Monday, May 3
A geography lesson
2:06 AM | 
Posted by
Eduardo Retardo
Hey kiddies. Education is super important. Without an education you'll end up sounding like an idiot. Like Tila. And then you won't have any other option than to be an overly sexualized bimbo, and people will only love you for your wonky tits and INCREDIBLY loose vagina. So come sit on Uncle Eddie's lap and we'll have a geography lesson.
Let's learn about Singapore. First off, did you know that Singapore is NOT in Vietnam? So if you were born in Singapore, you are NOT from Vietnam! Even if your family is from Vietnam, YOU ARE NOT.
Secondly, did you know that Singapore is NOT a 3rd world country? In fact, it is one of the richest states in East Asia! Singapore is the fourth wealthiest country in the world in terms of GDP (PPP) per capita and twentieth most wealthiest in terms of GDP (nominal) per capita. Despite Singapore's small physical size, the country has the world's ninth largest foreign reserves and one of the biggest and most technologically advanced military in South-East Asia. You can click here to learn more!
And thirdly, did you know that Tila Tequila is an idiot?
Yes, there will be a test on this.
(From TRS: I didn't realize that you could get food stamps in a fake third world country. In fact, there are countries that ARE NOT third world countries who DO NOT have the option of government assistance. I just can't quite understand or comprehend the idea of a group of Buddhist "gang bangers" bringin' commotion to their gated community in Houston twenty years ago. I guess at around nine years old skipping rocks in your community pool is considered being a "hard ass" when it's against the rules. - And out of the blue it hit me! I get it now! THIS is how TT learned to fuck for what she wanted. I guess poor little Thien Thang Ching Chong had nooo other way to eat in Vietnam (bless her little heart) so she had to start swindlin' and fuckin' for food stamps.)
Oh and by the way, her blog still didn't launch. Supposed to be tomorrow sometime. 2 nights ago (so either April 30th or May 1st) I was looking through her old tweets and LOOKIE WHAT I FOUND:
Yes, you can see how fucking long ago that was. That's 53 days shy of a year ago. That means that was approximately June 23rd, 2009. JESUS she's been working on it that long!!! And it sucks! The topics got leaked today, you can see them over on Spiked's blog. No, nobody tell her Nicky Hilton's name isn't spelled Nikki. Let her dig her own grave. And I'm certain this is real, I mean, look how up her own ass it is.
Here's the intro video she just posted. Don't play a drinking game where you take a shot every time she loses her place and forgets what she's talking about. Uncle Eddie don't want no alcohol poisoning on his hands.
And I want to apologize because right now it's just ol' Uncle Eddie rockin' the Rotspot. I do have some good stuff to show you! I really do! But you gotta hold your horses a little bit! Or Uncle Eddie will hit you with his ring hand!
Let's learn about Singapore. First off, did you know that Singapore is NOT in Vietnam? So if you were born in Singapore, you are NOT from Vietnam! Even if your family is from Vietnam, YOU ARE NOT.
Secondly, did you know that Singapore is NOT a 3rd world country? In fact, it is one of the richest states in East Asia! Singapore is the fourth wealthiest country in the world in terms of GDP (PPP) per capita and twentieth most wealthiest in terms of GDP (nominal) per capita. Despite Singapore's small physical size, the country has the world's ninth largest foreign reserves and one of the biggest and most technologically advanced military in South-East Asia. You can click here to learn more!
And thirdly, did you know that Tila Tequila is an idiot?
Yes, there will be a test on this.
(From TRS: I didn't realize that you could get food stamps in a fake third world country. In fact, there are countries that ARE NOT third world countries who DO NOT have the option of government assistance. I just can't quite understand or comprehend the idea of a group of Buddhist "gang bangers" bringin' commotion to their gated community in Houston twenty years ago. I guess at around nine years old skipping rocks in your community pool is considered being a "hard ass" when it's against the rules. - And out of the blue it hit me! I get it now! THIS is how TT learned to fuck for what she wanted. I guess poor little Thien Thang Ching Chong had nooo other way to eat in Vietnam (bless her little heart) so she had to start swindlin' and fuckin' for food stamps.)
