darkside," so maybe Tila is planning on blaming this epic bomb of an album/EP on Jane? Plus, NGL, I just love Jane. If Tila were Jane all the time I would rejoice.

Wow, I've finally come to the end of my Tila History lesson! (read: I'm sick of this shit) I know, we didn't learn much today, except for the fact that Tila is obviously a huge liar. Sorry Tila, but you've obviously had time to promote this stinker since you've been talking about it since LAST YEAR. Do I think it will drop tomorrow? Um...well it'll probably drop SOON. I can't guarantee tomorrow after the atrociousness that went on with her pushing back her blog over and over again. It'll probably do as well as her single "I Fucked the DJ." Hey, when you only have 6 fans worldwide, it's hard to sell an album/EP, okay? Give her a break.

Besides, coming up soon is a very special day for Tila. I'll definitely be posting on it that day (it's the 13th, so make sure you check back Thursday!).

Love you bitches, I'm out!

Our loyal reader Isis commented with a link to Tila's EP on Junodownloads.  Here's the screencap!  3 WHOLE SONGS, ONE OF WHICH IS BLUE DRESS!!  LOL!!


Isis said...

Eduardo Retardo said...

OMG thanks I'm adding that! <3 you Isis!

RNB007 said...

I got some great laughs reading the comments on iTunes!

deluwiel said...

Amazon puts I Fucked the DJ at #208,413 in MP3 songs on their sales rank. So there's that.

Also, was anyone aware that there's a Kei$ha song out there called (Fuck Him) He's a DJ?


chey said...

Every time I see the Itunes reviews "I wish there were negative stars" makes me giggle like a little girl.
Also, I see in her old tweets she's threatening to bring her std tour to Canada. WE DON"T WANT HER. Our healthcare system would collapse under the sudden mass rush to the doctors to be cured of crabs and scabies.

Isis said...


Seriously my dad cut more songs and all he does is impersonate Frank Sinatra at charity functions. I'll probably join him in the whole charity circuit doing Peggy Lee and whatnot.

Pops said...

LOL, I think the main reason why it's taking so long to release is the fact that noones stupid enough to sign Tila. Instead, so she looks "legit", she decided to release the track through "Little Miss Trendsetter". LOL, anyone can fork over some money to register a company name and other administrative crap, Tila. Fail.

Ray said...

sounds like a good concert . Go watch a troll on ambien and redbull, squeak around on stage, while she cuts herself and plays with guns WHILE she does a reenactment of the best fight scenes from kill bill.. by herself :) I may even have to go watch that haha