Monday, May 31
Happy One Month Anniversary WhoreMeat!
9:52 PM | 
Posted by
Fatty McFatterson
Ok, I'm on a roll. Just remembered it's been 4 weeks since WhoreMeat opened her stupid celebrity gossip blog. You know, the blog that is not a blog, nor does it talk about celebrities (mainly talks about the Idjit Midget Mogul) and lastly doesn't report gossip, just jelis hater talk.
She's been reporting that her blog numbers are averaging 1 million hits a week, so as soon as she reads this, and remembers it's her 4 week anniversary, she'll run back to her blog and report that she's up to 4 million hits. But, somehow she doesn't know, or doesn't care that there is a site meter on her site. Now, I've been blogging at various sites for 10 years. I was blogging before it was called blogging, so I know a thing or two about site meters. They're very accurate, especially if they're coded to your site. Not only do they count incoming web traffic, but they also count your own visits, unless you muck with the Preference panel and disable the commend to count your visits (which it seems she hasn't, so every time she logs in to swoon over herself, it counts as another hit).
Let's take a peek at the Idjit Midget Moguls numbers (remember, in honor of all the men and women who died so the Idjit Midget Moguel could enjoy the right to bash innocent people and ruin lives on her blog, I will not be printing her name).
Wait! Hold the train! 852,493 hits? This must be for the last week, right? Nope. It's for the ENTIRE MONTH!!! She hasn't even reach a mil yet. All that talk about a million hits a week, is just that, talk. The average length of visit is a minute. A minute for her readers to absorb all the EXCLUSIVE!!! POW!!! LEGIT!! POW!!!! gossip from the #1 GOSSIP BLOG IN THE WORLD!
But surely, a fledgling gossip blog needs to ramp up and gain some momentum. Tsk, tsk Fatty, for not giving it a chance. You can clearly see by the next graph that things start out slowly, and then the blog gains steam by leaps and bounds, on it's way to dethrowning Perez any day now...
Oh wait, no it doesn't.
This is inexplicable. I just don't understand it. Take this blog, for example. Now, I don't know of a site meter here, but I can tell you, from the number of comments, that this blog started out with a low viewership, but has gained a steady stream of readers and fans (call up Mr. Google and ask him about the 'rotspot' and see how many other sites and blogs mention it, and not only that, stand up and cheer for this site). This is what normally occurs with online blogs. They normally don't lose 50% of their audience by the second day!!!! Yes, the SECOND DAY, almost half of her audience dropped off the face of the earth! Wow. That dethrowning is going so well for you! HA!
Well kids, I hope that bedtime story put you to sleep. I shall join you in the land of sugarplums and jelis haterz. Until tomorrow, goodnight sweet bitches!
AHA! I just figured out why WhoreMeat calls it the #1 celebrity gossip site", because anyone searching that phrase will be led to her site. As a matter of fact, all searches on Mr. Google, reference her blog. With the exception of her own site calling out that phrase, all other sites are mocking her over it. HAHAHAHHAHAHAHAA. Omg. I love being evil!
Wow. Just wow.
9:11 PM |
Posted by
Fatty McFatterson
I hope to hell I didn't inspire Crack-Head Annie to insult every man and woman who has served our country throughout history. Whitney Fucking Houston? Seriously? Dr. Drew can't be called soon enough if this is how she responds to Memorial Day.
For two hours I was at the bookstore reading this book by Dr. Drew, The Mirror Effect: How Celebrity Narcissism Is Seducing America. Check it out on Amazon, you can read several pages. If ever there was a biography on the making of an Idjit Midget Mogul, this is the book. He captures her to a tee. The fact that she's not used as an example of this personality disorder is only because she's a nobody, and Dr. Drew illustrated the book with blurbs of real celebrities. He talks about all of it--the highly sexualized image, the disregard for negative consequences in the pursuit of any attention at all--good or bad, the heightened feelings of superiority and the sense that the whole world looks to you, when in fact, we're all blind to that which you think makes you a star.
I hope every one of the Army of Morons and HalfWits reads this book. Your little hero is a dangerous person, to herself and to her fans. She's brainwashing all that you think is normal because nothing she does is normal, yet she assures you, if you don't think she's normal, you're to blame. You're somehow abnormal. A hater. Enabling her, by sticking up for her bad behavior is just as deadly as if you put the crackpipe to her mouth. You're doing her no favors. You're actually making her life that much more intolerable to her, to the point she has to get so high that she can't have a cogent thought exit her brain, and she has no concern for the damage she does with those thoughts. You, the Army of Morons and HalfWits, have created her. And you will be her demise.
Cuntzilla Misses the Point Of Memorial Day
5:28 PM |
Posted by
Fatty McFatterson
First, a moment of silence for all the fallen veterans throughout time. Without their sacrifice, our right to free speech (among others) might have been taken from us. Today our family honors my children's great grandfather, who was killed in the Battle of Guadacanal. Though I never met him, I remind my children of his sacrifice and we give thanks to all he did and all he died for. They know his name, they know his history. They know, because we care enough about what he died for to remind them that this is not their country to enjoy, without the acknowledgement of others who gave their lives.
It pains me to bring up the name of the stupid bitch who posts photos of scantily clad women as a 'present' to all of us on Memorial Day:
This bitch, who I refuse to name on this day, should be kissing the ground and visiting the gravesites of US soldiers who fought to make this country free so that her own family could escape from whatever oppression and hardships they found in their mother-land and have a chance of enjoying democracy and freedom. She should take one moment out of her day to reach out to the "one million viewers" she gets a week to give a shout out to veterans and acknowledge their sacrifice. But no.