Oh and by the way, her blog still didn't launch. Supposed to be tomorrow sometime. 2 nights ago (so either April 30th or May 1st) I was looking through her old tweets and LOOKIE WHAT I FOUND:
Yes, you can see how fucking long ago that was. That's 53 days shy of a year ago. That means that was approximately June 23rd, 2009. JESUS she's been working on it that long!!! And it sucks! The topics got leaked today, you can see them over on Spiked's blog. No, nobody tell her Nicky Hilton's name isn't spelled Nikki. Let her dig her own grave. And I'm certain this is real, I mean, look how up her own ass it is.
Here's the intro video she just posted. Don't play a drinking game where you take a shot every time she loses her place and forgets what she's talking about. Uncle Eddie don't want no alcohol poisoning on his hands.
And I want to apologize because right now it's just ol' Uncle Eddie rockin' the Rotspot. I do have some good stuff to show you! I really do! But you gotta hold your horses a little bit! Or Uncle Eddie will hit you with his ring hand!
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30 comments:
You always were my favorite uncle!!! Can I pull your finger again? Pretty please?
Well, it's 2:30 in the morning on the west coast. Tila posted a lame video 'preview' which really was more about Perez (www.perezhilton.com, don't forget to click on it) and Tila not only offered him a job writing for her lame blog, but offered his mother a job cleaning Tila's mansion. Don't bother clicking the video, it's really not worth it. Aunt Fatty did it for you (does this mean I'm married to Uncle Eddie?)
Tila can't wait until she launches so she can go on blast, and tell all the haters how she never lies and she promised to launch, and she did and all the haters are fat and jealous. Oh, and we have big butts and mustaches too!
What is with her and video? It's like she's never been in front of a camera before. She's totally unprepared and can't keep track of her thoughts. Generally, when someone does something they really believe in, they can speak about it without losing track of the conversation. I never see Tila speak eloquently or with much conviction about anything. That's the hallmark of a liar. She doesn't care about this blog, nor does she care about her record label, but she seems to care mostly about Perez (www.perezhilton.com). I bet that gives Perez warm fuzzies just thinking about it (penicillin will clear that up!)
I hope this thing gets everything she deserves. My wish is that she screws with the wrong people and they have the cash to take her to court for all 2 dollars she has , and she can not use the internet ever again.. or something like that lol
Fatty, by Tila's logic (which is also the same logic of England during the time of Shakespeare but don't tell her that, she'll think she's being smart) all we have to do is say we're married and you're my wifey. So hey, Fatty is my wifey now everybody. Suck it. Oh wait, shit, we forgot to go on our honeymoon before we got married. Being a stupid crackhead is hard. :(
And don't worry, I'll make sure when I do the post about the blog launching (if it ever does, that is), I'll make sure I link to Perez so everybody can have an easy time giving him traffic.
I fucking LOVE you Uncle Eddie. <3 That video sent me into hysterics, I'm still giggling about it now. What a complete and utter bellend she is!
Yea, unfortunately I have life to tend to this month. It's a busy month for me so I won't be makin' too too many appearances. But Uncle Eddie has it under control! xxoo
Hahahahahaha fuck yes this is too good. "Singapore is not in Vietnam."
Kudos, Uncle Eddie. Another awesome post on my favorite blog! I LOVE you RotSpot girls! =)
@xkikikrushx
xoxo
OMG she used a GREEEEEEEEEEEN SCREENNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN for that video!!!!!! Tila iz so kewl, she has a GREEN SCREEN! Did I mention she used a GREEN SCREEN???!!!
My dogs immediately started whining when they heard her voice. Like nails on a chalkboard!