I guess it's my fault, really. I mean, it's not like I expected to visit her site and see anything less. It's just the thought that someone who has reaped so many benefits from the blood spilled to make this nation, you'd think she'd have some clue as what this day is about.
Saturday, May 29
Innate Ugly=Tila Nguyen
10:08 PM |
Posted by
Fatty McFatterson
So, I was just lounging around the house, being jelis and hatin', when I thought to play with an anagram generator (check out my blog title, EPIC!). Oh the fun that can be had! Now before y'all start bombarding me with jelis hater comments 'cause this is a legit Tila truth blog, lemme tell ya, relax Agnes. It's ok to have a little fun every now and again!
For example:
Thien Nguyen = Nine, Yet Hung (a veiled reference to 9Head. Who knew he was well-endowed! Don't judge a book by it's massive forehead people!)
Tilas Rotspot=Tots Stop Liar
Jelis Haters: Liar He Jests (must be referring to Uncle Eddie) AND Jail, She Rest
misstilaomg=It Is Slag Mom (I guess she's a milf after all!)
tilashotspot= Shat. Toil. Post. (the story of Tila's life)
mischairage=Is Chair Game AND, also, I Has Cage Rash (duhhhh!) , another: I Is Hag Cream (so that's what's in that bottle by her bedside to treat her cage rash!) AND...Is A Hag Crime bwaahhahahahahaha!
lawyers of which I have: Liar Who Chase Five. Why?... (so that's how they figured out how many jelis haters to come after!)
no life jelis haters: Jest One Elfish Liar and Jest Elfin Hoe Liar and She Tis Felon Jailer
lindsay lohan: Old Shiny Anal
casey johnson: Enjoys No Cash and Has Con. Enjoys. (I guess Tila made her life a little brighter)
mogul of which i am: How I'm Fail Cum Hog (sub-title: The Tila Tequila story)
Friday, May 28
Fatty: One-eleventy-billion, Tila: big fat ZERO!!!
9:47 PM |
Posted by
Fatty McFatterson
Please indulge me a moment: I ask that you check out this blog entry from the lovely Fatty and Rotty of just about 72 hours ago:
Oh, the nakey times that night...sigh.
Now, look at this, yes it's long and boring and pointless, but I'll break it down for you:
Ok, the Tila's wall of words is basically saying one thing: Tila's not going to go to Celeb Rehab because her life is too busy, she can't walk away from the Army of Morons and Halfwits, she doesn't have a place to leave her dead ,on-a-6-month-photo-shoot, bar-b-qued beloved dog Onyx, she's too busy dealing with tv agents for a multitude of upcoming projects, press tours all over the world (don't you have to have something to talk to the press about to go on tour) blah, blah, fuckity, blah, blah. The long and the short of it is that I CALLED IT THAT SHE WOULDN'T BE ON THE SHOW AND SHE'D HAVE SOME BULLSHIT EXCUSE! She goes on to call Celeb Rehab "the devil's calling" and claims she can't be further exploited (this said with a straight face while her rancid cavernous twat is open to every spelunker with a strong stomach and a penchant for yeast infections and chlamydia!)
This actually makes me sad. I know, I know, it's fun to watch the trainwreck, but this trainwreck is taking a lot of innocent people down with it. The Army of Morons and Halfwits are applauding her decision, and lamenting her stressful life and the evil Celeb Rehab that would take their favorite 4-eyed twatwaffle from their midst. How can these people be this stupid? I mean seriously??? The woman is falling and falling fast, and makes the biggest blunder of a jaded addict and instead of her fans showing concern, they strike up the campfire, join hands and kumbaya the night away! Listen up Tila Army of Morons and Halfwits, YOUR IDJIT LEADER IS KILLING HERSELF! She is not a strong woman, she is weak and needy, desperate for your attention because she is a vapid vacant shell. How can you call yourself fans, when you care nothing about her present or her future? The jelis haterz show way more concern everyday for Tila than her fans. What fucking irony.
The rest of the Wall of Words blabs about how she had to fire more of her staff (odd that Tila takes credit for every single article, so where are all these staff articles?) and hired on 9Head as her fashion cop. 9Head? Seriously Tila? This is the man who bedazzles spiderwebs in the dark and drapes them across your mawing snatch and calls it haute couture. This is the man who draped a belt across your wonky tits and called it edgy. Had he lifted that belt another 14 inches and covered those herpetic sores on your mouth, I might have jumped on the bandwagon, but alas, it's a 9Head FAIL!
I'd like to highlight a few of the more epics paragraphs.
Paragraph 1: Tila has been talking to millions of people over 10 years, and that education has resulted in her not only having 4 personalities (notice she says 3 but names 4), but also has resulted in her having the equivalent of a PhD in Psychology, so when she speaks, it behooves you to listen to her educated opinions.
Paragraph 3: A lot of yadda yadda about how wonderful her celeb blog is, and the revelation that she spent "every single dime that I have left" in building it. Wow. That's a lot of money. Doesn't leave much for you to sue all us jelis hater bloggers now does it? Could it be that you spent every dime because it cost a couple grand to get the blog going, and you had to pay out a huge settlement to Shawn Merriman, so you were literally left penniless between those two events? Funny, the company I work for spent $20 grand on our website. A little Flash, lots of custom design, re-branding of logo, all new copy-edited and spell-checked content, fancy-shmancy server, lots of interactive features, you know the stuff you'd expect from a truly professional, high class website. I can tell you right now, you spent less than 10% of that on your site. You claim blogger salaries eat up a lot of your budget, but honey, let me tell you about MONETIZING! If your blog is truly bringing in 1 million hits a week (we all know it's not, but let's play pretend), then you'd be MAKING MONEY via targeted ads. You're not. Why, because there's no money to be made for advertisers on your site, I mean, there could be, but until Monistat, Valtrex, Tetracycline, and Azithromycin realize your demographic, you'll have to seek out likely sponsors yourself. I guess that's why Mister Google pulled his ads from both of your sites. Yea, surprised we noticed?
In between there's a lot of talk about how she doesn't like being on tv, doesn't like the fame, wants to lead her quiet normal life, has to hire MORE staff because in less than a month's time, she's had to fire so many people who didn't get along with her 'OMG family', even though it's so fun, and then some long drawn out rant, at presumably Gawker (who she's been ranting on for the last day or two) over how they are a non-legit celeb gossip blog because they, like all the other competition make up news and bag on celebs, unlike OMG. Whew. Did I get that all in?
I gotta go play Legos with the kids. They've hauled out the Sponge Bob special addition and I gotta glom onto the little Squidward Lego guy, who I love to death!
Damn. I actually got bored of my own article before I really even finished it. Awww. Such is the life of a blogger writing about Tila.
Fail Blog Sinks - Whole New Low
1:28 PM |
Posted by
Eduardo Retardo
I used to watch Rob and Big all the time, and Big Black used to say "This is HNL - 'hole 'notha level." And guys, this is seriously HNL.
GUYS. Guys. It's 1:22 pm for me right now. This is one of Tila's Facebook updates for her blog:
See how she's A) bringing up news that was posted everywhere else yesterday? and B) making the same "Different Strokes" joke that everybody else made? Also, see how it says 56 minutes ago?
Yeah, so she posted that after Gary Coleman passed away. We're talking like, almost an hour after it was reported.
Here's the article on TMZ:
I saw Tila getting a LOT of flack for it on the comments to that post on Facebook, so from what I understand someone has updated her post.
I realize a lot of you aren't going to find this funny. I don't particularly find it funny, myself, I'm just sitting here shaking my head at what a fucking MORON Tila is. Some up-to-date blog you've got there, Princess Dumbass.
Also, RIP Gary Coleman.
Update:
Thanks to my girl Brixie Rose, who grabbed screen caps of Tila's two blogs regarding this:
Good thing, too, because my SUPER EXCLUSIVE sources (aka Rotty) tell me she's just pulled the first blog down, edited, and re-titled, then re-uploaded it. Yes, Tila, that was the right thing to do. Except, even better would have been to get up-to-date information and copy/paste that, not information from yesterday. Sorry boo.
They're juss JELIS!!
11:07 AM |
Posted by
HottyRotty
Okay before I reveal WHO is "juss jelis" let me explain where the phrase comes from as I know we've used it a few times recently. There is no real misspelling of the phrase as a bunch of retards (yes, I said retards) that call themselves her "army" only know how to talk in broken sentence fragments mixed with a little bit of ebonics. So, we're making sure that they are able to comprehend what we're gettin' at here at the Rotspot. I'm equal opportunity ya know!
I LOVE the fact that we get called "fat jelis h8rz" who have "no life" because we think Tila is the epitome of trainwreck. I mean, who can't rubberneck at the brutal accident on I-95 with a donut in mouth and trusty Starbucks in hand on the way to work?!?!??! However (SURPRISE!) we are NOT the only group of jelis fatty hotties that think 9head needs to learn to fuckin' style a bitch.
Source: CeleBuzz
Tila Continues Giving Advice...Sort Of
1:56 AM |
Posted by
Eduardo Retardo
Hey kids. Do you remember that episode of Saved By the Bell where Zack, Screech, and Lisa open up the Teen Line because Lisa is really good at giving advice? And Zack, that money-hungry hunk of love (rawr!) decided that Lisa's advice was TOO good, so he fired her and started giving bad advice on purpose, thinking it would wreak havoc on everybody's lives and make them keep calling in for more? But then OMG SHENANIGANS when he got the phones mixed up between Kelly (also rawr!) and her little sister Nicki...
So Tila has started giving advice on her fail blog, and I'm thinking she's taking a page straight from the classic Saturday morning show I still watch every morning on TBS (seriously, I know everything about that goddamn show, ask me anything) because WOW is this advice pretty shitty.
So first off, way to recycle that picture, Tila. I thought you were some mogul, and Garry Sun was your friend...couldn't you get him to shoot NEW pictures of you for your "advice column?" Instead of the one of you checking into your hotel in NYC? Also, Support is the wrong email for this type of thing. Just saying.
The letter starts out talking about how much this anonymous girl (I can't imagine it being a Tila Fan, the letter is not blatantly retarded) loves when Tila talks about herself. Good, because that's what most of Tila's response is. Anyway, anonymous goes into how she's struggling financially due to medical debt and being laid off as a 23 year old paralegal. She had to move into her parents house. She even admits to being put into a mental health facility in her past (no, I'm not that much of a dick, I'm not going to make fun of that). She recently broke up with her girlfriend and now she doesn't feel like life is worth living. She basically feels like shit and can't get out of bed due to her depression. She ends by telling Tila that she dreams of moving away to NYC or LA and becoming a model. This is what Tila chooses to focus on.