I could have made that video in my basement. Wait no I couldnt there is no way I could speak in such a garbled jacked up way. Im not on drugs! YES TO THE GREEN SCREEN! This took a staff of 20? I am pretty sure a freshman in in the highschool AV club could have done a better job. Is this what we have to look forward to with the green screen. Maybe she'll take an interview by E! and put herself in Guiliana's place and pretend like it was her interviewing REAL celebrities.
http://twitpic.com/15udl8
LOL: I have lived in Vietnam for 2 years and i never saw food stamps...ha ha...and You are right, Singapore isn't a 3rd World country. She dream to be from Singapore...ha ha
You mean not all Asian countries aren't 3rd world? Really? Wow...Mind is blown. Guh.
She really seems to be trying to rewrite her life history, which might be great for sheep or lemmings who would follow her right off the cliff, but for the rest of us...what are you doing? This isn't some RP game where you can make up everything. She really makes my skin crawl. Keep up the great work!
Wow!! She is horrible and not creative in-front camera. Just rambling is all i could hear in that vid...ha ha
Lmfao at the video. The pig squeals were ridiculous. She gets more pathetic every day!
OMG This is great!!! From what I gather this is from the upcoming May Issue of Steppin' Out Magazine.
"Anybody who doesn't put me on their TV show is stupid. I'm so controversial, that I will give them the highest ratings they ever had. I was supposed to do Howard Stern for 20 minutes. But he had me on for an hour and half because everybody tuned in. Same thing at the Fox News Channel. They said I got them the most viewers of the day. I was supposed to do Wendy Williams and everybody green lit it. Everybody except her husband. But it was her loss. Howard Stern is much bigger than Wendy Williams. I gave Howard more press than he's had in a long time. So Wendy missed out. Her husband is an idiot. I'm much bigger than Wendy f**king Williams. I would have been doing her a favor. So to answer your questions, if Dancing With The Stars calls, yeah, I'll do it. I would kill it. They would be dumb not to have me on that show. You put me in one of those tiny little outfits in my tiny petite body and I'm sure America will tune in to see me every week. I can dance very well. I grew up as a dancer."
There's more where she talks about Sam Ronson.
http://www.tv.com/tila-tequila-lashes-out-at-everyone/webnews/71898.html
After watching the vid(ugh.) It's pretty clear she has no clue what a preview is. All she talks about is Perez, so is her blog just going to be her bitching about him and talking about herself and her boobs? Oh wait...yeah it probably is.
So her blog didn't launch at midnight and now it's going to be midday today....so I'm wondering what new excuse she's going to come up with. Here are my top 4:
1. So many people from around the world went to her site that the servers exploded and it broke the internet. Now she will have to spend more of her billions of dollars getting an even bigger server. Bigger than the one Microsoft and Google have.
2. She forgot she has an around the world press tour because everyone wants her to be on their show because she is such a mogul and world famous. She will launch it the second she gets back!
3. Medical emergency. Related to her "illness" last week. She will be able to tweet,facebook and make a Say Now message about it asking her fans to pray for her because the doctors think she might be dying from a mysterious illness.
4. She got a direct message from god/aliens telling her a big world changing secret so she's postponing her blog until she can make sure that the message she is getting is 100% clear so she can tell everyone properly.
@Clementine - my vote is for a garbled, incoherent combination of all four. LOL
Yes I think you are right it will be more like:
"HI Tila Army! Your Queen Mogul Goddess of love has a super secret announcement! Do you want to know it? Should I tell you now?POW PIGGY PEREZ!"
Then after the child army begs to know what it is...
"POW! Well my blog was so popular that it froze the internet and the servers blew up! The explosion knocked me out and I lost my baby that I hadn't told you about yet because this Jaydens daddy is a super secret war fighting celebrity billionaire and he's black, chinese, jewish and blond cos I wanted a supermodel interacial baby. The explosion exposed me to super cancer giving stuff and now I'm coughing up blood because I'm so sick. Please pray for me because I have to tell you the message that will change the world that god and the aliens have told me. I will tell you the message after I take my private jet around the world on my super media deathbed tour because tvs of the world have no ratings without Miss mogul because I am the most powerful woman in the world.POW PIGGY PEREZ!"
Fuck I should just send her that and save her the effort, she can just copy and paste, won't even have to remove the pipe from her lips.