So Tila begins her response by saying how it's MUCH HARDER being Tila than it is to be this girl. I dunno, Tila, this girl seemed to have a REAL relationship. She wasn't using someone for the money they didn't have, a drug buddy, and I doubt she met her significant other in a grocery store during a super skanky photo op. OMG it's so much harder being Tila! Because the world is watching!
Tila then continues by BLATANTLY IGNORING this girl's financial situation and saying "OMG you should move to NYC!" Because it's super easy to go from broke, moving back in with your parents, and not having a job, to just picking up and moving to New York City, right? Of course it is! Hell, really all you gotta do is snort some Ambien and you might get lucky enough to hallucinate that you're there! That's both money AND time efficient!
She continues "you'll meet new friends and lovers very easily." Yes, I fixed her typo. YOU'RE WELCOME, TILA. I love this part especially. I know you're sad about breaking up with your girlfriend, the only person you've ever loved, but go whore yourself out in NYC! That'll make it all better! Then Tila says she was only there for a month and she met every single person who was somebody (who was somebody). What!? Really, Tila? Let's say, hypothetically, that's true. Then how did you fuck up this bad to become a social pariah!?
Then Tila talks about her love life. I found this part to be especially lulzy. She's obviously not talking about Casey. In fact, because of her typo, I thought she was talking about a dude for a while there. You know, that's one thing you gotta hand to Tila. Even though her life is obviously SHITE, she always remains optimistic. Personally I think those kind of people are idiots, but hey, what can you do.
Anyway, I'm sick of breaking this shit down. I'm sure you've read it yourself and you've formed your own opinion. I just hope that nobody who REALLY needs help ever emails Tila, because all they're gonna get is Tila talking about herself and ignoring the bigger issues at hand for the fun "like omg!" answer. And that's just sad.
Thursday, May 27
New Stuporgirl!
3:30 PM |
Posted by
Eduardo Retardo
Okay, so I'm a day late and a dollar short with this week's Stupor Girl. I have a really good excuse, I swear! Please don't dock any points and feast your eyes on this weeks lulz, Envy:
Which of the Seven Deadlies will our...uh...hero? Sure, hero. Which of the Seven Deadlies will our hero find herself in next week? Which would you like to see? Let us know!
Wednesday, May 26
Fashion Tip 101
9:05 AM |
Posted by
HottyRotty
It seems that Tila just doesn't get it. I mean we called you out on your ORIGINAL EXXXCLUSIVE outfit for the "Maxim party" so why in the world do you think you can get away with MORE LIES!?!? Ohhh that's right! That Ambien that you snort gives you hallucinations and delusional thoughts. I guess Tila expects everyone else to be a drug addict and live in her little la la land.
Source: Etsy
I'm right aren't I? I mean, didn't you say the line was "Pantora"!?! God you REALLY need to get better at this lyin' thing. It's getting ENTIRELY too easy to catch you in them. Oh and that model rocks it WAY better than some gutterslut has been, just sayin'...
Labels:
9head,
ambien,
drug addict,
etsy,
fashion,
lies,
miss tila,
pantora,
tila tequila
|
18
comments
Tuesday, May 25
Could Tila have taken us for a ride?
10:01 PM |
Posted by
Fatty McFatterson
So, Rotty and I were having a jelis girlz hater day today, you know we did each other’s makeup, had a little nakey time and got to talking about Tila (that’s the way it happens, right?). I was just showing Rotty a big poo I did. It really was a stupendous work, it’s been in the making for several days and I was quite proud of the length and girth. It was right about that time when Rotty hit her palm to her forehead and said, ‘that reminds me, I wanted to talk to you about Tila’.
Now, when you get two hot chicks together, such as Rotty and myself, you get one of two outcomes: either a red-hot lesbo makeout session or the melding of two inferior girl brains into one gigantic mega Stephan Hawking brain, oh wait, I forgot the third option, you get asked if you want fries with that. Ok, let’s shelf that idea. What you really get is too fantastical brains thinking EXACTLY like Tila would think. It’s all kinds of awesome possum. Notice I’m even doing the Tila gimmick of the slow set up to take you to the POW big reveal? Cool, huh? Wanna see my boobies?
This is all supposition, and I’m sure there’s absolutely NO truth in any of this, but bear with me.
If you were an attention hungry slut on the verge of losing your empire which consists of nothing more than paint slapped on a bunch of empty cereal boxes, would you be desperate enough to send TMZ some ‘exclusive’ info, on the down-low of course (thanks for that little TMZ check for insiders info, btw), that you were going to be on Celebrity Rehab, knowing that the show will probably not go into production? Well, Fatty, that’s silly, you say, what’s the use of that, and why can’t you and Rotty do something more productive with your time? Well, the use of that is that then you have your reality show that you’ve been blathering about forever, and you have the demise of that show made public. That takes care of one lie. You also get a credible source saying they heard you were on the show, that takes care of you self-promoting knowing no one will believe you if you broke the story yourself. Then you have TMZ basically giving you free PR to your wretched blog, that give you the million views you still haven’t attained.
This is where it gets diabolical. Cue the music…then you start peppering your stupid celeb blog with half naked photos of yourself and other hot women. This gives your new-found viewers something to come back for. This is a perfect way for you to become a celeb and have a following again.
But Fatty, you hot hunk of burning woman love, how can you prove this? Well, dear readers, I can’t prove it, that’s why it’s called supposition, but I did make some phone calls, and though I can’t reveal the deets of those calls at this time, it leads me to believe that this scenario is entirely plausible. Just ask yourself, with a show like Celeb Rehab supposedly filming in a week or so, why haven’t any other celebs been revealed? I guarantee you, the production company is not leaking any names. Pasadena Recovery Center will not talk about who is on either. So, how does only one name get leaked? That’s easy, you leak it yourself, and if there’s really no show going down, you’re kind of in the clear because no one from either facility (the recovery center or the production company) can deny your claims because of the strict confidentiality clauses.
But why, Fatty, WHY? (damn, you people ask a lot of questions!). Well, with her career in the toilet (whatever career that may have been), with no record label that anyone has ever heard of (what happened to that whole renamed-a-symbol thing) with a fake charity that’s "expanding", with a talent management company that has had no talent, with a celebrity blog that is a self-serving publicity stunt, with a dog no one has seen for months, all of a sudden going out on photo shoots, well, you can see where desperation would take over. This could be Tila’s idea of creative marketing (note to powerful-attornies-of-which-I-have: I said ‘could be’, not ‘is’. Just want to make that clear when you send me the cease and desist.)
So, we shall see. Of course, if I’m proved right, we may find a big J/K OMG JELIS HATERS ARE SO STUPID headline on her blog, telling everyone it was all a big joke. If I’m proved wrong, we have a 9:00 meeting with a train wreck this summer.
Labels:
blog,
Celebrity Rehab,
haters,
lies,
miss tila,
publicity stunt,
tila tequila,
tmz,
trainwreck
|
27
comments
Oopsies!
2:14 PM |
Posted by
Fatty McFatterson
Tila is mad at us. I mean REALLY mad!
I guess you can lump me with all the other thieves. Yes, I steal Tila's delightful and informative content and pix and don't link back to her. What's funny is that she really doesn't care that it's the haters doing it, just that she's missing out on precious traffic to her blog. So, you can call her a sniveling 2-faced cunt or a washed-up, drugged-out twatwaffle, and she'll clap her little herpetic hands in glee as long as you link back. You see, when you're getting a million hits a week, and you realize your biggest audience is the jelis haters, and that the jelis hater's blogs are doing better than yours, and you could actually double your site views if they linked back, well there you have Miss Tila's dilemma.
So, do you need some more lol's? Take a gander at this, posted last week on Tila's piece o' crap blog:
This is an open letter to a gossip blog called 'oh no they didn't' (hey look Tila, I do know how to link back....well, I know how to link back to good blogs HA!). The lol's start in the opening paragraph where Tila admits she googles herself EVERYDAY. She thinks this is a big revelation because she doesn't think most celebs would admit it (and truthfully says it's because she's not like most celebrites...that's right cause you're NOT a celebrity, can't get any farther from being a celeb than that!). Most celebs, don't Google themselves Tila. Oh, maybe occasionally, but for the most part they don't care what is being said about them. They are secure in their professions and in their lives, and frankly, just too damn busy to worry what the chatter is all about. Of course, Tila is quick to point out how little she cares, that's it's just to entertain herself. I hope I'm entertaining you Tila. I hope I make you laugh and cry and oh, just hang on to my every word.
Tila goes on to commend ONTD for linking back to her and complimenting them on how smart they are to source her because with how well her site is doing, it's a win-win arrangement for them. Her massive audience is helping ONTD grow by leaps and bounds. Tila would like all the hate bloggers to join her blogroll. C'mon RotSpot, we can jump on Tila's famous coat-tails and ride into the sunset and into the success and fame Tila's blog can bring us.
Well, Tila, my pointy-headed little friend, I know you need us more than we need you. Sure, the RotSpot would be a ghost town if it wasn't for the news we bring about you (watch her take that sentence and run with it, lol!), but I think most of us would be happy to know that children weren't being corrupted over at your Hotspot, and that innocent people weren't being bilked in the name of a phony charity, so if there was no news to report on you, we'd be happy to hang up our blogs. Tila I know you want to add us to your blogroll, so you can force us to link back to your blog. You hate that we grab snippets of your posts and you don't get the traffic. TOO FUCKING BAD WHORE-MEAT! That's the way we roll.
While you're Googling your name, why don't you try Googling 'classy', 'successful', 'talented' and 'respected'. Oh, I know you won't see any mention of your name under those searches, I just thought I'd give you something new to read.
A is for ...
12:10 PM |
Posted by
HottyRotty
...sound familiar!??! Admitting you have a problem, right? But ONLY if it lands you a TV deal!! That's right folks.
Image Created By: @MissTilaOMG via Twitter
Uncle Eddie brought you the EXCLUSIVE (I'm sooo fucking sick of that word btw) on Tila's NEW FANCY reality show just a couple days back following her promises of not being a user! You see, it seems that miss Airhead wants help NOW that they want to PAY her to be on TV again. Awww! As you guys are aware TMZ busted the EXCLUSIVE story on Alien Airheads step back onto reality TV! They also go on to talk about the article in her blog that NO ONE can seem to find anymore. Tila WHY do you delete shit after you put it up? I mean, you KNOW the world has already got it ... I know, I know ... it's so you can say everyone are just big jellis hatrz and all we can do is lie to make ourselves look better. (Psst, that's actually YOU darling)! I think one of your fighting personalities is trying to tell you something ;)
Don't bother going to look for her posting admitting her drug use, she's already deleted it. That's how she rolls! She's soooo slick! I mean if she takes it down what proof is there that she actually wrote it, right?!?!?!