I hate biting my tongue and do so when it's the more serious toned entries BUT this ...this gets a round of applause.
Just wow on the entire editing skill of this trailer. Honest to god, whomever she paid for this should be fucking fired.
I'm sure she rambled a lot longer than over 2 minutes so why just keep the "Piggie Perez" part? I could see that being like an outtake (I'm stretching here) as a har har. The last thing you want to do is step out into the media circle which is saturated with gossip blogs and make it like this!
I'm just shaking my head in disbelief over this damn video. The entire uncomfortable 2 seconds was enough for me to go "What.The.Fuck!" What you saw there with her stumbling with announcing her name, I've done because it's not my real name and I always feel strange announcing my pseudo stage name and I fumble with it. She should have done that a few times so it's not so obvious she doesn't feel connected to her new "Miss Tila".
Okay now to Singapore. I always wondered what was up with her claiming to be from Vietnam and yet tons of info states she's from Singapore. I just assumed that whoever does her wiki page sucks and didn't get it right (because believe me it happens). 3rd world? food stamps? What sort of pillage are we supposed to believe her broke family was on and I'm shocked she's not came up with what they were attempting to escape from (maybe they were moguls in Singapore involved in a foodstamp ring and were doing their best to escape aliens from denting their heads so they had to go to the US?).
Truth is she's from fucking Houston. She's a US citizen born and bred. She has no inkling of an accent from anywhere else nor does her sister. She's first generation and her family's trip to the US has NOTHING to do with her as she wasn't born yet.
Even if she meant she was on Food Stamps here if anyone wanted to look up immigration laws the year she was born they could find out how her family would qualify if they were all NON US Citizens.
Good post Eddie and I was LMAO at "Thien Thang Ching Chong".
I read up on Tila's background recently and after seeing how much she lies, I can say without a doubt, she embellished on her background GREATLY.
I know her gossip site, IF, we ever see it online, will be the same as other gossip sites but worse and she needs to stop copying The Soup and trying to act like Joel McHale with those background noises and hitting the Perez head.
I can't wait until she get sued.
Basically her gossip blog is her facebook or her twitter.
All she does is rant in her own, garbled, drug-infused language, talking crap about people she knows nothing about.
We've been seeing this exact same thing for months now VIA her facebook and twitter. How very innovative and original, Tila. Kudos!
when can we start taking bets on her new pregnancy happening?
You know, for someone who wants us to feel like she built herself up from a "hard" lifestyle including being on food stamps, she sure did stoop to racist levels not very long ago, stereotyping that she, as a US taxpayer, feeds black women via food stamps. She's sooooo humble. And sweet. And she can't be racist, because everyone knows (that believes in Tila logic) that if you're not caucasian, you can't be racist.
tila was born in singapore and moved to the USA when she was 2 yrs old.
You NEVER fail to make me LMAO!
I read this blog everyday. Even if there is not a new post I re-read the old ones just for the LoLz!
Keep up the awesome work y'all!
RNB007 (Ryan) :)
Oh my god! Check this out!
http://blogout.justout.com/?p=17285
She's saying SHE paved the way for Ellen Degenerous to come out???
We all know damn well Tila didn't pave the way for Ellen and IMO, she's not bi. I think she will act like she is if she believes it will get her the attention she craves.
If you step back and look at the big picture Tila has no morals and very low self-esteem. She will lie at the drop of a hat and if a person lies they will steal, as we have seen via her stripping gig in NYC.
We know she will not hesitate to talk in sensual ways to minors...phone bone buddies to a 14 year old!!!
I have no respect for her AT ALL and can't wait for the skank to get what's coming to her.
we all know that howards listeners DID NOT KNOW who she was and said, "get her off the air" she rambled on and spewed forth all her lies and embellished stories. she lives in her own world, her own mind....oh hey at least we get to see the fabulous green screen! it was kind of funny when she POW popped piggy perez off the screen HA
is tila legal in the USA?
I was with you till the "ching chong" part...lame.