Hahahahahaa! Okay JUST in this FIRST part of the entry there is SOOO much to LOL about. First of all, how in the FUCK do you allow someone like TMZ to break YOUR story about YOUR new TV appearance!?!?!? Oh Jeebus I just can't stop fuckin' laughin' AND peein' in my pants!!! I LOVE how she tries to be the vulnerable victim in all of this while STILL trying to prove to the world how awesome she is. We all know that she's trying to convince herself. My favorite part is the last line:
Hahahahahaaha! Here she goes on trying to tell us just how "naked" (implying vulnerability) she feels in front of the world since she's "admitting she has a problem" aka GETTING A TV DEAL yet ... it's what she does for a living, literally!!!
Miss Hogul goes on to explain to us how she's put every ounce of money into her HUGE, HIT website and how she's not going to lose EVERYTHING like Lindsay Lohan is doing. Now, I actually own this website. I actually personally own www.tilaresistance.com and I PROMISE you that it didn't take every single last dime I have in my piggy bank my grandma keeps for me in her bedroom! Sooo my advice to you Tila is to start charging more for your overseas "clients" that come for a 48 hour fuck and suck!!!
So TT, you mentioned your OWN HUGE reality show!?!? Where is that mess?!? Are you so delusional that you think "Celebrity Rehab" was invented by you!? Er ... huh?
Oooh! It makes sense now! If she does good in recovery THEN they'll give her her own show!! She sorta forgot to mention that now didn't she!?
Note to all haters: It seems as if Tila is beckoning "us" to come "say it to her face". I would LOVE to do more than just SAY some shit to your face but I'd be afraid of catching something that I couldn't wash off just by being in your unholy presence.
I also love the fact that she thinks she's giving the "news herself" despite TMZ's breaking "rumors". "TURST" her!!! I mean the LOLz get better and better don't they? I agree!! MMMM!!! Another slice of birthday cheesecake anyone? I'll be right back!!!
*Nom nom nom* Soooo ... it seems as if Miss Ambien Addict will be departing to start filming in 9 days (from yesterday) so that puts us at June 2nd. We will have a little peace and quiet for a few weeks!! I can finally stop taking uppers and sitting at my computer 24/7 and take a break!! Whew! (That's SARCASM Tila, I mean ... I have to let you think I'm what you want me to be, right?) That is ... if the show airs.
In other yet the same sort of news Radar Online released an article about Tila today that actually made me giggle a lot. And the reason is because her friend/enemy/friend/enemy Carlton Jordan, whom I suspect, leaked this story to them. Tila has used Radar Online to make herself look "credible" throughout the last year and now it seems to be biting her in the ass. We found out via some Twitter drama in the past that they will buy ANYTHING ... good or bad, truth or fiction. For that reason I refuse to link them or help get them any traffic so HERE is what THEY had to say :)
Source: The Superficial
Source: D-Listed
Source: Material Bitch
Miss Hogul goes on to explain to us how she's put every ounce of money into her HUGE, HIT website and how she's not going to lose EVERYTHING like Lindsay Lohan is doing. Now, I actually own this website. I actually personally own www.tilaresistance.com and I PROMISE you that it didn't take every single last dime I have in my piggy bank my grandma keeps for me in her bedroom! Sooo my advice to you Tila is to start charging more for your overseas "clients" that come for a 48 hour fuck and suck!!!
So TT, you mentioned your OWN HUGE reality show!?!? Where is that mess?!? Are you so delusional that you think "Celebrity Rehab" was invented by you!? Er ... huh?
Note to all haters: It seems as if Tila is beckoning "us" to come "say it to her face". I would LOVE to do more than just SAY some shit to your face but I'd be afraid of catching something that I couldn't wash off just by being in your unholy presence.
I also love the fact that she thinks she's giving the "news herself" despite TMZ's breaking "rumors". "TURST" her!!! I mean the LOLz get better and better don't they? I agree!! MMMM!!! Another slice of birthday cheesecake anyone? I'll be right back!!!
*Nom nom nom* Soooo ... it seems as if Miss Ambien Addict will be departing to start filming in 9 days (from yesterday) so that puts us at June 2nd. We will have a little peace and quiet for a few weeks!! I can finally stop taking uppers and sitting at my computer 24/7 and take a break!! Whew! (That's SARCASM Tila, I mean ... I have to let you think I'm what you want me to be, right?) That is ... if the show airs.
In other yet the same sort of news Radar Online released an article about Tila today that actually made me giggle a lot. And the reason is because her friend/enemy/friend/enemy Carlton Jordan, whom I suspect, leaked this story to them. Tila has used Radar Online to make herself look "credible" throughout the last year and now it seems to be biting her in the ass. We found out via some Twitter drama in the past that they will buy ANYTHING ... good or bad, truth or fiction. For that reason I refuse to link them or help get them any traffic so HERE is what THEY had to say :)
Oh! And do you remember Bugsy from the Crazy Horse talking to us!?!? Here's just a WEE reminder of what he had to say:
So all in all ... Rotty wins yet AGAIN! I called this months ago. Tila just stop calling me a liar because I don't lie about shit. You don't have to LIKE me but honesty is my BEST virtue. "Turst" that bitch!
UPDATES and OTHER hilarious comments/articles about Tila's rehab stunt:
EXACTLY! WELL SAID COURTENAY. DESPERATE JUNKIE, PARTY OF ONE!??!?!
To fully illustrate the depths of Tila's attention-whoring, if someone told her she could be on TV if she sprouted a penis, she'd be out back hosing her clit with Miracle-Gro faster than you could say "Why does it smell like shamrocks and teriyaki in here?" True story.
It seems Radar Online is suckin' on the wonky tits again. Have no fears!!! Courtenay Semel promises to hook us up with the truth tonight!! Stay tuned!!
Labels:
ambien,
blog,
carlton jordan,
courtenay semel,
crazy horse,
d-listed,
drugs,
extacy,
lies,
material bitch,
personalities,
radar online,
snort,
the letter a,
the superficial,
tmz
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8
comments
Monday, May 24
Meet Caroline...
4:25 PM |
Posted by
HottyRotty
It seems there was a sentence in my last post that perplexed many of yoooous! Remember me mentioning "Caroline coming out to play" on Saturday? Apparently many of "us" skipped right past Tila's FORMAL introduction of Caroline so Miss Rotty thought it was only proper to let you in on all of the "sides" of the grinch!
Of course NO POST starts off with anything other than how awesome her blog and life is! Wow, so humble!
Main Entry: 1hum·ble
Pronunciation: \ˈhəm-bəl also chiefly Southern ˈəm-\
Function: adjective
Inflected Form(s): hum·bler \-b(ə-)lər\; hum·blest \-b(ə-)ləst\
Etymology: Middle English, from Anglo-French, from Latin humilis low, humble, from humus earth; akin to Greek chthōn earth, chamai on the ground
Date: 13th century
1 : not proud or haughty : not arrogant or assertive
2 : reflecting, expressing, or offered in a spirit of deference or submission
3 a : ranking low in a hierarchy or scale : insignificant, unpretentious b : not costly or luxurious
.....Yeeeeeea, that sounds JUST like her!!! Hahahaahahahaa ... let me catch my breath from laughing so fuckin' hard!!
So Tila goes on to remind us all about Jane ...
And of course goes into her pity party about how fucked up her childhood was and how she was driven like a slave. I personally don't see how sitting in a chair taking peoples money for knock off "designer" purses and clothes is HARD work, even for an eleven year old.
Ooooh, but here's my favorite part!! Meet the almighty Caroline!
But wait Rotty. Haven't I seen Tila faking a Brittish accent and actin' a fool before? Well, you SURE have!! Step into my time machine and shall we go back to this extraordinary event!!
God what a fuckin' twit. I swear I've never seen such a stupid mother fucker in my whole entire life!!! She's NOT a good actress so I don't know how in the hell she thinks she can pull this off. And the most atrocious thing of all is that she thinks it makes her look "cool". You know bitch, you could have had it all. Instead you used your "fame" to act a fuckin' fool and beg for attention. You've brought all of this on yourself you dumb cunt.
Labels:
blog,
Caroline,
childhood,
dating video,
dear diary,
jane,
miss tila,
tila tequila
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31
comments
I put a spell on yoooouu...
9:32 AM |
Posted by
HottyRotty
Hai everyone! I know, I know ... I've gotten a few emails and tweets about this wonderful story! I'm sorry I'm bringing it to you sooo late but it was my birthday weekend and I 'm just now able to think coherently! Have no fears, I got plenty of pussy poppin', booty bouncin', and lubed up via pizza grease Miss Tila style for MY birthday bash!! I know you bitches are jellis!!!
So, as Tila would say ....
"EXXXXCLUSIVE THIS IS JUUUUUST IN"
Uh huh! You heard it bitches! Us haters are reaching a WHOLE NEW LEVEL of stupidity! And the PROOF is HERE!!!! Do you want to see it!?!?! Well fuck you, you're going to have to look at it anyhow.
WOWWWWWWWWWWWW is right!! (At least she got one thing right!!) I'll admit, I have not a clue about Voodoo (as it is CORRECTLY
spelled not Vudu as the uneducated idiot spells it) but I can damn sure guarantee you that if it was your religion or practice you SURE AS HELL wouldn't be calling it "woodoo". And it can't be a typo because the V and W are NOWHERE near each other. The only thing I can see coming from Tilas the "haters" play on words is her ever so often use of the phrase "soo woo". I'm foreshadowing a later blog post by her saying it was the mean ol' gangbangers tryin' to scare her now that she's a millionaire hogul mogul fuckin' and suckin' powin' and bammin' her way to success!
And seriously, any "hater" already knows what kind of person she "truly" is. She's showing us that on a daily basis. So, all in all ... we KNOW where that "hate mail" came from, don't we kiddies? (Shake your heads up and down and say yesssss!)
Ironic? Huh? Ok. The only thing that I can really see that is "ironic" is the whole "woodoo" thing that I just schooled you on and I GUESS how you're so fuckin' stupid that you spell it "Vudu". I guess because you have no education in anything except the TV and Internet (which you're not real good at either honey). Seeing as though THIS is how you "spellcheck"...
Really? I can just see Tila now. "Hmmm, how do I spell vewdew? Oh! My TV thingie is called a Vudu! Thanks Mister Tv Boxy Thing!!" Idiot.
I think my favorite part of this (well besides the pictures - good job on those Tila! I'm a LITTLE disappointed that you didn't throw Misses Woodoo in front of the famous green screen) is that Tila continues to talk about her and her army spreading love and the NEXT SENTENCE she says:
"Haters will NEVER beat us because they're too slow and dumb to catch up to our level."
Boy she sure knows how to "show and spread the love" doesn't she? Now, I'm not pointing fingers because I sure as fuck am not going to be showing any love for anyone that I don't like but I surely am not going to come on here an tell you how all I wanna do is spread peace and love and then go on instigating and stirring the shit pot.
How pathetic does it feel to have to make up shit to try and get people's attention? Who is going to have a big ritual, light candles, make a doll, get the "sister witches" together and then the cast a measly ... "We want you to not be happy" spell!?!? Perhaps Caroline (her most RECENT identity) came out to play Saturday to tell Tila what she really thinks of "herself". I mean, at LEAST research the shit and spell shit correctly if you're going to send yourself a fake hatemail. Thanks for the LOL's for my birthday though Tila!! You NEVER disappoint with the retardation!! Dee Dee Deeee!!!!
EXCLUSIVE!!! It's Perez's Party, Tila Will Lie If She Wants To!
2:36 AM |
Posted by
Fatty McFatterson
Sorry RotSpotters, but your girl Fatty's been under the weather and sick in bed the last couple of days. I wanted to blog about this sooner, but it just couldn't be!!!
Tila posted this Saturday:
Now, I've been waiting for Tila to say something about this, because back on May 20, I found this delicious little Twitter from Swinging Richards, a gay nudie bar:
Yes, Tila received an invitation to appear WITH Perez, but it was not an invitation FROM Perez. It was an invitation from Swinging Richards. Tila is spinning it so that she can now save face and be palsy-walsy's with Perez because now that his blog has EXPLODED and he's been offered $20 mil, it's going to be hard for her to say she "dethrowned" him.
I found it hilarious that the club says this is a hush-hush event because of Tila's fear of the paps!!! HAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! No, it's a hush hush so Fatty doesn't have time to do her homework and call Swinging Richards and expose the truth (that whole Conga Room scoop really hurt ya, huh Tila?), but hey, Fatty has access to better 'insiders' than Tila (well, if you count Mr. Google as the only insider. That dude gets around!).
In other tweets it appears Tila isn't so much a guest, but a PAYING CUSTOMER, omg, the lies keep piling up:
So, let's take guesses on who these 30 VIPs are of Tila's:
Well, if we did a head count, 9Head accounts for 9 of them. Tila's hydrocephulectic melon adds another 2 to that number. Tila's sister brings it up to 12, and then I imagine the other 18 are her imaginary staff.
Here is the rest of that Perez blog entry, cause you know, Tila has to try to spin her view numbers once again:
There is just too much funny in the above post. I love how she simultaneously tells us to disregard Alexa, and then pats herself on the back over her 'rankings' believing that her ranking of 15,000 puts her in the TOP 15,000 sites in the whole world. No you pointy headed simpleton, it's not that at all. I copied and pasted this from leapinghare.co.uk, which is a glossary of internet terminology:
Alexa Traffic Rank
A measurement of traffic to a website drawn from data provided to the search company Alexa from tracking software embedded in the Alexa Toolbar. Some people view this as an increasingly important measure of a website's success. However, it is relatively easy to manipulate the statistics and it only measures visits from users of their toolbar, who may not be your target market. If you ask your customers if they use the Alexa toolbar and everyone says "yes", then it is time to work on a higher ranking. Many people (and most anti-spyware software) view the toolbar as a possible security risk.So, if you use the Alexa toolbar for your searches, it's saying that Tila's site is 15,000 on the chart for United States users of Alexa's app. It does NOT indicate that her site is the in the top 150000 of the world (as she says) or even in the US. It doesn't measure overall popularity. It is just saying that a lot of people are checking Tila's stats (in light of her lies of how many views she gets). They are checking her site through Alexa, that's all that's being measured.
I am waiting for Tila to respond to Perez's good fortune at being offered megabucks for his site. Of course, she'll say that he had to take the deal because she is too powerful and she's about to catch up to him.
See that practically flat blue line on the above graph? That's Tila compared to real celebrity gossip bloggers. Sure enough, she's dethrowning them all!!! NOT. BLUE LINE FAIL!!!!
Also, she keeps throwing around this 1 million viewers the first week, and 2 million total in 2 weeks. Well, it's actually been 3 weeks Tila. She announces that this is practically unprecedented for a new website. (Of course, we know her numbers were no where near 1 mil. She bragged that first week that she had 800,000 views and 500,000 unique users (more numbers she pulled out of her semen-packed ass). I guess if 1 million views, on a blog you've advertised for well over one year is phenomenal, than what do you call this unknown 12 year old boy, Greyson Chance, who in the same 3 weeks time span has over 20 million views of his youtube video of his 6th grade talent festival. And, to add insult to Tila injury, the boy has over 3 million views on one of his original songs, and close to 3 million on the other. In addition, he was a guest star on Ellen and there's talk of him signing to a legit record label. Think about it, this little boy was not even known outside his small town three weeks ago, and now he's more of a celeb than Tila will ever be. Not to mention, immensely talented. Hey Tila, how many copies of I Fucked the DJ did you sell? Pretty much a big fat fail, right?
You know what would be really easy Tila? Post the stats you claim you screen capped from your computer. You remember, the stats you claimed would prove the haters wrong. You remember, the stats you said you'd post, except if was so 'high school' of all us silly billys to require that proof. You say you have the only true numbers, so prove it. I'm holding my breath.
Ok, the meds are kicking in again. I'm getting loopy, and you know when Fatty gets loopy, it's not a pretty sight.
Labels:
alexa,
another tila fail,
greyson chance,
miss tila,
perez hilton,
tila tequila
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